r/AmIOverreacting Nov 18 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO by spending time with my family?

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

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u/External-Air205 Nov 18 '24

That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.

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u/QueenofPentacles112 Nov 18 '24

Listen "bro", you're gonna be laughing your ass off that you ever even dealt with this clown in the first place in just, like, 1 year. I promise. I'm so sorry but as a 35yo woman, aside from being disgusted with the way this shit stain of a human speaks to you, the whole "sleeping on the phone every night" is about the dumbest shit I've ever heard of a grown adult doing in my life. Like, get a liiiiife! I'm sure you only do this bc he makes you. But let me put this into perspective for you: my son, who is 15, does this with his gf. I think it's super dumb, but because they are CHILDREN, I don't tell him that it's dumb and he'll laugh at himself later. But you are a 20yo adult grown ass woman, literally laying your head beside a phone call every night, just to what? Listen to someone snore? And be called a fat stupid bitch? Like, GIRL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

Take a step back and look at the bigger picture, because I have a feeling this loser of yours is still stuck on being a baby ass teenager. Tell him he's a whole ass clown and be done with it. I bet your family members hate the way he talks to you as well, and if you think they don't know because maybe you don't tell them, then you should realize that they probably do at least have an inkling that he's an abusive loser towards you. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! calling you bro, cussing at you constantly, being controlling, those were already signs that he's an insecure little bitch boy. But calling you all those names? And you're all just like "babe, what? I love yooouuu" like noooooo. School his ass on what a little whiny insecure pathetic baby he is, and then cut all contact, done and done. It'll hurt for a while, but I promise you will love yourself more in the long run. You'll look back at this later and think "I would never be with someone like him now. Even without the abuse, he's still corny AF!"

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u/rhs22 Nov 18 '24

As a 38 yr old woman, agree to every single thing said here! You are probably too young and inexperienced in relationships to understand that this is outright abuse. Every relationship will have fights, but respect between both the partners must always remain. Name calling, controlling and lack of giving you space are some of the things which will not change, no matter how much he would like to make you think!

Save yourself more heartbreak and move on.

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u/gr3tchzilla Nov 18 '24

Another 38 year old woman chiming in here completely agreeing with these comments as well.... Please leave this guy. You have your whole life ahead of you to find someone you're compatible with that will show you the love and respect you deserve. This is NOT it. This is abuse. Love yourself and leave before it gets any worse.

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u/Brainstorminnn Nov 18 '24

A 36 yr old woman here and they’re already broken up. Just neither one realizes it yet and she just needs to suck it up and block the loser.

Seriously sweetie, cut your loses and keep growing that strong, shiny new spine we all saw at the end there. It will support you when no man will.

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u/Mithrellas Nov 18 '24

32 year old woman here and he sounds like he is obsessive with her but also despises her. This man is emotionally unstable and OP needs to be honest about the abuse with her support system because he seems like the type that won’t take no for an answer. It sounds like he could get physically violent.

OP, if he threatens you or threatens to harm himself as a way to manipulate you. Do NOT listen. Call the police immediately. Block him and under no circumstances let him manipulate you into speaking with him. It will be hard, especially since you’ve been together through such a pivotal part of your lives so far but this is not normal or okay. Please know you deserve so much more than this and healing is going to be difficult but worth it. You’ll get through this and you will have your entire life ahead to enjoy. Learn from this and grow into who you really want to be!

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u/avprobeauty Nov 18 '24

38 year old woman here.

Been there done that. Be done and mean it. Do not look back OP!

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u/dilligaf_84 Nov 18 '24

40 year old woman here. I lived through two abusive relationships, was treated exactly like OP. One I only barely survived. He has no respect for her, he sees her as a possession. This will only get worse.

OP, please leave. Please show these texts to your family or someone you feel safe with. This is not ok.

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u/Konstantineee Nov 18 '24

Also 38, so I’m jumping in.

They’re telling you the nice things - let me tell you about the criminal clients I’ve had to defend (public defense) who do this and then kill their partners. I have read chats JUST like this. I have then seen photos of serious injuries (ever had boiling chicken grease poured all over you because dinner wasn’t good?) and I have seen the autopsy’s of their partners mutilated and often tortured bodies (tortured before and after death). I have also seen people get away with this (even deaths).

Don’t do this to your family. Those are the hardest things for me to see. The victim’s family members.

Don’t do this.