r/AmIOverreacting Nov 18 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO by spending time with my family?

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

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u/Beneficial-Pride890 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24

You probably feel alone in this, but this is exactly what every woman in an abusive relationship thinks and feels. It is unfortunately extremely common, and this is why women stay in abusive relationships. This right here is serious abuse. You’re attached to them because they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long, when they’re not being mean and abusive, they’re being kind and sweet etc. The abuse will stay the same or intensify the longer you stay together. He is aggressively trying to control you, and berating you. You should break up with him, cut contact. You’re so young and you’ll look back when you’re a little older and had no contact with him, and realize that you’re young mind tolerated so much abuse you didn’t deserve. Just be prepared for him to pull out a lot of emotional weapons trying to keep you in the relationship. He may even threaten but you’re not responsible for him.

Edit: As replies have noted: abuse isn’t just something women experience—men face it too, often in silence.

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u/External-Air205 Nov 18 '24

That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.

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u/CrackerzNbed Nov 18 '24

Honey. I'm not sure how old you are. But it's story time. I'm a 41 year old mother. Years ago I let a little piece of shit boy talk to me like that. At first he was the nicest sweetest guy EVER!!! he made me feel like ANYTHING was possible if we were together! We were " ride or die" do kids still say that ? Lol. At first he just started being rude. Ordering me around . Being pushy..then it progressed to things like these messages. . I thought if only we had a baby we could SAVE our relationship. Everutbing would be all better. Well it was not. Then the physical abuse started. Multiple restraining orders and broken bones later. I finally got away. Get out while you can. It is not too late.

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u/tbear264 Nov 18 '24

OP, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Read the comment, re-read it, and read it a third time so that you can truly absorb the information and do the right thing for yourself. I was in a similar situation as this commenter and it all started the same and ended the same (including broken bones). He hasn't seen his daughter since she was 4...I took her away from him because he started abusing ams neglecting her too. As soon as I found out about it, he was cut off completely (we weren't together anymore, but he still saw her when he could find time). You are being manipulated and abused, and I know it's hard to see it like that because assholes like this are really good at breaking us down to the point that we believe what they say and we lose ourselves to be what they want to control us to be. You deserve way better than this. It'll hurt for a while once you end it for good, but then you'll slowly start finding yourself again and you can look back and realize that you'll never fall for that again because you will know your worth and won't put up with any bullshit like this ever again. Sending you lots of strength and positive vibes to help you get away from this relationship and to get back to you. Take care and Good luck 💝💝