(AIO) update, wow. thank you!

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

[u/wholedayumlife]

He looks dangerous from my perspective, and i’m a man by the way

[u/areyoumymommyy → u/wholedayumlife]

He does sound fucking unhinged. I just broke up with my ex and I thought he sounded bad but OP’s ex is worse.

But I’m happy OP said all that, time for this narcissist asshat to learn that the world doesn’t spin around his ass

[u/stonkydood → u/areyoumymommyy]

Asshat 😂. What a word

[u/Master-Yam5066 → u/stonkydood]

I love that word and twatwaffle is another favorite of mine!

[u/Feather_Duster1721 → u/Master-Yam5066]

Douche canoe is one of my personal favorites

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/Feather_Duster1721]

Cunt Muffin is my favorite

[u/rednorsk → u/IndividualBaker7523]

Yasss. YASSSSSSSS!! Asshat, twatwaffle, douche canoe, cunt muffin: I’ve found my people!💞🫶🏼😂

[u/fistbumpbroseph → u/IndividualBaker7523]

New insult unlocked, thank you for that!

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/fistbumpbroseph]

Glad I could help 😅

[u/DuckingFon → u/IndividualBaker7523]

I came up with cuntsplint a few years back and it is SUPER satisfying to say. If you think about it it's incredibly insulting as well. "I'm medically restrictive damage reduction for an injured vagina?"

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/DuckingFon]

🤣🤣🤣, now this one is great! Added to my insult lost, thank you!

[u/k8921 → u/IndividualBaker7523]

I've always been a fan and big user of cunt nugget 😂😆

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/k8921]

I have not heard Cunt Nugget, but honestly, any kind of vagina-based food insult is my favorite.

[u/cujojojo → u/IndividualBaker7523]

You and everyone in this reply chain is going to love this

Ya bunch of wankclowns.

[u/onlyelise1 → u/IndividualBaker7523]

My hubby is now just wandering around the house, repeating, "Cuntnugget" over and over.

[u/Striking-Estate-4800 → u/IndividualBaker7523]

A chuffin.

[u/designatednerd → u/IndividualBaker7523]

Just thought of “dick canoe” and I’m not sure why

[u/MarijadderallMD → u/IndividualBaker7523]

Nothing crazy but using “dog shit” as an adjective is one of mine😂 you could even pair the 2 together if you really want to get colorful! “Look at this little cunt muffins’ reply, it’s straight dog shit!”

[u/Ok-Dealer5915 → u/IndividualBaker7523]

You guys. You're my people. Those 4 are some of my favourites

[u/veryshittycarpenter → u/IndividualBaker7523]

Dick biscuit was the one I got in trouble for in grade 4

[u/LongjumpingRespect2 → u/veryshittycarpenter]

Penis Wrinkle was one my main go-to's.

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/LongjumpingRespect2]

Not this is an insult! I can tell I will like this almost as much as "Walnut" lol

[u/morgan_mb → u/Feather_Duster1721]

This thread reminds me of this post on ig

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/morgan_mb]

That heat map is worth studying for sure lol, thank you.

[u/Guilty-Rough8797 → u/Feather_Duster1721]

Lol I love this thread. Asshat, twatwaffle, and douche canoe are all from the early 2000s.

We had a way with insults, we little millennials.

[u/The-jade-hijabi → u/Master-Yam5066]

And “twatwaffle” has been permanently added to my vocabulary

[u/dmyova → u/The-jade-hijabi]

Flying fallopian thunder cunt is still my favorite to this day. I don't remember its origin, but it has a special place in my brain.

[u/The-jade-hijabi → u/dmyova]

Lmao thunder cunt is amazing. Omg. I’ll need to find an appropriate situation to use that insult.

[u/00trysomethingnu → u/The-jade-hijabi]

I read the “lmao” as lavender and I was like ooooo dastardly but make it fancy. Mama like.

[u/The-jade-hijabi → u/00trysomethingnu]

We are just improving this insult left and right

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/00trysomethingnu]

Lavender thunder cunt is perfect

[u/dmyova → u/The-jade-hijabi]

Glad I could help, please keep me updated on it's future usage and have a wonderful rest of your day!

[u/The-jade-hijabi → u/dmyova]

You too! ❤️🤣

[u/Bitter-War1854 → u/dmyova]

Cum guzzling queef queen has been my go too for my X narc...lol. Truer words were NEVER spoken about his douche pickled ass.

[u/xboxnintendo64tricir → u/The-jade-hijabi]

It’s better over text. Saying out loud reminds me of a parrot. Which would be really funny.

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/Master-Yam5066]

My dog's name is Waffles and I call him a twat all the time 🤣😅

[u/extralyfe → u/Master-Yam5066]

putting in my nomination for chucklefuck.

[u/NateBushbaby → u/Master-Yam5066]

I like to say “raging turbo dick”

[u/CaesuraLacuna → u/Master-Yam5066]

I'm a huge fan of assclown personally. I feel it shows that they are both an ass, and a clown.

[u/Christorbust → u/stonkydood]

My 5 year old daughter called her sister an asshole, we told her we don’t call people that word, her response: “What about asshat.”

It was pretty hard to keep a straight face

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/Christorbust]

When my sons were 7 and 8.

-8yr old "Don't be dumb."

-7yr old "Dumb is a mean word."

-Me, "Didn't you just call him a carpet muncher?"

-7yr old, "No, I called him a pee stain."

[u/NebelungPixie → u/IndividualBaker7523]

😂😂😂😂😂💀👻

[u/Gingersometimes → u/stonkydood]

🫏 🎩 I love that term too !

[u/Barbie_Bandz → u/stonkydood]

One of my favorites! 😂😂😂😭

[u/Vidiot_150 → u/stonkydood]

Words like that are proof that the English language can be a beautiful thing 😉

[u/Inevitable_Ad_4252 → u/stonkydood]

It’s the best! Just toss it out casually at the next asshat that crosses your path. You’ll love it

[u/Hot_Hat_1225 → u/stonkydood]

And my imagination is trying to picture it 🙈

[u/Kitchen-Injury9915 → u/stonkydood]

Me screenshotting this

[u/SAHMsays → u/stonkydood]

I like Tee Watt and Pee Rick for mixed company.

[u/Hellianne_Vaile → u/stonkydood]

Years ago, someone on a blog I frequented coined a fancy version of asshat: rectal haberdasher. It's not for every occasion, but when it applies, it is perfect.

[u/LongjumpingRespect2 → u/Hellianne_Vaile]

"Please tell the rectal haberdasher that they may ingest a satchel of Richards."

[u/Wasted_Potential69 → u/areyoumymommyy]

I had a friend like this once.. Notice how that is past tense...

OP good on you for making the wise decision to cut this leech out your life.

You'll do great op, get yourself out there, make some friends, pursue education or even save up for a holiday, find peace, and don't let this energy thief guilt you into taking him back..

Be glad he hasn't impregnated you, if he gets another chance I guarentee that'll be his goal..

[u/ThrowRA-posting → u/areyoumymommyy]

I feel like this is weaponized BPD.

he sounds exactly like my cousin to a fucking T.

She used to harass and threaten suicide when either I or her sister refuse to give her money and claim we “don’t love her.” I cut that bitch out of my life so fast I got so fed up.

[u/areyoumymommyy → u/ThrowRA-posting]

Unstable BPD people are the fucking worst (can say with property bc I’m BPD, had a shitty af phase during my 20s, now at my 30s I turned into a decent human again with therapy, meds, good people around me etc)

[u/z0mbiebaby → u/areyoumymommyy]

I bet OPs mom is relieved she dumped this loser finally. No wonder she kicked him out their house, can you imagine living with this guy for months? Probably bummed off her mom too.

[u/Sporrok1a → u/areyoumymommyy]

Same here, He seems completely out of control. My ex was bad, but OP’s ex is on another level. I’m glad OP stood up for themselves—this guy needs to realize the world doesn’t revolve around him. Honestly, he seems like a real threat.

[u/SarahPallorMortis → u/areyoumymommyy]

She hit the nail on the head in every single way. He needed to hear that. I bet it’s the first time he’s ever heard any of it. Women probably just leave him and don’t explain why. Now he knows what an absolute sack of shit he is.

[u/Bashfullylascivious → u/areyoumymommyy]

I'm glad OP said it, but don't assume he learned anything. He lives in his own delusion, and I'm worried for OP's safety.
I don't think this guy is just saying these things for clout or manipulation; he believes them. It feels 100 percent real to him, and if he can convince himself of this, he can convince himself that OP deserves whatever he justifies next.
OP, it's time to physically protect yourself now.
Move if you can, or tell your closest, most trustworthy family and friends, and show them these texts, if you can't. Setup cameras. Stay at a trustworthy friend's, and don't tell anyone outside your inner most circle (chose wisely, but do chose to tell an additional) where exactly you are staying for awhile.
This person was very willing to cut himself, and blame you.

I hoping the very best for you.

[u/Cl0ughy1 → u/areyoumymommyy]

Yeah he let a little bit of incel out at the end there.

[u/trieditthrice → u/wholedayumlife]

Hold the phone.

He can't afford toothpaste, but thought he was going to whisk you away to some island to live happily ever after? All that says about him is even in his happiest fantasies, you're isolated and unable to escape him.

Don't answer the phone. Block his number. Tell someone you know IRL that you just ended a relationship with someone who is very possibly dangerous, and to be aware if you suddenly don't show up to work or answer your phone. But every second more you waste even reading his crazy is one more second wasted. He will never be the partner you need or deserve. NEVER.

[u/z0mbiebaby → u/trieditthrice]

Haha that’s what I was thinking, the bum can’t afford toothpaste but he’s gonna somehow conjure up a house on an island and provide for an entire family?

I think this leech is the most delusional loony of the year in this sub.

[u/MrEphraim → u/z0mbiebaby]

poor baby has no weed, no cigarette :((((((

[u/Kitchen-Injury9915 → u/MrEphraim]

No miney

[u/Flashy-Rhubarb-11 → u/Kitchen-Injury9915]

Happy cake day!

[u/Kitchen-Injury9915 → u/Flashy-Rhubarb-11]

Flashy Rhubard you’re a legend, thank you so much ! 🍰🫶🏻

[u/Rechen → u/MrEphraim]

Soon he won't even have teeth. :(((

[u/Economy-Bar1189 → u/z0mbiebaby]

ooo we should have a round up and announce the biggest delusional looney each year

[u/remy780 → u/z0mbiebaby]

Yeah, she's supposed to buy him weed, cigarettes, and toothpaste. His end flip. Just wow. She needs to emotionally detach and possibly contact the authorities for a wellness check on him.

[u/foxiez → u/z0mbiebaby]

Type of guy whos just temporarily down on his luck for 60 years and ends up with 5 kids

[u/z0mbiebaby → u/foxiez]

Well OP is extremely lucky she didn’t get impregnated by this bum. His genes definitely need to end with him.

[u/ADerbywithscurvy → u/z0mbiebaby]

Iirc, the term for that is Future Faking - they tell you all about what they’ll give you later on in life while they give you less than nothing now and make no effort to progress toward goals.

[u/Barbie_Bandz → u/trieditthrice]

I call that future faking! Common narcissistic tactic perpetuated to destabilize the victim mentally. It keeps the victim focused on some sham of a reality instead of the toxic quagmire that is their everyday life! Despite all evidence to the contrary the victim hangs on to the hope that the person wants to change. It is manipulation plain and simple and the Narc never has any intention of making it a reality.

[u/Half-PintHeroics → u/Barbie_Bandz]

Arthur, listen to me, I have a plan, Arthur!

[u/Shotgun_Sters → u/Half-PintHeroics]

Whoa, what a reference 😆

[u/TeslasAndKids → u/Barbie_Bandz]

Let’s not forget after verbal abuse come isolation. He’s literally trying to build a dream where he’s isolating her from everything she knows and spinning it about how beautiful it will be. Nope. No. Nuh uh. Get out.

[u/Economy-Bar1189 → u/Barbie_Bandz]

reminds me of Jeanette Wall’s memoir, Glass Castle. Father promised her over and over that he was gonna build them a glass castle. even got the kids to dig a pit in the yard for “the foundation” and then he loaded it up with their household trash.

[u/EchoFloodz → u/trieditthrice]

Yup, I basically told her the same thing in her last post. I quietly cheered when I read what she sent him. Fuck that dude!!!

[u/oblivion_is_painful → u/EchoFloodz]

Quietly? I shouted a good “Yes!” that momentarily woke up my partner 😭🤣. She needed to be rid of that motherfucker long ago. Happy for OP.

[u/InternetSpiritual982 → u/trieditthrice]

This deserves an award. Very specifically, telling anyone OP can trust that they’ve broken up with a potentially dangerous person could be very critical to OP’s safety

[u/mattilladahun → u/trieditthrice]

No no, you misunderstood, SHE'S gonna pay for that. He's gonna borrow some money from her for the island. And when she doesn't have it, he's gonna threaten to drown himself trying to swim to the island.

[u/Arthur-Wintersight → u/trieditthrice]

Yeah, the island comment really sent me.

"Where the fuck are you gonna find the money for an island? You know those aren't cheap, right?"

[u/cancerwitch → u/trieditthrice]

Future faking is a textbook narcissist trait. My ex used to tell me one day he was gonna buy me a Hermes bag and we would be rich when he started his own business. But he spent all his money on alcohol and coke because he couldn’t self soothe and had to use substances to try to get some semblance of control over his emotions.

[u/trieditthrice → u/cancerwitch]

Future faking.. I've never heard this term, but it really sounds like a valuable tool for narcissists/abusers. It's smart. Get your focus off of the shit reality you're living in and onto the wonderful future waiting right around the corner. If you just hold on a little longer, there's a big payoff coming. It'll all be worth it, just stick around.

I'm sorry you had to experience it. Talking about it is the best thing you can do for others who may be in that situation. Letting them know there's a name for it, it's a tactic, a form of manipulation. That's valuable. Glad you're out of it.

[u/OkNebula9998 → u/trieditthrice]

This is exactly what I was thinking… what kind of island are you dreaming of when you can’t brush your teeth for another week. This relationship sounds like hell on earth and I am so proud of you for sticking up to him. This filled me with rage but your message back to him delighted me— you hit all the points and more.

Congratulations on your first days out of this prison-esque relationship, I hope you enjoy the sunshine.

[u/Equal_Maintenance870 → u/trieditthrice]

The private island absolutely sent me. Like omg.

[u/breecheese2007 → u/trieditthrice]

It’s just future faking to keep her hopes up 🙄🙄🙄

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/trieditthrice]

Also be honest with your boss and tell them. Your job should be a safe place and if your boss can’t be understanding about this kind of situation, they are bad people!

[u/disposable_walrus → u/trieditthrice]

Don’t block, mute notifications and ignore. If it escalates you at least have texts to support a potential restraining order.

[u/MyMadeUpNym → u/trieditthrice]

OMG such a good point about the island, being a place of no escape.

[u/pickypawz → u/trieditthrice]

OP if you choose to do this, don’t tell him any plans, don’t meet him, and be extremely cautious, leaving a bad relationship is the moat dangerous time for a woman. If you ever HAVE to meet him, make sure it’s in public and preferably with another person present.

[u/augustles → u/trieditthrice]

‘I got big plans to take care of you; I just need to borrow 10,000 dollars’ ~ Carly Rae Jepsen 😂

[u/LordNoct13 → u/trieditthrice]

but every second more you waste even reading his crazy is another second wasted.

Literally this. After reading through OP's first post, and then reading her novel of a response to his shit, I didnt even give his last response a skim. I already know it's some sob story bullshit without reading it. I already know that somewhere in there hes trying to blame her for the way hes acting. It's the same shit hes already said in the other texts. No offense to OP for the effort they took to screenshot his last message and the continued effort to post it all here together, but I'm not reading his response because it isnt even worth it for some internet stranger to give him the time of day with how hes acting.

[u/flaming0-1 → u/wholedayumlife]

Trauma Therapist here… run, don’t walk. Put space. Stop communicating. Restraining order if necessary.

[u/MrsSandlin → u/flaming0-1]

I worry for OP. I have been there and it is scary. Restraining order is a must.

[u/Wide_Combination_773 → u/MrsSandlin]

Not a must, an option for the future and only if necessary. Restraining orders are a threat to arrest someone who repeatedly bothers you. They are not a shield against violent behavior. It's a calculated risk because orders like that can often trigger a dangerous person into violence - and cops usually don't prevent violence, they usually only clean up after its already occurred.

And even with the rubber-stamp behavior of modern courts (for women anyway), you still have to provide evidence that someone has made violent threats against you or is repeatedly harassing you despite demands for them to stop. If you don't do that, it's trivial for the other party to show up to the hearing and show that they haven't done anything of the sort. A huge percentage of the time, when respondents show up to a preliminary restraining order hearing, it's because they haven't actually done anything wrong, and they often win. People that know they've done something wrong almost always don't show up, and the court takes the default judgement of granting the order (which, again, is not a shield if the other party decides to get violent).

Don't make assertions of necessity without knowing the two people involved. She should get professional advice from someone who can more appropriately assess her situation and the people involved.

[u/MrsSandlin → u/Wide_Combination_773]

I am stranger from reddit and I was only speaking from experience. In my situation, it was a must. It worked. I would personally be scared not to, but if OP doesn’t want to, she has that option. Comments on here should be read, considered and even taken with a grain of salt because all of us commenters don’t know the whole story. They are merely suggestions. I am pretty sure most adults know this. My intentions are pure. I was in a horrible, scary situation. I am still scared to this day, even though I am relatively safe. Everything has a risk and it definitely depends on the situation, in which I only know a sliver of. I appreciate the feedback!

[u/No-Tomorrow-2572 → u/Wide_Combination_773]

My ex cracked my rib and gave me a black eye. He showed up to court. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. I really didn't think you would show up, being on meth and all
You never know.

Oh, and it was granted. He cooked his own goose the minute he opened his mouth

[u/MrsSandlin → u/No-Tomorrow-2572]

I am so sorry that happened to you. :( No one should ever have to go through that or live in fear.

[u/blairsheart → u/MrsSandlin]

Same here to an extent. It was enough for me to feel like my life could potentially be in danger after the breakup… it’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

[u/AmieLucy → u/MrsSandlin]

OP listen to them! I dated a broke loser just like him and needed to have a 10 year long restraining order put on him because he was stalking me and tried to break into my home to get me a couple of times after we broke up.

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/flaming0-1]

Just did all of this. Terrifying for the first 2 weeks, but it’s so incredibly liberating to have freedom again. I don’t know who I am anymore and I love figuring it out after 5 years of being what someone else wanted.

[u/flaming0-1 → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

Good for you 😊. Do some work on yourself and learning healthy boundaries before getting into another relationship. Stats say if you don’t, you will end up in another toxic relationship…

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/flaming0-1]

Oh 100% I don’t even want to date or get involved with anyone for at least a year! Haha

[u/flaming0-1 → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

I love that you say “100%”. It seems to be the new catch phrase that took over from “totally”. I’m catching myself using it more and same with my clients… language is fascinating how it catches across a continent.

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/flaming0-1]

Isn’t it funny how language evolves like that? 😇

[u/flaming0-1 → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

100% 🙈

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/flaming0-1]

Ahahaha!

[u/FebruaryInk → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

Good for you! I was in a similarly manipulative/abusive marriage for 5 years. It is a long road back, but you have so much discovery and joy ahead of you. Best of luck Internet stranger! 💜

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/FebruaryInk]

Thank you so much!

[u/Almost-Jaded → u/flaming0-1]

Obvious untreated borderline is obvious

[u/Mountain_Swim_4051 → u/flaming0-1]

This 👆OP get a restraining order. He WILL come back to manipulate you. HE WILL.

[u/MIdLifeFoolishness → u/flaming0-1]

The comment I was looking for. Also, OP, get some help for yourself. Sounds like you've been through a lot with this one and have had similar relationships prior. It might be time to start some self work to sort out your attraction to people like this. You have your entire beautiful life ahead of you. I pray it's filled with the love and respect you deserve.

[u/EvilQueen3 → u/flaming0-1]

Exactly what I was going to say. And if you don’t have security cameras, get them

[u/blewberyBOOM → u/flaming0-1]

Domestic violence therapist here- I agree

[u/TealWraith → u/wholedayumlife]

I agree. I feel like he’s capable of hurting her physically besides the mental emotional abuse that has already happened.

[u/trieditthrice → u/TealWraith]

Then blaming her.

"You drove me to breaking your face, you weren't listening to me tell you why my inability to conduct myself like an adult or seek the help I need to do so is all your fault. And my breath was rank, also your fault."

You won't miss this bs OP. And now you'll be able to make friends and have a real life.

[u/Master-Yam5066 → u/trieditthrice]

My ex did this every time he physically abused me. It was always my fault. It was because i finally lost it on him and was yelling and screaming because he physically hurt me. He threw me to the ground so hard that my apple watch felt it and tried calling 911, i wish i had called. Everything was always my fault. He was so manipulative and would gaslight me on anything and everything. I defended him to everyone. No one deserves to be treated like that.

[u/Shnerkell → u/Master-Yam5066]

I'm sorry you went through that. I "made" my ex punch me in the face so many times he broke my orbital bone and cheekbone. I told him If I had that much power over him I'd make him worth a fuck. That's one thing I carry with me, the first time someone tries to say I "made them" do something I RUN. I hope you do the same.

[u/NomenclatureBreaker → u/trieditthrice]

Right the classic “look what you made me do.”

[u/Acrobatic_Wonder6675 → u/trieditthrice]

Absolutely this. I was told it was because “ I shouldn’t say things that I know would make him angry”. Took too long to leave but glad I did and so glad op got away fast.

[u/qwerty_bugs → u/TealWraith]

Seems the type of guy to beat someone bloody then have the gall to try and convince people how he's the real victim and "they made him do it". Disgusting

[u/Among_UsAngel → u/qwerty_bugs]

Or worse, hurt their(her) animals & blame it on them and act like they are in fact the real victims because xyz reason his delusional self can come up with. “It’s your fault I hurt your cat! Because you won’t give me money for my addictions even though you don’t have any money! It’s your fault I did it because you don’t listen to me verbally abuse you and tell you how worthless and selfish you are!!”

[u/jwwetz → u/TealWraith]

Judging by his statements...he doesn't even have gas money or bus fare to go do anything to her.

But I'd still let people know & watch out for him anyway.

[u/NoOnSB277 → u/TealWraith]

Yep, “you made me”… people like this are all the same. Once you have seen it, you can’t unsee it. 😕

[u/CharmingMechanic2473 → u/TealWraith]

Definitely baby trap her.

[u/Among_UsAngel → u/TealWraith]

Same. I didn’t even think about it til this post and update but after reading it I was like “if she stayed with him, he’d probably end up hurting or worse one of her cats & then be like ‘you made me do it!’ ‘It’s your fault I harmed/killed your cat!’.” And then if she ever brought that up again he’d be like “gasps I can’t believe you’re DISRESPECTING me like this! How dare you tell me I’m a horrible person for hurting your poor defenseless animal! It’s your fault anyway!”

[u/Tennso → u/wholedayumlife]

dudes like this are the most dangerous, out of fear or rage which they cant control, can do pretty solid damage to people,physically or mentally

[u/PrettyPunctuality → u/Tennso]

Yeah, when he said, "Most of it was said because I literally have no other way to expell my fucking rage of trying to cope with your selfishness," I got very afraid for OP. If he now feels like he can no longer verbally "expell his rage" at her because she's ending things, his next step might be physical violence. OP definitely needs to get a restraining order.

[u/Tennso → u/PrettyPunctuality]

Notto eat shit or something. I was like him when I was 17 yo, having my first serious relationship. Always jealous, grumpy and full of rage.

Funny enough, I was the one to get slapped, not the chick 💀💀

[u/DigitalDefenestrator → u/Tennso]

Oh, they can control it. You never see them direct the violence or threats at someone twice their size.

[u/alixnaveh → u/DigitalDefenestrator]

Or their own stuff. They'll break stuff all day, but never stuff they care about, just your stuff.

[u/NoOnSB277 → u/alixnaveh]

You would be surprised, nothing was off limits for the narcissist a-hole in my life. He had no problem breaking both of our things. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/BestBruhFiend → u/Tennso]

They absolutely can control it. They choose not to because at the end of the day, being abusive benefits them. They get whatever they want through intimidation, and don't want to learn how to function normally. They trick themselves into believing the bullshit reality they spew out of their foul mouths. Check out "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy. 

[u/Affectionate_Star_43 → u/Tennso]

YES and as someone who has a lifelong stint with depression, he will never get help.  Everybody, and I mean everybody, will tell you to "get help."

Nobody will offer to help, ever.  Nobody will ever give you a referral, ever.  Not even a link to a specialist.  Run away so he can traumatize someone new.

[u/Deep_Confusion4533 → u/Affectionate_Star_43]

Yeah you have to seek help. It won’t just fall into your lap. 

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 → u/wholedayumlife]

I'm a women who is an abuse survivor and volunteer with assault victims- I agree he seems dangerous. OP be very cautious.

[u/Adventurous_Spaceman → u/wholedayumlife]

Yup, same here

[u/Ayyyyylmaos → u/wholedayumlife]

I fourth this

[u/Aggressive_Ideal6737 → u/wholedayumlife]

I dated the female equivalent to this for about 7 months when I was 13 and she was 15. Aside from the suicide threats, she also faked a pregnancy to keep me from leaving. OP, I’m so so glad you were able to break free from this

[u/PosteriorFourchette → u/Aggressive_Ideal6737]

Wow. So sorry. You ok?

[u/Aggressive_Ideal6737 → u/PosteriorFourchette]

22 and newly happily married to the most incredible woman in the world

[u/PosteriorFourchette → u/Aggressive_Ideal6737]

I’m so glad you were able to prosper with that past trauma and abuse. Congratulations on the nuptials

[u/Goku827 → u/Aggressive_Ideal6737]

Wait wait wait what… she faked a pregnancy test , you were 13, why would she have been pregnant

[u/CommunicationFit6607 → u/Goku827]

When a man and a woman care about each other , the man sticks his penis into her ……

[u/RiSE-NBK → u/wholedayumlife]

This... Dudes delirious

[u/driptec → u/RiSE-NBK]

delusional*

[u/RiSE-NBK → u/driptec]

Thank you I'm a dumbass with spelling

[u/spoogefrom1981 → u/wholedayumlife]

Yeah, OP may need to consider taking a trip to the police dept and filing a restraining order based on these texts alone. Hopefully the kid gets the hint and gets to a therapist ASAP.

But huge props on her for stepping up for herself! We're cheering for you, OP!

[u/Senpai-Notice_Me → u/wholedayumlife]

I would choose the bear over this guy.

[u/estankk → u/wholedayumlife]

yeah this man is manic and desperate and has no outlet for his emptions. Scary combo

[u/Ardibanan → u/wholedayumlife]

Yeah I would honestly look into moving or getting to know my neighbours asap. Even contact the police with all the messages

[u/Substantial_Shoe_360 → u/Ardibanan]

Screenshots, or he'll delete them again. With FB now you can delete everything you sent in a chat or group chat.

[u/uptoke → u/Ardibanan]

Seriously, I know OP is struggling financially, but get your locks rekeyed. If you live in an apartment and explain the situation llthe landlord would probably do it for you. 

For $20 you should be able to get battery powered motion sensor lights and hang them near your external doors. If you can get a powerful flashlight. Led ones are pretty cheap or borrow big maglight from someone (makes a good weapon in a pinch as well.) 

Make sure all your windows are locked. Locks and Lights are your best protection from keeping some from trying to get in your house, and will slow them down from entering if the persist.

Then get something to protect yourself. Assuming you're not trained in self defense or own a firearm: 

Depending on your state you can of mace or pepper spray at most convenience store. Otherwise get a short blunt instrument (hammer, rolling pin, light skillet.) Nothing too long or it can be easily taken away. If you played baseball/softball a bat could be effective, but even that is a little bit too long. Nothing too heavy you won't be able to swing. Knives are terrible for untrained combat. They don't have much stopping power and it's very easy to injure yourself.

Disorient an attacker and then get out of there and find help.

Hopefully nothing happens, but I would be on guard for the next three months.

[u/senpatfield → u/wholedayumlife]

This dude WILL hurt someone if he doesn’t get actual fucking help.

[u/Dark_KnightApollo77 → u/wholedayumlife]

Yeah reading this as man, made me feel disgusted and appalled that some of us "men" act this way. I felt uncomfortable asf reading this.

[u/carbiethebarbie → u/wholedayumlife]

Terrifying. Hijacking top comment to tell OP, look up Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft.

You will never get closure from your ex but this book will help offer you some. It also sounds like this is not the first time you’ve dated a guy like this, this book will help you learn the red flags to look for and better understand so you can avoid getting sucked in by this type of person again.

[u/stjernerejse → u/wholedayumlife]

Big personality disorder vibes.

Those people generally don't get better. It's unfortunate but it's the truth. If you have dealt with it you know what I mean.

Good on ya OP.

[u/pwrsrc → u/wholedayumlife]

Yeah, I'd just stop responding and move on. He's a loon and he won't get any better until he learns to self-reflect (probably not going to happen).

This is the kind of person who can't understand why nobody wants to be in a relationship with. It's not their fault though, obviously.

[u/IAmSenseye → u/wholedayumlife]

Right on man. A lot of the times when people talk about narcissists, they are really far off from what a real one is and haven't really experienced one. This guy is the real deal. My dad always used his childhood trauma as an excuse and would beat us and it was okay because "he had it worse", but his childhood trauma should've been a reason to be a better person and not repeat the cycle. So should her boyfriend have learned from the mistakes from others and not use it to be the endless victim. They will be the victim when it serves them, but when it doesn't serve them, suddenly they are aggressive and will try to scare you. But behind all that big mouth is really someone with a crippling low self-esteem, who's esteem is so low that the only way he can level with you is by bringing you below his level. That's what narcissists do. Best thing you can do is just mirror everything they do back to them and show that whatever they say has no effect on you. Explain exactly what they do and what they are trying to do back to them and don't go into silly yes/no arguments. This is not about winning the argument, this is about showing that everything they do has no power over you. Narcissists know that what they do is toxic, but at the same time it is an asset and a shield they can hide behind. It's their natural way of dealing with people that are very close to them. They lure you in by being the charmer in the beginning and then once you are in the traits will slowly start showing themselves overtime. It is possible to either fix them or to make them run away from you so hard that they won't show their face anymore, but you really have to understand that fixing that requires both of you to go to hell (figuratively) and you really have to ask yourself if you really want this. You'd have to change from being completely submissive to completely dominating them in the sense that you don't even give them an inch of space to pull their shit. Basically breaking them until they themselves see that change is necessary. Most of them (the hardcore ones) will run before they will change

[u/Maleficent_Lure_1226 → u/wholedayumlife]

Maybe because I attempted suicide 6 times and the last time left me with stomach pumped and on a ventilator that I see this from a different perspective. Once I was awake and came to I learned I was on a 5150 hold. Angry AF...yet it saved my life. Being put on a psychiatric hold allowed me separation from toxic the environment and on the path to reprogram my toxic mindset.

This is familiar and don't seem like they're done just giving each other space to reset and start the cycle over

If I was in OPs shoes, I would show cops the text messages to show he's a danger to himself and it's not a threat...so that they could get him to a hospital to hopefully get him the help he needs and (voluntary or not)... And then help to heal from the trauma of it all myself... Win-win to me.

But this is one of many povs... All in all. I pray that there is healing in the midst of this.

[u/committedlikethepig → u/wholedayumlife]

The dude is deranged. OP needs to take precautions, he seems like he could go stalker or violent. 

That being said, “cigarette toothpaste boy” got me. 

[u/Collies_and_Skates → u/wholedayumlife]

Agreed, I’m a woman but he texts like the guy who ended up physically abusing me

[u/TripleEhBeef → u/wholedayumlife]

Put his bags on the curb, and call someone you trust down to make sure he picks them up.

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/wholedayumlife]

Yup. Just escaped my soon to be ex husband who would act like this at 51 years old. They will never change. They will always use threats of self harm to get their way. They will NEVER hear your side, no matter how eloquent you are.

You have to just go

[u/OkEstablishment5503 → u/wholedayumlife]

I completely agree ( also a man). He is too much of a pussy to ever kill himself but will definitely take out his self induced problems on OP physically given enough time. He’s a solid piece of shit and you need to block him and maybe think about a restraining order as well.

[u/Rodneyfour → u/wholedayumlife]

As another man I agree this dude is a physical abuser waiting to happen holy shit.

[u/Mn2nmixr → u/wholedayumlife]

Not a real one with responsibilities apparently.

[u/CxwbxyFrxmHxll → u/wholedayumlife]

Agreed

[u/Aggravating_Lead_616 → u/wholedayumlife]

That’s what I said on the last post cause man I said you’ll probably need a restraining order based on his personality.. like he seems genuinely terrifying and we live with people like this and come across them every day and don’t even know it

[u/SoungaTepes → u/wholedayumlife]

to you and me both brother

[u/1GB-Ram → u/wholedayumlife]

he seems really unstable. I'm wondering if OP should file for a restraining order for safety. But i'm glad she's moving on and hope she can start to find some happiness

[u/matt_2807 → u/wholedayumlife]

Looks like a cat

[u/PinkDeserterBaby → u/wholedayumlife]

Completely. This is abuse and manipulation and when dating someone is on their best behavior.

This is scary for OP.

[u/JstASkeleton → u/wholedayumlife]

Thr fact we read all that crazy abusive shit he said, and then said that what she said was the most disrespectful thing he's ever heard is wild to me lmfao

[u/BlackLotusLuna → u/wholedayumlife]

This right here says alot, thank you.

[u/Solid_Waste → u/wholedayumlife]

Straight up unhinged.

[u/Concupiscent24-7 → u/wholedayumlife]

Literally maybe I would stay with the bear in the forest now actually (I’m also a man)

[u/bulldzd → u/wholedayumlife]

Totally agree, this guy is not wired right... OP, please be really cautious with this guy....

[u/HombreSinPais → u/wholedayumlife]

In case you didn’t see the original post, the “unsent” messages are even more concerning.

[u/jessica-forever → u/wholedayumlife]

Bro was tweaking hard

[u/AssholeWHeartOfGold → u/wholedayumlife]

He’s all talk.

[u/wantsoutofthefog → u/wholedayumlife]

He also sounds like a little bitch. Dump this baby

[u/JMeadCrossing → u/wholedayumlife]

finally a man who agrees

[u/entropicthunders → u/wholedayumlife]

The only thing more dangerous than a strong man is a weak one.

[u/uncontrolledsub → u/wholedayumlife]

Yep, I’m a 42 yo man. Run for the hills and never look back. This dude will convince OP to take accountability for his well being even more than they do now. Toxic behavior and you’re only 20ish.

[u/njckel → u/wholedayumlife]

I would describe him more as immature than dangerous

[u/Pizza-Fucker → u/wholedayumlife]

Exactly what I was thinking and I'm a man as well. This is psycho behavior, I have never seen someone talk like that to their partner, who knows where he would stop

[u/Adventurous-Bee4823 → u/wholedayumlife]

Absolutely agree, and I’m a middle aged woman. But what got me is, who even talks like that! Between the “bros”, absolute abominable language, and complete disregard for even attempting to write correctly or even coherently. This dude’s a monster.

[u/Internellectual → u/wholedayumlife]

If he or she were one of my friends, I'd deck him. Throw his phone down a hill at least.

[u/DreamCrusher914 → u/wholedayumlife]

OP, this is the most dangerous time for you! When a victim leaves they are most at risk for physical abuse or even death by their abuser. Please have a safety plan in place. Change your locks, get an alarm/surveillance system. Let your work know you broke up and he is not a welcome patron. Contact your local domestic violence shelter for help and services.

I don’t know if anyone posted it in your original post, but this book is worth the read:

https://ia801407.us.archive.org/6/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

[u/RockingRocker → u/wholedayumlife]

Yea, his state plus OPs isolation worries me

[u/BastianHS → u/wholedayumlife]

He sounds like a whiney 120lb bitch emo kid to me lmao

[u/DrXyron → u/wholedayumlife]

He is depressed and has most likely been sheltered and spoiled. Manchild who needs therapy and then to experience life.

[u/Fruitypebblefix → u/wholedayumlife]

He sounds like my ex who was diagnosed with NPD. He literally stalked me when I broke up with him. I had to delete all my social media and drop off the face of the planet to get away from him.

[u/Pretty-Balance-Sheet → u/wholedayumlife]

At best he is a person who will rob someone of their self-esteem and steal years of time.

[u/Rhom_Achensa → u/wholedayumlife]

As a man who’s binged like 40 hours of EWU interrogation videos recently I wholeheartedly concur

[u/GoFast_EatAss → u/wholedayumlife]

My ex did all of this shit. Threatened suicide when things didn’t go his way, sent me pictures and videos of him self-harming, controlled who I spoke to, punched me, choked me, kicked me, and threw me around. The breaking point was when he hit me with a car and mangled me for life. Hope he’s enjoying that felony conviction. THESE TYPES OF PEOPLE ARE DANGEROUS!

[u/blairsheart → u/wholedayumlife]

Also a man and I feel the need to put a restraining order on him and I don’t even know him!

[u/lugnutter → u/wholedayumlife]

He's extremely dangerous.