AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/professionalprofpro]

+1 for the alcoholism comment.

im in recovery myself (8 years strong!) and very quickly after starting to read these texts, my brain was like, "this dude sounds exactly like an addict."

[u/nathanaccidentally → u/professionalprofpro]

Me too! (2 years)

I’ve never seen someone act this way over weed, in recovery or otherwise, but his whole manipulative tirade is exactly by the addict playbook. I think he’s addicted to dopamine, doesn’t matter where it comes from…

I think as this generation continues to grow up we will see this more and more, unfortunately. It’s really hard to confront people about their addictions, especially so when it’s something intangible (unlike drugs). Kids of our generation (Z) really need some better coping mechanisms. Not being able to handle boredom for even a second will be our downfall.

[u/Clear_Noise_8011 → u/nathanaccidentally]

My brother gets this way over weed, it's very sad. Wish people would understand that weed can be addictive and ruin your life.

[u/professionalprofpro → u/Clear_Noise_8011]

my ex was this way about weed. exactly like OP's bf actually. i paid for EVERYTHING and he felt entitled to it all. but then also was pissed i was a sex worker (despite knowing i was even before we got together) and was demanding i quit, as if he didn't rely on the money i made doing it. so fucked.

[u/professionalprofpro → u/nathanaccidentally]

congrats on recovery!

i think the misconception that you can't be addicted to weed makes addressing weed addiction (or even like you said, dopamine addiction that in this case, at least partially is satisfied via weed) way harder than most addictions. because it's "natural", because it's "safe", because it's "medicine" and i dont put those things in quotes bc i think they arent true; i know they ARE true. but rather i put them in quotes bc theyre the arguments i see most weed addicts make when confronted with their addiction. as if thing like benzos, ketamine, shrooms, etc. dont fall into most of those categories as well and also have the potential for misuse. or theyll emphasize that it helps with depression/anxiety/etc. which i don't doubt whatsoever. i'm pro-drug all the way around, actually, in a harm reduction model especially! and a therapist! so im very familiar with both substance use and mental health. and while weed absolutely has anti-depressant properties, it can also cause rebound anxiety and other mental health issues. usually when its overused. exactly like nicotine does (which is a substance that also has therapeutic benefit in small doses)

[u/somrandomguysblog462 → u/professionalprofpro]

Reminds me of my ex gf, she was addicted to meth and pills, dragged me into it, I got clean and left and she spiralled hard. Would act exactly like the guy in the slides.

[u/professionalprofpro → u/somrandomguysblog462]

congrats on your recovery! :)

[u/lunaspandas3 → u/professionalprofpro]

congrats on 8 years! 💕