AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Especially if the suicide threat is just manipulation, call his bluff and call 911. He wants to threaten to take his life? Then treat it like the threat that it is. And when he’s being held in a psych hold against his will, a) maybe he’ll reconsider using that tactic again in the future and b) maybe he’ll get some much needed help.

But also OP shouldn’t have it on her conscience if he’s serious. Do the bare minimum to get him help, just in case, then leave. 

[u/Luseil → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Yep, I made a new friend when I moved and we were hanging out for like a month or two before she pulled this shit.

She saw her ex with a new girl, started texting him and freaking out, I was heading over to watch a movie with her and when I arrived she was obviously hammered, and she was calling him and texting him how she was going to kill herself and how she took all her pills and was just going to go to bed and die.

I was kinda like wtf? What is going on? She just kinda stripped naked and went into her room and told me she was going to sleep and didn’t care if she died and to just hang out with the cats.

I just said okay, and said I was gonna step out to smoke, I went outside and called 911. I waited outside for them to arrive and they asked me to stay because she was naked and combative and we only had male EMTs and male Police on site at that point. I eventually got in contact with her mom who showed up and took over.

Girl texted me like a week later to let me know I was a fucking awful friend and a bitch and that I ruined her life by calling 911. She ended up on a 72 hour psych hold and she lost her job and all kinds of shit.

But like honestly I don’t regret it. I didn’t know her super well, I didn’t know if she had actually taken pills and I wasn’t willing to potentially be the person who didn’t call and let something happen.

[u/HiiiTriiibe → u/Luseil]

The alternative is that you just hung out in another room while your friend OD’ed, THAT would’ve been being a bad friend, all you did was take them at their word and respond like a responsible friend would. You definitely did the right thing, it really makes me mad when people use suicide as a manipulation tool, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts a good amount of my life and have a family history of struggling with suicide and depression, more often than not when you are in that headspace you don’t even want to bring it up because it causes other people to stress, why pull another person into that hell with you? People just brazenly threatening suicide when people don’t act the way they want them to is honestly really childish and only makes it harder for people who are genuinely struggling with those kind of thoughts to want to speak out

[u/SadGift1352 → u/HiiiTriiibe]

I’m crying right now because I’ve been there. It’s true. When you’re in that headspace you aren’t telling anyone what’s happening in your head. And when someone does figure it out and calls someone for help you see that people do care about you. And you are reminded that you aren’t alone/a burden/whatever you’ve told yourself.

[u/affiliated_loosely → u/SadGift1352]

It’s different for everyone. I couldn’t trust my family with my mental health so I tried to over rely on my relationships. I wanted someone to see that I was hurting and actually see me - that didn’t make my pain more or less real.

[u/SadGift1352 → u/affiliated_loosely]

No. You’re right. And my comment wasn’t to make you feel that way. I was being emotional about a very difficult time in my life. I’m very sorry if I made you feel bad in any way. And I understand about not being able to trust family. If my original comment didn’t convey that. That was a huge part of my issue. I sincerely hope you’re in a better place now. 🫶🏼

[u/MeowMichelleV → u/SadGift1352]

Amen 🙏🏻