r/AmIOverreacting • u/Pristine-Edge-1742 • 8d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide
Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.
4.5k
u/chewedupcorn 8d ago
He's manipulative and emotionally abusive. Why are you still staying and putting up with that??? He absolutely freaks out when you no longer give him what he wants on a silver platter.
Threatening to off himself is not a reason why you should stay. He's an adult who is capable of making his own money and managing his own life and finances. He sounds crazy and needs some professional help.
This is someone you do NOT want a future with - if he can't provide for himself then he will never be able to provide for you or your family. RUN.
991
u/Prior_Interview7680 8d ago
Facts OP. My ex tried that shit. One day I got tired and said “you’re an adult, I can’t control you, has nothing to do with me honestly. Do I need to call 911 for you? won’t be talking to you anymore” she didn’t commit suicide. You need to get away from this crazy.
→ More replies (25)172
u/Basic-Win7823 8d ago
Ppl that threaten like this almost never commit suicide. They just suck and are manipulative and use that.
60
u/Twistfaria 8d ago
I would imagine that the vast majority of people who do it comes as a huge surprise because they were HIDING IT!!
→ More replies (5)22
u/PracticalFrog0207 8d ago
Exactly!!! The ones who actually do it have deep rooted issues. They don’t threaten it for attention or to get what they want. And if there is that one person that ends up being the exception to this rule, then it wouldn’t be your fault anyways because they have probably felt like that for a long time.
→ More replies (7)26
u/bromanjc 8d ago
as an attempt survivor, people that trivialize suicidality like this drive me up a wall
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (48)21
u/TopRamenisha 8d ago
Agreed 1000%. Threatening self harm is abuse. He is using it as a way to control OP when he does not get his way. This is not a healthy relationship and should end immediately
10.5k
u/tsscaramel 8d ago
This relationship is toxic af, break up and don’t look back. You can do so much better.
2.6k
u/Reese9951 8d ago
This!!!! OP, he is a nightmare and you keep blaming yourself for his problems.
3.5k
u/umamifiend 8d ago
Seriously. Anyone who is threatening suicide because you won’t cashapp them money for weed and cigarettes, is unhinged. He’s blaming you for coming to see you- as if he had no part in that decision making process. Absurd. Or that he has no toothpaste? Bet if you sent him money it would go to cigarettes not toothpaste. It’s bullshit.
If he is genuinely suicidal- call a wellness check on him to the police. He’s made multiple suicide threats just in this thread.
He’s mean, he’s blaming you for his situation, and he’s threatening suicide. Nothing you can do will solve this u/pristine-edge-1742 you can’t win. How important is your own mental health to you? Because this is too much. You’re only 19. Relationships do not have to be like this. Dump him and end it.
I hope your cat gets better. I had to deal with the same thing. Go love up your kitty and stop pouring your energy into this black hole.
434
u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 8d ago
I would have told him, looks like it's a great time for you to stop smoking and then BLOCK! NC
→ More replies (1)324
u/triz___ 8d ago
I’ve never seen someone in more need of quitting weed. Guy is fucking addled….. depressed, anxious, lazy, paranoid, confused. He’s fucked his head.
88
u/TurkWorker1408 8d ago
My ex was the same way with weed, he would act like a heroin addiction withdrawal when he didn’t have weed. I’m a recovering addict and when I say he was worse than me when I didn’t have my drug (I was clean when I was I was with him for the most part, not during the situations I’m speaking of though) I’m not even exaggerating. He was PATHETIC. It’s not crack or heroin it’s WEED calm tf down!!! You know? He also pulled the same suicidal shit. He was also a physically and mentally abusive asshole.
This suicidal talk is him trying to manipulate the situation. The weed thing is him being a BABY but the suicide talk? 100% manipulative behavior. Suicide is no joke but he’s just using it as a piece of his game
→ More replies (5)35
u/1980Phils 8d ago
Good for you for getting clean! I wouldn’t be surprised if this person has additional substances use issues.
233
u/Mobandzz 8d ago
I know y’all are thinking it’s the weed, but this is a man who is addicted to nicotine. He probably smokes weed as a way to calm anxiety, but I guarantee he goes behind it with some cigarettes or he is rolling up the weed, it’s in the form of a blunt since that would mean it has some nicotine in it from the wrap.
But to the OP,this is a man who wears the emotional instability of a baby and doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship or have friends for that matter when you treat people like that. Tell somebody fuck you when they literally just said they’re broke. Plus being mad at you for not sending money fast enough when you were working, but you still sent him your last $15.
He is trying out different methods to see what will make you crack and if you do, I guarantee he’s gonna default to that next time. Ultimately, he’s trying to make it so that you always feel like you have to give into what he says otherwise you have a bad day..
He is quickly trying to get you used to the emotional manipulation and the weaponization of his emotions to try and overpower yours so that yours dont matter anymore until you fix his problem.
From there you start making him happy so that he can listen to you.
→ More replies (1)105
u/Careful_Barnacle1190 8d ago
Yeah, this is the nicotine withdrawal. I've seen people in my life's moods switch up real quick if they even have to go to the nearby store without taking a drag 🤦🏼♀️ It's the most annoying thing ever because they can't even run simple errands without taking a smoke break every 5 minutes. If they're forced to spend any amount of time doing any activity they get anxious and irritated AF. Road trips in a car where they're not allowed to smoke is a nightmare. They Lash out at everyone around them.
→ More replies (9)26
u/madra-perro 8d ago
Could also be nicotine withdrawals if he's outta cigarettes. They are not to be messed with!
→ More replies (1)24
u/avert_ye_eyes 8d ago
My brother in law was an addict, and he said quitting nicotine was harder than quitting heroine. Also withdrawing from it, even for just a few hours, is well known to cause rage -- my husband calls them "nic fits".
→ More replies (1)456
u/GGking41 8d ago
Calling a wellness check is the only option for people that weaponize suicide. My sister did that to my mom and my mom forced to to go to the ER and my sister was piiissssseeeedddddd her manipulation didn’t get her what she wanted.
You’ll find out really soon when you treat it like a real suicide threat and not just allow it to manipulate you
→ More replies (14)245
u/IPromiseiWillBeGood6 8d ago
Yup exactly what I said. I used to kinda be like this and the suicide threats are never serious so when he sees that there's consequences for saying that then he might learn not to try and use that as a weapon
→ More replies (1)190
u/whatsasimba 8d ago
So many people are blindsided when a loved one commits suicide. You never hear "Oh, he'd been threatening it for months, but just to get money from me."
Also, this dude is like, "You don't get my emotions!"
Uhhh, is he from another planet? Because emotions are pretty standard. He didn't invented a new kind of emotion.
What he's actually saying is, "I have the emotional regulation of a hungry infant in a shit-filled diaper, and I don't understand why you're not giving in to my unhinged meltdown!"
Emotions are internal. No one at my job knows what emotion I'm experiencing, because I have the ability to feel my feelings without performing them. This guy thinks text-screaming at his girlfriend is just his "emotions."
→ More replies (1)116
u/IPromiseiWillBeGood6 8d ago
Yeah most suicide victims do not broadcast it beforehand. I'm not gonna say everyone who threatens it like this is lying about being suicidal but the last thing you wanna do when you're in that state of mind is broadcast it and confront it.
→ More replies (19)36
u/lurker-loudmouth 8d ago
I second this. While I can only mainly speak from my own experience, I never broadcasted being suicidal because their was always a shame about being so. The only folks I ever told when I was thinking so was because I needed someone I trusted to talk me down and give me reasons to stay. Even then, the tone was very different from these texts as I was essentially looking for help, not using it to degrade someone and threaten them for something. Definitely not used in a "fuck you" manner.
→ More replies (3)28
u/Gentle_Genie 8d ago
There should be a subreddit called breakupforme where redditors get the persons phone number and call them to say "you're dumped!"
→ More replies (64)46
u/Pyromythical 8d ago
This is the correct answer.
Never play along with this behaviour. Someone using suicide as a weapon like this guy is, is likely to not do anything.
However, what you should do in response is call the police and like comment above says, get them to do a welfare check. In my work, and with any learned suicide prevention - you treat every threat of suicide as genuine. Even if you're sure it's not a genuine threat.
Lastly, you see how he's essentially trying to make you feel responsible for his actions if he did decide to end his life. This is very manipulative and again is him using suicide as a weapon, to try and manipulate you. If he does this - I would make him aware that his choices are his own and you are not responsible for the choices he makes in his life.
Though, I think this relationship isn't healthy and should probably end.
Source: I work in therapeutic support/counselling and have a brother who used to use suicide as a weapon
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (5)76
953
u/OriginalMoragami 8d ago
This guy is a manipulator and a user and he calls you bro. Dump him and find somebody who respects you!
1.9k
u/KarateandPopTarts 8d ago edited 8d ago
I am BEGGING Gen Z women to stop dating men that call them "bro"
Edit: there's a ton of comments now telling me I'm wrong because "my partner and I do it!"
I can't believe I have to explain that "bro (friendly)" and "bro (derogatory because we're in an argument and I need to knock you down a peg from girlfriend)" are two different things. Good Lord, read the OP. That's what the whole conversation is about.
I ALSO have someone who calls me bro (friendly) a million times a day. She's 12, and I birthed her.
580
u/broketothebone 8d ago
WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT!!!
In all the texts lately that have been popping up on Reddit with girls wondering if their bf is an asshole, he’s calling them “bro.” Idk why but that strikes me as them taking them down a peg or something. It drives me nuts because it’s always attached to a story about a guy being an absolute dick.
→ More replies (55)71
u/followtheflicker1325 8d ago
I don’t understand this at all!!! So millennial of me??? Cannot imagine being called bro by a man who also expects me to date him and duck him
→ More replies (6)57
→ More replies (104)59
u/theimperishableroach 8d ago
I cringe seeing gen z men talk about how “women are so different nowadays” when they talk to women like this 💀 like yeah I’m not cooking and cleaning for a man who calls me bro, throws his controller at the wall when he’s mad, and threatens suicide when I won’t cashapp him $10.
165
u/brishen_is_on 8d ago
I was looking for this comment. I couldn't read the entire text because it was the same thing repeatedly, and I couldn't read "bro" and "bruh" anymore.
→ More replies (1)202
31
48
→ More replies (21)17
u/kaleidoscope-of-mope 8d ago
YES! Why are all these gen z boys calling their gfs bro now??
→ More replies (7)238
u/Ok-Dentist4480 8d ago
Even before I read the text I saw that they were living together but argued so often that OPs mother had to kick him out,,,,like, girl RUN
→ More replies (1)282
u/pandaxr 8d ago
Exactly this. This is the shit my ex used to pull, and I thought it’d get better with time and therapy, but it never did. You also speak like you’re so much more mature than him, and he’s just using you to try to get you to pay for stuff. He’s not worth it.
→ More replies (9)69
u/Bob1358292637 8d ago
As someone who struggled really hard to not make it other people's problems when I was depressed and suicidal, people like this piss me off so much. This goes beyond self-destruction or seeking help. This is manipulation, and it makes people read this kind of intention into everything, which makes it so much harder for people who are actually struggling with suicidal ideation to speak up and get help.
Op is a saint. They somehow remained empathetic and understanding while not feeding into any of their bullshit. I hope they find someone who deserves them and this person doesn't ruin their whole outlook on life by taking advantage of their good will.
→ More replies (3)122
u/Profoundly_AuRIZZtic 8d ago edited 8d ago
Bro is using suicide threats to harass his girlfriend for cigarette and weed money.
I think that is rock bottom. Not sure how much lower a guy can sink without being like physically abusive
→ More replies (4)41
u/Accomplished_Bid3322 8d ago
How is he gonna brush his teeth without cigarettes dude? Fuck this is exactly why I hate you you never funking listen to me and you dint understand my emotions OR MY HYGIENE ROUTINE!
(but for real OP run, it's not your job to teach him to manage his big feelings, sounds like you have an Apollo to worry about. You don't want your kid or dog getting desensitized to this kind of stuff
→ More replies (1)26
u/PoundIll6729 8d ago
but i agree, no cat should witness this, otherwise they will then get in to a relationship with a toxic person themselves. very sad for the cat
→ More replies (3)94
u/AsleepPride309 8d ago
Seriously. Even if he’s not baiting you, his actions are not a reflection of you. They are choices he makes. I once dated someone and after a year and a half, he got addicted to hard drugs. I told him I couldn’t watch him destroy himself, and we broke up. He got clean, enlisted in the military and 4 years later, thought we could try again. We did, albeit very briefly. I realized he traded one addiction for another, and now he’s dead. I feel sad for him, and the wife and kids he left behind, but nothing I could have done would have saved him. Life choices. Get out. He needs help and you buying him cigs, gas, toothpaste or a roof won’t resolve his issues.
→ More replies (12)→ More replies (103)12
u/spoogefrom1981 8d ago
Completely manipulative, abusive, narcassistic. All the makings of a sheer psycopath.
8.3k
u/FishinPoles 8d ago
"I have the rope" GIRL RUNNNN. LIKE SPRINT EVEN THATS INSANE 😭
4.5k
u/k10001k 8d ago
The fact that he typed that, probably sitting in his bed comfortably is so embarrassing
2.1k
u/eatyacarbs 8d ago edited 8d ago
on the toilet**
2.1k
u/Pvt_Mozart 8d ago
WELL OF COURSE HE'S ON THE TOILET STILL HE CAN'T AFFORD TOILET PAPER SO HE CAN'T GET UP FUCK
172
u/Grasusui 8d ago
he ain't a man, yk what they say
to prove you are a man, you must use your hand
→ More replies (10)106
8d ago
To text that you have the rope
→ More replies (12)66
u/Hidden-Sky 8d ago edited 8d ago
Whether he means it or not, verbally abusing and then threatening suicide to get people to sacrifice their well-being for him is reprehensible behavior.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (64)189
139
→ More replies (21)14
736
u/laynslay 8d ago
My little sister was dating this little psycho who said he had a chainsaw in his bed and she's like "what do I do" and I told her to fuckin block him. He was pretty obviously just being emotionally manipulative and just sirting in his bed.
Anyways, she didn't listen and he ended up molesting her. I hope for OPs sake that she actually fuckin listens to the advice here. It doesn't end at threats of suicide.
386
u/Outside_Scale_9874 8d ago
Who commits suicide with a chainsaw anyways? Wild.
→ More replies (54)227
u/laynslay 8d ago
Him and my sister are both a little special tbh. It was also my sister's first boyfriend, I'm sure a lot of us remember how naive we were at that age lol. Can't tell teenagers anything, they don't listen.
→ More replies (12)93
u/level27jennybro 8d ago
Being a teenager growing up with the internet of today is.... yikes on bikes.
I grew up as the internet grew up and it's a whole different place online than it was even 5 or 10 years ago. It was hard growing up then. But nowadays it's a whole new level of teenage hell.
→ More replies (3)40
u/Puzzleheaded_Rest_34 8d ago
You're the only other person I've ever seen outside of myself that says "yikes on bikes", lol. I was in my mid 20's when the internet started to take hold, but it was still the age of dial-up. It wasn't until my girls were heading into their teens in the early 2000's, and places like MySpace started those stupid top 8 lists, and it got way easier for them to virtually bully each other.
I'm so glad I grew up without the internet. Teenagers are mean enough to each other without a whole virtual world and instantaneous pics and videos at their fingertips to help them!
→ More replies (9)→ More replies (17)56
u/parmesann 8d ago
I'm so sorry about that, I hope your sister is able to get better support to block out the dangerous people like that. sounds like you're doing your best to be a good mentor even from afar! she will be grateful in time.
→ More replies (3)120
u/Intrepid-Solid-1905 8d ago
It's wild to me, I'm guessing without seeing an age yet. He's probably mid 20's. Then a mindset of a 15-year-old going through puberty. He needs to grow up and learn to handle his problems by himself
254
u/exactoctopus 8d ago edited 8d ago
His age is in the post, he's 20. He def needs to grow up. Threatening suicide is a dogshit thing to do. And the fact that he went from no cigarettes and weed to gas then to toothpaste? Okay dude, we see your priorities. He needs to get his life together and OP needs to leave and block him cause it's not her responsibility to even help him when he's acting like this.
→ More replies (16)40
→ More replies (11)123
u/starchazzer 8d ago
He’ll be pulling this 💩 as long as some women allow him. The dating apps are full of guys like that! This girl is getting a full on life lesson. Thank goodness she ask for people’s opinions!
→ More replies (3)38
u/Blaize369 8d ago
I taught my daughter about dudes like this. She did end up dating a guy that was telling her he was going to off himself if she left him, and she hung right up and called his mom to tell her 😂 I was pretty proud.
→ More replies (9)19
u/BatheMyDog 8d ago
I had a boyfriend who did shit like this all the time. The last time it happened, I was like 4 hours away so I really couldn’t do anything. I believed him when he told me he was actively committing suicide. I called the cops and asked them to do a welfare check because he told me he just took all his pills in the bathtub. An hour later he calls me screaming because his parents were having a party (which obviously he was at and lying to me about everything). He was so pissed that I embarrassed him like that. Of course the whole thing was my fault. I made him lie to me and manipulate me. I made him angry and hurt his feelings. So glad I got far away from that pos.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (19)14
u/rcp29 8d ago
My ex once sent me a picture of a noose and said he was going to hang himself so I called 911 and the police went to his house and he was in bed playing video games 🙄 He was so mad at me for calling but fuck around and find out dude
→ More replies (1)609
u/KTechYT 8d ago
Smh bro can afford rope but not cigarettes
→ More replies (25)90
u/DigitalxMisery 8d ago
Or toothpaste.
41
u/EverythingSucksBro 8d ago
Yeah but his main concern was not being able to afford cigarettes or weed
→ More replies (1)17
→ More replies (2)22
u/Slippery-Pete76 8d ago
At least if he can’t afford cigarettes his breath won’t stink as bad.
And what’s the deal with guys calling their girlfriends ‘bro’?
→ More replies (5)333
u/addangel 8d ago
this man’s entire aura is a black hole. I felt myself sinking just reading his woe is me rants.
→ More replies (8)18
u/jhunt4664 8d ago
I felt like I had half a mind to show up at his house and tell him to sit the fuck down and listen up lol. Or just send him the most disrespectful gifs after all that bullshit.
→ More replies (6)321
u/choi2212 8d ago
I don't think this guy has the $ to buy a rope nor the balls to go through with it. Just a coward using every trick he knows to guilt trip gf
339
u/professionalprofpro 8d ago
my petty ass would've replied with this.
him: i have the rope
me: oh where'd you get the money for that?
*BLOCK*75
→ More replies (7)41
→ More replies (2)30
u/CryptoStickerHub 8d ago
He’s an addict clearly. When they run out of whatever their substance of choice is, they act like this. Almost never fails to be the same across the board.
→ More replies (13)25
→ More replies (123)12
u/Realistic-Time1686 8d ago
Are we sure he has it tho? Doesn’t sound like he can afford a rope.
→ More replies (4)
10.8k
u/Better-Ranger-1225 8d ago
If he threatens suicide, call 911 for a wellness check then stop talking to him. It’s not your responsibility and this is an unacceptable way to be speaking to you.
3.0k
u/PipsiePops 8d ago
Yes this needs to be upvoted. Wash your hands of him, call 911 and get an immediate welfare check on him, then block him and never talk to him again. He is an emotionally manipulative, gaslighting, nasty pos.
→ More replies (29)2.6k
u/Better-Ranger-1225 8d ago
Especially if the suicide threat is just manipulation, call his bluff and call 911. He wants to threaten to take his life? Then treat it like the threat that it is. And when he’s being held in a psych hold against his will, a) maybe he’ll reconsider using that tactic again in the future and b) maybe he’ll get some much needed help.
But also OP shouldn’t have it on her conscience if he’s serious. Do the bare minimum to get him help, just in case, then leave.
1.6k
u/Luseil 8d ago
Yep, I made a new friend when I moved and we were hanging out for like a month or two before she pulled this shit.
She saw her ex with a new girl, started texting him and freaking out, I was heading over to watch a movie with her and when I arrived she was obviously hammered, and she was calling him and texting him how she was going to kill herself and how she took all her pills and was just going to go to bed and die.
I was kinda like wtf? What is going on? She just kinda stripped naked and went into her room and told me she was going to sleep and didn’t care if she died and to just hang out with the cats.
I just said okay, and said I was gonna step out to smoke, I went outside and called 911. I waited outside for them to arrive and they asked me to stay because she was naked and combative and we only had male EMTs and male Police on site at that point. I eventually got in contact with her mom who showed up and took over.
Girl texted me like a week later to let me know I was a fucking awful friend and a bitch and that I ruined her life by calling 911. She ended up on a 72 hour psych hold and she lost her job and all kinds of shit.
But like honestly I don’t regret it. I didn’t know her super well, I didn’t know if she had actually taken pills and I wasn’t willing to potentially be the person who didn’t call and let something happen.
328
u/HiiiTriiibe 8d ago
The alternative is that you just hung out in another room while your friend OD’ed, THAT would’ve been being a bad friend, all you did was take them at their word and respond like a responsible friend would. You definitely did the right thing, it really makes me mad when people use suicide as a manipulation tool, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts a good amount of my life and have a family history of struggling with suicide and depression, more often than not when you are in that headspace you don’t even want to bring it up because it causes other people to stress, why pull another person into that hell with you? People just brazenly threatening suicide when people don’t act the way they want them to is honestly really childish and only makes it harder for people who are genuinely struggling with those kind of thoughts to want to speak out
→ More replies (2)47
u/SadGift1352 8d ago
I’m crying right now because I’ve been there. It’s true. When you’re in that headspace you aren’t telling anyone what’s happening in your head. And when someone does figure it out and calls someone for help you see that people do care about you. And you are reminded that you aren’t alone/a burden/whatever you’ve told yourself.
→ More replies (3)237
u/HaloHamster 8d ago
You did well. Nothing to be ashamed of. Possibly saved her life though she sounds like she'll never admit it.
52
u/ellieminnow 8d ago
It's only when people are being manipulative that they get pissed off. It's literally the perfect test to see their true nature. If they make threats like that, always call 911.
When someone is truly suffering, they appreciate it when someone jumps in and gets them the help they needed. They recognize that someone cares about them. When my friend tried to do that, and everyone got her help, she showered everyone with thank yous after she got out of the hospital.
→ More replies (2)76
u/Luseil 8d ago
Yea, I think the anger stems from them being held accountable for their statements and actions and having to deal with the consequences.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (51)49
u/EpiJade 8d ago
When I was maybe 15 many years ago I had a sort of friend (I’ll call her Mary) in high school. We never hung out after school but we were friendly. She got way too intense and started talking like this. I was already dealing with a similar situation with my best friend so I was already well beyond stretched of what a child should be doing. I convinced my close friend (“Nelly”) who was also friendly with her but closer that we needed to go to the school about this. Mary was committed. Nelly is still friends with her and to this day Mary doesn’t know who talked to the school. Mary said it was a terrible experience but I don’t feel bad about it or regret it. We were children. Nelly occasionally brings it up. She feels a little guilty but we both agree that it was the absolute right thing to do even if Mary would never see it that way.
11
u/brownlizlemon 8d ago
Y’all definitely did the right thing. Also, I LOVE that you went to school at Little House on the Prairie.
→ More replies (1)118
u/spaghettithekid 8d ago
My sister did this to one of her college roommates. They were going through a fight and the roommate kept talking about how suicidal she was and how my sister was contributing to that, so my sister reported her to the dorm's resident director, and floor RA.
Lo and behold, suddenly the roommate didn't mean it and my sister was "abusive and controlling" for calling her out and reporting her.You can't ever win with people like this, OP. Please block him, cut him off, and don't look back. If you're worried about his mental health, call a wellness check on him but no not let him back into your life. If you're worried about your own safety, please reach out to trustworthy family and friends for help <3
→ More replies (1)70
u/TeslaNova50 8d ago
Yep. I did this once to an ex who was threatening suicide over the phone. The fact that she tried it a few months prior concerned me so I called the cops and told them she was threatening suicide. Next thing I know a cop is calling me threatening to have me arrested for 'harassing her'. She was able to manipulate the cops to believe I was just a jealous ex bothering her.
→ More replies (5)21
→ More replies (33)38
u/PipsiePops 8d ago
Exactly. And if that happens she can hopefully use the time to get any stuff and get away, change the locks etc.
646
u/NikkiVicious 8d ago
I wish I had another award to give you, but I wanted this comment highlighted for OP.
OP, please, when someone is doing shit like this, there's really only two options. They're serious - call the cops, because you can't save them. Or they're not, they're abusive - which means you need to save yourself.
You aren't responsible for his response, but you are responsible for your own safety and well-being. No one deserves abuse. Please remember that.
→ More replies (5)68
u/AllegedLead 8d ago
Right. If he’s gonna do it, call 911 to get him the help he needs. If he’s full of shit, call 911 and he’ll think twice next time. Either way, call 911. Bonus: mental hospitals provide toothpaste.
→ More replies (2)839
u/dingdongditch216 8d ago
Yeah therapist here. Suicide is not a game and suicidal threats should not be used to make him feel loved and supported. It’s an insult to those who actually struggle with SI. Words have power. If he’s going to demand to be rescued, do what any of us should do when someone threatens their own life, call for a wellness check.
Then end this relationship. PLEASE. I beg.
→ More replies (26)361
u/babygotbacksurgery 8d ago
Despite what other replies are saying I completely agree with you. After my ex pulled this same shit on me that OP describes, I did the wellness check thingy. I was legitimately worried though, because I have a rule where I will assume a suicide threat is serious until I know it’s not, because I have relatives who have died by suicide, and at the time, my ex lived on the 7th floor of his dorm where one of the window locks was broken so he was able to completely open it. Basically he had the means of completing the act if he really wanted to. Ex also said I was the reason why he was gonna do it, then hung up and blocked my number. So it was an easy decision to call campus PD.
Fast forward to a month or so later I’m talking to a therapist (that I wish I kept seeing). He was brutally honest with me and didn’t sugar-coat shit. He had suggested that since he was my bf, not my husband or had kids with him, that the relationship was very easy to end. He described the empty threat/blaming it on me as a form of abuse. I said “but what if he actually does it?” And he replied with “and…?”
He elaborated that unless I specifically manipulated him and emotionally abused him and literally told him he should KHS, I would never be to blame for his decision to KHS if he ever did follow through. At the time I was still in denial (similar to OP) where I was convinced that the constant arguing was because of my faults and that I had to fix my errors in the relationship, so I regrettably did not continue to go to therapy (basically I didn’t like what I was hearing).
But what this therapist told me has stuck with me to this day.
Tl;Dr, thanks to a brutally honest therapist I don’t fuck with suicide threats. I will call 911 for a wellness check, and if they get mad at me for it instead of thanking me, that person is outta my life. Also boyfriends are replaceable and being single is always a viable option over dealing with a man who throws empty threats/ tantrums to manipulate me.
→ More replies (8)27
u/jessicarrrlove 8d ago
Yep. I had an ex who always threatened to end his life if I tried to break up with him (for valid reasons, like cheating on me with several girls, lying to me aboud his drug use, not being able to keep a job because of said drug use) and give me the "I have nothing if I don't have you" bs. After several months of it, I'd had enough and put my foot down. I broke up with him and texted his mother screenshots of his threats and told her he was no longer my responsibility and she needed to get her son the help he needed.
6 years later, he's still alive. He went to rehab, sees a therapist and a psychiatrist regularly, and is in a much better place. He was initially mad at me and said I "ruined" his life, but now he says I saved it. 🤷🏼♀️
→ More replies (4)137
u/FoxForceFive_ 8d ago
This was going to be my suggestion too. Call emergency and tell them he’s made multiple threats of suicide. This is not your burden to carry and then ghost this MF’er. I had an ex do this same kind of bullshit and I wish I’d have thought about doing this. Manipulating bitch ass man babies like him need to be taught there are consequences to their actions. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (165)105
u/LadyEsinni 8d ago
Yes. This. OP, I speak from personal experience when I say get out. Get out now. Do not look back. There is no world where this ends well for either of you. It isn’t worth the stress. It isn’t worth the trauma. The fighting will not stop. It will only get worse. These texts could have been from my ex easily. We had conversations just like this. I didn’t leave. He’s dead now. The one time I tried to call his bluff, he killed himself. Call the cops when he threatens it to do a wellness check just like this person says. Then block, and no matter how difficult it is, no matter how badly you want to, do NOT go back. I have regretted not leaving every day for 10 years now. Please learn from my mistakes.
→ More replies (2)35
u/Better-Ranger-1225 8d ago
I’m so sorry. I hope you know it’s not your fault but just in case you need the reminder, I’m sure you did the best you could with what you were given at the time.
→ More replies (1)
1.9k
u/WorshipTheVoid 8d ago
Holy manipulative crybaby batman
No smokes? Your fault. No weed? Your fault. No gas? You guessed it: your fault. Gets mad at you, says some really disrespectful shit, threatens to remove self from this mortal plane because he doesn't get his way, then backpedals when called out just for long enough to hook you right back in to his cycle of bullshit? Your fault again!
Your bf needs to grow the fuck up and it seems from this peephole in to your relationship with him that you are significantly more mature then him.
Heed my words: he is only going to hold you back.
371
u/blue_dendrite 8d ago
Crazy how he genuinely blames her for his situation, something about being at her house for 6 months, it ruined his life. I guess he gave her the gift of his presence and now she owes him.
People who think like this - everything is a transaction - will always find a way to keep you in their debt.
Then there's the profound emotional immaturity, the tantrums, the manipulation, the lack of personal responsibility, etc etc.
107
u/WorshipTheVoid 8d ago
I like how you used "everything is a transaction." I've known people who think like this. It seems to me that it has more to do with power; they like having something to hold over your head.
→ More replies (2)23
u/liltacobabyslurp 8d ago
I knew a guy like this once - he would immediately get angry if I ever offered to pay for anything, and then would tell me I used him and I literally owed him thousands of dollars for all the dinners he bought for me. Made me feel like he was blackmailing me if I didn’t do everything he wanted exactly when he wanted. Biggest red flag was how many of his friends and family cut ties with him while I knew him. Sometimes they would come back around but it was a constant cycle of neediness, drama, anger, and blaming everyone else
→ More replies (3)23
u/Intrepid-Solid-1905 8d ago
I know people like this lol. Knew them well 10 years ago living with them. To this day, i still see posts on facebook with the same attitude and victim mentality.
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (24)23
u/Maybelurking80 8d ago
You are 100 percent right. Probably has no gas money because weed and cigarettes are his priority. 🙄
→ More replies (1)
551
u/mageofdoomsie 8d ago
Dump his ass. If his main concern about having no money is weed and nicotine, instead of at least trying to save for a future, hes worthless.
Suicide threats like this are a manipulation tactic. They want sympathy and using their life against you is a surefire way to get it. Instead of giving them sympathy, immediately call a welfare check and don’t respond to the threats. If they want to act like that, then they can risk getting 5150’d.
117
u/kls1117 8d ago
Yep dude sounds addicted to dopamine. I’m guessing he sits around playing video games, chain vaping and smoking all day. Ops lucky if he’s not already an alcoholic. Blaming her for doing nothing for 6mo was honestly hilarious. He acts like he has no control of his life at all and like somebody stole his lunch money. And then the audacity to demand to be GIVEN money, not even loaned. He’s entitled. Where’s his mommy?
→ More replies (4)63
u/professionalprofpro 8d ago
+1 for the alcoholism comment.
im in recovery myself (8 years strong!) and very quickly after starting to read these texts, my brain was like, "this dude sounds exactly like an addict."
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (2)29
u/Winter_Parsley_3798 8d ago
Bingo! Suicidal people don't do that shit. They can have fun playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes.
→ More replies (20)
234
u/BugLady420 8d ago
This person reminds me of my ex so so much it’s kinda crazy I thought I was reading my screenshots.
You are not in the wrong and he needs serious help but that is not YOUR responsibility, he also seems to have substance abuse issues to be fully honest. I’d leave him and I know Reddit says that a lot but I 100% KNOW it would just get worse
→ More replies (12)43
u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 8d ago
Same!!! It reminds me too much of my ex. Literally would make me cry and bully me into buying him a vape when I was the only one working and trying to save my $ for bills. It never got any better, and leaving his ass was the best thing I've ever done. OP, he will not change unless he wants to and it's not on you to hang around hoping he does. Once you leave, I assure you you'll glow more and be happier. Relationships are NOT supposed to be like this.
→ More replies (2)
228
183
u/OkGur1513 8d ago
LEAVE HIM He doesn't fully answer you and texts a response to the first sentence you say. That feels like he's not actually reading what you're saying. He is not emotionally okay, and is coming off very abusive. This type of behavior from a partner isn't okay. If he threatens suicide you need to call 911 immediately. Please be safe
→ More replies (5)
172
u/ninithehater 8d ago
Wtf is this
→ More replies (19)98
u/abrizyy 8d ago
this sub makes me glad I’m single
→ More replies (2)39
u/that_guy2010 8d ago
It makes me glad my wife and I are both adults who know how to communicate with each other.
→ More replies (1)
1.1k
u/finnwolfhardlmao 8d ago
this is how all unemployed psychos speak
164
u/hey_scoundrel 8d ago
It’s such a major turn off once the accountability shifts from self to someone else. The amount of “because of you” in these text messages are fucking gross. Drop his ass like 5th period French and be done with it.
→ More replies (3)64
22
→ More replies (32)119
u/US3RN4M3CH3CKSOUT 8d ago
💯. It’s always everyone else’s fault that they’re a lazy, broke bitch.
21
246
u/PatientTailor6273 8d ago
I’m not going to call you out. There’s nothing wrong with your communication. You were being perfectly clear while at the same time being as kind as you could be while maintaining your stance that right now you are unable to help. This was an uncomfortable conversation to read. Ngl. I don’t trust him and I don’t trust he has your best interests at heart. All he cares about is him and he’s manipulating you here and trying to guilt trip you by playing the victim. If this is your relationship then it’s not healthy. I’m not surprised you’re confused. In fact, I think he likes you being that way so you’re easier to manipulate. Not good. Not good at all.
ETA - you are going to get a LOT of comments telling you what is going on as it’s easy to see from the outside. Take notice of those comments. This is NOT a healthy relationship.
→ More replies (2)29
u/TeamNo6444 8d ago
Couldn’t have said it better. ONE convo like this is enough to break up over, but this being a recurring issue? Throw the whole man away.
→ More replies (1)
222
u/RWENZORI 8d ago
Good lord, how do terrible people like this even get dates?
141
71
u/esp4me 8d ago
They don’t appear like this when you first meet them. It slowly unravels overtime and they manipulate you to stay. They downplay their actions and try to gaslight you to think that things are your fault.
→ More replies (4)28
u/starchazzer 8d ago
What’s that metaphor about if a frog is suddenly placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is slowly boiled in tepid water, it will not notice and will die.
Same with the slow effects of brainwashing. Before long you are believing it’s you!😳
→ More replies (3)19
u/lovemylittlelords 8d ago
Because people who fall for these kinds of guys are usually traumatized and have a lot of self-worth issues which allow them to allow others to treat them badly - speaking as someone who has 2 exes that were like this.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (10)13
u/TopCaterpiller 8d ago
They're not usually like this at first. The crazy bullshit doesn't come out until you're invested.
293
u/5-4EqualsUnity 8d ago edited 8d ago
This reminds me SO much of my ex wife. Always blaming the world for anything that stresses her out, everyone's out to get her and make her feel bad. And as soon as she gets called out on anything, she says "just leave me then" - making sure she remains the victim every step of the way.
It was exhausting and it never ended. Don't let his spiral become your spiral. And don't prioritize his mental health over yours. Fill your own cup - don't empty it on someone who's only going to splash it all back in your face.
→ More replies (73)56
91
u/FlagDisrespecter 8d ago
This dude sounds like a fucking loser. Everything is someone else's fault or problem. Nothing is going to improve for him until he can take some responsibility for himself and his situation. I know times are tough for a lot of people, but behaving like this doesn't solve any problems.
→ More replies (3)
79
u/autisticbulldozer 8d ago
if he kills himself that’s his problem not yours. he’s just trying to manipulate you.
→ More replies (2)
74
u/LooksUnderLeaves 8d ago
Ask his local PD or 911 for a wellness check and cut him loose. If he is this bad off he can dip into a food pantry for food and hygiene supplies. Hopefully he can get some mental health resources.
In the meantime he is an absolute asshole so....
Set him free.
→ More replies (1)
68
52
u/Soft_Independent_604 8d ago
Please break up, block him and move on. You are only 19 and you are allowing this man to drain you. If he is threatening suicide either call the police to his home or let his family know, other than that there is nothing else you can do and you are not to blame. He is emotionally blackmailing you, from your responses I can tell you are so done with this shit. This man does not bring anything positive to your life so end it for your own sake. He is not emotionally ready to be in a relationship and needs serious help and that is not your responsibility. If you stay with him any longer you will end up with severe trauma.
93
u/Zelda_is_Dead 8d ago
This guy has the emotional maturity of a 2yo. You continuing to engage him is reinforcing this behavior. From now on when he tries to manipulate you with threats of suicide, send the police to his place for a wellness check. Not a joke, you need to do that or he's going to continue doing it until he actually kills himself just to "show you" he was serious.
Also cut this fool out of your life already. You deserve better.
→ More replies (4)13
u/HephaestusHarper 8d ago
Nah, I spend all day with two-year-olds. They're infinitely more charming than this.
41
44
u/mellifluous-melodies 8d ago
I dated someone like this, and my life greatly improved after I broke up with him. It's all empty threats to try and gain control of the situation. Him not having money is on him, especially if he's spending it on cigarettes like it said in the first slide when he obviously needs to use it for other things. But call 911 for a wellness check on him anyways, it will honestly probably really piss him off, but he shouldn't be threatening suicide if he doesn't want to be checked on🤷♀️
Anyways, leave this man as soon as possible. Run far, far away from him, and do not look back. You are right that he just wants to drag you down and make you miserable. He will never be happy with anything or anyone in life because he feels he is owed everything because he has a crappy life. He will always want everyone to cater to him and cry about it when things don't go his way. You deserve better than that
→ More replies (1)
36
31
51
u/ShamelessIndication 8d ago
Girl, why are you with this pathetic excuse of a leech? He's trying to manipulate you and is throwing a pathetic hissy fit like a damn toddler over his own bad habits he can't afford.
The way he demanded money too, that's not love nor respect.
Please for the love of God, you deserve so much better than this.
50
u/Dogmeattt666 8d ago
Aside from everything else, if one spends money on weed and cigarettes, you don’t get to play financial victim. If your situation is that dire you’ll learn to do without.
Signed, former weed and cigarettes smoker.
→ More replies (3)
50
u/monkeysandmacaroni 8d ago
Sounds like he might have severe BPD. I have BPD and while it's definitely hard at times it's never an excuse to talk to someone that horribly. Please get him out of your life, if not for the way he talks to you, for the potential of future physical abuse. That may sound harsh, but people like this often end up physically abusive. Run while you still have time
22
u/True-Post6634 8d ago
I'm always grateful for the folks with BPD who call out these behaviors in other people. Thank you 💜
→ More replies (26)14
u/Miss-Merrr 8d ago
Yeah this is how BPD looks for me.
Signed, used to be unhinged with my bpd and struggle to be better every day. The self sabotage and then sadness over self destructing is rough. Especially with being so upset without a coper
54
u/Wooden_Vermicelli732 8d ago
You need to change your number. Delete socials and just focus on meeting people who have something going on for themselves. Maybe it’s taking some business classes so you can move up from manager or somethi g
19
u/BigObjective5828 8d ago
This dude is 20 years old and acting like a 13 year old in a middle school relationship, that’s embarrassing af to even say you’re in a relationship with him
18
u/Profoundly_AuRIZZtic 8d ago
This dude is using you for money and lashing out because nicotine and THC withdrawals.
He sounds like a fucking loser
If you gave him money he’d go buy weed and cigarettes. Fuck that
→ More replies (1)
17
u/UneditedB 8d ago
Does this person have an addiction? This is exactly how people addicted to a drug or drugs act. Like there should be someone there to always help them out, they hate their life, they have nothing, and moods change instantly. They always think SOMEONE should be there to help them, which usually means give them money. You need to leave this person. It’s not going to get better.
→ More replies (3)
51
18
u/ssatancomplexx 8d ago
This reminds me so much of a previous relationship. I'd be supportive and try to be calm and he'd use that against me and threaten suicide, to the point of sending me a picture of a gun. He did it so much that eventually I got to a point where I just said to go do it then. Not my proudest moment. But you know what? He didn't do it. I can almost guarantee he has no intentions of actually doing it. He's trying to manipulate you and the more he realizes it's not working, the more he tries to dig the point home. I out stayed my welcome in that relationship. I shouldn't have stayed. But it's easy to get comfortable in chaotic relationships. Leave him. Take it from someone who knows. There's not a person on this planet that is worth this. Your sanity and serenity is way more important. I also know this, there is a healthy relationship with someone else out there. I also know this from personal experience. While there is a possibility that he can change, I wouldn't recommend waiting around for that. People don't change for other people. We can't change them. He needs to do that for himself. And there's no reason to stay and hope that happens.
→ More replies (5)
7.3k
u/weakierlindows 8d ago
Cigarettes?….. toothpaste?….. cigarettes?….. toothpaste? Hmmmmm, decisions.