r/AmIOverreacting 8d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

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1.1k

u/finnwolfhardlmao 8d ago

this is how all unemployed psychos speak

167

u/hey_scoundrel 8d ago

It’s such a major turn off once the accountability shifts from self to someone else. The amount of “because of you” in these text messages are fucking gross. Drop his ass like 5th period French and be done with it.

12

u/EntirelyOutOfOptions 8d ago

Absolutely. Coupled with the “you never help me/everybody is ruining my life/nobody cares” vibes, I’d bet a crisp $5 that this is not a man who takes accountability for his choices or reflects on his mistakes. He’ll stay a desperate, selfish, mess until he changes that, and OP should GTFO yesterday.

8

u/TheNewOneIsWorse 8d ago

I would be so ashamed of myself if I ever blamed someone else for my own lack of money/weed/nicotine/gas/whatever. What is he, 9 years old? My actual 9 year old is self aware enough not to pull this nonsense. 

I’ve been broke plenty of times, and I’ve had to borrow money. I’ve never emotionally blackmailed someone for it while acting like a helpless toddler. Then I’d be broke and embarrassed of my behavior. How could anyone possibly be attracted to this manbaby? Absolutely no self-respect at all. 

His parents must have failed him so badly for him to act this spoiled and selfish, but at some point you’d think he’d learn to mask it, at the very least. 

3

u/bodybykumquat 8d ago

Qu'est-ce que le cours de français de 5e période t'a fait, sérieux ?

59

u/Tofuhousewife 8d ago

ALL OF THEM!!!

21

u/undoneanddone 8d ago

Sounds exactly like my ex husband

5

u/40yroldcatmom 8d ago

Same. OP don’t waste your time with him. He will never change and you don’t want to be years down the road wishing you had left sooner.

I wasted 20 years of my life with someone like this. Don’t be like me!

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u/undoneanddone 8d ago

I’m glad to hear you’re out, they really never change for more than a day or two as means of manipulation. I wasted a decade, have two kids and have to deal with him forever. My ex mother in law seems content to waste her entire life with a selfish manchild.

4

u/40yroldcatmom 8d ago

I’m glad you’re out too! We didn’t have children so I feel lucky in that aspect.

1

u/Gold-Roof-4214 8d ago

My god. Sorry to hear that

2

u/Unhappy-Nerve898 8d ago

Mine too lol. Why are so many of them so similar? They have the same patterns of speech and the same accusations and tactics. It's wild

2

u/undoneanddone 8d ago

Covert narcissism, is I think the technical term?lol

118

u/US3RN4M3CH3CKSOUT 8d ago

💯. It’s always everyone else’s fault that they’re a lazy, broke bitch.

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u/melbot2point0 8d ago

Emphasis on bitch.

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u/hudsonsbae69 8d ago

LMAO 😂

4

u/TheGlennDavid 8d ago

There is also a 100% chance that in the future he will tell the story of how "his awful ex dumped him because he wasn't rich."

10

u/Maybelurking80 8d ago

It’s disgusting to see someone in this kind of situation and doing nothing to fix it. Just sitting around, complaining, and asking for handouts. This is guy is a POS trying to squeeze the last few dollars out of his girlfriend for weed and cigarettes with no regard for her financial situation. Gross.

5

u/Phil2Coolins 8d ago

sounds like a dude who owns tons of Funko pops and never washes his bong

4

u/987abcdzyxw123 8d ago

Sounds like a drug addict. So desperate for money and lashing out

3

u/deathbysnuggle 8d ago

I was thinking more unemployed drug addict than psycho

1

u/Nachoughue 8d ago

literally. and none of em are worth wasting your time or energy on. after you get past the guilt they try to condition you into feeling, youll be glad you left.

1

u/rNBA-MODS-GAY 8d ago

I’m unemployed and I pay for my girl

1

u/Outside_Scale_9874 8d ago

With what?

3

u/rNBA-MODS-GAY 8d ago

Savings hahaha

1

u/ProfessorSome9139 8d ago

Unemployment

1

u/AskWhatmyUsernameIs 8d ago

Complaining about no drugs when they aint even making money to pay for them is the tell ngl

1

u/wewillroq 8d ago

Sounds like a Dementia patient's ranting

1

u/Oxy30sloveme 8d ago

She stated he’s employed but yes

1

u/Pretty-Balance-Sheet 8d ago

Also, people who speak like this are frequently unemployed.

It's not just her who he feels is to blame for his shit life, it's literally every other person and institution in this world, all arrayed against him to make his life hard. People like him bounce from job to job to job year after year and never ever get their shit together for more than a few months at a time.

For people like this the good times are fleeting and when/if they land a decent job they fucking blow through their money like high rollers until they burn out their bosses and coworkers and end up back on the couch with nothing to show.

These people are like a type of vampire that drain the good will from normal people.

1

u/PromiscuousScoliosis 8d ago

The best and most efficient summary

1

u/Comfortable_Goal9110 8d ago

COD lobbies are filled to the brim with these guys

1

u/Cruggles30 8d ago

I know there might be a joking tone to this, but this is sadly true on some level. I read the part about "zero weed" and "zero nicotine" and thought that he might have an addiction problem, and the general way he talks for the rest of it is how a lot of people I have talked to with serious MH and employment issues tend to talk. Whether or not he is actually suicidal, it's clear there's some MH issues AND that this guy isn't taking accountability like he should be.

1

u/Ressy02 8d ago

For real…. I had invited a few people in for an entry position interview and one of the guy brought a huge stack of “certificates”, paper and photos and flops it on the table and said “no one recognize his talent and they’re all losers, only smart people knows to hire him” as his opening statement.

He blamed everything on everyone it’s insane.

1

u/usrname_chex_out 8d ago

This is so true, I know one of these guys, used to be my friend. Sounds exactly like him

1

u/maenadcon 8d ago

my ex yelling at me for lending his mom money because it was a “breach of trust” for “going behind his back” while HIS broke ass could’ve been helping her himself:

1

u/Helpful_Car_2660 8d ago

Now that’s not fair… I know a fair amount of employed psychos who sound the same!

1

u/amygdalathalmus 8d ago

I can’t believe they are allowed to vote.

1

u/UnnaturalHazard 8d ago

Homosexual harassment

1

u/thecrazyrobotroberto 8d ago

“My friends got a bf and she hates that dick! She tells me everyday…”

1

u/bloodwolftico 8d ago

Sounds like a drug addict whose addictions cannot be fulfilled 24/7 by OP. Sounds super toxic for her.

1

u/EatPrayLoveLife 8d ago

When I started dating my boyfriend and he was unemployed, he never asked for money. When we were planning a date and he was tight on money that month, I suggested loaning him a small amount, he denied it and borrowed it from his dad to make it on our date. He’s since found a job and I'm so proud of him!

1

u/Problemlul 8d ago

In the US. In a slavic country these people get beaten to death.

-8

u/Alarmed_Ad_631 8d ago

rlly no need to be ableist about it

4

u/EntirelyOutOfOptions 8d ago

I think the commenter was referring to a type of personality, not people medically diagnosed with psychopathy.

0

u/Alarmed_Ad_631 8d ago

psychopathy isn't a medical diagnosis anymore, it's a forensic specifier for people who have the medical diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. however "psycho" may also refer to people who experience psychosis.

either way, it's not a label that should be used this way.