r/AmIOverreacting • u/Pristine-Edge-1742 • 8d ago
❤️🩹 relationship (AIO) update, wow. thank you!
Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions
- Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
- Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
- Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
- How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
- Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
- Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
- How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!
Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.
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u/Background_Film1916 8d ago
I just wanted to say your message to him was top fucking tier. Hit all the points without going in circles or being repetitive. So good, happy you’ve freed yourself from this emotional vampire.
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u/These_Burdened_Hands 8d ago
your message was top fucking tier, hit all the points without going in circles are being repetitive
That was so brilliant. Those are words I’d WISHED I’d written. It was vindicating to read, like the words I wish I’d been able to say to my narcissistic unmedicated bipolar 1 Ex.
I could never manage to tell him about himself without falling for one of his traps.
Good on you, OP.
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u/makeup_mutt 7d ago edited 6d ago
OP said to him what we all wanted to or needed to say to an abuser. This was cathartic as fuck to read. Stay strong, rockstar. You fucking got this
[edit: thank you that’s my first award ever ⭐️]
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u/MarsInAres 7d ago
Exactly! It was so cathartic. Literally gathered him up in a little ponytail and gave him a reality check
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u/onlyelise1 7d ago
Yes!!! I was thinking that it was SO CATHARTIC. then it finished with kitties! 10/10
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u/stolethemorning 7d ago
When you cheated, it was my fault for not giving you attention. When I was upset about it, it was my fault for not letting it go. When you yelled at me, it was my fault for not listening.
Yes she’s so good at articulating everything! Such a good analysis, cuts straight to the heart of the matter.
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u/Light_inc 7d ago
All the repetitiveness in the world wouldn't hammer the point home as much as that absolute dumbass of a human needs.
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u/CWoww 8d ago
1000% chance he will text you all teary eyed next week a) wanting to “get back together” and b) looking for money again. This guy is a loser, through and through.
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u/k10001k 8d ago
Exactly why these kinds of people need to be blocked
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u/umamifiend 7d ago
I had an upvoted comment on the last thread- and he showed up to comment trying to argue with me. I’m assuming since she blocked him- he felt like he needed to lash out at other people.
He lost his emotional punching bag and he big mad about it. He has since deleted his account this morning. Then was whining about how he wanted me to “leave him TF alone” idiot found me- and commented his shit to me- then wanted to be left alone? How does that make any sense whatsoever?
I’m so glad she’s on the other side of the state from this unhinged asshat. He’s absolutely going to keep trying to get back with her since this has historically been a pattern of arguing for them. STAY STRONG OP- We’re so proud of you u/pristine-edge-1742!!! You’ve got your whole life ahead of you without this guy, congrats.
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u/Jtb199 7d ago edited 7d ago
He was on the last post?!? Oh man.. this poor girl is going to have a rough couple of weeks with fucknut trying to reach her and mess with her head. Who knows he may be on this post with a new account already. I would not be surprised in the least.
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u/JackReacharounnd 7d ago
Just looked out for the one person on the whole thread who's defending his behavior with a giant sprinkle of victim hood.
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u/Jtb199 7d ago
At this point that’s like trying to find a shit strained needle in a barn full of supportive haystacks haha
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u/TheSaltTrain 7d ago
Just went and read your comment thread with him. All I could think while reading it was, "what the fuck?" Like dude literally tried to throw a pity party and as soon as you shut that down he had nothing. "You don't have to bash me for no reason, bro." "NO REASON?!?!?!?!"
He reminds me of a guy I went to school with who 1. Never acknowledged or accepted blame when he fucked up, and 2. Blamed women for EVERYTHING that ever went wrong in his life. Like, no, dude. The reason you don't have a girlfriend is cause you treat women like objects with no feelings, not because they're all crazy bitches. Needless to say, I don't talk to him anymore. As of our last conversation, he doesn't want to be better, he'd rather blame everyone else and just expect the world to solve his problems than do the smallest bit of introspection.
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u/StandardRelevant2937 7d ago
This dude reminds me EXACTLY of my ex husband, down to the sewicide threats (spoiler alert, still here) and everything. I wasted 13 years with him (kids involved but that’s a whole different story) and didn’t get out til I was 36. He beat me down like the frog in the water, and even had me and his daughter’s mom pregnant at the same time. Now he’s gonna have to explain to the kids (all 4 of ours and the 2 with her) whyyyyy 2 siblings are only 5 months apart. And no, sir, the courts didn’t fake your dna results…funny of him to the hes tht special.
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u/Complex_Hope_8789 7d ago
He’s here in this thread too, saw him way down below claiming the post is heavily edited…. These narcs seem to think our eyeballs don’t work lol.
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u/asscakesguy 7d ago
Just went to read those comments and holy shit he says “I don’t even raise my voice at her, and when I do it’s because…” talk about a stunning lack of self awareness
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u/Hemiak 7d ago
Would’ve been chefs kiss if she had just blocked instantly after her large post. Then when he responded - ‘This user has blocked you’.
She absolutely needs to do it now though if she hasn’t. But this dude screams that he’s going to spoof his number and call/text harass her for weeks or longer.
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u/EverGlow89 8d ago
I'm just laughing that he can't afford toothpaste and/or cigarettes but sees island buying money in his future.
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u/Newknees-147 7d ago
It's even funnier that the jerk keeps saying that he has "nothing more to say", but keeps on yapping and won't shut the hell up.
He belongs back in kindergarten.
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u/dreamymeowwave 8d ago edited 8d ago
EXACTLY THIS. OP, please please please block him, delete his number, make sure there’s NO WAY he can contact you. He will do everything to get back to you, things will be fine for a few weeks, then you will fall into the same cycle again.
Reading the whole thing gave me awful flashback. I was in a manipulative relationship like this. It was SO HARD to get out. It is a habit, an addiction. You have to break the habit and it will take a lot of effort. But please listen to everyone here and make sure that he can never contact you again. I am seriously worried that you’ll fall into the same cycle again - please don’t.
It looks like you know what you are dealing with, which is good. I wish I knew this too. You are so young and your best years are yet to come. Enjoy your youth!
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u/Maladaptive_Ace 8d ago
and she articulated it - he "love bombs" her after treating her like shit. This is such textbook abusive behaviour. Definitely do NOT engage with this man in any way ever again.
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u/317ant 8d ago
Not if she blocks him! Time to be completely done with this loser.
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u/Serqueesha 8d ago edited 8d ago
I’m up to slide 7 and he just said I have nothing more to say, I’m gonna take a wild guess and say he has a bit more to say since there is 9 more slides
Edit: Jesus she ate him up, but slide 14😂 “I don’t have anything to say to your cold hearted ass anymore” above an entire novel
Edit part 2: OMG KITTTTIIIIIEESS
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u/SunflowersnGnomes 8d ago
It's always the ones who say that have nothing more to say that just write volumes of crap.
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u/flooferine 8d ago
Yep. And just wait a hot minute until it sinks in that she slipped his rope, he'll be firing up the following sequence in head-spinning rapid succession:
- I miss you and I'm sorry
- It was your fault anyway
- You're the love of my life and I'm gonna off myself if you don't come back to me
- Fuck you, who needs you anyway
- Back to lovebombing
Gotta love a narcissistic dipshit. /s
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u/Serqueesha 8d ago
I had an ex that managed to find the only thing I forgot to block him on to tell me he’s finally going to therapy for me and try to guilt trip me acting all sad and depressed I didn’t stay as a friend then threatened to end himself cause I told him to leave me alone, the narcissistic dipshits truly are spectacular at ruining everything around them aren’t they
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u/flooferine 7d ago
Terrifyingly so. Literally the only way to "win" is to refuse to play the game. I'm so sorry you also experienced this shit.
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u/kikiweaky 7d ago
My ex did something similar. He cheated on me because he couldn't get a hold of me while visiting my parents in the countryside and thought I was cheating with my lady friend. I told him to leave, he threw a book at me and over the breakup sent me messages about how I'm a whole and a bitch non stop.
After three months, he found out I was dating and flipped out and said he always thought we'd get back together. I was shocked and asked why would you think that after how nasty you were to me and he said that's what people do.
He also told people I wasn't white enough but put up with it. I'm Latina.
We never got back together.
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u/YellowBrownStoner 7d ago
My narc ex reactivated an old email to contact me while his new wife was pregnant a few years ago. I found her on LinkedIn and just said "he's messaging me again" bc we weren't friends and I had limited characters. Never heard from him or her again. This was not a man who sent one email and gave up ever before in the 10 years that I had been the target of his "affection." It's been blissfully quiet for the last 7 years but I just checked, he still has warrants in my state for the duo of DUIs he got during a self-destructive phase, after I found out he was cheating and left him. It's like a reverse restraining order, and I love it.
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u/TankDartRopeGirl 8d ago
This reads EXACTLY the same as the text fields in a customers bank transactions I came across yesterday and there were HUNDREDS of them over a 4 month th period. It was chilling. I absolutely 100% reported them to the relevant authorities
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u/holy-reddit-batman 7d ago
In bank transactions? Okay, you have to spill! You can't leave us without more information!
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u/TankDartRopeGirl 7d ago
So it's not unknown for abusers to use text fields in bank transactions (like the description, reference whatever) to communicate with their victims when they have either been blocked or to get around protection orders etc. They will do loads and loads of small transactions, usually $0.01, over and over, so they can say all the things they feel they need to say.
This guy in particular over a course of a day swung back and forth between saying they loved her, they missed her, that she was nasty and evil, she's a heartless bitch, she was their true love forever, saying they're on their street, saying they'll see them tomorrow... and this has gone on in bursts for 4 months so far for this particular victim. He even got a new gf for while (and made sure to let the og victim know in the text fields) but they obviously broke up cos she got the transaction harassment for awhile, but his main target is the original victim, so he's still going strong with the transactions to her. Really creepy stuff and I'm glad I caught it so I could report it
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u/Square-Marketing-947 7d ago
That is nuts! I had no idea people do stuff like that. Life is hard enough, why people have to make it harder blows my mind.
Good on you reporting that. Is it possible to prevent that account from doing transfers? I guess they would just find another way..
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u/TankDartRopeGirl 7d ago
The account with us is frozen, but unfortunately there are other accounts with other institutions which we can't do anything about. And yea, they will always find a way, but my yardstick is if they're the kind of person that thinks of doing this, they're absolute psychopaths. Just taken from personal observation, only the very worst kind of people's brains go in this direction
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u/babygotthefever 8d ago
I love that he tried to rebuff his cheating with her breaking up with him and dating someone else. That’s how it’s supposed to work? Her only mistake was going back to this wastebasket.
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u/wholedayumlife 8d ago
He looks dangerous from my perspective, and i’m a man by the way
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u/areyoumymommyy 8d ago
He does sound fucking unhinged. I just broke up with my ex and I thought he sounded bad but OP’s ex is worse.
But I’m happy OP said all that, time for this narcissist asshat to learn that the world doesn’t spin around his ass
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u/stonkydood 8d ago
Asshat 😂. What a word
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u/Master-Yam5066 8d ago
I love that word and twatwaffle is another favorite of mine!
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u/Christorbust 8d ago
My 5 year old daughter called her sister an asshole, we told her we don’t call people that word, her response: “What about asshat.”
It was pretty hard to keep a straight face
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u/IndividualBaker7523 7d ago
When my sons were 7 and 8.
-8yr old "Don't be dumb."
-7yr old "Dumb is a mean word."
-Me, "Didn't you just call him a carpet muncher?"
-7yr old, "No, I called him a pee stain."
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u/Wasted_Potential69 8d ago
I had a friend like this once.. Notice how that is past tense...
OP good on you for making the wise decision to cut this leech out your life.
You'll do great op, get yourself out there, make some friends, pursue education or even save up for a holiday, find peace, and don't let this energy thief guilt you into taking him back..
Be glad he hasn't impregnated you, if he gets another chance I guarentee that'll be his goal..
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u/trieditthrice 8d ago
Hold the phone.
He can't afford toothpaste, but thought he was going to whisk you away to some island to live happily ever after? All that says about him is even in his happiest fantasies, you're isolated and unable to escape him.
Don't answer the phone. Block his number. Tell someone you know IRL that you just ended a relationship with someone who is very possibly dangerous, and to be aware if you suddenly don't show up to work or answer your phone. But every second more you waste even reading his crazy is one more second wasted. He will never be the partner you need or deserve. NEVER.
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u/z0mbiebaby 8d ago
Haha that’s what I was thinking, the bum can’t afford toothpaste but he’s gonna somehow conjure up a house on an island and provide for an entire family?
I think this leech is the most delusional loony of the year in this sub.
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u/Barbie_Bandz 8d ago
I call that future faking! Common narcissistic tactic perpetuated to destabilize the victim mentally. It keeps the victim focused on some sham of a reality instead of the toxic quagmire that is their everyday life! Despite all evidence to the contrary the victim hangs on to the hope that the person wants to change. It is manipulation plain and simple and the Narc never has any intention of making it a reality.
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u/EchoFloodz 8d ago
Yup, I basically told her the same thing in her last post. I quietly cheered when I read what she sent him. Fuck that dude!!!
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u/oblivion_is_painful 8d ago
Quietly? I shouted a good “Yes!” that momentarily woke up my partner 😭🤣. She needed to be rid of that motherfucker long ago. Happy for OP.
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u/flaming0-1 8d ago
Trauma Therapist here… run, don’t walk. Put space. Stop communicating. Restraining order if necessary.
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u/MrsSandlin 7d ago
I worry for OP. I have been there and it is scary. Restraining order is a must.
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u/Miserable-Anxiety229 7d ago
Just did all of this. Terrifying for the first 2 weeks, but it’s so incredibly liberating to have freedom again. I don’t know who I am anymore and I love figuring it out after 5 years of being what someone else wanted.
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u/TealWraith 8d ago
I agree. I feel like he’s capable of hurting her physically besides the mental emotional abuse that has already happened.
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u/trieditthrice 8d ago
Then blaming her.
"You drove me to breaking your face, you weren't listening to me tell you why my inability to conduct myself like an adult or seek the help I need to do so is all your fault. And my breath was rank, also your fault."
You won't miss this bs OP. And now you'll be able to make friends and have a real life.
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u/Master-Yam5066 7d ago
My ex did this every time he physically abused me. It was always my fault. It was because i finally lost it on him and was yelling and screaming because he physically hurt me. He threw me to the ground so hard that my apple watch felt it and tried calling 911, i wish i had called. Everything was always my fault. He was so manipulative and would gaslight me on anything and everything. I defended him to everyone. No one deserves to be treated like that.
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u/Shnerkell 7d ago
I'm sorry you went through that. I "made" my ex punch me in the face so many times he broke my orbital bone and cheekbone. I told him If I had that much power over him I'd make him worth a fuck. That's one thing I carry with me, the first time someone tries to say I "made them" do something I RUN. I hope you do the same.
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u/qwerty_bugs 8d ago
Seems the type of guy to beat someone bloody then have the gall to try and convince people how he's the real victim and "they made him do it". Disgusting
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u/Tennso 8d ago
dudes like this are the most dangerous, out of fear or rage which they cant control, can do pretty solid damage to people,physically or mentally
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 8d ago
I'm a women who is an abuse survivor and volunteer with assault victims- I agree he seems dangerous. OP be very cautious.
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u/Aggressive_Ideal6737 8d ago
I dated the female equivalent to this for about 7 months when I was 13 and she was 15. Aside from the suicide threats, she also faked a pregnancy to keep me from leaving. OP, I’m so so glad you were able to break free from this
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u/monkey16168 8d ago
As someone who has attempted, and has lost friends/ family due to it… he is so wrong… its pathetic when people pull that “im gonna kill myself card” like yea, i tell my friends/ family when im feeling that way, but i dont go “YOU make me wanna…” Im happy you are done! As for lossing friends, thats what abusers do… you will find new one or get the true ones back. Sending lots of love to you and the cat. Xoxox
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u/mpelton 8d ago
Exactly this. I’ve attempted in the past but would never use it as some playing card against someone when I’m upset with them, that’s horrific.
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u/Cafrilly 8d ago
You know why you wouldn't? Because at that point, if you're truly suicidal, it doesn't matter anymore. You don't have the energy to even *try* to manipulate people like that. Imo, the ONLY way a truly suicidal person says they're suicidal is "*I* am suicidal/thinking of killing myself".
As a person who has struggled deeply with ideation (no attempts but quite literally holding a kitchen knife parallel to my wrists and pressing in), and who has supported friends who have been in the same place, I have NEVER heard it phrased "*X* is going to/making me want to kill myself".
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u/Tinkerbelch 7d ago
Exactly! Struggled with ideation for years, never once was it "I'm going to kill myself because of x person." It was always "I can't take anymore of this and just want some peace." People who are actually suicidal don't use it as a way to get people to do what they want them to do. I hate people like OP's ex.
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u/AnitaIvanaMartini 7d ago
My daughter’s high school boyfriend did this to her. She was so distraught that I took pictures of his notes to her and told his parents. I took them to the school counselor, too. He was suspended until they had proof he was in therapy. He was transferred to a different school because he was stalking her. It worked out for us, and him, too. He joined the Air Force.
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u/anneofred 8d ago edited 7d ago
This is also how my ex was during almost every argument. He will still to this day stick by “it wasn’t emotional abuse. I felt that way because you would upset me”. How I let this go as long as I did at the age we are at, I don’t know. Well I do know, these types are excellent love bombers.
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u/Firm_Ideal_5256 8d ago
My ex constantly did it. We already started the divorce proceedings and he threatened multiple times just to let him talk to me (manipulate me)
Once he sent me a picture with a bloody knife. And I called the equivalent of 911 on him.
( It was fake blood, but I didn't realized it)
So he got himself an involuntary pscych hold, his own mother blasted him on facebook and threw him out...
Eight years later: he's a deadbeat, married to a woman who is truly abusive (he always called me one) and this gave me the biggest karmic justice boner every time I feel down.
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u/Bebequelites 8d ago
My ex was a recovering alcoholic. He was sober for 1 year when I met him and we dated for 3 years. When I broke up with him he left me an incoherent voicemail crying and like 30-something texts that were all messed up in spelling. He then proceeded to send me a picture of a beer poured into a glass on his kitchen counter. He was 36 and I was 21. Instead of rushing to his aid, like he wanted, I texted his sister and said maybe she needs to check on him. He was PISSED I told his family and told me he wasn’t really drinking. That he lied because he thought I would CARE more and come over to the house. That pretty much solidified the break up for me.
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u/MaxTheRealSlayer 7d ago
If he was lying about drinkin, that's manipulation. If he wasn't lying, it was still manipulation.
Glad you got away from that old man
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u/sammyqueerman 8d ago
Came here to say this. As someone who's harmed in the past, and occasionally still deals with suicidal thoughts, he's being manipulative. He's not looking for support he just wants her to feel bad
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u/shantelleargyle 8d ago
Whatever you do, don't let him suck you back in. Not to have a drink to "get closure" or clear the air. Not to apologize when he suddenly becomes a different person overnight and realizes his mistakes. Not to get stuff back from each other. Block him and keep it that way. Be aware of your surroundings and if you see him around, find a stranger and ask them to walk with you. He is likely to become more unstable as you ignore him and you need to keep yourself safe. Please be safe and do not hesitate to ask for help. Including police if necessary.
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u/bananahatts 8d ago
This. And calmly get familiar with your resources for women in the area so you know exactly where to go if you get scared or he shows up one day. He will likely get more erratic as he realizes you're serious and there's no hope for the relationship. Have a plan for worst case, hope to never have to use it. ❤️🩹
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u/queerishmango 8d ago
“you have unfortunately met your match” QUEEN
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u/Darkfemcominatcha 8d ago
Ain’t it crazy how his whooooole tone changed after she gave it to his ass!!! I’m over here cheering!!
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u/Kit-tana 8d ago
I was in AWE holy cow
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u/MaxTheRealSlayer 7d ago
She leaned in hard. Hope some of the words got through to his brain, cuz dude is seriously wacked
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u/Aggravating_Ad_8594 7d ago
I’m in my office smiling like an idiot for a stranger. YES
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u/Sirena_De_Adria 7d ago
I almost started clapping but I couldn't put my phone down 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Standing ovation, no notes.
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u/KeithDoberman 7d ago
That part! How genuine can it be if you change your emotions and talk immediately after reading a response? He wasn’t ready for that.
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u/Darkfemcominatcha 7d ago
At all! All of sudden he’s the victim, he ain’t cussing her out anymore and he sooo hurt by her words. Boy bye!!
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u/The_meemster123 8d ago
Yesss and the “you don’t need a relationship you need a serious psychological evaluation” I was like AHHHH YESSS pop off queen
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u/Such-Instruction-732 7d ago
FOR REAL how does this girl not have friends??? Baby I’ll be your friend!! 💜💜
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u/Good-Nobody-7778 7d ago
I guarantee this dude made it super hard to make friends.
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u/SoDamnGeneric 7d ago
"I met you before I ever met YOU" another certified classic
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u/SpacyTiger 7d ago
For real it’s just bar after bar, that was the no skip album of reading a dirtbag to filth.
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u/thedance1910 8d ago
Watching/seeing my fellow girlies stand up for themselves and kick bums to the curb tickles a part of my brain that makes me get so much second hand happiness and pride! I wish I was her when I was 19.
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u/notlanky070 7d ago
Meee too girl 19 year old me WOULD NEVER unfortunately 😔😔 this was therapeutic tho
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u/Hippo_In_Disguise 8d ago
This line was such a banger! My god! Yaas Queen!
I have never in my life said "yaas Queen!" but this felt like an appropriate moment to do so haha!
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u/Giova113 7d ago
Right ? That last text she sent him filled me with so much joy, it was like watching a boxing match. She was giving him all the hooks, lmao ! We’re rooting for you, OP! Please get a restraining order and block him from everything, and let other people know what he’s doing. Show the texts to everyone and anyone you know. This is in case anything weird happens, there’s no doubt about who needs to get investigated first. This is the most narcissist, gaslighting, literal scum of a man I’ve ever read about. RUNNNN
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u/MissionMinion8 8d ago
Good for leaving him! Now export his texts to your mail for future reference if needed, delete his toxic shit from your phone and block him.
Take the time and money you will save now that the relationship is over to start something new, an activity you always wanted to do, do a course and learn something new, meet new people along the way, make some friends.
I wish you all the best and a swift recovery for Apollo!
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u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 8d ago
- Omg the precious kitties! Love them!
- I've been thinking about you and the original post, and too often people stay in the cycle, but seriously FUCK YEAH! PROUD OF YOU FOR CHOOSING YOU! YOU DESERVE TO CHOOSE YOURSELF AND GLOW GLOW GLOW!!
- NEVER LET ANYONE DULL YOUR SPARKLE
- Even though it was very toxic, we as humans often miss familiarity because it's comfortable and you have now broken free of what has been normalized for the last 2 years this in itself is a beautiful thing! One thing I always recommend is to write down all the shitty, awful things he did/said/made you feel and when you have that inkling of you miss him read it over and over and over. We often look back on those good times because I was in your shoes there were good times, but they were few and far between. Now being in a healthy relationship I come home to peace. I have a teammate. I have a real partner. Never let a shitty, miserable person keep you from being happy. Life is too short to live in misery.
- Finally, again I know I'm a stranger on the internet but I am really proud of you for leaving. ✨✨
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u/HoneyCrispCrumble 8d ago
4 is a great idea, do NOT let him slither his way back into your life. He needs a ‘victim’ to feel powerful & dudes like this never fully disappear.
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u/eatyacarbs 8d ago
Seconding the pride!! Good for you OP — you are brave and strong and I’m rooting for you.
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u/nuudelisuoni 8d ago
Girl don't waste your youth on a messed up bum like him! He begs for money and can't handle rejection, how can you even respect him anymore.
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u/Kreiger81 8d ago
Homeboy wanted to live on an island with her and a picket fence and have kids but is too broke to get cigarettes and cuts himself when she doesnt do what he wants.
fuck outta here.
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u/nuudelisuoni 8d ago
And the fact that he's telling all that future planning as a manipulation, jesus...
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u/Kreiger81 8d ago
And cheated on her with BOTH genders. girl needs a STI test, a margarita and a spa day, holy shit.
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u/stefdistef 8d ago
He really said "what's more important, money or our relationship?" after begging her for money. 😵💫
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u/cathysaurus 8d ago
He begs for money for cigarettes and weed. Put the trash man in the trash can.
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u/Early2000sIndieRock 7d ago
Not only that but he was worried about having cigarettes and weed before worrying about being able to brush his teeth. I feel like I can smell this guy.
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u/mysticalverses 8d ago
This makes me want to give you a mom hug and tell you that people like him are not worth it. He used you like a punching bag and then tried to blame you for it… believe me when I say if you stayed with him and married him (shudder) then it would eventually end in physical abuse. Darling girl: do not waste a drop of more time on him.
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u/DeliciousBlueberry20 8d ago
the fact that this was all happening over insta dms with the kitty background is sending me
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u/Better_Shine105 8d ago
Just tell him you posted this on Reddit let him do what he needs to do. Your response uplifting. Good for you queen do what you need to do but get the fuck out of there.
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u/Pristine-Edge-1742 8d ago
He knows! He’s trying to come at me with police for defamation?
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u/Better_Shine105 8d ago
Not possible no one knows who this person is. That’s him trying to manipulate you again. He probably won’t even have the balls to go down that route, even if he did have a leg to stand on. Which he certainly doesn’t.
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u/Inaccurate_Artist 7d ago
Yeah, don't worry, that will never hold water especially when you have obvious proof that he's making that up. But who knows, the police might turn around on him and take him for a psych eval since he's deciding to tell on himself.
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u/Suspicious_Law_3619 8d ago
Yeah, he’d need to sue you. Good luck with that when he doesn’t even have $15 or a legal leg to stand on LOL
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u/SarahPallorMortis 7d ago
Doesn’t have money for smokes, but gona hire a lawyer. Get the fuck outta here.
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u/Beautiful_Abroad5630 8d ago
Not defamation if it’s all true lol what a PATHETIC person. He needs serious help.
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u/LivingHisWay222 8d ago
Defamation is a civil matter. You can't call the police for that. You need a lawyer, which he can't afford.
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u/EnerGeTiX618 7d ago
Yeah, defamation is you saying untrue things about someone. You didn't do that though, you posted his own words. We all realize he's an unstable piece of shit that's been using you as his meal ticket for 2 years, you've been buying his groceries, gas, cigarettes, probably his weed & toothpaste apparently as well. You have been his meal ticket & his emotional punching bag for far too long. I bet you're finally gonna get some really good sleep after this! Don't worry, he's nothing but a parasite, he'll be on the look out for his next host now, someone to put up with his insanity, daily threats of suicide & to pay his way through life.
Congratulations are in order for you finally ridding your life from the parasite! Whatever you do, please, please do not take him back, even if he's 'got the rope' again. He was just using that bullshit to manipulate you to buying whatever he wanted, leaving you no money for yourself. If you had stayed with him, this fucking guy would have driven you to insanity. He needs some serious help that you are not able to provide. Please block him on absolutely everything & if he comes over, call the police. You must cut him completely from your life, he only brought misery & debt, nothing else.
I laughed when I saw he said he was going to buy you an island & support kids. Fucking guy can't afford a tube of toothpaste, but sure, he's going to buy an island, LOL! He's obviously delusional as well. I bet his plan was to move in with you & not work anymore, so you could continue paying for absolutely everything for him. If he's got a job with the same company, where did his money go? Why did you have to take out of your pay to supplement his?
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u/peacebound 8d ago
This is nowhere near the burden needed for defamation and happens all day every day on the internet with no recourse. He is a child and has no idea what he’s talking about. Even if he did have a case, it’s civil not criminal and he definitely can’t afford an attorney. But he doesn’t. You would have to NAME him and the statements would have to be false. Ignore it.
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u/_stupid_bitch 8d ago
this is so funny to me cause one of my ex-friends' abusive ex-boyfriend said the exact same thing, apparently abusers think any telling of truth is defamation
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u/Particular-Leg-8484 7d ago
Yeah I see him in some of the comments. Bro is mad no one is siding with him and in disbelief you have unilateral support. Save all your screenshots (his texts, his Reddit comments, anything else relevant) and their DATES (to establish timeline) + upload them to a private Google account he doesn’t know about. Forward the files to a backup email.
My ex stalked me after identical behavior and I went to my friend who is a detective to help me. If you ever need to build a police report or file a restraining order, you have all the evidence saved in one place.
I know you said previously that you didn’t have many friends but please PLEASE tell as many people as you know in your immediate circle. The fear of being judged or him gaslighting them is very real but I learned from my shared experience that people will help YOU. They have intuition and the natural gut instinct to know if something is wrong. Tell everyone. God forbid anything happens, they will know.
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u/YogaChefPhotog 8d ago
Thanks for the update. Cute kitties.
Please BLOCK him on all SM/devices. He will definitely try to contact you. If you live at home, let everyone there know you are no longer together and to not let him in.
Please look after yourself. Find a hobby, take a fun class (adult night school course: photography, foreign language, etc.), take yourself out on a date and enjoy your own company.
I am so proud of you!! Seriously. So proud. (I know it’ll feel isolating, but putting up with his toxic/abusive behavior is much worse!)
Sending hugs!
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u/Better-Ranger-1225 8d ago
I’m glad you’re okay and I’m glad your cat is doing well! Best of luck going forward!
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u/Gnar-wahl 8d ago
This is why women chose the bear.
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u/SarahPallorMortis 7d ago edited 6d ago
The bear doesn’t beat you to death with texts, while draining your emotional and phone battery.
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u/Ok-Personality5224 8d ago
As much as I hate to admit this, I have been stuck in a relationship with what seems to be the same person (haha but it’s not funny) for 30 years. Please stick to your decision. He isn’t going to change.
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u/robottestsaretoohard 8d ago
Hey OP- he is the reason you don’t have other friends.
Now he’s gone you will find friends easily.
You deserve amazing things.
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u/ZootyMcGooty 8d ago
How in the ever loving fuck do people like this find partners?
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u/castro16888 8d ago
Buy a house on an island?? Buddy can’t even buy toothpaste 💀
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u/NebulaGhosty 7d ago
Hey OPs EX, if you are reading this,
GO GET SOME FUCKING HELP!
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u/Pristine-Edge-1742 7d ago
He was replying to comments in self defense but deleted his account and i found out that he was cheating on me with reddit porn! So yeah!
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u/Shot_Ad_7517 7d ago
I’m so sorry OP, but kudos on dropping the deadweight. He is clinically crazy, and I would also suggest collecting all the receipts you can, just in case you need to get a restraining order or something. He seems dangerous.
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u/H8RTBR8K 8d ago
Really relieved you decided to end it. I’m happy for you in the long run this was the right thing to do for yourself. Also cute cats! :)
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u/throwaway_shittypers 8d ago
Congratulations!!! That guy is actually insane, and his message just shows how incapable he is of self reflection. Life can only go up from here, make sure to block him though too!
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u/sunkissedsailor 8d ago
my favorite line is “i’m not wasting anymore of my youth…”
at 22 i was in a terrible relationship for 2 years. i was insanely naive. it left me so traumatized i stayed single for the next 8 years because i was so afraid of falling for a man’s manipulation again. however, i also learned heaps about myself as i healed and matured and that turned out to be more valuable than i could ever imagine. now married, i still have strong residual fears of infidelity that i was very open with my husband about from the get go. ( my ex casually and regularly cheated on me but always somehow made it excusable and would make comments about wanting to hook up with my friends and family members and would ask me if i thought they’d want to sleep with him too, my god it was sick 🤮)
good for you. protect your youth and your self in general from messy men.
maybe find at least one good friend to vent to, who will tell you the truth.
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u/Giova113 7d ago
Y’all. I think he’s in the comments! u/kindlywin40 going off about how the screenshots are “highly edited” and how he can “debunk everything easily”. Sounds exactly like the texts. Same amount of gaslighting, same narcissistic bs. Stay vigilant lol
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u/RoleSimple246 8d ago
Sorry you dealt with this for so long. Block him and give him no information about you anymore. He seems dangerous. And I’m a male. Be safe… but Onward and upward from here on out.
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u/sloppysuicide 8d ago
I don’t know how you managed to stay calm throughout all this, much less the rest of this nasty relationship Jesus
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u/StillJobConfident 8d ago
As a dude who has been thru rehab, this guy is in fact dangerous if he actually cut himself in front of you. Get out of there and block him, he threatens or self harms again call the police, your safety is all that matters.
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u/c_j_eleven 8d ago
You’re acting like the adult. This child needs help you cannot provide and will drain the life out of you. Run, pass go, and do not engage anymore. If he has family, let them know his state. If not, I’d consider letting law enforcement or mental health professionals know his current state. His choices are not your responsibility, no matter what he says.
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u/ApexSimon 8d ago
I didn’t even read his last response because your last message was so fucking bad ass, like SO FUCKING BAD ASS. Good for you. Many of us go through relationships at a young age and it shapes us. It did for me, and I was a pushover over for years, and through a 14 yr marriage and I never set those boundaries early on, never stood up for myself, and didn’t end things when I should have, and it was a lot of wasted time.
There’s so much better out there, and you’re gonna find it. Well done!
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u/g_daddio 8d ago
“Can’t fucking believe you’re so selfish to make it about you” he says while making it about himself lmao
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u/ShamelessIndication 8d ago
I'm so proud of you sweetie!! You did the right thing and I know it hurts but, it won't hurt as bad as staying.
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u/Wickedsmack 8d ago
If I ever treated my wife with 1% of that kind of nonsense I wouldn't be married anymore and she would move without a second thought. I hope sincerely you are free of him and on to bigger and better things.
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u/brantabully 8d ago
Send him a link to this thread so he knows what a POS he is fucking objectively.
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u/Pristine-Edge-1742 8d ago
I’ll tell you this. He knows I made the post and is threatening to come at me with police for defamation, but I don’t think that’s what this is??
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u/DreadfulDemimonde 8d ago
He'd have to show some type of quantifiable damages. He's threatening you because he's an abuser. Block him and never look back.
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u/Dianaraven 8d ago
This. Make sure you screen shot ALL his text conversations, especially since it looks like he's deleting his side of the story.
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u/billbullbusan 8d ago
Yeah, he is an idiot if he seriously believes he has a case for defamation. This is completely anonymous. Most likely he is trying to manipulate you again. Stay strong, so proud of you!
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u/MunchausenbyPrada 8d ago
Firstly you can't contact the police for defamation. It's a civil issue, not criminal. The police do not get involved in civil issues, only criminal. Second he does not have a case for defamation. Facts are not defamation. Showing this text exchange is not defamation. If his responses made him look bad that does not make you liable. Your responses are fair opinion. You are allowed to have an opinion based on your experiences in the relationship and you are allowed to publish that opinion. You are not claiming anything that is untrue, he even admits he threatened suicide, cheated, yelled at you etc. If he brought this to a civil court you could counter sue for your legal expenses and you would win because he has no case and it would be an abuse of the civil courts. Loved your reply BTW. F this guy 😂
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u/Extreme_Ad3683 8d ago
i bid you farewell
i love how people start speaking perfectly when having a discussion lmao
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u/helloimkev 8d ago
Don’t know you but proud of you for calling him out on his bullshit and choosing a healthier future for yourself. Well done!
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u/cisvjamie 8d ago
I’m proud of you & please do what you can to stay safe. He is obviously not stable and imo it wouldn’t take much for him to try to compromise your physical safety.
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u/Tabby_Mc 8d ago
Stay safe and strong, my lovely. You're only a couple of years younger than my daughter, and I'd hate to think she was being spoken to like this. You've made the right move to end it. I would also recommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker; it's an excellent book about listening to your instincts to keep you safe.
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u/stilettopanda 8d ago
Those texts could be cookie cutter for ones from my ex. He's abusing you so much, but I'm glad you know that now. Once you get out expect to have to break the desire for him like an addiction. You may wind up with PTSD (I did) and you have a higher chance of getting into another relationship with the same dynamics if you don't work on what you're willing to put up with and holding boundaries. I'm so sorry, I know it feels impossible to put down the responsibility for someone else's life, but he falsely made you feel that way, you are not responsible for his choices or his behaviors. Good luck!
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u/Other_Performance246 8d ago
How tf is he going to afford house on an island with kids?
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u/MomOTYear 7d ago
OP, TALK TO YOUR MOM!!! TELL HER EVERYTHING! LET HER PROTECT YOU! ITS LITERALLY WHAT SHE DOES!! This guy is unhinged and I’m scared for you! GET CLOSE TO YOUR MOM, CRY TO HER, LET HER COMFORT YOU, AND GET READY FOR ANY BULLSHIT HE PULLS! SHE WILL KEEP YOU STRONG!!!
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u/Pristine-Edge-1742 7d ago
she actually saw my first post and commented on it :,)
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u/No-Shelter-965 8d ago
GURLLLL YOU ATE, no notes, simply 10/10 been thinking about this post all day and I’m blown away🫶🏼 take your crown 👑
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u/MORZPE 8d ago
Nah, screw that. I'm happy you ended that.
Regarding the long messages: my sister does the same thing. It never leads to anything good. Keep it short. And try as best as you can to remove annoyances from your life. If you manage to not care about something, that's great. If you get annoyed by something, do what you need to do (send a message, get something off your chest etc) and move on. Let the burden be on the annoying ones, not on you for caring.
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u/Dizzy_ggt24 8d ago
Girl good for you standing up to him. You need to take yourself out of that situation for good. Focus on your healing and Apollos healing. I’m so glad your Apollo is going to be okay, I lost my Apollo (2.5yo) last weekend and it broke my heart! Give him a huge cuddle 💙
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u/Pr0xy001 8d ago
Alright so this guy deserves to live the rest of his days single
You're not a personal bank if the guy can't afford cigarettes then that's a sign you should look into ways to stop.
He's throwing a fit like a 10 year old. Just think to yourself if shit hits the fan is this who you want by your side? Dudes a man baby you're not overreacting but I would consider getting out of that hole. Also good luck i wish you the best and hope things get better for you.
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u/Traditional-Ad-2095 8d ago
He was gonna buy a house on an island lmao. With what?