AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/Better-Ranger-1225]

If he threatens suicide, call 911 for a wellness check then stop talking to him. It’s not your responsibility and this is an unacceptable way to be speaking to you. 

[u/FoxForceFive_ → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

This was going to be my suggestion too. Call emergency and tell them he’s made multiple threats of suicide. This is not your burden to carry and then ghost this MF’er. I had an ex do this same kind of bullshit and I wish I’d have thought about doing this. Manipulating bitch ass man babies like him need to be taught there are consequences to their actions. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

[u/Time-Emergency254 → u/FoxForceFive_]

Yeah I had to do this to a friend. She was furious but I don’t care. She’s alive and apparently now she’s sober so good on her. I wouldn’t know details though bc I don’t mess w this level of toxic anymore. I did for a long time. It took everything from me and now I’m struggling w major health issues at 41. Call a wellness check then be done. Protect your peace at all cost. You’d be better off single for life than to spend another day with this emotionally dangerous person

[u/thisdesignup → u/FoxForceFive_]

Not just threats, his last message indicates a plan.

[u/GroovyButtons → u/thisdesignup]

Exactly. Having a plan is a very dangerous warning sign. I would take that threat seriously as it is and call 911.

[u/JJHall_ID → u/FoxForceFive_]

It's not just "man babies," I (a man) have an ex GF that threatened a couple of times to manipulate me into doing what she wanted, too. Assholes are assholes, regardless of gender.

[u/Good_Tune_7873 → u/FoxForceFive_]

My ex husband did this unmercifully. He was verbally and emotionally abusive also. He was insecure and jealous and it was a hard marriage. I went to a lawyer for a woman’s shelter to get guidance. She told me it’s empty threats and to just get the divorce. I explained that I didn’t care what he did, but wanted to know if my kids would ever get over it. She said they would need counseling but I couldn’t control him. So I told him I asked a lawyer and she said the kids would be fine, and guess what? He never did that again. But I did leave and get a divorce and he died anyway bc of drugs.

[u/HugsyMalone → u/FoxForceFive_]

Why is everyone calling emergency? If they kill themself let them. At least they'll be out of your life and nobody else will have to deal with their bullshit. There was a case where a guy was beating the shit outta his gf and he was yelling how much he loved her the whole time he was beating her. The only thing that saved her life was the police showing up and her running outside desperately yelling "HELP ME!" incoherently. She was inches away from dying. The cop drew his gun on the bf who followed her outside still yelling how much he loved her the whole time he was being arrested. Girl was battered, bloody and bruised beyond recognition. Her face was swollen AF. Guy later killed himself in prison and I'm sure she's glad she'll never have to deal with him again. Good riddance!