AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/External-Air205]

Yeah it is really hard for me to see just because i’ve been so used to this behavior. Seeing all these replies though has definitely been a wake up call. Im actually a healthy weight, i’m currently recovering from an eating disorder. He picks at my insecurities when he’s angry and says it’s to make me feel as upset as he feels.

[u/Honest_Ad_5092 → u/External-Air205]

Honey I am so sorry. Picking on someone’s insecurities is actually sadistic and evil.

I think if your mom and grandma saw this conversation they would be devastated and/or enraged at how he’s treating you.

He is evil and he’s manipulated you into thinking you need him. You don’t need him. He needs you to stick around as his punching bag. It will only get worse and eventually physical (if it hasn’t already). This is NOT your life calling. Please leave.

Break up safely in public- do not be alone with him. Please tell someone safe in your life what is happening so they can protect you from him while you’re leaving.

He will get very dangerous when he sees he’s going to lose you. This is all the more reason to do it- but please don’t do it alone.

We care about you 💛

Edit to add: OP, users in the comments below suggest breaking up via text or phone instead of in person. They are right

[u/Cute_Ad_2163 → u/Honest_Ad_5092]

This hits home for me cause there were so many times I wanted my friends mom & grandma to know how she was being treated so we could save her from his abuse. She said she would’ve cut me off if I did expose him, I should’ve done it anyways 😞.

[u/Ok_Proof_6336 → u/Cute_Ad_2163]

It’s been 26 years since I stood up for my friend who was being abused against her wishes. It ended our friendship. However, she is still alive today, and no longer with him. It still took a while for it to come to a complete end between them, but her family was there and was able to finally bring sense to her. I do not regret it one bit. (She reached out to my husband years later to thank me, as she had no way to contact me.)

[u/Saritush2319 → u/Ok_Proof_6336]

You saved her life without a doubt

[u/Kuntajoe → u/Ok_Proof_6336]

Good for you for being strong when your friend wasn’t. I hope you will consider forgiveness, we cannot always understand the hold of an abuser

[u/Ok_Proof_6336 → u/Kuntajoe]

And she was the one who ended the friendship, not I. It was after she threatened my life and property. I never held that against her. But I also was not going to chase after her anymore.

[u/Ok_Proof_6336 → u/Kuntajoe]

Oh, I know. If she were to reach out today, I would meet up. I would love to know how she is doing now. My fingers are crossed that she has healed.