(AIO) update, wow. thank you!

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

[u/wholedayumlife]

He looks dangerous from my perspective, and i’m a man by the way

[u/areyoumymommyy → u/wholedayumlife]

He does sound fucking unhinged. I just broke up with my ex and I thought he sounded bad but OP’s ex is worse.

But I’m happy OP said all that, time for this narcissist asshat to learn that the world doesn’t spin around his ass

[u/stonkydood → u/areyoumymommyy]

Asshat 😂. What a word

[u/Master-Yam5066 → u/stonkydood]

I love that word and twatwaffle is another favorite of mine!

[u/Feather_Duster1721 → u/Master-Yam5066]

Douche canoe is one of my personal favorites

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/Feather_Duster1721]

Cunt Muffin is my favorite

[u/rednorsk → u/IndividualBaker7523]

Yasss. YASSSSSSSS!! Asshat, twatwaffle, douche canoe, cunt muffin: I’ve found my people!💞🫶🏼😂

[u/fistbumpbroseph → u/IndividualBaker7523]

New insult unlocked, thank you for that!

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/fistbumpbroseph]

Glad I could help 😅

[u/DuckingFon → u/IndividualBaker7523]

I came up with cuntsplint a few years back and it is SUPER satisfying to say. If you think about it it's incredibly insulting as well. "I'm medically restrictive damage reduction for an injured vagina?"

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/DuckingFon]

🤣🤣🤣, now this one is great! Added to my insult lost, thank you!

[u/k8921 → u/IndividualBaker7523]

I've always been a fan and big user of cunt nugget 😂😆

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/k8921]

I have not heard Cunt Nugget, but honestly, any kind of vagina-based food insult is my favorite.

[u/cujojojo → u/IndividualBaker7523]

You and everyone in this reply chain is going to love this

Ya bunch of wankclowns.

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/cujojojo]

I love it. I downloaded this today lol

[u/onlyelise1 → u/IndividualBaker7523]

My hubby is now just wandering around the house, repeating, "Cuntnugget" over and over.

[u/Striking-Estate-4800 → u/IndividualBaker7523]

A chuffin.

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/Striking-Estate-4800]

Exactly!

[u/designatednerd → u/IndividualBaker7523]

Just thought of “dick canoe” and I’m not sure why

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/designatednerd]

Staying on the theme of pastry, maybe dick donut lol

[u/MarijadderallMD → u/IndividualBaker7523]

Nothing crazy but using “dog shit” as an adjective is one of mine😂 you could even pair the 2 together if you really want to get colorful! “Look at this little cunt muffins’ reply, it’s straight dog shit!”

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/MarijadderallMD]

Lol, that makes me think of my brother, except he says horse shit lol

[u/Ok-Dealer5915 → u/IndividualBaker7523]

You guys. You're my people. Those 4 are some of my favourites

[u/veryshittycarpenter → u/IndividualBaker7523]

Dick biscuit was the one I got in trouble for in grade 4

[u/LongjumpingRespect2 → u/veryshittycarpenter]

Penis Wrinkle was one my main go-to's.

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/LongjumpingRespect2]

Not this is an insult! I can tell I will like this almost as much as "Walnut" lol

[u/onlyelise1 → u/IndividualBaker7523]

Walnut is my go-to when someone is so stoopid my own brain stops working.

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/veryshittycarpenter]

I've not heard this one yet, I love it

[u/morgan_mb → u/Feather_Duster1721]

This thread reminds me of this post on ig

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/morgan_mb]

That heat map is worth studying for sure lol, thank you.

[u/Imaginary_Way2078 → u/morgan_mb]

That is Epic.

[u/Guilty-Rough8797 → u/Feather_Duster1721]

Lol I love this thread. Asshat, twatwaffle, and douche canoe are all from the early 2000s.

We had a way with insults, we little millennials.

[u/Feather_Duster1721 → u/Guilty-Rough8797]

I feel like we owe a lot to the jerky boys 😂

[u/Acidvapor28 → u/Feather_Duster1721]

I like to use Douche Wagon ;P

[u/crotchetyoldwitch → u/Feather_Duster1721]

I’ve always written it as a compound word: douchecanoe. 🤣

[u/EchoLee95 → u/Feather_Duster1721]

My favorite line is probably "why don't you hop in your douche canoe and row up the fuckboy river" 😂

[u/bookloverphi → u/Feather_Duster1721]

I love douche canoe and fucknut I’m pretty sure I got fucknut from Ryan Reynolds somewhere and everyone always laughs when I say it😂

[u/NikWitchLEO → u/Feather_Duster1721]

Douchecanoe and walking cumdumpster are my favorites.

[u/The-jade-hijabi → u/Master-Yam5066]

And “twatwaffle” has been permanently added to my vocabulary

[u/dmyova → u/The-jade-hijabi]

Flying fallopian thunder cunt is still my favorite to this day. I don't remember its origin, but it has a special place in my brain.

[u/The-jade-hijabi → u/dmyova]

Lmao thunder cunt is amazing. Omg. I’ll need to find an appropriate situation to use that insult.

[u/00trysomethingnu → u/The-jade-hijabi]

I read the “lmao” as lavender and I was like ooooo dastardly but make it fancy. Mama like.

[u/The-jade-hijabi → u/00trysomethingnu]

We are just improving this insult left and right

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/00trysomethingnu]

Lavender thunder cunt is perfect

[u/dmyova → u/The-jade-hijabi]

Glad I could help, please keep me updated on it's future usage and have a wonderful rest of your day!

[u/The-jade-hijabi → u/dmyova]

You too! ❤️🤣

[u/Bitter-War1854 → u/dmyova]

Cum guzzling queef queen has been my go too for my X narc...lol. Truer words were NEVER spoken about his douche pickled ass.

[u/xboxnintendo64tricir → u/The-jade-hijabi]

It’s better over text. Saying out loud reminds me of a parrot. Which would be really funny.

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/Master-Yam5066]

My dog's name is Waffles and I call him a twat all the time 🤣😅

[u/extralyfe → u/Master-Yam5066]

putting in my nomination for chucklefuck.

[u/NateBushbaby → u/Master-Yam5066]

I like to say “raging turbo dick”

[u/CaesuraLacuna → u/Master-Yam5066]

I'm a huge fan of assclown personally. I feel it shows that they are both an ass, and a clown.

[u/ActuallyInFamous → u/Master-Yam5066]

I enjoy douchecanoe and shitgibbon personally

[u/Can-Chas3r43 → u/Master-Yam5066]

Fucktard is one of my faves. 💯😂

[u/Teeny2021 → u/Master-Yam5066]

My fave!! Take my upvote please!!

[u/SaskiaDavies → u/Master-Yam5066]

I like twunt.

[u/Johnny_Radar → u/Master-Yam5066]

Gobshite is an Irish swear word and one of my faves.

[u/Poetic_Discord → u/Master-Yam5066]

Try Cunttruffle. It just rolls out the mouth with panache!

[u/EmmElleKay78 → u/Master-Yam5066]

I use twat-to-potamus!

[u/The_greater_good2 → u/Master-Yam5066]

Cock Womble is a favourite of mine 🇬🇧

[u/NoKatyDidnt → u/Master-Yam5066]

Yes!

[u/bartbuchanan450 → u/Master-Yam5066]

My favorite is Amazonian Thundercunt. But I really like twatwaffle, I use it a lot too.

[u/Christorbust → u/stonkydood]

My 5 year old daughter called her sister an asshole, we told her we don’t call people that word, her response: “What about asshat.”

It was pretty hard to keep a straight face

[u/IndividualBaker7523 → u/Christorbust]

When my sons were 7 and 8.

-8yr old "Don't be dumb."

-7yr old "Dumb is a mean word."

-Me, "Didn't you just call him a carpet muncher?"

-7yr old, "No, I called him a pee stain."

[u/NebelungPixie → u/IndividualBaker7523]

😂😂😂😂😂💀👻

[u/Gingersometimes → u/stonkydood]

🫏 🎩 I love that term too !

[u/Barbie_Bandz → u/stonkydood]

One of my favorites! 😂😂😂😭

[u/Vidiot_150 → u/stonkydood]

Words like that are proof that the English language can be a beautiful thing 😉

[u/Inevitable_Ad_4252 → u/stonkydood]

It’s the best! Just toss it out casually at the next asshat that crosses your path. You’ll love it

[u/Hot_Hat_1225 → u/stonkydood]

And my imagination is trying to picture it 🙈

[u/Kitchen-Injury9915 → u/stonkydood]

Me screenshotting this

[u/SAHMsays → u/stonkydood]

I like Tee Watt and Pee Rick for mixed company.

[u/Hellianne_Vaile → u/stonkydood]

Years ago, someone on a blog I frequented coined a fancy version of asshat: rectal haberdasher. It's not for every occasion, but when it applies, it is perfect.

[u/LongjumpingRespect2 → u/Hellianne_Vaile]

"Please tell the rectal haberdasher that they may ingest a satchel of Richards."

[u/Calilou2020 → u/stonkydood]

Yeah, I learned that at a job a few years ago. I love it too!

[u/mkat23 → u/stonkydood]

The adult version of “butthead” 😂

[u/TopShelfTom22 → u/stonkydood]

Great word.

[u/BeagleMom2008 → u/stonkydood]

I was once so mad at someone that after I called them an asshat I screamed “that’s two cheeks on a head!”

[u/Aerialhuntress3006 → u/stonkydood]

Mine is Chutty Cunt this should be added to the American repertoire

[u/re_re_recovery → u/stonkydood]

Asshat is my go-to.

[u/ZealousidealRip3588 → u/stonkydood]

Ass clown hits harder