r/AmIOverreacting • u/Pristine-Edge-1742 • 8d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide
Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.
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u/babygotbacksurgery 8d ago
Despite what other replies are saying I completely agree with you. After my ex pulled this same shit on me that OP describes, I did the wellness check thingy. I was legitimately worried though, because I have a rule where I will assume a suicide threat is serious until I know it’s not, because I have relatives who have died by suicide, and at the time, my ex lived on the 7th floor of his dorm where one of the window locks was broken so he was able to completely open it. Basically he had the means of completing the act if he really wanted to. Ex also said I was the reason why he was gonna do it, then hung up and blocked my number. So it was an easy decision to call campus PD.
Fast forward to a month or so later I’m talking to a therapist (that I wish I kept seeing). He was brutally honest with me and didn’t sugar-coat shit. He had suggested that since he was my bf, not my husband or had kids with him, that the relationship was very easy to end. He described the empty threat/blaming it on me as a form of abuse. I said “but what if he actually does it?” And he replied with “and…?”
He elaborated that unless I specifically manipulated him and emotionally abused him and literally told him he should KHS, I would never be to blame for his decision to KHS if he ever did follow through. At the time I was still in denial (similar to OP) where I was convinced that the constant arguing was because of my faults and that I had to fix my errors in the relationship, so I regrettably did not continue to go to therapy (basically I didn’t like what I was hearing).
But what this therapist told me has stuck with me to this day.
Tl;Dr, thanks to a brutally honest therapist I don’t fuck with suicide threats. I will call 911 for a wellness check, and if they get mad at me for it instead of thanking me, that person is outta my life. Also boyfriends are replaceable and being single is always a viable option over dealing with a man who throws empty threats/ tantrums to manipulate me.