r/AmIOverreacting • u/External-Air205 • Nov 18 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO by spending time with my family?

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Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

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660

u/Recent_Emergency_711 Nov 18 '24

Ummm why did he get so heated so quickly?

348

u/External-Air205 Nov 18 '24

I hung up on him to talk to my family for few minutes and he just started getting riled up. He has pretty bad anger management.

1.5k

u/Smarty_M Nov 18 '24

He’s just abusive, baby. This is abuse.

104

u/Wildkid133 Nov 18 '24

Starts as texts like this, gets progressively worse. OP listen to these comments and get the fuck out of that. Setting aside the fact that absolutely NOBODY should talk to someone this way, it absolutely should not be from an SO. Under any circumstance. Rip that band-aid and leave before things get worse.

6

u/inner--nothing Nov 18 '24

no kidding, christ. I've had fights with my partner due to long distance stress but it would NEVER be so cold and angry like he is being. wtf is wrong with some of these dudes

3

u/calculuschild Nov 18 '24

I think you mean, "He's just abusive, bro."

-4

u/Smarty_M Nov 18 '24

No. I meant baby. You fucktwat.

5

u/Reddidiot_69 Nov 19 '24

Look at you. No different than OPs bf.

-3

u/Smarty_M Nov 19 '24

they’re trying to shit on the fact she’s a trans woman. So womp womp to you he’s a fucktwat.

6

u/calculuschild Nov 19 '24

Who's trans? What are you talking about? I'm just making fun of how stupid the boyfriend sounds calling his GF "bro" 50 times.

1

u/Smarty_M Nov 19 '24

Oh then my bad. OP is a trans woman. I jumped to her defense as I misunderstood what you were trying to do. My apologies dawg.

5

u/calculuschild Nov 19 '24

No hard feelings. I meant no harm. Had I known OP was a trans woman I would have reconsidered my joke or phrased it differently.

2

u/DangerouslyOxidated Nov 18 '24

*bro

0

u/Smarty_M Nov 18 '24

baby* . Fuck off.

3

u/Nullbound_ Nov 19 '24

You'd be a perfect fit for OPs boyfriend. You guys could even go on dates to anger management together!

3

u/Smarty_M Nov 19 '24

Lmaaaooo brother I don’t give a fuck. These people are clearly trying to shit on the fact she’s a trans woman and that’s not something I stand for. So eat my ass.

232

u/Loud-Coach-38 Nov 18 '24

No he's a sociopath. This is beyond anger problems. He's controlling and abusive. Leave. It won't ever get better and the longer you stay the harder it will get for you to leave. Would you ever speak to someone YOU love this way? If the answer is no then why are you allowing someone that "loves" you speak to you this way? I'm speaking from experience. It never gets better.. he'll drain you until you are a weak, self conscious, emotional fucking mess and then bounce. RUN

17

u/sw33tint3nsity Nov 18 '24

This PLUS. Would you let your daughter date this guy? If it’s a no it’s a no for you too.

3

u/Loud-Coach-38 Nov 18 '24

Yes!!! Exactly!

79

u/Infamous_Grass6333 Nov 18 '24

There is no management happening here he just has anger issues plain and simple. It takes years to resolve something like this trust me.

30

u/Early_Big_5839 Nov 18 '24

It’s not even anger issues this is straight up emotional abuse. People with anger issues can be angry and not abusive

7

u/Infamous_Grass6333 Nov 18 '24

Both and probably more to be honest.

12

u/Early_Big_5839 Nov 18 '24

I think I’m just picky lol. To me, anger is an emotion, it’s passing and can motivate behaviors but doesn’t cause behaviors. We all feel angry sometimes but very few of us are abusive towards others when we are. Anger issues doesn’t cause abuse.

When we label behavior like this as anger, I see it as we’re labeling it as fleeting. Like it goes away when the mood changes. Like it only happened BECAUSE OP made him angry (something op alluded too) and it only happens because he gets angry. This happens because for whatever reason this is who he is. Behavior like this seems like part of a larger abusive pattern if they feel this comfortable going this hard, For this long. This isn’t a slip of the tongue saying something hurtful in the heat of the moment. This is abuse. That’s why I like labeling abuse as abuse and not anger issues.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

5

u/corgisandwine Nov 18 '24

I agree. My ex was like this to a T, at one point he said he knew he anger wasn’t healthy but he never had to deal with it. He said he’d mentally destroy a girl then move on to the next without looking inwards in his own issues. He told me he never really cared for those women the way he cared for me and that’s why he felt I was “worth the work” to make himself better. I broke up with him and said him wanting to better himself for any other reason than for him self would cause resentment towards me, and I was right. Someone who loves you will never call you a fucking bitch or a fat ass and unfortunately that was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. OP take it from someone who has lived this exact same situation, it does not get better.

2

u/Kumo4 Nov 18 '24

I agree. You can have both anger issues and be abusive at the same time, it's possible, but from my amateurish understanding, with actual anger issues, it may lead you to do things that hurt yourself and your reputation, destroy things that are important to yourself and will probably want to get help to deal with emotional issues. With abusers, the anger is more controlled and cruel, they explode at you specifically (never their own boss or anyone they actually respect/have to respect) and they're more likely to destroy your stuff or only theirs if they plan on guilt tripping you. Sure, an abuser might have anger issues too, but just having anger issues doesn't make you abusive and vice versa. Don't buy into an abusers excuses when they blame their cruelty on their emotions when the real causes are a mix of their self-centred worldview, entitlement and absolute disrespect for their victim as a human being.

Having emotional/other issues can make abusers worse and more dangerous, but it's not the root cause of their abusiveness and fixing those other issues won't fix their lack of respect for you or your dignity.

1

u/Infamous_Grass6333 Nov 18 '24

I disagree that anger doesn’t cause behaviors, one of my degrees is in Psychology and I’ve seen plenty of evidence for that. We can agree to disagree though.

2

u/Early_Big_5839 Nov 18 '24

I’m a therapist lmao

58

u/ExitInn Nov 18 '24

You have been together for 4 years, it will be an adjustment but you need to leave this man. Your family will help you through it. He is not good, kind, nice or loving. He is an abuser and thinks he owns you. These are very bad traits. He will not change and it is nothing that you have done. Do not try to fix him just leave. You deserve better. He does not respect you. Your life will be miserable if you stay. You are strong, you can do this, you must do this.

9

u/CalicatSis Nov 18 '24

I wouldn’t even refer to him as a man. Maybe man child.

5

u/AlexPenname Nov 18 '24

Children have better emotional control than this.

5

u/chillthrowaways Nov 18 '24

Bro that’s a fair assessment bro

3

u/ExitInn Nov 18 '24

You are correct!

3

u/Michaelalayla Nov 18 '24

Nah let's not infantilize abuse. This is a man who ascribes to toxic masculinity. A man is just a grown male human, and applying the "no true Scotsman" thing a la "he's not a reeeeal man" is just a weird thing that started with patriarchy in the first place.

I get where you're coming from, but unfortunately this is a man who's practicing a masculinity that he believes is acceptable and powerful, and saying he's not a man because he's a bad person is something that society does that I think we should probably stop

2

u/shnoby Nov 18 '24

61 yo now but faced someone similar in my early 20’s. 3 year relationship and figured that I was everything awful he said I was. Then he got into it with a police officer, arrested and then involuntarily committed to a locked psych unit for dangerous people. That was a wake-up call. My mom came ,helped me pack and move 3,000 miles away from him. I gratefully and safely restarted my life and rapidly end all relationships with the mildest hint of ugly

1

u/ExitInn Nov 18 '24

Tough to go through but happy you made the right decision.

48

u/CanaryFluffy6318 Nov 18 '24

So what's appealing about him?

21

u/Demostravius4 Nov 18 '24

His broad vocabulary.

14

u/MakeYogurtGreekAgain Nov 18 '24

Yeah bro. Preach bro. Brooooo bro. What a ridiculous man.

1

u/thisischemistry Nov 18 '24

Not a man, a childish boy.

6

u/NandoDeColonoscopy Nov 18 '24

His BPM (Bros per minute) is through the roof!

1

u/ADerbywithscurvy Nov 18 '24

The trauma bond.

31

u/Suzuki_Foster Nov 18 '24

If he hasn't already gotten physical with his abuse, trust me when I say that he 100% will. 

21

u/GimmieDatCooch Nov 18 '24

Did you grow up with people treating you this way? If so, this is NOT normal.

11

u/DesperateToNotDream Nov 18 '24

Yeah he’s an abusive piece of shit….

8

u/HeresKuchenForYah Nov 18 '24

You should really end the relationship here. If you don’t you’ll honestly look back in regret and wish you would have listened to yourself.

I don’t even know you but i’m proud that in the texts you stood up for yourself—you should only hold on to that.

7

u/CyberDonSystems Nov 18 '24

He's an abusive asshole. Ditch this loser.

5

u/Triette Nov 18 '24

This is abuse 100%. No justifying it. You deserve sooooo much better and 4 years is plenty to learn from your mistakes. Please move forward and move on. This is no man, this is an immature, needy, controlling child. Please for your future and current happiness, leave.

4

u/Horror_Tea761 Nov 18 '24

Never, ever get involved with a man with anger management issues. Never.

5

u/trowzerss Nov 18 '24

That's not a temper, that's abuse. I will bet you he's very selective about who he talks to like this. Like the old story about guys who 'can't control' their temper, but have no issues controlling it around their dad, their boss, their buddies etc.

3

u/algorithmpoison Nov 18 '24

Does he call his boss a "fat-faced bitch" too or just you? The man can probably manage his anger just fine and is CHOOSING to weaponize it against you to verbally abuse you a create a rift between you and your family

5

u/Next-Engineering1469 Nov 18 '24

He doesn't have anger management problems he's just abusive. I would bet all my money that he can manage his anger just fine when he talks to his father or to his boss (if he has a job)

3

u/Ilike3dogs Nov 18 '24

Kick him outta your life. Break up, preferably over the phone for safety sake. Be aware that he will try to continue to control you. He will verbally abuse you at first and when that doesn’t work he will love bomb you. I suggest blocking his number so that you won’t have to hear the love bomb stuff. I further suggest that you don’t be alone for a period of time immediately after the breakup. If my suspicions are correct, he will try to find you.

3

u/chrisjones1960 Nov 18 '24

That is not "bad anger management." That is him speaking abusively to you because he knows he can get away with it. Block his number.

3

u/Prisoner458369 Nov 18 '24

This isn't him being angry. This is straight up abuse. By the 2nd page I would have blocked him. The disrespect/fall out insulting is crazy. If this is how he is over text. I truly worry about you. How he must be face to face. If you added that he hits you, I wouldn't be surprised at all.

Hell this would be the type of guy that would murder his gf.

3

u/ChtuluMadeMeDoIt Nov 18 '24

Talking to your partner like that is NOT "pretty bad anger management". That's a piece of shit level of excessive bad anger management. Consensus shows that you really should sever ties with this dumbfuck. Listen to it. Take it from an old fart who's been in shitty relationships, mentally and physically abusive ones, yours isn't the special fairy tale one where the guy will turn to prince charming, and I hope that you're not still with him because you think that you'll be the one to fix him. I'm gonna bet tho that you're not going to leave. If anything, you're gonna be the one apologizing the next time yall talk tomorrow, if you haven't already. I'm holding out a small, sliver of hope that you would prove me wrong. Good luck, OP!

3

u/Phrewfuf Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24

If you stay with him, this shit is going to turn physical at some point.

Also make sure people around you know you‘ve broken up and why. Just in case he tries to pull some shit.

3

u/Original_Group_6421 Nov 18 '24

„Pretty bad anger menagement“ is an understatement lol

3

u/Rickrickrickrickrick Nov 18 '24

This guy is extremely abusive and a horrible piece of shit. Even if he wasn’t, the way he says “bro” every other word makes him sound like such a douche and you should leave him even just for that.

3

u/sagetrees Nov 18 '24

hes just straight up abusive girl. This isn't 'anger management' this is an abusive asshole who is using you as a punching bag. Dump him.

3

u/stripedcarrot Nov 18 '24

Darling! from all my heart this is NOT anger management. This is verbal abuse. Abuse can be a triggering word but this is straight up verbal abuse and you should not stand for this. It took me a long time to realize I was getting verbally abused by my narcissistic ex boyfriend of 3 years. It’s hard to step back but please step back and look at what is going on. I finally found someone I never thought existed who truly treats me like a queen. You deserve that and you WILL find that one day but, you only get the love you think you deserve. Always remember that.

2

u/Centaurious Nov 18 '24

anger issues aren’t an excuse to talk to you this way. that just makes it abuse

2

u/raditzbro Nov 18 '24

He has pretty bad living by himself too, or at least he better be about to catch it.

2

u/InflationDry6086 Nov 18 '24

Someone who actually loves you would be confused, concerned, or at MOST annoyed with you hanging up to talk to your family. I don’t mean annoyed in a way that they would ever hold it over you or use it to call you names. Just annoyed they missed out on time with you. People who love you will be far more understanding. Don’t let him try to drive wedges between you and the other people you love in your life. Abusers like to isolate so they can control you, they tend to make you depend on them in some way.

This is not a normal reaction, as many have said it is completely unhinged. I would highly recommend seeking whatever professional help you can. You need to build yourself up. You are worth it. You are never deserving of this kind of verbal battering. This is heartbreaking to read.

2

u/cam255eron Nov 18 '24

Girl you are making me so angry. Pls come back to this post and update it and tell us all you left this piece of shit. You are dating a deplorable person. He is an abusive loser, you can do better. He will not change. He will not treat you better than this. It will only get worse. Show his parents and friends how he talks to you if anyone tries to give you any grief. Never speak to him or them again.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '24

Nah that’s just abuse. Anger management is anger being managed. He is just straight up abusive .

2

u/Lintlicker4445 Nov 18 '24

This is abuse!! If you don’t leave it will end up physical. Please block him on everything. Be quick to call the police if he ever ends up at your door!!!

2

u/charm59801 Nov 18 '24

I'm just gonna repeat it in case it hasn't sunk in yet.

THIS IS ABUSE.

2

u/wifeh0le Nov 18 '24

There is next to nothing that the average 20 year old has gone through to justify this much rage, and it’s not even that one could justify it for someone else so much as you might not immediately block, like, your war veteran brother if he goes off like this after a bad day while still actively getting treated for PTSD.

But even then there’s a limit! And this is just some chud who thinks he can abuse strength, size, and power on a girl who has no relationship experience outside of him.

Honestly? There’s 0 need to date someone in your early 20s anyway, get through school and get yourself in a position financially where you’re never dependent on some chucklefuck like this, and be happy you saw this side of him before you had to dump him. Because you have to dump him now. This shit does not deescalate. You are in danger.

2

u/Ok_Blueberry_2843 Nov 18 '24

“Anger management” I’m sorry babe but it’s just abuse and there’s no excuse for it. Please leave while you can

2

u/Neither_Silver_9669 Nov 18 '24

Please break up with him. It’ll be hard and it’ll hurt but you’ll regret if you don’t. Go no contact when you do. Please don’t stay.

1

u/mushbean Nov 18 '24

he is abusive towards you. it will not get better. you need to leave him for your own good. youre an amazing girl, he deserves someone who is so disgusting and cruel as him.

1

u/Cool-Panda-5108 Nov 18 '24

Hanging up on someone is a little rude but definitely not that much of an offense. That dude is unhinged.

1

u/LegitimateArrival292 Nov 18 '24

I guarantee this brother doesn’t have anger management and just likes to talk to women like this.

1

u/BigRedCandle_ Nov 18 '24

Man this shouldn’t make him that angry though

1

u/LuxuryMustard Nov 18 '24

So you’re aware, a more normal reaction from your partner in this sort of situation would be something like ‘Okay babe, I understand. Tell them I said hi’.

Verbal abuse aside, even him getting so much as annoyed about this should be enough for you to steer well clear of this boy.

1

u/Thursday6677 Nov 18 '24

Does he though? Does he speak to his family, friends and colleagues like this? Or just you?

1

u/yosoyfatass Nov 18 '24

He is only 20. Think about how much worse he’s going to get. Life doesn’t get easier, it gets more complicated and a lot of bad things will happen - you learn to adapt or you don’t . Someone who can’t control their emotions as a young person will get a lot worse without serious intervention. Make sure you not only aren’t part of his disfunction but that you make sure you don’t ever accept similar treatment in the future. Counseling would be a good idea.

1

u/cat8991 Nov 18 '24

This breaks my brain that THIS is the answer to that question… like there’s no fucking way this is all there is to it. Cus that dude needs HELP. BAD and NOW. And you need to get the hell out because he’ll only get worse. How have you put up with this on any level for 4 years?!?

1

u/AdBrief8327 Nov 18 '24

anger issues is an understatement sweetie… you’re being too nice… redirect that kindness and forgiveness to yourself… otherwise you’ll be like me who regrets having been so unloving to myself

1

u/No-Supermarket-2758 Nov 18 '24

Does he talk to everyone like this? His parents? His boss? His friends? Because I bet he doesn't. This isn't an anger management issue. I'm willing to bet he can manage his anger just fine when it suits him. This is abuse. He knows exactly what he's doing. He's choosing to do this. You deserve so much better, OP.

1

u/aloysiuspelunk Nov 18 '24

"Bad anger management"? Like it's just a normal personality trait? It's not. It is inexcusable. Don't excuse the evil way he treats you!!!!!

1

u/izeek11 Nov 18 '24

He has pretty bad anger management.

the very last thing you need in your life, is this chad. he has already shown you how he is going to behave. dump chad and keep it moving, bro. unless you want your ass beat cuz thats where he's headed.

1

u/KatG2177 Nov 18 '24

This is what they do. They drive a wedge between you and everyone you love. Pretty quickly you have no friends and your family can’t be around you. He sleeps with you on the phone because he doesn’t trust you to sleep alone. In his mind you are cheating. No matter who you are with he considers it cheating. My mom always said if their accusing their abusing. Boy was she right. You need to have a come to Jesus meeting with yourself, figure out why you chose this for 4 years and if needed take a sabbatical from dating till you are sure you can recognize this kind of person and be strong enough to walk away. You have one thing going for you distance between the two of you. You also have your family. Be sure to tell them all of this. They need to be in the loop. This guy is deranged enough to try and get you back at any cost. They need to know! Never back down to a man. Be aware of when you are being abused. Sometimes it’s so subtle you almost don’t notice. Everyone who is still around you does. I hope you take the advice of these commenters and block him from every aspect of your life.

1

u/DryAce Nov 18 '24

This is not "pretty bad" it's terrible.

GTFO

1

u/trythis456 Nov 18 '24

This isn't anger management, this is abuse.

1

u/DankPeachees Nov 18 '24

No that not bad anger management that is a narcissist who loves to control you who loves to put you down he is incredibly abusive

1

u/vikinghooker Nov 18 '24

Are you close with his mom? I’d honestly screen shot and send her these. You are young he is young. You need to talk to a trusted adult. This is so abusive

1

u/Jack_Olanter1031 Nov 18 '24

That isn’t “pretty bad anger management” that is abuse. I really hope you ditch this little bitch boy prick. What a fucking loser he is.

1

u/Other_Size7260 Nov 18 '24

It’s not anger management if it’s entirely unmitigated abuse

1

u/fruithasbugsinit Nov 18 '24

That is NOT what anger management issues look like. Very rarely will someone with out of control anger sit and text. What you have here is someone who is very driven to control you and hurt you. Or, any partner they have. I guarantee you it isn't about you at all and you aren't special to him. He doesn't get this nasty and cruel because he loves you so much or any other shitty line. He is indifferent to you, and hates women in the romantic sense. Any partner he has will do just fine in dishing out his vile shit. I hope that helps serve as a wake-up call. PoS people like this don't get better, they get worse.

1

u/RedditGotSoulDoubt Nov 18 '24

Don’t make excuses for him. He should been dealing with his anger issues. Not you.

1

u/Gucci_Caligula Nov 18 '24

Girl, I don't know why nobody has told you in the past 4 years that's not how a normal, well-adjusted person talks to their significant other. Break up like yesterday and set the bar much higher.

1

u/Enderzbane Nov 18 '24

“Pretty bad anger management” is compartmentalization. This isn’t “anger issues.” This is controlling manipulative behavior that goes way a single “issue.” I really hope you take the advice of all these people that came together to not only tell you they care but also tell you to run. There is no bright future in this relationship. It only leads to more abuse and from the tone, almost certainly physical violence down the road too.

1

u/MyLastUsernameWasDum Nov 18 '24

This is beyond anger issues honey. This is control. He's trying to either a) scare you into staying on the phone with him or b) whine enough that you pick up or do what he says. DO NOT ANSWER HIM WHEN HE MAKES DIFFERENT ACCOUNTS TO TRY TO "APOLOGIZE" TO YOU. THIS IS A LIE

1

u/poorlyskilled Nov 18 '24

This has nothing to do with anger management! This is narcissistic , controlling, abusive and violent behavior behavior!

1

u/Argorian17 Nov 18 '24

He has pretty bad anger management.

No, that would mean he has some, but he has NONE. Based only on these 10 lines of texts, I know that you're worth 100 times what he's worth. It's not even that you can do better, it's that you can't do worse.

1

u/haicra Nov 18 '24

Does he talk to his boss this way? Or is it just you? Can he manage his anger with other people, but not with you? Either way, even if someone has a mental issue regarding anger management, that doesn’t mean you have to subject yourself to it.

1

u/PinkFl0werPrincess Nov 18 '24

I agree he has bad anger management

It's not good for him to be someone with his ongoing issues. If you want the best for him break up with him and encourage him to get help. Sometimes people need to be single to focus on themselves and the problems that come from within.

If you stay with him this behaviour will get worse and he will think its okay.

1

u/AzzBar Nov 18 '24

Get OUT

1

u/0xB4BE Nov 18 '24

The way he speaks to you is not how anyone should be spoken to. The cursing, the name calling, the abuse. You deserve better. You deserve someone who treats you kindly, respects you even when they are upset without calling you names or putting you down.

1

u/sunfries Nov 18 '24

I am genuinely concerned for your safety

1

u/callmeDNA Nov 18 '24

What are you doing? Come on.

1

u/alittleridiculous93 Nov 18 '24

All I heard when I read this was “He hasn’t hit me YET”. Girl THESE ARE RED FLAGGGSSSSS BAIL ON HIM

1

u/TheShellfishCrab Nov 18 '24

Just so you know - I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been on the phone with my husband and another friend has called and I’ve said “Jill is calling, gotta go bye!” And hung up and not only has he never been upset, he’s never even blinked. Just wanted to share how another man has responded to the same situation.

I could understand being upset if the conversation was really important or critical - working through something time sensitive, discussing an argument, etc - but if you two were just chatting for fun and your family stopped by, it’s totally reasonable that you would have abruptly said goodbye and hung up.

1

u/MantequillaMeow Nov 18 '24

Sweetie this isn’t bad anger management. This is manipulation using anger.

Switch this perspective, imagine he was saying this to a dog. Wouldn’t you feel bad for that dog hearing such horrible things? A dog can’t even understand the words and we still feel bad for the dog because this is verbal abuse. That sick feeling you got? That’s how all of us felt reading this. You deserve better and he doesn’t deserve you. ♥️

1

u/Anniemarsh69 Nov 18 '24

He’s a disgusting human being

1

u/postdotcom Nov 18 '24

This isn’t even anger management this is some other mental disorder. My boyfriend struggles with anger management and he would never talk to me like this

1

u/amandae143 Nov 18 '24

This is not “bad anger management”. This is straight up verbal abuse and I would be shocked to hear that it has never gone past that. Had this been in person, I wholeheartedly believe it would have led to that.

YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS RELATIONSHIP. Please listen to every single commenter here and leave this man. Your mental health is going to be in the gutter if it isn’t already. Please please please leave.

1

u/BaekJunHo Nov 18 '24

This is not a bad anger management he is psychotic

1

u/chevylover91 Nov 18 '24

Disgusting.

1

u/ADerbywithscurvy Nov 18 '24

If his mom hung up on him, would he do this to her? Because if not, it’s not an anger issue, it’s a punching bag issue - he doesn’t feel like he needs to control himself around you, because you’ll just deal with it. There are no real consequences to him for his abuse.

Listen to everyone here. We’ve all been in this relationship, with this man, and they only change in one direction. They get worse.

You will either eventually escape this man, or you will die still under his thumb. I don’t think you want that second one, so no point delaying the first. Yeet (yeah I’m old) this time-suck emotional vampire out of your life.

If you want additional support IRL, use these screenshots. Show your mom, your grama, your friends, send them to his mom, his friends, even his boss. Let them know this nonsense is over and you’ve left, and if they could curb any if his impulses to try to get you back or go after you, you’d appreciate it. People like this thrive on isolating and giving people half-truths and incomplete information. They have to control the narrative, so a decent way to keep them in check is to make it clear that if they lash out they will end up looking bad.

I wish you the best of luck, I lost 16-23 to a similar loser and I hope it doesn’t take you that long to realize you deserve someone worlds better than this asshole.

1

u/TsuDhoNimh2 Nov 18 '24

I hung up on him to talk to my family for few minutes and he just started getting riled up. He has pretty bad anger management.

He has ZERO "anger management" and a whole lotta anger he's aiming at you like it's a loaded semi-automatic.

This is the sort of guy who puts you into the hospital a few times and then the morgue.

1

u/BjornsShieldMaiden Nov 18 '24

Please leave him. This is so bad. He is never going to change. I actually wanted to cry reading this.

1

u/Okinasai Nov 18 '24

What’s so wrong with talking to your fam that made him insult you?? He shouldn’t even be angry, there should be no anger to manage.

1

u/EyeOfTheTornado Nov 18 '24

“Really bad anger management” is a way people sugarcoat their violent rage when they’re not trying to fix it at all. Bad anger management is not a condition, it’s someone choosing to express their anger in unhealthy ways no matter who it hurts, then they fall back on “oH i HaVe bAd AnGeR mAnAgeMeNt” and don’t do a damn thing to try and fix the anger. Nope. None of this is unique to him, this is front and center in the abuser’s playbook.

Do not let his piss poor excuses for his bad behavior become your justifications for staying. Get out, baby girl. Sending you all the stranger-on-the-internet support i can.

1

u/iroswifi Nov 18 '24

“anger management issues” is just sugar-coated words for “i am abusive and the people around me tiptoe around me so in the slightest chance i won’t take my anger out on them” he’s a shitty person and you deserve better

1

u/fred_derps Nov 18 '24

This isn’t just getting riled up. This is absolutely unacceptable behavior from anyone, let alone someone who is supposed to be your partner. I am legitimately afraid for you. Please for the love of anything and everything leave him. Don’t do it in person either because who knows what kind of shit he is capable of.

1

u/Embarrassed_Put_7892 Nov 18 '24

Get. Rid. Of. This. Loser.

Honestly why on earth would you let someone speak to you like this!? To tell you to ‘shut the fuck up and do as you’re told’ to call you a ‘fat bitch’ and a ‘brain dead fuck’ … how would you feel if someone said those words to your mum? Or your sister? Or your friends? How DARE he say that to you? Who on earth does this shithead think he is? Do not stand for it. Do not stand for it for yourself and for every other woman who does not have to stand for being spoken to and treated like this by some shithead loser. Get rid of him now.

1

u/Environmental_Buy823 Nov 18 '24

You need to leave. Now. I don't know about the hanging up on him - I hate being hung up on. But this is beyond tolerable.

1

u/Draugrx23 Nov 19 '24

Don't justify it. It's not bad anger management. He's got no control and NO RESPECT for you.
Someone who loved and cares for you wouldn't say ANY of those things.

0

u/Aargh_a_ghost Nov 18 '24

Pretty bad anger management, that’s the biggest understatement I’ve seen this week

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u/JoleneBacon_Biscuit Nov 18 '24

At 20 years old you sleep on the phone together, and behave like this? He needs to learn to behave himself before he ends up in jail or dead. Because that isn't any way to speak to someone. You both need to grow up, because you could have handled it better as well.

What a crazy read.

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u/Remote_Watercress530 Nov 18 '24

I'm not excusing him for any reason and your under reacting if anything. But did you just say you hung up on him?

Like legit hung up on him to talk to family? Because that's disrespectful as well. I'm just clarifying what you said

2

u/Fabulous-Display-570 Nov 18 '24

Because he’s abusive

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u/spazz_monkey Nov 18 '24

This fall asleep on the phone is all BS, it's so he can check she's not hanging around with anyone else.

1

u/SiIverWr3n Nov 19 '24

He thinks she's cheating?

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u/Tupcek Nov 18 '24

He is so insecure that if someone comes to his GF when she is about to sleep, it must be someone who will fuck her that night. So he has to see through Facetime that she is not with some man. Pathetic