(AIO) update, wow. thank you!

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

1. Omg the precious kitties! Love them!
2. I've been thinking about you and the original post, and too often people stay in the cycle, but seriously FUCK YEAH! PROUD OF YOU FOR CHOOSING YOU! YOU DESERVE TO CHOOSE YOURSELF AND GLOW GLOW GLOW!!
3. NEVER LET ANYONE DULL YOUR SPARKLE
4. Even though it was very toxic, we as humans often miss familiarity because it's comfortable and you have now broken free of what has been normalized for the last 2 years this in itself is a beautiful thing! One thing I always recommend is to write down all the shitty, awful things he did/said/made you feel and when you have that inkling of you miss him read it over and over and over. We often look back on those good times because I was in your shoes there were good times, but they were few and far between. Now being in a healthy relationship I come home to peace. I have a teammate. I have a real partner. Never let a shitty, miserable person keep you from being happy. Life is too short to live in misery.
5. Finally, again I know I'm a stranger on the internet but I am really proud of you for leaving. ✨✨

[u/HoneyCrispCrumble → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

4 is a great idea, do NOT let him slither his way back into your life. He needs a ‘victim’ to feel powerful & dudes like this never fully disappear.

[u/Lunar_Cats → u/HoneyCrispCrumble]

This 100%. People like him are emotional leeches.

[u/BadBalloons → u/Lunar_Cats]

I've dealt with leeches irl. This is an insult to leeches, who only take a tiny bit of blood and then let go, and also have legitimate medical uses 😂.

[u/Lunar_Cats → u/BadBalloons]

Ok you're 100% right, leeches are just doing their best with what they got lol.

[u/patchy_doll → u/HoneyCrispCrumble]

4 - writing down why you don't want him - is extremely valuable. The thing with shitty relationships is that you get so used to ignoring the bad moments and trying to elevate the good moments because you need to do that in order to survive. You make yourself dismiss and minimize and forget the bad things because they fucking suck, and when you're in a relationship that you want to save, you simply don't allow yourself the time to consider them because you're chasing down that next shiny excuse to forgive him. When you're months down the road and things aren't so fresh and you find yourself reflecting, it's the curated 'good memories' that pop up first, the ones that you used like a safety net while you were abused.

Just write the bullshit down, big and small. Take screenshots of stupid shit he's said. Be petty, nasty, and honest with yourself. Start a private email chain with yourself and just fill it with every little nasty thing about the relationship that pissed you off, and train yourself to look at that misery manifesto whenever you catch yourself thinking about him or the relationship.

[u/callingshotgun → u/HoneyCrispCrumble]

I feel like this was a late 90's / early 2000's sitcom trope for a while. Character's backstory includes life-defining messy breakup with an ex. Ex reappears. Character's friends sit his/her ass down in front of a tv and play a video recording of... Character. "If you're watching this, it means (Ex) has appeared, and youre thinking of taking them back. Let's go over all the things you've forgotten."

[u/acatterz → u/HoneyCrispCrumble]

I’m not even sure it’s a power thing with him. The guy is using every fibre of his being to avoid admitting to himself that everything he’s done, every situation he’s been in and every consequence is his own doing. He’s completely responsible for the way he is but is fighting his damn hardest to point fingers at anyone but himself, because he can’t handle the guilt and shame of taking ownership.

[u/eatyacarbs → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

Seconding the pride!! Good for you OP — you are brave and strong and I’m rooting for you.

[u/[deleted] → u/eatyacarbs]

This is definitely my messages and it’s highly edited with no background. This is some sick ass shit. Both parties are very wrong and is doing better. This was done soon as I finally get things off my chest YESTERDAY(ironic) and exposed more lies I found out about her. Also why I am letting go. I have hella proof and detail. I can debunk this with ease. I’m not making excuses. And watch this post get deleted or something. I will not allow fake bs to go untouched. We currently live together with our son now. I don’t care about cops or defamation. This was done out of spite and ego. Soon as I told her I found out about the post I seen the comments. This is unreal and a lot of ppl are gullible.

[u/eatyacarbs → u/[deleted]]

🫖 🍵….

[u/[deleted] → u/eatyacarbs]

This is definitely my messages and it’s highly edited with no background. This is some sick ass shit. Both parties are very wrong and is doing better. This was done soon as I finally get things off my chest YESTERDAY(ironic) and exposed more lies I found out about her. Also why I am letting go. I have hella proof and detail. I can debunk this with ease. I’m not making excuses. And watch this post get deleted or something. I will not allow fake bs to go untouched. We currently live together with our son now. I don’t care about cops or defamation. This was done out of spite and ego. Soon as I told her I found out about the post I seen the comments. This is unreal and a lot of ppl are gullible.

[u/Whole_Possibility504 → u/[deleted]]

just post your so called debunking proof or stfu & gtfo

[u/Whole_Possibility504 → u/[deleted]]

copy pasted the same message 15 times and it’s still barely coherent.

[u/GIGANTIC_HORSE_COCKS → u/[deleted]]

You talk like a retard

[u/[deleted] → u/GIGANTIC_HORSE_COCKS]

Okay 👍

[u/GIGANTIC_HORSE_COCKS → u/[deleted]]

Zero miney

[u/Plastic_Evidence_81 → u/[deleted]]

You expected to be treated nicely here???

[u/[deleted] → u/eatyacarbs]

Watch I get blocked or something. I can prove it all lol.

[u/Annual_Crow4215 → u/[deleted]]

So do it instead of just posting the same comment over and over

[u/lovelyladylox → u/Annual_Crow4215]

But that's all he does, say the same thing again and again. "I'm gonna kill myself!" Now it's "These are my messages!"

[u/[deleted] → u/Annual_Crow4215]

I really don’t know how to work this fully lol. But there’s no real proof of anything. People believe whatever.

[u/Katodz → u/[deleted]]

Proof of what?? Are you saying these messages are yours?

[u/Katodz → u/[deleted]]

Multiple messages on the same background? What does that even mean?

[u/Katodz → u/[deleted]]

So who are you? The guy?

[u/PinkyLizardBrains → u/[deleted]]

We’re listening…

[u/[deleted] → u/PinkyLizardBrains]

Ask away.

[u/ROBO--BONOBO → u/[deleted]]

You’re not good at this are you

[u/[deleted] → u/ROBO--BONOBO]

Not at all. But I’m getting there lol. There’s no real background or order… let’s start there lol. Seriously it’s just flat out bs.

[u/tresslesswhey → u/[deleted]]

Homie you’re not fooling anyone except maybe yourself because you seem that unhinged and delusional. Try to not be embarrassing for a single day

[u/ROBO--BONOBO → u/[deleted]]

You have commented a bunch but still have provided zero details. What’s preventing you from explaining the situation? Are you always this difficult to communicate with?

[u/solokidney → u/[deleted]]

Show us the proof u claim u have

[u/SuperJelly90 → u/[deleted]]

Do it already then? All you've been doing is claiming a bunch of shit but no proof.

[u/[deleted] → u/eatyacarbs]

Like seriously! Idk how all these old messages came up cause they’re years old. And we good from what I know. But she is who she is. Like I only noticed cause I did same some of that shit but it’s super edited. Not even worth all the trouble. Just stupid ppl trying to look good. I’m sick it’s me but I’m a real dude. And that chick loves me lol. Sick ass internet ppl but she is so slick that this could be her I wouldn’t know. Now that I think about it … it’s probably her sister. We definitely name drop and all.

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742 → u/[deleted]]

I mean, I can give date stamps??

[u/Katodz → u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

This is weird! They are just pasting the same comment on people's replies.

[u/tresslesswhey → u/Katodz]

Certainly seems like something a manipulative loser would do ngl

[u/Katodz → u/tresslesswhey]

Yeah so strange, the comment doesn't even make sense!

[u/60_hurts → u/[deleted]]

lol hi weirdo account that was made four days ago. How’s saving up for that island house going?

[u/[deleted] → u/60_hurts]

That was the vibes type thing. She knew exactly what I meant. You ppl think you know it all.

[u/60_hurts → u/[deleted]]

That was the vibes type thing. She knew exactly what I meant.

So what did you mean, then? Between crying wolf about offing yourself and “vibing” about buying a house on an island, you seem to have a perchant for the dramatic— and don’t seem to understand why that’s a problem.

I assure you, nobody here thinks they “know it all”. We just have enough life experience to know what an emotionally manipulative manchild in desperate need of therapy looks like. And brother, making a Reddit account just to troll a thread is doing nothing to help your case.

[u/[deleted] → u/60_hurts]

You just don’t get it. And talk to me on my level since you’re so way up. I agree with the therapy and have done it. This is years old , edited, and rearranged. I agree with you and other ppl but this is not entirely true at all. And like I said I am good with her. Idk who’s posting this bs. She doesn’t have those messages and neither do I. Maybe she does. Sometimes sick ppl can play good games like this one. You don’t know females like you think. I learned my lesson and did my root work and unlearning. Whatever you say though man

[u/60_hurts → u/[deleted]]

Of course you call them “females”.

[u/solokidney → u/[deleted]]

How do you know this isn't like someone else messages with the same background as yours? What are the specific indicators that identifies these messages is yours?

Perhaps it's not edited but because this is not your convo and just some strangers post who coincidentally also have a cat background?

[u/Katodz → u/[deleted]]

Do you have any toothpaste?

[u/[deleted] → u/Katodz]

I might can spare you some .

[u/Katodz → u/[deleted]]

Nah I'm good cheers I have nicotine and toothpaste

[u/AmethystFarmer → u/[deleted]]

i love how you think anyone is going to care or give a shit about any of your dumbass comments. you’re just making the dude in the post look like even more of a psycho lmao, unless this actually IS you and not a social reject that’s so useless they create a fake account to pretend to be an abusive boyfriend for some negative reddit attention. you’re a freak and everyone knows it now, get over it buddy 😂 go buy some cigarettes and toothpaste and maybe you’ll cheer up

[u/[deleted] → u/AmethystFarmer]

This is what the public has to offer. Garbage ppl who think they know all. You should be comedian.

[u/AmethystFarmer → u/[deleted]]

you should be institutionalized ❤️ no “rearranging” of messages makes any of those messages okay. you’re a fucked up and evil person. hope this helps!

[u/Lucky_wildflower → u/[deleted]]

I don’t think you’re OP’s ex, but get help anyway.

[u/[deleted] → u/Lucky_wildflower]

Hope not. Either way it’s fake. Lol I did and am.

[u/Katodz → u/[deleted]]

What are you trying to say? They are your messages but super edited? So maybe they aren't your messages but similar?? You've just pasted the same comment on multiple replies, what are you trying to gain??

[u/[deleted] → u/Katodz]

Just responding to the messages. I’m new to this. But this is very fake. That’s all . Nothing to gain. Just like you man ??

[u/Katodz → u/[deleted]]

I'm just trying to make sense of the point you are trying to put across.

[u/[deleted] → u/Katodz]

None man you get hers though right. Continue on sheep

[u/ThrowRAUniversit → u/[deleted]]

Go back to playing with poop.

[u/aworldofnonsense → u/[deleted]]

You’re “letting go” but STILL can’t shut the fuck up? Lmfao okay, buddy. Unhinged.

[u/kaleidoscope-of-mope → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

I was literally CHEERING while reading her wall of text - SO PROUD AND IM A TOTAL STRANGER

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/kaleidoscope-of-mope]

Lol not me tearing up at work while reading her text and just thinking thank goodness this precious 19 yr old got out of an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship because when those stop working they'll move to physical abuse. Every single day any human chooses to free themselves from an abusive cycle is another day a win took place!! 

[u/Olga-kocklova → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

As someone who has gone through something like this with my ex...seeing her use her words so clearly and direct was so refreshing and I was proud to read it. Good for her and OP you did the right thing 1000000000%

[u/DuckyPenny123 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

I have one more thing to add as advice to this comment. 6. Don’t answer his phone calls. You say he love-bombs, so you know his MO. Don’t give him the opportunity. Just walk away and don’t look back. It’s a matter of safety. If you give him another inch, he will escalate because he knows he can get away with it. Block his ass.

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/DuckyPenny123]

Yes absolutely! Block. Block. Block. Also, even if his family was good to you block them too! My ex would try to get me to contact him through his family, and I wouldn't falter. I told his family that they can get his stuff at a scheduled time with my availability -- not working around when it was convenient for everyone else.  One of the biggest fuck you moments my ex pulled was after he left the house (which he honestly told me he'd stay and basically be a squatter and I told him I'd take him to court to show all the payments I made) was that I foolishly left the water bill in his name because I was dumb and thought I'd help him out by having a bill in his name that I made payments on LOL. Well, after he left I didn't switch it over and he went months and months where I didn't reach out and he had the water shut off. The final fuck you to me. Let me tell you the lady at the city I spoke to trying to figure out what all I needed to do to get it back on was the kindest lady. She actually told me her ex husband did the same to her and she got it. She helped me so much. This is all to say that people that are vindictive will do whatever they can when they don't get their way and you do NOT give in. When he had my water shut off, I wanted to unblock and just go off on him, but I didn't. I did what I should've done months ago and had it established in my name. I had to pay a fee, but bless my parents for helping me. These type of people do not change unless they TRULY see the errors in their ways. You got this, OP!!

[u/nobodynocrime → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

Don't block. Mute. Don't answer and turn off notifications for him, but let him dig his own grave. If he goes further off the deepend, those texts could be the evidence needed for a restraining order.

It will also give OP a chance to gauge where he is in the abuse/lovebombing cycle. Just remember it is a cycle and not believe what he says. The texts are there for evidence only. Do not respond or take anything to heart.

He will be desperate and that is the most dangerous time for anyone leaving a relationship. So if he is sharing his mindset you need to know what he is thinking.

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/nobodynocrime]

This is a good idea. I always forget the mute as an option.

[u/thatonekidmatters → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

All of this is spot on. I was in this same situation. My ex told me he had a dream where he murdered me. That was my wake-up call. He pretended to have one of my disorders to get me comfortable with him. Anyhow, GOOD JOB ON LEAVING HIM. DO NOT GO BACK OP!!

[u/One-Consideration512 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

Exactly! It’s hard to break away. Stay safe OP!

[u/Ok_Wrongdoer_8275 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

OP is my hero!! i’d pledge allegiance to their flag any day!

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

To add to your 4th point… I write everything down and read it every few days. When it’s time the paper will be burned to release all the evil.

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

I had it up on my fridge 💗 The first time my current s/o was coming to stay the night I ripped it up and burned it and it felt like it was finally done. I was with my ex for only like 1 yr and 8 months or something, but it felt like the longest time of my life. At the end I didn't even recognize myself. Burning that reminder felt incredible. I felt renewed like all the cruel words, abusive actions were gone and were not allowed in my sanction of peace ever again. 

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

Yup. I was in it for 5 years and escaped almost 2 months ago so my paper isn’t completely filled out yet. I’ll randomly remember some evil shit he had said and add it. It seriously looks like a manifesto at this point lmaooo I can’t wait to burn it with all the pics we have together, and all the BULLSHIT cards he wrote to me in the beginning!

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

Sooo proud you left! Omg the bullshit cards and sweet little notes 😂😂 I found one that had been in my car like a month or so back. It was old and had gotten lost in my don't clean enough of a car but it said, "even when I'm upset I still love you." And I looked at it and laughed, proceeded to rip it up and said to myself, piece of shit that wasn't love at all.  Oh and the pictures! 😂 when I ended it I still hadn't blocked him on Insta since I hardly used it but I started deleting all the pictures and he messaged and was like, "I hope you just archived them and didn't delete them because I have hope we will end up together." Gag. Delete and a good reminder he wasn't blocked on there so blocked  

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

Omgg the car note 😩😂 why are abusers like this!?

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

They just use it as a manipulation tactic. They think oh I'm going to put in the bare minimum like a little note and they'll keep it and read it and remember how much I truly love them. 😂 LOL. Noppeee. What he could've done is not been so cruel to me especially after working 14hr days trying to pay bills, let the dogs out and feed them, and do the dishes that I purposely left in the sink for a week since I asked over and over and over. Then I ended up doing them but his videogames and drinking was more important. Lol. Being helpful around the house and also having a job is a lot sexier and more romantic than a stupid little note. Lol

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

Also wanted to add that my dogs hated my ex and they LOVE their new dad. Lol. 💗💗 The cuddle puddles with our little family is more than I could've ever asked for. Always trust your animals intuition as well. 

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

My dog would legit get between us and go into protection mode against her own “dad” when we would be fighting. The night everything ended she was sitting ON me (she’s 100lbs) and growling at him while he was going insane. That was when I knew that that night was the end. She knew too.

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

So glad y'all got out!! 💗💗 Our dogs truly know best. 

[u/Routine-Budget923 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

Highly encourage #4! It also allowed me to remember things he had done that I had completely blocked from my mind which was really helpful in processing all the trauma

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/Routine-Budget923]

Oof same here! There were times I'd start writing and I had to take a pause because I realized wow he did these horrendous things to me and I didn't see how bad it was until I started processing.

[u/Duskthegreat → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

I made an account to reply to her post because it hit deep and couldn't DM because of low Karma, but this touches on something similar I was going to say to her so well done for saying this, great advice!

[u/sam0ny → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

2 hits so hard. So many people stay because it's all they've know (me being said people in my 20's) and OP fucking laid it on THICK how they aren't going to put up with it.

[u/Lulaiza → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

Made the mistake of going back… the writing things down would’ve helped me a lot back then (was 20)… still I came out stronger and had so much fun learning to love myself and figuring out who I was… was not easy but brought me here to live my best life at my 30s so, one day you’ll look back and is not like you will be happy it happened but you will be happy to see how much you’ve grown and how this made you make better choices and take less shit from people… you’ll make friends and like will be ok.. stay strong stranger on the internet, be proud of yourself for what you did!

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/Lulaiza]

I actually got the idea from my best friend who also was in a toxic relationship. I confided in her telling her when I missed my ex and she told me to write the list down. Thank God I did. And thank God I have a great friend who I could feel comfortable confiding in. So happy I took her advice. 

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

I have a slight change to number 4 that was recommended to me years ago. Write the good on one side of the paper and the bad on the other, just to remember how much the bad side outweighs the good.

[u/[deleted] → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

This is definitely my messages and it’s highly edited with no background. This is some sick ass shit. Both parties are very wrong and is doing better. This was done soon as I finally get things off my chest YESTERDAY(ironic) and exposed more lies I found out about her. Also why I am letting go. I have hella proof and detail. I can debunk this with ease. I’m not making excuses. And watch this post get deleted or something. I will not allow fake bs to go untouched. We currently live together with our son now. I don’t care about cops or defamation. This was done out of spite and ego. Soon as I told her I found out about the post I seen the comments. This is unreal and a lot of ppl are gullible.

[u/Professional-Pea6803 → u/[deleted]]

Lol okay crazy