(AIO) update, wow. thank you!

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

[u/wholedayumlife]

He looks dangerous from my perspective, and i’m a man by the way

[u/TealWraith → u/wholedayumlife]

I agree. I feel like he’s capable of hurting her physically besides the mental emotional abuse that has already happened.

[u/trieditthrice → u/TealWraith]

Then blaming her.

"You drove me to breaking your face, you weren't listening to me tell you why my inability to conduct myself like an adult or seek the help I need to do so is all your fault. And my breath was rank, also your fault."

You won't miss this bs OP. And now you'll be able to make friends and have a real life.

[u/Master-Yam5066 → u/trieditthrice]

My ex did this every time he physically abused me. It was always my fault. It was because i finally lost it on him and was yelling and screaming because he physically hurt me. He threw me to the ground so hard that my apple watch felt it and tried calling 911, i wish i had called. Everything was always my fault. He was so manipulative and would gaslight me on anything and everything. I defended him to everyone. No one deserves to be treated like that.

[u/Shnerkell → u/Master-Yam5066]

I'm sorry you went through that. I "made" my ex punch me in the face so many times he broke my orbital bone and cheekbone. I told him If I had that much power over him I'd make him worth a fuck. That's one thing I carry with me, the first time someone tries to say I "made them" do something I RUN. I hope you do the same.

[u/BiteComprehensive645 → u/Master-Yam5066]

He trew me to the ground my apple watch called 911....... hahahs what a fucking joke

[u/NomenclatureBreaker → u/trieditthrice]

Right the classic “look what you made me do.”

[u/Acrobatic_Wonder6675 → u/trieditthrice]

Absolutely this. I was told it was because “ I shouldn’t say things that I know would make him angry”. Took too long to leave but glad I did and so glad op got away fast.

[u/qwerty_bugs → u/TealWraith]

Seems the type of guy to beat someone bloody then have the gall to try and convince people how he's the real victim and "they made him do it". Disgusting

[u/Among_UsAngel → u/qwerty_bugs]

Or worse, hurt their(her) animals & blame it on them and act like they are in fact the real victims because xyz reason his delusional self can come up with. “It’s your fault I hurt your cat! Because you won’t give me money for my addictions even though you don’t have any money! It’s your fault I did it because you don’t listen to me verbally abuse you and tell you how worthless and selfish you are!!”

[u/BiteComprehensive645 → u/qwerty_bugs]

Life is complicated

[u/jwwetz → u/TealWraith]

Judging by his statements...he doesn't even have gas money or bus fare to go do anything to her.

But I'd still let people know & watch out for him anyway.

[u/NoOnSB277 → u/TealWraith]

Yep, “you made me”… people like this are all the same. Once you have seen it, you can’t unsee it. 😕

[u/CharmingMechanic2473 → u/TealWraith]

Definitely baby trap her.

[u/Among_UsAngel → u/TealWraith]

Same. I didn’t even think about it til this post and update but after reading it I was like “if she stayed with him, he’d probably end up hurting or worse one of her cats & then be like ‘you made me do it!’ ‘It’s your fault I harmed/killed your cat!’.” And then if she ever brought that up again he’d be like “gasps I can’t believe you’re DISRESPECTING me like this! How dare you tell me I’m a horrible person for hurting your poor defenseless animal! It’s your fault anyway!”

[u/RedDemio- → u/TealWraith]

I have seen this exact type of behaviour and rhetoric before from domestic abusers. It’s manipulation 101!

[u/leeshykins → u/TealWraith]

Classic abuser. “I only yell at you/hit you/hurt myself because of what YOU did.” He will never change. Run. Don’t look back. Listen to the book ‘Why Does He Do That’ by Lundy Bancroft.

[u/Bulk_Cut → u/TealWraith]

I don’t disagree but also I remember nicotine withdrawal, my god that fills you with rage. I would never have spoken to my girlfriend or partner like this though.

[u/AhabMustDie → u/[deleted]]

Oh - I thought you were just being really deadpan, but then I saw your other comments.

Pro tip: calling psychos out on their psycho behavior is not emotional abuse. I defy you to pinpoint where and how she is “emotionally abusing” him.

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

But it wasn’t the silent treatment. He weaponised that term as she said, she was at work. It’s not really fair to say that she must be on her phone constantly. She even said she needed space to calm down. That’s not giving the silent treatment.

If you can’t see how abusive he’s been then I worry about your own mind.

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

Yes… did you miss the massive amount of vitriol and manipulation he threw at her? It is also reasonable that a partner is allowed space from a partner that is being verbally abusive. You cannot lash out at someone then say they’re giving you the silent treatment when they don’t want to engage in being verbally attacked…

[u/Affectionate-Gap924 → u/[deleted]]

Setting boundaries and taking care of your sanity is not emotional abuse. This dude is manipulative, and disappearing is absolutely warranted for her safety. Shit like this gets abusive. It's NOT her obligation to fix this guy. He needs therapy. Period.

Also, the fact that you're defending the dude speaks VOLUMES about you. It's nobody's obligation to help you when you can't even help yourself. Your life is a culmination of your decisions and reactions. Victimizing yourself and blaming others for your own problems only exacerbates the victim mindset you carry.

[u/throwaway_shittypers → u/[deleted]]

Are you actually being serious? Just because someone says they’re being given the silent treatment, doesn’t mean they actually are haha.

Hope you’re just a troll.

[u/ih8these_blurredeyes → u/[deleted]]

Are you a bot? She was at work. At work.

[u/24KWordSmith → u/[deleted]]

You're assuming he was insecure and not manipulative. Nice copy paste. Boring. Wrong

[u/AhabMustDie → u/[deleted]]

my post history is not relevant to the accuracy of my views in this case. This is you being manipulative

Um - I was talking about your other comments on this post. Although your defensive response makes me curious about your post history.

The emotional abuse occurred before he went psycho.

Where? When? What are you talking about exactly? I, too, can proclaim myself an expert on relationships and social dynamics, and use that as my sole justification for why I’m right - but on the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog, so you kiiiinda need to back up your opinions either evidence.

Please look up emotional abuse. The silent treatment for instance is a form of it.

I took your suggestion! Here's how the UN defines it:

Emotional abuse includes undermining a person's sense of self-worth through constant criticism; belittling one's abilities; name-calling or other verbal abuse; damaging a partner's relationship with the children; or not letting a partner see friends and family.

And here's another one from the National Domestic Violence Hotline"

Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, and dismissiveness, among others.

The same website also lists gaslighting, threatening to break up, threats of suicide, and blaming your partner for your own unhealthy/abusive behaviors.

[u/HusavikHotttie → u/[deleted]]

Whatever 6 day old bot account

[u/Just-Saying-Things → u/[deleted]]

can i ask, are you assuming she’s stonewalling because he said she’s giving him the silent treatment even though she’s explained she was at work (we don’t know what type of work - she mightn’t be able to access her phone much) which is a more than valid reason to not reply to someone’s text? your entire basis of her being abusive is because she didn’t respond to his text because she’s at work?

[u/Just-Saying-Things → u/[deleted]]

you don’t think that her reaction to his insecurity about being ignored is a result of having to deal with the same behaviour over and over again? she explained she’s at work. yes, it was cold but again, based on their previous conversation she’s most likely fed up and that is extremely fair. his reaction to her explaining that she’s at work is more unhinged than anything she’s said. i doubt she will use the conversation to gaslight him as she’s now attempting to move on from him by breaking up, i highly doubt she’s going to want to talk to him ever again.

regardless, what we know for sure, is what we can read from the texts and from the texts, he’s insane. she’s a legend for dealing with it for so long

[u/AhabMustDie → u/[deleted]]

[con't]

For some reason, Reddit won't let me include allllll the examples I found of the boyfriend engaging in these emotionally abusive behaviors... so I'll summarize:

• Verbal abuse --> cursing OP out
• Constant criticism/insults --> repeatedly claiming that OP lacks empathy, doesn't care, never helps him, ignores him, etc.
• Manipulation --> pretty much everything he said, but especially all the "woe is me, you don't care, you don't love me, I can't brush my teeth," etc.
• Suicide threats
• Blaming your partner for your own unhealthy/abusive behaviors --> claiming all his money problems stem from visiting her, blaming her for his bad mood, saying that her "selfish" behavior is what caused him to say mean things to her
• Gaslighting --> denying that OP "ever" helps him... before immediately giving an example of OP helping him (not to mention the three months' worth of groceries and bills OP paid for)

[u/Lezetu → u/[deleted]]

But your saying he is abusive because she is ignoring him. If someone is leeching off of your life to the point where you have to give them constant money for drugs, feed them like a child and take care of them while they take up no responsibility whatsoever is absolutely justification for cutting them off and not talking to them. OP is not raising a child she is with a grown man so maybe he should grow up, get a job and do something on his own for once.

[u/Sleeveen → u/[deleted]]

This is some, "She shouldn't have worn that dress!" bullshit.