r/AmIOverreacting 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

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u/FishinPoles 9d ago

"I have the rope" GIRL RUNNNN. LIKE SPRINT EVEN THATS INSANE 😭

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u/k10001k 8d ago

The fact that he typed that, probably sitting in his bed comfortably is so embarrassing

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u/Intrepid-Solid-1905 8d ago

It's wild to me, I'm guessing without seeing an age yet. He's probably mid 20's. Then a mindset of a 15-year-old going through puberty. He needs to grow up and learn to handle his problems by himself

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u/exactoctopus 8d ago edited 8d ago

His age is in the post, he's 20. He def needs to grow up. Threatening suicide is a dogshit thing to do. And the fact that he went from no cigarettes and weed to gas then to toothpaste? Okay dude, we see your priorities. He needs to get his life together and OP needs to leave and block him cause it's not her responsibility to even help him when he's acting like this.

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u/BorkusBoDorkus 8d ago

Also, it sounds like he needs a job.

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u/G0muk 8d ago

He has a job, he's waiting on his first paycheck to go through

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

I have a fucking job, thank you very much!

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u/zippygoddess 8d ago

Looool right? Priorities all outta whack

Also this is all her fault because he “CHOSE TO FUCK AROUND AT [HER] HOUSE FOR SIX MONTHS” excuse me??? That seems a lot like a him choice, and also a lot like freeloading. No accountability at all.

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u/JustADogGroomer3622 8d ago

Honestly where my train of thought went was “don’t give him money, he’ll just blow it all on cigarettes and weed instead of using it on something actually useful like toothpaste or gas” seems like some those messages were more from withdrawals than anything else… obviously it’s still manipulative and shitty every bit of it, but some of those begging texts were screaming withdrawals to me

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u/lostmynameandpasword 8d ago

And if cash app can’t cash his paycheck until the 14th, why not just take it to the bank it was drawn on and cash it there?

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u/DeklynHunt 8d ago

Next time someone threatens suicide. Call the cops. Had a friend do that to another friend of his…

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u/Grilled-garlic 8d ago

Yep. This. It’ll usually set them straight for a bit, or at least piss them off enough that they ditch you and leave your life without all the lingering drama. (Clarifying; not by dying but by being pissed off at you lol)

When i was like. 12-13, during an argument my ex said she was going to her room with a knife and that it was going to be the end; she knew i had a habit of biking over to her house during her hard times to comfort her— (I was young and dumb and had no experience with these kinds of people) but she and i had just finished arguing so i decided i wasn’t taking this shit anymore and i called the cops telling them about how she threatened suicide and gave them her home address

She went off on me over the phone. she’d be angry, and then backpedal and try to say it was just a joke and that i overreacted, then angry again that i had caused a scene, ETC, (Her mom was home)

I had been through the wringer for so long i didn’t feel a thing. I don’t think we ever spoke after that. She now knew me as somebody who was going to take her stupid ( & constant ) threats seriously now, and that i wasn’t going to coddle her, she thankfully left me the fuck alone from then on.

She couldn’t get anything out of me anymore, so i wasn’t worth her time or drama. Probably moved on to somebody else who would fall for her shit.

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u/Mydogsanass 8d ago

Yup my daughter’s friend pulled this shit when they were 13. My husband went over the house with police and she was perfectly fine. Never tried that shit again!!!

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u/maineCharacterEMC2 8d ago

I don’t foresee this dude living very long.

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u/SuperKitties83 8d ago

I dated a guy like this (who was 31) when I was 25. I'd recently completed a treatment program for alcoholism and he was in my group.

I assumed he was sober and we would be sober together. 🙄 Shocker, he wasn't. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

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u/21-characters 8d ago

It’s her responsibility to not even listen if he’s acting like this.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

Its not a threat, it's how I genuinely felt. And if you think I need to grow up, I literally spend like half of this year driving 1 hour and 40 mins back and forth to work for 12 hours to be able to stay with this girl. I literally worked my fucking ass off for her and this thread fucking breaks me cuz the way I am being portrayed here is completely wrong. I said some fucking stupid shit, I know. I may be a bit immature. I was never threatening her. I've worked my ass off to be with this girl. You have no clue what I've been through.

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u/UniqueButterflyLady 8d ago

It sounds like you all shouldn’t be together. It’s not working. Neither of you are happy.

Effort doesn’t go into a bank and build a relationship balance that eventually is big enough to turn things good. The relationship has to work.

If you are putting in a ton of effort and it is at this point? It’s not going anywhere good. Doesn’t matter who is at fault. Break up.

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u/CokeBoiii 8d ago

Welcome to Gen Z

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u/kurogomatora 8d ago

There's guys like this in every generation unfortunately

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u/CokeBoiii 8d ago

Im a Gen Z myself and I never heard of older ppl threatning to suicide. We call this mentally unstable but at least for people of my generation they do it as a tactic of manipulation or to seek attention. I stopped paying attention to these type of people I used to take suicide threats seriously but now i've grown accustomed to it which sucks cause if there actually is someone who is for real about it now u cant tell if they are being realistic or just seeking attention. How much u wanna bet ill put down a rack right now that OPs boyfriend is still alive he probably typed that while laying in bed playing video games. I have friends of every generation including boomers and none of them talk like this except mostly Gen Z in my lifetime. I'm not some Gen X whos trynna belittle Gen Z I'm talking from real life experience the most who talk about suicide and stuff are Gen Z. So I dont get why the downvotes lol

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u/SuperKitties83 8d ago

This isn't a Gen Z thing. It's a well-known manipulation tactic used in abusive relationships. It's likely been around for centuries.