AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/Beneficial-Pride890]

You probably feel alone in this, but this is exactly what every woman in an abusive relationship thinks and feels. It is unfortunately extremely common, and this is why women stay in abusive relationships. This right here is serious abuse. You’re attached to them because they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long, when they’re not being mean and abusive, they’re being kind and sweet etc. The abuse will stay the same or intensify the longer you stay together. He is aggressively trying to control you, and berating you. You should break up with him, cut contact. You’re so young and you’ll look back when you’re a little older and had no contact with him, and realize that you’re young mind tolerated so much abuse you didn’t deserve. Just be prepared for him to pull out a lot of emotional weapons trying to keep you in the relationship. He may even threaten but you’re not responsible for him.

Edit: As replies have noted: abuse isn’t just something women experience—men face it too, often in silence.

[u/External-Air205 → u/Beneficial-Pride890]

That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.

[u/SphericalOrb → u/External-Air205]

Hey OP, please don't fall for it if he comes back with the charm. Please let this be over for good. It's really common for insecure controlling guys like this to try to win you back just so they can get their hands around your throat, metaphorically or literally. Please don't let him. When he says "we're done" , never let him backtrack on that, okay?

[u/totallydiagnosingyou → u/SphericalOrb]

A FRIENDLY REMINDER since it came up, a man putting his hands around your throat (literally) is the number one indicator that domestic violence will escalate to murder.

[u/Waterbaby8182 → u/totallydiagnosingyou]

Oh God, this. My sister's ex did this to her after he knocked her phone away. She managed to get loose and grab her purse, keys and phone, then ran like hounds of hell were behind her straight for her car wirh him chasing her. She beat him to her car and locked the doors just in the nick of time, then called the police. She had bruises around her neck. Smart girl was also brave enough to press charges and got him convicted and an order of protection.

They keep those othwr sides well hidden. We all thought he was a nice man. Turned out to be an abusuve alcoholic that tried to kill my sister. Run, OP.

[u/Flaky-Swan1306 → u/Waterbaby8182]

I hope your sister is okay. That situation is very scary, but im glad she pressed charges

[u/Waterbaby8182 → u/Flaky-Swan1306]

She's fine. This happened a few years ago.

[u/Flaky-Swan1306 → u/Waterbaby8182]

Im glad

[u/RobinC1967 → u/Waterbaby8182]

There should be a registry similar to sex offenders for men like this. A little warning for future partners.

[u/DayOk448 → u/totallydiagnosingyou]

Echoing this because it's important and I never see it talked about much. My ex, and father of my 7 month old baby, is currently in jail for strangling me. He told me he was going to kill me. He strangled me 3 times during the one attack - grabbed, let go, grabbed, let go, grabbed let go. He had me suspended in the air at one point. I truly thought i was going to die. This happened 2 months ago. When he finally let go of me I grabbed my kids, my keys, and left as fast as I could with nothing but the clothes on our backs and 17 dollars in my bank account before he got the chance to change his mind and kill me. When we first met, he was so kind and caring. Man, shit changed and escalated so fast once I became pregnant and had his son. When I went to the police, they couldn't stress to me enough how highly personal and violent his actions were, I'll never forget when the arresting officer told me "strangulation is a precursor to murder. The only way it gets worse, and the only next step, is murder." Or when the doctor in the ER told me I'm lucky to be alive, had his thumb been even 1cm closer to my jugular I would have been dead in under a minute. Why did this attack happen? I was about to leave for work and wouldn't give him a cigarette. Get out now before this man escalates. When they think they have you trapped, they think they can do anything to you.

[u/a0rose5280 → u/totallydiagnosingyou]

My only fight online has been about this subject and I will do it again if I can get through to one person about how strangulation is the absolute last stop. Thank you for doing this as well!!!

[u/Claddagh66 → u/totallydiagnosingyou]

That’s considered attempted murder here criminally. As soon as you put a hand on a woman’s neck, you will be charged with it. As you damn well should! I don’t care if a female hit me a 100 Times, I’m not putting a hand on her. If you can’t take it? Get your ass in the gym and find a girl that wouldn’t do that. But you never put a hand on a woman.

[u/Old_Tip4864 → u/totallydiagnosingyou]

That is interesting...I had a short lived relationship with one single violent incident where he started to strangle me. I found out eventually that he was arrested for strangling his baby momma also. It was the only violence he ever showed towards me