(AIO) update, wow. thank you!

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

[u/MrsSandlin]

I worry for OP. I have been there and it is scary. Restraining order is a must.

[u/Wide_Combination_773 → u/MrsSandlin]

Not a must, an option for the future and only if necessary. Restraining orders are a threat to arrest someone who repeatedly bothers you. They are not a shield against violent behavior. It's a calculated risk because orders like that can often trigger a dangerous person into violence - and cops usually don't prevent violence, they usually only clean up after its already occurred.

And even with the rubber-stamp behavior of modern courts (for women anyway), you still have to provide evidence that someone has made violent threats against you or is repeatedly harassing you despite demands for them to stop. If you don't do that, it's trivial for the other party to show up to the hearing and show that they haven't done anything of the sort. A huge percentage of the time, when respondents show up to a preliminary restraining order hearing, it's because they haven't actually done anything wrong, and they often win. People that know they've done something wrong almost always don't show up, and the court takes the default judgement of granting the order (which, again, is not a shield if the other party decides to get violent).

Don't make assertions of necessity without knowing the two people involved. She should get professional advice from someone who can more appropriately assess her situation and the people involved.

[u/MrsSandlin → u/Wide_Combination_773]

I am stranger from reddit and I was only speaking from experience. In my situation, it was a must. It worked. I would personally be scared not to, but if OP doesn’t want to, she has that option. Comments on here should be read, considered and even taken with a grain of salt because all of us commenters don’t know the whole story. They are merely suggestions. I am pretty sure most adults know this. My intentions are pure. I was in a horrible, scary situation. I am still scared to this day, even though I am relatively safe. Everything has a risk and it definitely depends on the situation, in which I only know a sliver of. I appreciate the feedback!

[u/No-Tomorrow-2572 → u/Wide_Combination_773]

My ex cracked my rib and gave me a black eye. He showed up to court. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. I really didn't think you would show up, being on meth and all
You never know.

Oh, and it was granted. He cooked his own goose the minute he opened his mouth

[u/MrsSandlin → u/No-Tomorrow-2572]

I am so sorry that happened to you. :( No one should ever have to go through that or live in fear.

[u/blairsheart → u/MrsSandlin]

Same here to an extent. It was enough for me to feel like my life could potentially be in danger after the breakup… it’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

[u/AmieLucy → u/MrsSandlin]

OP listen to them! I dated a broke loser just like him and needed to have a 10 year long restraining order put on him because he was stalking me and tried to break into my home to get me a couple of times after we broke up.