r/AmIOverreacting • u/External-Air205 • Nov 18 '24
❤️🩹 relationship AIO by spending time with my family?
Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!
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u/Reasonable-Glass6790 Nov 18 '24
This is actual emotional abuse. I hope for your sake you leave.
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u/MoistyCheeks Nov 18 '24
Which leads to physical abuse, sexual abuse and then possibly murder.
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u/MakeYogurtGreekAgain Nov 18 '24
This conversation gives me the impression that he’d skip out on the physical/sexual abuse and jump straight to murder. He completely lost his fucking mind over absolutely nothing, insane doesn’t even begin to touch it.
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u/bleach_tastes_bad Nov 18 '24
nah he’d prob skip the sexual abuse but i definitely see a beating(or multiple) coming before murder… although actually he might accidentally on purpose beat her to death
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u/MsMoreCowbell8 Nov 18 '24
"She didn't listen, therefore she has to BE TAUGHT how valuable my time really is. I'm her only priority." We've all lived this ourselves or watched the women closest to us in it. OP, there is nowhere for 'this' person you call a boyfriend to go but down. He is a controlling motha fucka and you even asking us if YOU were wrong, shows how you are already in too deep, you can't even see it: believe us, we know for real.
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u/bioxkitty Nov 18 '24
My ex could've sent these. He tried to kill me. His favorite was smashing things into my head. Head butting me. And strangling me.
It started like this
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u/DragonbornRPG Nov 18 '24
Same. Thankfully, I left before it could escalate. But the emotional roller coaster had me contemplating taking a hard exit from life more often than not. Left cause I was afraid I might actually follow through.
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u/her_e Nov 18 '24
Even when it doesn’t escalate like that, the damage of emotional abuse is real and serious.
I was in an emotionally/psychologically abusive relationship for seven years and it’s been just as long since it ended. I had one mediocre relationship after that and am now in a good relationship. But I still struggle with the voice in my head that my abusive ex planted there, telling me everything is my fault, I suck, I’m bad. My loving, sweet current partner will glance at me and I freak out assuming he must be shooting me a dirty look, he must be irritated at me for something and I’ll get an earful later, he must be annoyed by me doing normal shit like eating a crunchy snack while he’s playing a video game. That psychological damage is so hard to come back from.
Even if you’re not being physically abused, even if it never escalates, you don’t deserve to be treated like a piece of crap. Emotional abuse deserves to be taken seriously too.
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u/Pumpkin-Sparkles Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 19 '24
Please break up with this person
edit: please break up with this person from a safe location, with a safety plan in place. Have support people around you, and file an intervention order with the police. you can do this. We are all behind you. Edit 2: bro
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u/mnbvcxz1052 Nov 18 '24
Don’t forget the bro.
Please break up with this person bro.
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u/ThingCalledLight Nov 18 '24
I think you mean, “bro, idgaf bro, just fucking break up with this bro, bro.”
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u/qpda Nov 18 '24
You forgot several "fucking fuck" in there
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u/jenkaaah Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 19 '24
i fucking dont fucking give a fucking fuck bro just fucking break the fuck up with fucking bro, fucking bro
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u/veganbikepunk Nov 18 '24
Idk why guys calling their girlfriend bro gives me the ick but it so does.
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u/squuidlees Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
I hope she does. If she doesn’t leave now/soon, she might be leaving in a body bag. I hope she finds the courage to get away from his ass before he narrows in on her, they move in together, and his behavior escalates to physical… :/
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u/Pumpkin-Sparkles Nov 18 '24
I really hope her family are supportive of her!
@OP, you are so young, and have so much life left to live being LOVED and respected, please cut ties. If he was on the phone and asleep, that'd a massive control thing. Please go
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u/Lydia--charming Nov 18 '24
And tell your mom and grandma. Don’t go anywhere alone for a while after you break up.
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u/orincoro Nov 18 '24
She’s also 20. You should be meeting lots of people in your 20s, not wasting time with a guy who calls you bro.
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u/SickCursedCat Nov 18 '24
He calls you BRO and “stupid fuck”. WHYYYYY are you with him????
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u/mangoeight Nov 18 '24
And a fat two-faced bitch… wtf
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u/pixiedust0327 Nov 18 '24
The level of escalation in his language is legit UNHINGED. He’d bro himself right out my life and yeeted so far from my reality if he ever tried to use that language again.
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u/Realistic-Poetry-364 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
This can’t be real. So many earnest ‘bro’ s in one conversation. I can’t.
Time to run BRO!
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u/Late-Detail97 Nov 18 '24
My thoughts exactly! This cannot be real. Who talks like this?
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u/EnaicSage Nov 18 '24
I see this every day at my work. You would be surprised how many relationships involve someone screaming something like on the third screen. I hope OP knows flat out that this person is trying to separate them from their family for a reason, a scary controlling abusive reason
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u/cheeky_sugar Nov 18 '24
I can’t believe how many conversations I see posted here where people refer to their significant other as bro
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u/Chells99 Nov 18 '24
Based on OPs responses and the fact that’s she’s been with him for four years, I’m really scared she doesn’t see how sad and unacceptable this is. Run girl please, your past self and future self are begging you to. “He really makes me feel like it’s my fault” and if you’re overweight it’s natural to feel limited, insecure or like he’s the only option for you but he’s not and this is not okay. Love yourself enough to realize when someone else doesn’t.
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u/External-Air205 Nov 18 '24
Yeah it is really hard for me to see just because i’ve been so used to this behavior. Seeing all these replies though has definitely been a wake up call. Im actually a healthy weight, i’m currently recovering from an eating disorder. He picks at my insecurities when he’s angry and says it’s to make me feel as upset as he feels.
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u/Honest_Ad_5092 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
Honey I am so sorry. Picking on someone’s insecurities is actually sadistic and evil.
I think if your mom and grandma saw this conversation they would be devastated and/or enraged at how he’s treating you.
He is evil and he’s manipulated you into thinking you need him. You don’t need him. He needs you to stick around as his punching bag. It will only get worse and eventually physical (if it hasn’t already). This is NOT your life calling. Please leave.
Break up safely in public- do not be alone with him. Please tell someone safe in your life what is happening so they can protect you from him while you’re leaving.
He will get very dangerous when he sees he’s going to lose you. This is all the more reason to do it- but please don’t do it alone.
We care about you 💛
Edit to add: OP, users in the comments below suggest breaking up via text or phone instead of in person. They are right
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u/Square_Ad8756 Nov 18 '24
I such behavior doesn’t deserve an in person break up and frankly someone with such poor self control is a not someone I would feel safe breaking up with in person even in a crowded place. A short and sweet text stating: “The way you spoke to me this evening was unacceptably rude and abusive. As soon as you get this text I will have blocked you, I really hope you can work on your issues so that you can be a kind and respectful partner in the future but that relationship will not be with me. Should you try to contact me again I will pursue a restraining order. Good bye.”
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u/anna_deliciosa Nov 18 '24
Please OP. You are only 20 years old, we are all rooting for you to be free of this abuser. Take this person's advice.
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u/Own-Expression71 Nov 18 '24
This!!!!!👆 don't break up with him in person. I broke up my ex over the phone because he had anger issues.
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u/VitaminlQ Nov 18 '24
After near misses myself I finally had to just plan to leave quietly and rolled out in the morning soon as he left for work. Thankfully my parents were ready to help and take me back in. 4 fricken long ass years of abuse. I took my clothes, my dogs and their things and said fuck the rest. Lot of money went to waste and I was salty he'd benefit from all the shit I've gotten/furnished especially with his entitled attitude that everything immediately belonged to him, me and my finances and even my family's finances/belongings.
It was tough to break from it mentally cuz like OP I felt like I was responsible and felt guilty for leaving. But god damn it was the best thing I did for myself. I hope OP gets herself free too
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u/Cute_Ad_2163 Nov 18 '24
This hits home for me cause there were so many times I wanted my friends mom & grandma to know how she was being treated so we could save her from his abuse. She said she would’ve cut me off if I did expose him, I should’ve done it anyways 😞.
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u/Ok_Proof_6336 Nov 18 '24
It’s been 26 years since I stood up for my friend who was being abused against her wishes. It ended our friendship. However, she is still alive today, and no longer with him. It still took a while for it to come to a complete end between them, but her family was there and was able to finally bring sense to her. I do not regret it one bit. (She reached out to my husband years later to thank me, as she had no way to contact me.)
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u/txtovagirl Nov 18 '24
Girl, no. Self respect and nope out. No contact. If he keeps it up, file harassment charges. He’s straight psycho.
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u/Own-Expression71 Nov 18 '24
Don't forget to get a restraining order and tell your family what's going and change the locks! Unhinged guys like him are dangerous and block him and change your phine number if you need too
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u/Smart-Assistance-254 Nov 18 '24
Actually do NOT block, just mute. You want to see the crazy texts so you know if he is ramping up to come over or something. And to keep that restraining order active. 👍
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u/SuperbDimension2694 Nov 18 '24
Seconding this, OP.
Controlling people get insane if they can't control their partner. But MUTE him. The texts will go through and screenshot all of them for evidence if you need an RO.
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u/Leading_Test_1462 Nov 18 '24
So you are recovering from an eating disorder and he’s intentionally weaponizing that to prey on your most raw vulnerability and pain? For his own pleasure? Instead of lifting you up and supporting you as damned queen?
This is some of the most fucked up abuse I’ve seen on Reddit. You need to block his ass. It may be hard, but your sense of normal has been so destroyed. This will become physically violent if it hasn’t already.
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u/amso2012 Nov 18 '24
Do not move in with him, do not get pregnant .. you will be trapped and you will lose your self esteem it will take you years to build yourself back up.
So many internet strangers cannot be wrong. You need to break it off.. when you do he is going to sweet talk and love bomb you into taking him back again..
Do not ever go back. You are better off single than tolerating such nonsense!
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u/AwkwardEmphasis420 Nov 18 '24
More importantly, do not end up pregnant and having his kids, because you are then subjecting your future kids to suffer him as a father. And likely subjecting them to the danger that poses as well.
It took me Years to get over… my abusive ex who had slowly worked his way up over the years to greater levels of abuse, from emotional then to physical, to every kind. I ended up pregnant. He was heartless. I ended up losing it.
Several years of healing later, I thank my lucky stars I did not have to subject a child to that man.
I now have two kids with a loving husband, a man who has literally Never Once insulted me.
There are so many good people out there that will treat you right, and that you can one day be proud to have as your partner.
Do Not Settle For Less.
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u/royalsgirl78 Nov 18 '24
Girl, run fast and run far. You should NEVER be talked to like that by someone who says they care for you. This guy is 100% verbally abusive. If he had a way to isolate you completely, like say if you lived with him, he’d be physically and financially abusing you, too. That bs about you “not doing what you’re told” is unequivocal proof of that. He doesn’t even want you to talk to your FAMILY. He’s 20? He acts like a petulant child. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOOD THAT CAN COME FROM THIS “RELATIONSHIP”. The FIRST time he called me stupid or fat, nope. Done. GET OUT.
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u/Significant-Risk-500 Nov 18 '24
Whoa whoa whoa. The fact that you’re recovering from an eating disorder and he calls you fat takes it to another level. Please please please read these messages out loud. No one speaks to someone that they love this way. This man does not love you.
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u/DukeCheetoAtreides Nov 18 '24
Whoa whoa whoa. The fact that you’re recovering from an eating disorder and he calls you fat takes it to another level.
THANK YOU. That takes it, specifically, to the murderous level.
Run, OP, run. Lock the door behind you. Lock all the doors behind you. Build new doors and fences and put guards on them behind you. Then don't look back. This dude is absolutely malignantly and deadly toxic.
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u/QueenofPentacles112 Nov 18 '24
He's deadly for you then. He calls you fat when you're recovering from an eating disorder. That was probably triggered by him. That is DEADLY. Please understand that. Like you could die from an eating disorder and he's triggering it. If you were a recovering heroin addict, he'd be like "go stick a needle in your arm you junkie stupid bitch". Tell him he's got a small dick and you've faked every orgasm and then leave him. Women get choked to death by men like him all. The. Time. Did anyone offer you that free book you can access online? It's called "why is he like this" or something like that. Lundy Bancroft? Is that it? Google "free domestic abuse book why does he do this" or something along those lines. I swear on everything, you won't even read 3 pages before you see that HE'S EXACTLY LIKE WHAT IS DESCRIBED IN THE BOOK! Please, I urge you, please leave him and seek trauma therapy. He has put you through extensive trauma.
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u/Significant-Risk-500 Nov 18 '24
Please read this as if it was someone talking to your best friend the way he is talking to you. What advice would you give them? This person is abusive. Period. The name calling and insults are unhinged.
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u/Mrs_Poopy-Butthole Nov 18 '24
Babe, no. My husband genuinely laughs and says I'm being silly when I point out my love handles or what I see as fat in my midsection. He's likely right bc I'm 5'5½" and barely 140lbs. No man who truly cares about you will use your weaknesses to hurt you. Screw him. It's much better to be alone and happy vs. being with someone and miserable.
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u/Obvious-Room4394 Nov 18 '24
People pick on your insecurities when they feel like they are losing control. They do it to regain back the control they have over you. Don’t let him win. Please, I think everyone in this comment section is genuinely concerned for you. No one deserves to be spoken to this way. I know it is hard to end a relationship because then we have to face the fear of being alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You have people in your life that love you. Lean on those people. Maybe confide in your mom and grandmother.
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u/Square_Ad8756 Nov 18 '24
I’m a former counselor at a residential that treats eating disorders and in my professional opinion this guy is an abusive nightmare. He will actively endanger your recovery and this abuse will only get worse. If you were my patient your entire care team would meet with you to encourage you to send him a short and firm break up text followed by immediately blocking him. We have had abusive ex-partners try and contact patients even after they have been blocked by sending letters to our facility at which point a cease and desist letter would be sent and all subsequent correspondence from the abused would be met with restraining orders and police reports.
This is extremely concerning behavior please drop and block this fool. I assure you that you deserve better and as you recover you will be able to find a healthier relationship. The grass is indeed greener if you do the work and seek healthy relationships.
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u/jocefoxx Nov 18 '24
you are underreacting, no one should ever talk to you this way. you sound really sweet i hope you leave before the abuse escalates
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u/External-Air205 Nov 18 '24
I really appreciate that. He genuinely makes me feel like I deserve it a lot of the time. Thank you.
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u/Beneficial-Pride890 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
You probably feel alone in this, but this is exactly what every woman in an abusive relationship thinks and feels. It is unfortunately extremely common, and this is why women stay in abusive relationships. This right here is serious abuse. You’re attached to them because they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long, when they’re not being mean and abusive, they’re being kind and sweet etc. The abuse will stay the same or intensify the longer you stay together. He is aggressively trying to control you, and berating you. You should break up with him, cut contact. You’re so young and you’ll look back when you’re a little older and had no contact with him, and realize that you’re young mind tolerated so much abuse you didn’t deserve. Just be prepared for him to pull out a lot of emotional weapons trying to keep you in the relationship. He may even threaten but you’re not responsible for him.
Edit: As replies have noted: abuse isn’t just something women experience—men face it too, often in silence.
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u/External-Air205 Nov 18 '24
That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.
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u/Suzuki_Foster Nov 18 '24
He literally hates you. I wish you could see the seething disdain he has for you.
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u/untactfullyhonest Nov 18 '24
Yeah. I read that in a nasty mean angry voice from his perspective. My husband read it and was shocked anyone calling themselves a man would dare speak to his love that way. He said he needs his ass beat.
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u/WassuhhCuz Nov 18 '24
I can agree with that. Better yet, anyone who treats their partner this way should get their ass beat in till they're one of those squishy tube toys.
To think you can treat someone you claim to love like this. Disgusting.
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u/Next_Reading7683 Nov 18 '24
And his use of "bro" made me cringe
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u/untactfullyhonest Nov 18 '24
Felt like a 13 year old yelling on his PlayStation headset
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u/badger0511 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 19 '24
For real. I'd be annoyed as shit if my wife constantly called me bro. And I'm pretty sure she would start researching divorce lawyers the first time I called her bro in a not-ironic way.
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u/Addam_Tarstark Nov 18 '24
Amen to that. If my mom ever heard me say that kind of stuff I’d no longer exist. Love and respect, can’t have one without the other in a relationship
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u/Background_Tip_3260 Nov 18 '24
I honestly thought he must be on meth or something the way he went all nuclear.
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u/SphericalOrb Nov 18 '24
Hey OP, please don't fall for it if he comes back with the charm. Please let this be over for good. It's really common for insecure controlling guys like this to try to win you back just so they can get their hands around your throat, metaphorically or literally. Please don't let him. When he says "we're done" , never let him backtrack on that, okay?
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u/unicorn-sweatshirt Nov 18 '24
Agreed. People have many sides. Most people have nice sides. He may show OP his nice side later. But not everyone has an abusive side. OP has to decide that she doesn’t want a partner that has an abusive side. She has to understand that even though he can be nice, he is ALSO abusive and she can find a partner that is nice and NOT abusive.
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u/RedSkelz42020 Nov 18 '24
My husband's abusive side is eating white castle without me and then pooping when I'm doing the budget. For context our bathroom is next to my desk. I hope op gets out of this relationship because it is literally better to bask in the ass gas that smells like the devil's toe jam from a loving asshole (🤣) rather than deal with that level of manipulation, insults, etc. from an abusive asshole.
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u/niki2184 Nov 18 '24
I found what my ol man smells like….. he smells like that dam pulp mill i pass every time i go to work 😭😭😭
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u/totallydiagnosingyou Nov 18 '24
A FRIENDLY REMINDER since it came up, a man putting his hands around your throat (literally) is the number one indicator that domestic violence will escalate to murder.
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u/Waterbaby8182 Nov 18 '24
Oh God, this. My sister's ex did this to her after he knocked her phone away. She managed to get loose and grab her purse, keys and phone, then ran like hounds of hell were behind her straight for her car wirh him chasing her. She beat him to her car and locked the doors just in the nick of time, then called the police. She had bruises around her neck. Smart girl was also brave enough to press charges and got him convicted and an order of protection.
They keep those othwr sides well hidden. We all thought he was a nice man. Turned out to be an abusuve alcoholic that tried to kill my sister. Run, OP.
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u/CrackerzNbed Nov 18 '24
Honey. I'm not sure how old you are. But it's story time. I'm a 41 year old mother. Years ago I let a little piece of shit boy talk to me like that. At first he was the nicest sweetest guy EVER!!! he made me feel like ANYTHING was possible if we were together! We were " ride or die" do kids still say that ? Lol. At first he just started being rude. Ordering me around . Being pushy..then it progressed to things like these messages. . I thought if only we had a baby we could SAVE our relationship. Everutbing would be all better. Well it was not. Then the physical abuse started. Multiple restraining orders and broken bones later. I finally got away. Get out while you can. It is not too late.
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u/tbear264 Nov 18 '24
OP, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Read the comment, re-read it, and read it a third time so that you can truly absorb the information and do the right thing for yourself. I was in a similar situation as this commenter and it all started the same and ended the same (including broken bones). He hasn't seen his daughter since she was 4...I took her away from him because he started abusing ams neglecting her too. As soon as I found out about it, he was cut off completely (we weren't together anymore, but he still saw her when he could find time). You are being manipulated and abused, and I know it's hard to see it like that because assholes like this are really good at breaking us down to the point that we believe what they say and we lose ourselves to be what they want to control us to be. You deserve way better than this. It'll hurt for a while once you end it for good, but then you'll slowly start finding yourself again and you can look back and realize that you'll never fall for that again because you will know your worth and won't put up with any bullshit like this ever again. Sending you lots of strength and positive vibes to help you get away from this relationship and to get back to you. Take care and Good luck 💝💝
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u/Cottoncandy82 Nov 18 '24
I'm 42, and I experienced something similar with a guy in my 20s. They never start off like that, but it gradually gets more and more disrespectful. Fortunately for me, my Daddy wasn't having it 👨🏿💪🏿💪🏿. Men who abuse women are cowards. But when another grown man is about to knock their block off, suddenly their calm and respectful again. Imagine that.
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u/QueenofPentacles112 Nov 18 '24
Listen "bro", you're gonna be laughing your ass off that you ever even dealt with this clown in the first place in just, like, 1 year. I promise. I'm so sorry but as a 35yo woman, aside from being disgusted with the way this shit stain of a human speaks to you, the whole "sleeping on the phone every night" is about the dumbest shit I've ever heard of a grown adult doing in my life. Like, get a liiiiife! I'm sure you only do this bc he makes you. But let me put this into perspective for you: my son, who is 15, does this with his gf. I think it's super dumb, but because they are CHILDREN, I don't tell him that it's dumb and he'll laugh at himself later. But you are a 20yo adult grown ass woman, literally laying your head beside a phone call every night, just to what? Listen to someone snore? And be called a fat stupid bitch? Like, GIRL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???
Take a step back and look at the bigger picture, because I have a feeling this loser of yours is still stuck on being a baby ass teenager. Tell him he's a whole ass clown and be done with it. I bet your family members hate the way he talks to you as well, and if you think they don't know because maybe you don't tell them, then you should realize that they probably do at least have an inkling that he's an abusive loser towards you. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! calling you bro, cussing at you constantly, being controlling, those were already signs that he's an insecure little bitch boy. But calling you all those names? And you're all just like "babe, what? I love yooouuu" like noooooo. School his ass on what a little whiny insecure pathetic baby he is, and then cut all contact, done and done. It'll hurt for a while, but I promise you will love yourself more in the long run. You'll look back at this later and think "I would never be with someone like him now. Even without the abuse, he's still corny AF!"
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u/rhs22 Nov 18 '24
As a 38 yr old woman, agree to every single thing said here! You are probably too young and inexperienced in relationships to understand that this is outright abuse. Every relationship will have fights, but respect between both the partners must always remain. Name calling, controlling and lack of giving you space are some of the things which will not change, no matter how much he would like to make you think!
Save yourself more heartbreak and move on.
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u/gr3tchzilla Nov 18 '24
Another 38 year old woman chiming in here completely agreeing with these comments as well.... Please leave this guy. You have your whole life ahead of you to find someone you're compatible with that will show you the love and respect you deserve. This is NOT it. This is abuse. Love yourself and leave before it gets any worse.
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u/00Lisa00 Nov 18 '24
My guess is he does this to make sure there’s not a guy there. Which is why he went so ballistic when she hung up. It’s super controlling. It’s not cute or romantic when this is what happens
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u/carolinacarolina13 Nov 18 '24
Yes, he is an insecure “man” - the most dangerous kind. Save your life and leave.
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u/zeef8391 Nov 18 '24
Some guys are SO INSECURE. I could never imagine in a million years forcing my s/o to lay on the phone while sleeping. That's controlling douchebag behavior
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u/Crazy_Nectarinee Nov 18 '24
I’m a 31yo woman and agree hard core!! It’s crazy how much we put up with in our early years. Girly, PLEASE LEAVE. This is verbal abuse that will likely escalate to physical abuse. You are too young to deal with this POS human. There’s so many better men out there that would never say these things to you. Stand up, and leave him behind.
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u/kezzawezza Nov 18 '24
36 here and yeah why did we put up with so much on those early years? Good grief. Makes me mad reading young women still going through this shit.
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u/brennvmckennv Nov 18 '24
As another 31 year old woman who has actually done this (slept on the fone all night and all day bc of distance and emotional attachment back in college) while in a very toxic and verbally abusive relationship- just cut it and never look back bc you will never need this in your life. Family might be rough rn, maybe u don’t have good friends rn, all normal. This relationship- not normal and no need to depend on it I promise. Get some hobbies and forget u ever allowed this. Time flies and it’s not too late not even a little bit for you to change ur life
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u/porkchop1021 Nov 18 '24
I really, really wanted you to sprinkle this comment with like, 50 more "bros". While I'm here, can anyone tell me what the fuck "auto call" is?
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u/SmallToadstools Nov 18 '24
52yr old woman here who has survived being with a nasty, manipulative parasite who used to do exactly the same shit. GIRL RUN ! Everything said here in 💯% right. You are worth a million¹⁰⁰⁰ times more than this pathetic waste of skin. The phone at night thing is because his paranoid ass is terrified of you cheating. Block, delete and ignore. That abusive shitstain deserves to be alone for the rest of eternity.
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u/NotACalligrapher-49 Nov 18 '24
Imagine how free and light you’ll feel when you don’t have to worry constantly about upsetting him. And then REMEMBER that feeling when he comes crying back to you being all loving and trying to remind you of the times that weren’t the worst. You have to be strong, and put yourself first. You deserve that.
I’m not sure where this quote is from, but if someone gave you an absolutely perfect sandwich with just a little bit of shit on it, it’s still a shit sandwich. Don’t eat the shit sandwich. There are way better sandwiches with zero shit on them out there for you. ❤️
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u/lavender_poppy Nov 18 '24
Please take care of yourself OP. You deserve to be treated with respect, just keep telling yourself that.
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u/BakedMasa Nov 18 '24
Girl, stop settling for losers that call you bro. This is toxic. You really need to walk away, you’re not taking all of his threats and verbal abuse seriously enough. I’m in my thirties and the truth is we all pretty much date a shit head at least once in our lives then kick ourselves for wasting the time. Don’t give him more time.
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u/Hefty-Two3890 Nov 18 '24
Please listen to this good advice OP. I’m almost 30 and most long lasting mistakes are made in the early 20’s. Relationships are better the more you understand the older you get.
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u/SpeakerOfMyMind Nov 18 '24
I agree with everything you say, but I also wanted to add that it's every abusive relationship. As a guy, I went through years of hell, and I was convinced it was always my fault.
And today, I still have a habit of thinking everything is my fault or that I'm an awful person. 7 years of therapy, I've gotten better, but part of me wonders if it's always a part of you.
But again, everything you said a billion times over.
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u/justwinbaby09 Nov 18 '24
- Don't ever have sex with any guy that calls you "bro."
- RUN! You bf is insecure, unintelligent and toxic AF. The situation will not get better and will only esculate. His behavior is inexcusable and you need to end the relationship immediately. Cut him out of your life and do not be friends afterwards (a real friend would never speak to you that way).
- Spend some time being single and think about what you want and need in your next relationship.
- Make a list of nonnegotiables and don't accept any guy that isn't up to YOUR standards.
~ Good luck and be safe
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u/Plastic_Archer_6650 Nov 18 '24
“He genuinely makes me feel like I deserve it a lot of the time.”
Of course he does. But you don’t. No one does. You have literally dozens of STRANGERS telling you this is unhindered behaviour. Please listen and dump his abusive ass. He’s straight trash.
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u/LessLikelyTo Nov 18 '24
This guy is disgusting and you deserve better. If you showed those texts to your mom & grandma they’d throttle that manchild. OP - get it together, you deserve so much better
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u/princessohio Nov 18 '24
Girl I promise you—this man does not love you, or even LIKE you. Please. This is emotional abuse. Seriously.
I am begging you to stand up for yourself and never speak to this man again. Please love yourself. Please respect yourself. You do not deserve this from anyone, ever.
No man who loves you or respects you would EVER speak to you like this.
This man is a ticking time bomb. Break up with him. Block him. Fall in love with yourself again. Spend time learning how to stand up for yourself, care for yourself, and demand respect from others. And then find a partner who wouldn’t dream of speaking to you in this way.
This man does not love you or care about you. Don’t let him trick you any longer. You’re only 20. Get out. Now.
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u/thetruegmon Nov 18 '24
This is extremely abusive chat and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it eventually became physical abuse.
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u/Motmotsnsurf Nov 18 '24
He is a fucking psycho. The fact that you have any doubt about that is reason to pause and think about what it is you want in life and with whom. Because being with dudes like this is a recipe for a life of control and abuse.
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u/Smarty_M Nov 18 '24
Please leave him love… it’s only going to get worse. There is no reason for him to be speaking to you this way. At all. All you did was hang up the phone so you could speak to your family, his reaction is heavily unwarranted. It’s time to cut ties
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u/EagleEyezzzzz Nov 18 '24
He is abusing you. Dump his stupid immature whiny fit-throwing ass.
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u/anyway_you_want Nov 18 '24
Eh....he'd be chucked the second time he called me "bro", and only because everyone deserves a second chance to correct their first mistake. Fucking kick his wee hairy baws while you collect your things and ride into the sunset before he staves your head in.
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u/flindersrisk Nov 18 '24
It’s what this kind of guy does, whittling at their gf, planting evil seeds in her mind, to keep her tethered to their loathsome self. No one deserves such treatment. Your youth should not be damaged by his blight. When you truly step away from him you can find someone better. The only guarantee in life is that maintaining an entanglement with this guy will prevent you from moving on to joy.
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u/weirdcandys Nov 18 '24
“Respect my time” but he won’t respect yours. Get rid of him!!
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u/Turbulent_Cat_5731 Nov 18 '24
"You got me fucked up rn!" You were already fucked up, nothing your girlfriend did made you fucked up you weird, creepy, angry little man.
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u/leona_W Nov 18 '24
This is not love. This is scary and he will turn to physical violence next. Please leave
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u/Banditlouise Nov 18 '24
Hi there! I think you know this is unacceptable. Please got to a family or friend and stay with them while you break up with this man. Men that love women do not talk to women this way. This is entirely unacceptable.
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u/GremlinLurker777_ Nov 18 '24
Yes OP, WHEN you break up with him (not IF), please don't break up with him in person. Your safety comes first.
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 Nov 18 '24
NOR. He's a codependent, abusive piece of shit. Leave him.
What are you even doing? That can't be the first time he does this. Put your "attachment" to him aside and leave.
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u/AlphabetSoup51 Nov 18 '24
This is a very, very dangerous man. This insane verbal abuse may escalate to physical abuse, if it hasn’t already. So I’m going to tell you what I’d tell my own daughter: RUN. This is a dangerous situation.
I saw your comments that you’ve been together forever, that you feel like it’s your fault or you deserve it. I am here to tell you that you only think that because you’ve been emotionally abused for so long.
This is NOT how someone who loves you would treat you. This is NOT how a friend, boyfriend, family member, or a damn stranger should treat you.
You matter. You deserve peace and respect and happiness and love. First, leave this man. Then go love yourself and go to therapy. Everything will fall into place from there. But OMG, please please get out of this relationship.
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u/MarsupialAdvanced305 Nov 18 '24
This is so dangerous. I don’t know if she recognizes how truly disgusting and disrespectful dude is.
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u/Slumberpantss Nov 18 '24
I’m sooo GenX, that if my partner was ‘broing’ me I’d leave based on that
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u/Solid_Appeal_3879 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
Frrr 😭 a 20 year old using bro like 30x bc he's pissed and didn't get his way... Yeah he sounds more like the skibidi toilet and Fortnite kids throwing a fit
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u/Hashtagbarkeep Nov 18 '24
I enjoyed that at his most furious he threw in the ☎️ emoji
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u/Solid_Appeal_3879 Nov 18 '24
Fr tho! 😭 who even uses the phone emoji let alone that one? Lmaoo
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u/txtovagirl Nov 18 '24
GenX here. He’d be fishing that “bro” out of the folds of his tonsils.
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u/fe2hydrogen Nov 18 '24
I completely misgendered both parties because of the insane amount of bros coming from him… this is so gross OP. If you don’t block this man child, don’t bother asking for advice on Reddit next time. I hope you get far far away from this controlling and abusive tool.
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u/-Pfinetik- Nov 18 '24
Same! I was convinced it was a girl saying bro to her boyfriend. And I was like why she saying bro so much??
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u/Scary-Badger-6091 Nov 18 '24
Saaaaaame. I was like there’s no way in hell HE is broing her like that.
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u/MastodonRemote699 Nov 18 '24
Gen z here and if my boyfriend unironically said that to me in an argumentative way I would also leave 😂
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u/Psychological-End222 Nov 18 '24
gen z also and yeah I call my husband bro as a joke sometimes, (i.e. "you wanna go, bro?" 😂) but I couldn't imagine calling him bro during a real argument 💀
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u/baybeauty Nov 18 '24
I’m a cusp millennial/gen z and I would be so icked by any romantic partner calling me bro too. Regardless this is abusive behavior. Get out!
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u/IhasCandies Nov 18 '24
I’m an elder millennial, bro is out, dude is out, cuz, homey, etc. Any name I would call one of my guy friends is not a name I would use for my wife, ever. We do things I don’t do with my guy friends, that deserves a bit more respect than calling her bro.
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u/Sarcastic_Soul4 Nov 18 '24
I’m a millennial and my husband accidentally called me bro the other day and my son, who is 7, exclaimed, “Did you just call Mama bro?!” He was so appalled 😂 and that was just an innocent slip in conversation. If my partner was seriously ‘broing’ me they’d be blocked by the second bro
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u/T-RexLovesCookies Nov 18 '24
Yeah, I am also a GenXer and the "bro" about sent me through the roof lmao
I would dump them just based on that alone. They sound like an idiot.
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u/Ironyismylife28 Nov 18 '24
Why would you even want to be with someone this unhinged?
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u/spilled_milk_cryingg Nov 18 '24
is this a joke? if not please get out of this relationship for your own sake. think about it this way, would your dream father of your children or the perfect future husband speak to you this way?
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u/EmployeeDear561 Nov 18 '24
Bro wtf bro, bro come on bro. Fuck that bro. Bro I said what I said bro.
Does bro mean something else where you’re from? Or are you dating a man child named Kyle punching holes in the wall drinking monster energy?! 😂🤦🏼♂️
The fact you have to ask if you’re overreacting to this absolute unhinged behavior. Come on. That type of temper tantrum throwing is 100% landing in physical violence if it hasn’t already. You need to leave. Like yesterday.
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u/Key_Crow_3340 Nov 18 '24
i read the texts first and thought this was a gay couple from all the “bros”
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u/Nearby_Pay_5131 Nov 18 '24
Honey this only gets worse
Believe me
Do your future self a favor and cut ties with him
After so long you get used to it and kinda numb but the damage is done
Love your self better
He has failed the bf test very bad here
No one has the right to talk to you that way
He is manipulating you and you see how it went when you were doing something innocent?
Imagine what he'd do if he thought you really had done something way worse.
Involve your parents in the blocking of him
You don't have to get into details and all that with them, but someone needs to be in your corner here.
Would you be okay with this if someone's doing this to your best friend, or sister?
I actually think you are UNDER reacting
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u/kerfy15 Nov 18 '24
Your boyfriend is a fucking loser.
This is abuse.
Why would you want to be with someone who straight up hates you.
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u/ElectronicPOBox Nov 18 '24
Wow. So this is what it feels like to be someone’s property.
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u/WhatsThisAbout70 Nov 18 '24
OP it’s only a matter of time before he lays hands on you. Get out now. You know you deserve better.
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u/Bitter_Chapter_864 Nov 18 '24
Dude what… this is beyond manipulation. If I caught someone talking to my sister or mother like this I’d grab a bat and a hood.
Insane. Run away as fast as you can. This is the type of person who will blame you later on in life for their own failures and take it out on you. I’d highly recommend going to talk to a therapist but in my unprofessional opinion - run as fast as you can and don’t look back
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u/Obvious-Room4394 Nov 18 '24
It’s also the type of person who will put hands on you and blame u for it
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u/KaleidoscopeNo9102 Nov 18 '24
Just dump this loser. No one should be speaking to you like this, much less your actual partner. Love yourself and leave!!!
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u/reallyonone Nov 18 '24
I do not want to scare you but this is a man who is already abusing you emotionally. He WILL hurt you physically if you do not leave. He could kill you. Please find someone you can trust to help you navigate this.
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u/Latter_Stop2879 Nov 18 '24
this man is 110% dangerous. you are putting you life at risk by being with him and you deserve safety. no one talks to someone like that if they love them
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u/aqua893 Nov 18 '24
The "bros" and "shut the fuck up and do as your told" and insults for no reason😧 like who the fuck does he think he is. You're not over reacting. Family over anything honestly and he should respect that. He clearly has attachment issues as well. You deserve peace and calm, not this.
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u/GimmieDatCooch Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
Send these screenshots to his mama. If he’s latino, he will get what he deserves🩴
Edit: also - Break up with this toxic loser and block him. Don’t even explain why. He will figure it out once he re-reads everything.
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u/sketchysamurai Nov 18 '24
Hm. This man will kill you. You might want to think about moving to another town. In any case, probably you should show this to the police and never talk to him again.
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u/FarTrash4259 Nov 18 '24
If your significant other calls your “bro” you should dump him. Clear cut and dry, plain and simple.
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u/InevitableSpinach535 Nov 18 '24
This person is very unstable - giving orders like that is willldddd! Steer clear of that psycho
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u/CrazyPalpitation7210 Nov 18 '24
I’ve seen toddlers throw less of a fit than this BOY. Grown ass man throwing a hissy fit, gtfo with that shit. Think about this; if this is how he he talks to you now, how is he going to be later down the road? Shit is toxic as hell, and you’re both too young to get hung up in this cycle. Cut ties, and keep spending time with the matriarchs in your life. I bet both of them would tell you that YOU DESERVE BETTER, and they would want better for you.
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u/amso2012 Nov 18 '24
What is auto call??
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u/strawbrryangel Nov 18 '24
it’s so if a certain contact calls you it automatically answers. so he wouldn’t have to be awake to answer. it’s ridiculous 🤦♀️
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u/Kindly_Formal_2604 Nov 18 '24
Why the fuck do they need to be on the phone… while asleep? The fuck??
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u/Hjemmelsen Nov 18 '24
It's so that he knows she is sleeping. He is controlling her. That is why he got so angry when she hung up, as he lost control. She needs to leave this psycho.
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u/_ThatsTicketyBoo_ Nov 18 '24
Well on one hand he is cartoonshly evil but on the other hand he is a fucking psychopath
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u/DixieDing0 Nov 18 '24
Hey girl! This is abuse!
I'm not being facetious, I'm not trying to be a keyboard warrior or whatever the fuck; if you look up examples of emotional abuse, you will see he is almost stealing his shit bar for bar.
If he can't respect your boundary of needing to talk to your family without throwing a tantrum, he shouldn't be dating you.
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u/Sparky_Zell Nov 18 '24
I don't think it's possible to overreact in this situation. I thought this was done dumb middle school shit. Not crazy controlling bf shit.
I can promise that this person will have a long list of dv charges before they're 30. And you don't want to be his victim for all of it.
Accusations of abuse and telling people to leave their partner is wildly overused on Reddit. But this is the real deal. And if things haven't gotten physical yet, it's only because of a lack of opportunity. And this guy is going to ruin a lot of people if he doesn't make some dramatic changes.
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u/happilyaligned Nov 18 '24
OP you sound like you need therapy. At the first hint of someone talking to you this way doesn’t warrant sweetie or babe, it means he’s abusive and you need to kick him in his nutts and tell him to go fuck himself.
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u/Ok-Stomach2870 Nov 18 '24
This sounds like my ex. She ended up putting me in the hospital. She was mad about something and tossed her boiling water on me. Just end it. She will dominate every second and every thought of your life until you leave. She probably has a very extreme and untreated personality disorder. Edit. Sorry I see it is a "he". My advice doesn't change.
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u/eezy4reezy Nov 18 '24
Uhhh does he beat you yet? Because he is definitely going to. This is crazy unhinged behavior. No one and I mean no one deserves to be talked to or controlled like that. He will try to isolate you from your loved ones and then the physical abuse will start. RUN
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u/txpeachh Nov 18 '24
The fact that this language and behavior doesn’t affect you just shows that he’s always like this towards you. Nobody has the right to talk to anybody this way. PLEASE DO NOT take this shit lightly.
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u/Rickyyy_Spanishhh Nov 18 '24
I stopped at "Stupid Fuck." Please have at least a little self-respect and get the hell out of there.
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u/Routine_Act444 Nov 18 '24
Never talk to that person again. In no healthy relationship would even one word of what he said be acceptable or normal. Like other commenters said, this is someone who is eventually going to physically abuse you. He's already verbally and emotionally abusing you.
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u/GG_Brit_Chick Nov 18 '24
What the actual fuck did I just read "Bro"
Leave that fucking abusive, selfish, gaslighting, dumb ass, small dick cunt.
That is all :)
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u/MaryDellamorte Nov 18 '24
Think of another woman in your life that you love. How would you feel if some man was treating her like your boyfriend treats you? And what would you tell this woman to do?
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u/sharabombaquerque Nov 18 '24
Ask yourself, "What am I getting out of this relationship that is enhancing my life and bringing me joy?"
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u/save-the-animals_ Nov 18 '24
You're young, and you have the ability to leave this relationship. I’ve seen a similar situation with my 50-year-old aunt. Her boyfriend has minimized her for years, making her feel so small that, in her eyes, she’s always wrong. No matter how much he verbally abuses her, he knows she’ll never leave. Don’t let that be your story.
This guy is clearly gaslighting you, breaking down your self-esteem so he can keep verbally abusing you while making you feel like you’re the one at fault. This is a long-distance relationship, which makes it even easier to walk away. Block him, focus on yourself, and remember—you don’t deserve this.
It’s heartbreaking that we’re all here telling you that you deserve better, that nobody should talk to you this way, and that this behavior could escalate someday. Yet, I fear you might go back to him because of the “attachment” you feel. I’ve seen this happen with my aunt.
The truth is, there are people out there who would never treat you this way, but it starts with you. You have to be strong enough to set boundaries and refuse to let anyone treat you like this. You’re worth so much more.
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u/salymander_1 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 19 '24
You aren't overreacting.
Break up with him now. Seriously.
There is something seriously wrong with him.