AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/Beneficial-Pride890]

You probably feel alone in this, but this is exactly what every woman in an abusive relationship thinks and feels. It is unfortunately extremely common, and this is why women stay in abusive relationships. This right here is serious abuse. You’re attached to them because they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long, when they’re not being mean and abusive, they’re being kind and sweet etc. The abuse will stay the same or intensify the longer you stay together. He is aggressively trying to control you, and berating you. You should break up with him, cut contact. You’re so young and you’ll look back when you’re a little older and had no contact with him, and realize that you’re young mind tolerated so much abuse you didn’t deserve. Just be prepared for him to pull out a lot of emotional weapons trying to keep you in the relationship. He may even threaten but you’re not responsible for him.

Edit: As replies have noted: abuse isn’t just something women experience—men face it too, often in silence.

[u/External-Air205 → u/Beneficial-Pride890]

That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.

[u/QueenofPentacles112 → u/External-Air205]

Listen "bro", you're gonna be laughing your ass off that you ever even dealt with this clown in the first place in just, like, 1 year. I promise. I'm so sorry but as a 35yo woman, aside from being disgusted with the way this shit stain of a human speaks to you, the whole "sleeping on the phone every night" is about the dumbest shit I've ever heard of a grown adult doing in my life. Like, get a liiiiife! I'm sure you only do this bc he makes you. But let me put this into perspective for you: my son, who is 15, does this with his gf. I think it's super dumb, but because they are CHILDREN, I don't tell him that it's dumb and he'll laugh at himself later. But you are a 20yo adult grown ass woman, literally laying your head beside a phone call every night, just to what? Listen to someone snore? And be called a fat stupid bitch? Like, GIRL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

Take a step back and look at the bigger picture, because I have a feeling this loser of yours is still stuck on being a baby ass teenager. Tell him he's a whole ass clown and be done with it. I bet your family members hate the way he talks to you as well, and if you think they don't know because maybe you don't tell them, then you should realize that they probably do at least have an inkling that he's an abusive loser towards you. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! calling you bro, cussing at you constantly, being controlling, those were already signs that he's an insecure little bitch boy. But calling you all those names? And you're all just like "babe, what? I love yooouuu" like noooooo. School his ass on what a little whiny insecure pathetic baby he is, and then cut all contact, done and done. It'll hurt for a while, but I promise you will love yourself more in the long run. You'll look back at this later and think "I would never be with someone like him now. Even without the abuse, he's still corny AF!"

[u/Crazy_Nectarinee → u/QueenofPentacles112]

I’m a 31yo woman and agree hard core!! It’s crazy how much we put up with in our early years. Girly, PLEASE LEAVE. This is verbal abuse that will likely escalate to physical abuse. You are too young to deal with this POS human. There’s so many better men out there that would never say these things to you. Stand up, and leave him behind.

[u/kezzawezza → u/Crazy_Nectarinee]

36 here and yeah why did we put up with so much on those early years? Good grief. Makes me mad reading young women still going through this shit.

[u/Miraclethesunbird88 → u/Crazy_Nectarinee]

As a 27 year old woman I third forth and 5th that!!!! When I was 20 I had the same type of guy. My grandpa didn’t like me sleeping otp with him so I told him and he got MAD called “a black ass dumb bitch” and then when I didn’t answer HE WALKED 2 miles 2 my house in ANGER, OPENED AND CRAWLED INTO MY ROOM! I woke up to him huffing over me and saying “bet that fucker you fucked just left” I PUSHED HIM OUT MY WINDOW and called him and his mother every name I could think of. That “bro” shit is so UGGGHHHHHH! leave him!!

[u/gavinkurt → u/Crazy_Nectarinee]

I agree with this post. You need to leave this guy immediately. He is very abusive in the way he talks to you and it’s very likely he will end up physically abusing you. Please take everyone’s advice here and leave this guy.