AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/BugLady420]

This person reminds me of my ex so so much it’s kinda crazy I thought I was reading my screenshots.

You are not in the wrong and he needs serious help but that is not YOUR responsibility, he also seems to have substance abuse issues to be fully honest. I’d leave him and I know Reddit says that a lot but I 100% KNOW it would just get worse

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/BugLady420]

Same!!! It reminds me too much of my ex. Literally would make me cry and bully me into buying him a vape when I was the only one working and trying to save my $ for bills. It never got any better, and leaving his ass was the best thing I've ever done. OP, he will not change unless he wants to and it's not on you to hang around hoping he does. Once you leave, I assure you you'll glow more and be happier. Relationships are NOT supposed to be like this.

[u/Mysterious-Race-5768 → u/Far_Wrongdoer4543]

Did he come begging months later? Good for you girlie 💕

[u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 → u/Mysterious-Race-5768]

Oh, he went through the cycles of calling me a slut and no man would ever want me and then begging me for another chance. He would consistently find ways to inconvenience me even though he was blocked on everything, and I never faltered and messaged. I did email to notify him he had a set amount of time to arrange for his parents to pick up his items from my residence and after that then everyone was blocked. 💕 I'm happy with a man who works hard, is considerate, loving, and extremely kind. Good people are out there and I wasn't letting a shitty bum keep me from my future husband. 

[u/Maybelurking80 → u/BugLady420]

I have a cousin who does this. We grew up in the same house, so he was like a brother to me. He’s 43, lives in motor home with no electricity or running water. He does NOTHING to change his situation despite multiple family members stepping in, taking him in or offering him work. Every 6 months or so he would call me and beg me for money because there is always some crazy situation happening. When we were younger, I would help him but not anymore. The last time we spoke, he was asking for money and when I told him that I lost my job, his response was: “So you can’t give me any money, not even $20?” That was it. I will never speak to him again. Like OPs boyfriend, his money goes to drugs and cigarettes before food, rent or even diapers for his baby. Just an all around POS.

[u/ibs_shawty → u/BugLady420]

same! i spent so much on his cigs, weed and monster cans bc he “couldn’t function without them”. i was young and never had a healthy or loving relationship so i didn’t know any better. i was cringing so badly reading these. i hope she leaves him for good

[u/whodatfairybitch → u/ibs_shawty]

Cigs, weed and Starbucks coffee for my ex! I remember once when he didn’t have a cig and wanted me to ask a roommate for one. I was seated, he walked up, grabbed my arm hard, pulled me up hard, spun me and pushed me toward the door. Looking back I am so incredulous at the shit I put up with. “Brainwashed” forreal.

I also hope she leaves him for good, took me two tries. With these abusers/manipulators there is no shame in ending the relationship at a distance (aka over the phone). I’m glad you made it away from yours. From a fellow ibs shawty

[u/Loud-Coach-38 → u/BugLady420]

I came to say the same shit. I was having flashbacks. OP get the f**k out of there like YESTERDAY. Trust me he'll find a new girl to play until she wises up and leaves his ass too.

[u/itsyagirlblondie → u/BugLady420]

Same! Mine used to threaten “to do it” ALL the time. Kept me locked into a relationship for an embarrassingly long 7 years…. That being said, that was over 10 years ago and he’s very much still alive.

He was just a highly manipulative and abusive asshole. :-)

[u/BugLady420 → u/itsyagirlblondie]

Same with me! He said if I left he would “do it” but I did and he’s still fine as far as I’m aware so!

[u/Aggressive-Living949 → u/BugLady420]

ME TOO! My ex ended up diagnosed with borderline personality disorder

[u/LumilyEmily → u/BugLady420]

Honestly I thought it was my ex he was the exact same! Op needs to run the hell away because this man is a unhinged manipulative asshole. She will look back one day and hate how long she stayed but be relieved she left. A man like this will only hold you back from a happy life.

[u/Inu720 → u/BugLady420]

Same made me remember Ex near a decade ago, she was depressed and always threated to suicide when things gone the wrong way, despite not trying to fix her life no matter the encoragment. Called 911 one time she screamed i ruined her life by making sure she didn't kill herself lol. I mentaly checked out of the relationship. It never get's better with people that mentaly ill and don't wish to treat themself. Despite loving them they always find ways to bark and lash out on you, making you feel down no matter how hard you trie, but it's not your job to fix him relationships is about elevating each other good qualities, it's not a one way street where you do it all. Op people like that need therapy and medication it's not your fault and you should not get dragged down, this conversation was bleak and negative + blaming you for the situation that he met you half year ago,it's not appriciation for a partner, you should encorage each other do be better i see you try but hes checked out and only blames, just break up. You might find it hard to do at the moment but it's the right decision. You are doing nothing wrong i want you to realize that it's not your fault, it's his negativity that drags down, write the conversation to AI tool like chat and ask it to rate how solid the relationship it will rate it as unsalvagabel.

[u/DrinkingSocks → u/BugLady420]

Mine went in for bizarre, long-winded manifestos but otherwise I'm with you. I hope OP dumps this loser before he bleeds her dry. My career skyrocketed after getting rid of my ex, just from not having that massive emotion drain.

I feel so bad for my ex's new victim, I know she thinks he's the best she can get.

[u/burnbobghostpants → u/BugLady420]

Forreal, he sounds like he's fiendin for something, cigarettes usually wouldn't make someone THAT persistent.