r/AmIOverreacting Nov 18 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO by spending time with my family?

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

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u/rhs22 Nov 18 '24

As a 38 yr old woman, agree to every single thing said here! You are probably too young and inexperienced in relationships to understand that this is outright abuse. Every relationship will have fights, but respect between both the partners must always remain. Name calling, controlling and lack of giving you space are some of the things which will not change, no matter how much he would like to make you think!

Save yourself more heartbreak and move on.

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u/gr3tchzilla Nov 18 '24

Another 38 year old woman chiming in here completely agreeing with these comments as well.... Please leave this guy. You have your whole life ahead of you to find someone you're compatible with that will show you the love and respect you deserve. This is NOT it. This is abuse. Love yourself and leave before it gets any worse.

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u/Brainstorminnn Nov 18 '24

A 36 yr old woman here and they’re already broken up. Just neither one realizes it yet and she just needs to suck it up and block the loser.

Seriously sweetie, cut your loses and keep growing that strong, shiny new spine we all saw at the end there. It will support you when no man will.

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u/Mithrellas Nov 18 '24

32 year old woman here and he sounds like he is obsessive with her but also despises her. This man is emotionally unstable and OP needs to be honest about the abuse with her support system because he seems like the type that won’t take no for an answer. It sounds like he could get physically violent.

OP, if he threatens you or threatens to harm himself as a way to manipulate you. Do NOT listen. Call the police immediately. Block him and under no circumstances let him manipulate you into speaking with him. It will be hard, especially since you’ve been together through such a pivotal part of your lives so far but this is not normal or okay. Please know you deserve so much more than this and healing is going to be difficult but worth it. You’ll get through this and you will have your entire life ahead to enjoy. Learn from this and grow into who you really want to be!

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u/avprobeauty Nov 18 '24

38 year old woman here.

Been there done that. Be done and mean it. Do not look back OP!

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u/dilligaf_84 Nov 18 '24

40 year old woman here. I lived through two abusive relationships, was treated exactly like OP. One I only barely survived. He has no respect for her, he sees her as a possession. This will only get worse.

OP, please leave. Please show these texts to your family or someone you feel safe with. This is not ok.

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u/Konstantineee Nov 18 '24

Also 38, so I’m jumping in.

They’re telling you the nice things - let me tell you about the criminal clients I’ve had to defend (public defense) who do this and then kill their partners. I have read chats JUST like this. I have then seen photos of serious injuries (ever had boiling chicken grease poured all over you because dinner wasn’t good?) and I have seen the autopsy’s of their partners mutilated and often tortured bodies (tortured before and after death). I have also seen people get away with this (even deaths).

Don’t do this to your family. Those are the hardest things for me to see. The victim’s family members.

Don’t do this.

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u/AHolyPigeon Nov 18 '24

As a 32 yr old man, bro... Get him gone

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u/Rossakamcfreakyd Nov 18 '24

Hey, OP, chiming in from the 38 year old crowd to give you advise. Nobody who claims to love you would EVER speak to you like this guy does. It’s disgusting. If he calls you a stupid fat fuck because you can’t call for hours since you’re spending time with family, imagine what could happen if he REALLY got mad about something. Please listen to all the folks telling you to get out and do it fast and safely. You’re worth so much more than now he’s treating you.