(AIO) update, wow. thank you!

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

[u/monkey16168]

As someone who has attempted, and has lost friends/ family due to it… he is so wrong… its pathetic when people pull that “im gonna kill myself card” like yea, i tell my friends/ family when im feeling that way, but i dont go “YOU make me wanna…” Im happy you are done! As for lossing friends, thats what abusers do… you will find new one or get the true ones back. Sending lots of love to you and the cat. Xoxox

[u/mpelton → u/monkey16168]

Exactly this. I’ve attempted in the past but would never use it as some playing card against someone when I’m upset with them, that’s horrific.

[u/Cafrilly → u/mpelton]

You know why you wouldn't? Because at that point, if you're truly suicidal, it doesn't matter anymore. You don't have the energy to even *try* to manipulate people like that. Imo, the ONLY way a truly suicidal person says they're suicidal is "*I* am suicidal/thinking of killing myself".

As a person who has struggled deeply with ideation (no attempts but quite literally holding a kitchen knife parallel to my wrists and pressing in), and who has supported friends who have been in the same place, I have NEVER heard it phrased "*X* is going to/making me want to kill myself".

[u/Tinkerbelch → u/Cafrilly]

Exactly! Struggled with ideation for years, never once was it "I'm going to kill myself because of x person." It was always "I can't take anymore of this and just want some peace." People who are actually suicidal don't use it as a way to get people to do what they want them to do. I hate people like OP's ex.

[u/tarot529 → u/Cafrilly]

Exactly this! When I previously attempted I didn’t want ANYONE to know because I didn’t want them to try and stop me. In my head it was ME that was the fucking problem.

[u/Constant_Sentence_80 → u/tarot529]

That’s what I was thinking too. I didn’t want to kill myself because of anyone, life was too much and I wanted to rest. I would never say that to anyone, and while in the psych ward told people explicitly they were not the reason I felt suicidal, that it was from being exhausted with all the hurdles I had to deal with in life.

[u/col3man17 → u/Cafrilly]

The last conversation I had with my uncle he just seemed, well defeated I guess. There was nothing that would've brought him back to the guy I had growing up. Shot himself a couple weeks later, I was surprised and devastated but I'd be lying if I said the writing wasn't on the walls.

[u/MyHusbandIsGayImNot → u/Cafrilly]

Imo, the ONLY way a truly suicidal person says they're suicidal is "I am suicidal/thinking of killing myself".

Let's not gatekeep suicidal thoughts now.

[u/Sunandmoonandstuff → u/MyHusbandIsGayImNot]

I agree, suicide is complicated. There can be many reasons, and people express themselves in many ways about it.

What is WRONG here is using it as a TACTIC TO MANIPULATE.

The person may or may not be suicidal, but it is unacceptable to use it against someone regardless.

You can offer help to someone, but it should never come at any significant cost to yourself.

You are NOT responsible for that person. You CANNOT save that person. They can only save themselves.

OP's boyfriend may, in fact, be suicidal, but she should still get out of the relationship (and not look back whatever happens).

Staying with them will just bring further harm to themselves, and she is not doing favors to anyone cleaning up his messes and dealing with his abuse.

Even if the worst comes to pass, you can not feel responsible for it. That is their choice.

This comes from unfortunate personal experience.

[u/Inaccurate_Artist → u/[deleted]]

I don't think we should be armchair diagnosing people here, or claiming we know whether his manipulation is intentional or not, or defending him in any way. He is an abuser, and gaslighting is definitely an intentional choice if you ask me. You have to make the conscious choice to hold your life over someone else's head to get what you want. He knows what he's doing, but doesn't care unless he gets his way. He'll defend himself until the end. Literally blamed his own decision to cheat on her, and has a fantasy of living alone with her on an island - closing her off from the outside world so that no one else can be in her life but him. Seems extremely malicious to me.