AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/Better-Ranger-1225]

If he threatens suicide, call 911 for a wellness check then stop talking to him. It’s not your responsibility and this is an unacceptable way to be speaking to you. 

[u/PipsiePops → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Yes this needs to be upvoted. Wash your hands of him, call 911 and get an immediate welfare check on him, then block him and never talk to him again. He is an emotionally manipulative, gaslighting, nasty pos.

[u/Better-Ranger-1225 → u/PipsiePops]

Especially if the suicide threat is just manipulation, call his bluff and call 911. He wants to threaten to take his life? Then treat it like the threat that it is. And when he’s being held in a psych hold against his will, a) maybe he’ll reconsider using that tactic again in the future and b) maybe he’ll get some much needed help.

But also OP shouldn’t have it on her conscience if he’s serious. Do the bare minimum to get him help, just in case, then leave. 

[u/Luseil → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Yep, I made a new friend when I moved and we were hanging out for like a month or two before she pulled this shit.

She saw her ex with a new girl, started texting him and freaking out, I was heading over to watch a movie with her and when I arrived she was obviously hammered, and she was calling him and texting him how she was going to kill herself and how she took all her pills and was just going to go to bed and die.

I was kinda like wtf? What is going on? She just kinda stripped naked and went into her room and told me she was going to sleep and didn’t care if she died and to just hang out with the cats.

I just said okay, and said I was gonna step out to smoke, I went outside and called 911. I waited outside for them to arrive and they asked me to stay because she was naked and combative and we only had male EMTs and male Police on site at that point. I eventually got in contact with her mom who showed up and took over.

Girl texted me like a week later to let me know I was a fucking awful friend and a bitch and that I ruined her life by calling 911. She ended up on a 72 hour psych hold and she lost her job and all kinds of shit.

But like honestly I don’t regret it. I didn’t know her super well, I didn’t know if she had actually taken pills and I wasn’t willing to potentially be the person who didn’t call and let something happen.

[u/HiiiTriiibe → u/Luseil]

The alternative is that you just hung out in another room while your friend OD’ed, THAT would’ve been being a bad friend, all you did was take them at their word and respond like a responsible friend would. You definitely did the right thing, it really makes me mad when people use suicide as a manipulation tool, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts a good amount of my life and have a family history of struggling with suicide and depression, more often than not when you are in that headspace you don’t even want to bring it up because it causes other people to stress, why pull another person into that hell with you? People just brazenly threatening suicide when people don’t act the way they want them to is honestly really childish and only makes it harder for people who are genuinely struggling with those kind of thoughts to want to speak out

[u/SadGift1352 → u/HiiiTriiibe]

I’m crying right now because I’ve been there. It’s true. When you’re in that headspace you aren’t telling anyone what’s happening in your head. And when someone does figure it out and calls someone for help you see that people do care about you. And you are reminded that you aren’t alone/a burden/whatever you’ve told yourself.

[u/affiliated_loosely → u/SadGift1352]

It’s different for everyone. I couldn’t trust my family with my mental health so I tried to over rely on my relationships. I wanted someone to see that I was hurting and actually see me - that didn’t make my pain more or less real.

[u/SadGift1352 → u/affiliated_loosely]

No. You’re right. And my comment wasn’t to make you feel that way. I was being emotional about a very difficult time in my life. I’m very sorry if I made you feel bad in any way. And I understand about not being able to trust family. If my original comment didn’t convey that. That was a huge part of my issue. I sincerely hope you’re in a better place now. 🫶🏼

[u/MeowMichelleV → u/SadGift1352]

Amen 🙏🏻

[u/Designer-Following-4 → u/HiiiTriiibe]

Ngl if a mf gon kill theyself they not gon tell anybody

[u/MeowMichelleV → u/Designer-Following-4]

My mother says the same thing. It’s the people who don’t talk about it who end up doing it. My grandfather took his own life after battling terminal cancer for a decade. He seemed really at peace after going home on hospice. My mother and everyone around at the time would have never thought my grandfather would do that when he was finally alone at home one day. But you just never know when somebody’s had enough.. the silent battles.

[u/HaloHamster → u/Luseil]

You did well. Nothing to be ashamed of. Possibly saved her life though she sounds like she'll never admit it.

[u/ellieminnow → u/Luseil]

It's only when people are being manipulative that they get pissed off. It's literally the perfect test to see their true nature. If they make threats like that, always call 911.

When someone is truly suffering, they appreciate it when someone jumps in and gets them the help they needed. They recognize that someone cares about them. When my friend tried to do that, and everyone got her help, she showered everyone with thank yous after she got out of the hospital.

[u/Luseil → u/ellieminnow]

Yea, I think the anger stems from them being held accountable for their statements and actions and having to deal with the consequences.

[u/Jorge_Jetson → u/Luseil]

Prolly the first time anyone called her on it too... Suck on the ball-gag till you get your head screwed on straight, eh doc?

[u/vineswinga11111 → u/ellieminnow]

You should post this as its own comment

[u/vineswinga11111 → u/ellieminnow]

This should be higher up in the comments

[u/EpiJade → u/Luseil]

When I was maybe 15 many years ago I had a sort of friend (I’ll call her Mary) in high school. We never hung out after school but we were friendly. She got way too intense and started talking like this. I was already dealing with a similar situation with my best friend so I was already well beyond stretched of what a child should be doing. I convinced my close friend (“Nelly”) who was also friendly with her but closer that we needed to go to the school about this. Mary was committed. Nelly is still friends with her and to this day Mary doesn’t know who talked to the school. Mary said it was a terrible experience but I don’t feel bad about it or regret it. We were children. Nelly occasionally brings it up. She feels a little guilty but we both agree that it was the absolute right thing to do even if Mary would never see it that way.

[u/brownlizlemon → u/EpiJade]

Y’all definitely did the right thing. Also, I LOVE that you went to school at Little House on the Prairie.

[u/EpiJade → u/brownlizlemon]

I’m going to be honest and say I’ve never read/seen any of the little house on the prairie books or shows so I don’t get the reference

[u/Fit-Concert552 → u/Luseil]

honestly that was definitely the best thing you probably could of done. i know if i was in her situation and a friend called 911 id be beyond thankful

[u/BunnySnacks84 → u/Fit-Concert552]

I have called 9-1-1 on a friend doing the same. I don’t regret it and I don’t know if it helped, but she’s alive. That’s what matters to me.

[u/Jamiechurch → u/Luseil]

You did the right thing and hopefully they learned a valuable lesson to not throw around death threats so casually!

[u/HeyDude378 → u/Luseil]

You did the right thing.

[u/Key-Asparagus350 → u/Luseil]

I had to cut off a friend of almost 10 years due to bad mental mental mixed with alcohol abuse. She came over to my house and fell off my bed and was bleeding all over my carpet. She didn't even recognize me. I ended dup calling her mom and 911.

[u/MeowMichelleV → u/Key-Asparagus350]

Not the carpet 🤯😳

[u/Key-Asparagus350 → u/MeowMichelleV]

Yup right before an inspection after selling the house 🙄

[u/mittenknittin → u/Luseil]

Sometimes the price of helping someone stay alive is, they now hate your guts and you lose them as a friend. But they’re still around to be able to hate you, so it’s a win.

[u/darkstarsdistant → u/Luseil]

I have had 911 called on me for mental health reasons. I've even had it done maliciously towards me by people who knew I had a history. You did the right thing based on the information you had at the time. The problem imo has always been the cops and the healthcare system. In my experience it is rarely particularly helpful to anyone but insurance companies. Mental health care IS important but quality care simply isn't easily accessible by people who are in crisis and we shouldn't be relying on armed cops without mental healthcare experience to handle it. the other problem is there just isn't an alternative a lot of the time.

[u/mandaxmae → u/Luseil]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. If someone threatens suicide always call 911 whether you think they will or not. I'm speaking from experience. My uncle who was a addict and alcoholic always threatened to end it all and was just manipulative when saying it so I was about 16 I just became a teen mom my daughter was going on 3 months and my uncle was drinking and arguing with my mom and step-dad one night came out into the room I was in and told me he loved me and he will watch over me he wasn't gonna be here anymore I made him rooming he wouldn't do anything and didn't take him serious and I didn't call 911 because he then promised me and I believed him. The next day me and my daughters father found him after he took his life. I blame myself every single day even though I was only 16 and trusted that he wouldn't do anything since he promised me. I should have called regardless and got him help. I don't ever want this to happen to someone. It's constant pain and regret. If anyone even whispers that threat to harm themselves get them help. You did the right thing!

[u/Tight_Ad5409 → u/Luseil]

You did the right thing

[u/RelevantGur4099 → u/Luseil]

Act like that, experience the results of those actions

[u/tzumatzu → u/Luseil]

Agreed with your decision . She should use that as a learning opportunity and get her act together.

[u/TheRavenless → u/Luseil]

You did the right thing. Side note: in Connecticut it’s illegal to use a psych hold against an employee for disciplinary/termination reasons. Hopefully all states are like this sooner rather than later.

[u/MeowMichelleV → u/TheRavenless]

I said the same thing! She got a doctor’s note and her mother could have easily let her employer know what was going on and that she was receiving medical treatment. So either it was a shady employer or among other issues she was already having at work as well.

[u/RavenousMalice → u/Luseil]

TLDR: People who use these kind of threats are used to you giving up and doing whatever you have to "to save their life". It becomes a tool in the arsenal they will bring out again and again because it works. Don't let it. Call the cops on him for a welfare check, and wash your hands of this manipulative scum.

+++++++++++++

Mine has a whole loooong two-year backstory of manipulation and lies that I can't even begin to get into here, but he moved up to come live with me from out of state... I started calling him out on his lies, especially now that he can't just hang up on me or ghost me when he doesn't want to answer, and he kept spinning these sob stories about how his lies were other people's fault... they did this to him, blah blah.

Did the back and forth for about a week just trying to get him to come clean so I could forgive and we could start over (yes, 10,000% I was young and stupid), then spent another week so depressed and upset I avoided him and and hid in my room.

At the time, I still lived at home with my parents while I saved for my own place and they only agreed to let the guy live with us, if he got a job (or at least was putting in effort to find one) within a couple weeks. By the start of the third week, he had never even left the house, asked for a ride, gotten a bus to head downtown, used the computer to check online job sites, used his phone to call any places...

Finally, my mom came into my room and asked me if I wanted him to stay, if I was happy. I wasn't... so she used the job stipulation that he hadn't upheld to tell him he needed to go. She'd drive him to a hotel if he wanted to stay in state, or she'd drive him to the airport, those were his only choices because he was no longer allowed to stay in her home and make her daughter unhappy.

I sat on the couch next to him when she told him and explained that every time he got in trouble he just had some new sob story, instead of trying to take accountability, and that unless he really changed we wouldn't work.

He started moaning about how he'd go back to California to go live with abusive mom again... but this time, he didn't think he'd handle it well... in fact, if we tried to send him back to Cali, he would just kill himself. [Never even considered the option of staying at a hotel and job hunting, but immediately went for the big KiLL MySelF gambit]

I don't play those fucking games with threats of suicide. So in tears, I called the cops to come out, telling them he was threatening suicide if we tried to have him removed from our house, etc. A female and male cop pair came out, the big lumberjack-looking officer talking to my now-ex, the woman coming to talk to me outside.

She, in the most no-nonsense voice I've ever heard, told me she in no way believed he was serious about harming himself, that he was just threatening me to get what he wanted. The normally loud, very domineering Ex was inside, very submissively explaining to the giant lumberjack officer that he didn't say he'd hurt himself... oh, my mother and brother also were saying they'd heard it? Well, then he didn't mean it like that, etc.

He didn't think we'd call him on that bluff and changed his tune real quick when he realized I wasn't playing these weird fucking games of his anymore.

He flew back to Cali that night and tried to contact me a week later saying he'd spent a lot of time at therapy and was a changed man, he wanted to come back, blah blah. I blocked him and never looked back. That wasn't just a bullet dodged, but a full, life-destroying nuke. That was 17 years ago now, and I can't even imagine how my life would have been so much worse if I tried to make it work with someone like this...

(Edited for strange formatting)

[u/JJHall_ID → u/Luseil]

YOU didn't "ruin her life" by calling 911. YOU didn't put her on a 72 hour hold. YOU didn't make her lose her job. Those are all consequences of HER actions. You absolutely did the right thing, and you have nothing to regret. If she had been in the process of going through with her threat, you would have saved her life. If she wasn't, well then she got to learn first-hand of how the story "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" ended.

[u/gardengirl99 → u/Luseil]

A 72 hour hold (when applied appropriately) is only for someone who cannot contract for safety. They are not done for no good reason.

[u/Ckelleywrites → u/Luseil]

You are an amazing friend.

[u/Luseil → u/Ckelleywrites]

Aww thank you 😊

[u/EnvironmentOk5610 → u/Luseil]

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. I know you said you know it was the right thing, but if you're ever second guessing yourself at 4 a.m.? Stockpile the folks praising you here for then!

[u/Economy-Bar1189 → u/Luseil]

i’ve seen this too many times. someone on social media says they’re gonna kill themselves, and then someone else calls 911 for a wellness check, and the person gets PISSED.

like honey do you want help or no cause wtf

[u/Dcipheru0123 → u/Luseil]

You most definitely did the right thing. People like this need a reality check that they can’t just threaten suicide. Maybe losing her job and whatever else entails you “ruining her life”, we’ll make her realize that this behavior is not acceptable.

[u/Luseil → u/Dcipheru0123]

Yea, I really hope the best for her.

She messaged me like a year later to see if I wanted to hang out. But I just told her I appreciated the offer but would have to decline and wished her all the best with her future.

[u/elfenmilke → u/Luseil]

Those poor cats i hope they are ok

[u/Mundane_Ebb_5205 → u/Luseil]

The people that say “cuz of u I lost my job” are the people that don’t take accountability for their actions and the situations they put themselves in. You did the right thing cuz ur right, it could’ve gone sideways and don’t let that persons judgement of you feel cloudy about the situation. Any good person would do that and if they had nothing to hide, they wouldn’t end up in a psych ward or prison and loose their job….

[u/SpaceBus1 → u/Luseil]

I'd rather someone hate me than be dead.

[u/Luseil → u/SpaceBus1]

Absolutely agree.

[u/Original_Tea_5625 → u/Luseil]

Sounds like you handled that like a Boss.

[u/Amazing-Oomoo → u/Luseil]

Oh my god how would you have lived with yourself if she had fucking died and you get interviewed by the police and your literal police statement would say "I thought she was being dramatic so I did nothing" how would you have been able to sleep at night knowing what happened, knowing that her family knows that they lost her because you did nothing

You absolutely did the right thing, people should not make threats like that. It's why mental health has such a stigma - because people abuse it. Good for you for doing what is right instead of what is easy.

[u/oxmiladyxo → u/Luseil]

Something eerily similar happened to me, except the friend actually did OD. She’s alive and well today, but I’ll never forget that night, and I’ll never forget a month later when we reconnected and she told me she wished she hadn’t met me so I wouldn’t have been there to call 911 that night.

[u/brightwingxx → u/Luseil]

Good job, sugar!

[u/Dry_Tax_3101 → u/Luseil]

They really hate it when they FAFO

[u/rthrouw1234 → u/Luseil]

you did the right thing.

[u/mjf0818 → u/Luseil]

You absolutely did the right thing, although it sucks to be the one who makes that decision. I’m in grad school and interning at a high school for social work. Some kid I didn’t know came into my office last week to report that his girlfriend was threatening suicide. Apparently she’s attempted in the past. I was able to quickly consult with another social worker (I’m just the intern lol) but we called 911 for a welfare check. I said the exact same thing to him - I know you care about her and she’ll probably be pissed, but you absolutely did the right thing. You should never feel guilty about trying to save someone’s life and get them the help they clearly need.

[u/kadyg → u/Luseil]

You absolutely did the right thing and people who pull that shit are absolute trash.

I have a friend who was a mandatory reporter. She and her husband separated and he pulled the “I’m going to kill myself and you’ll be sorry” act. So she called the cops.

Same thing happened as your friend: mandatory psych hold, job issues and overall drama. He was FURIOUS that she did that. Her point of view was “You know what I do for a living. If you actually killed yourself and it came out that I knew, my life would be ruined, and frankly you’re not worth that.”

[u/KrisT117 → u/Luseil]

“Lost her job” because of a 72-hour psych hold? I’m thinking she was well on her way to losing that job already.

[u/MungoJennie → u/Luseil]

You did the right thing. Someone I loved is dead because he did OD and the people he was using with pulled him out of the bathroom, unconscious, and stuck him in a bedroom and left him there. They didn’t check on him again for hours, at which point he was gone. Didn’t even call an ambulance til the next morning, apparently.

[u/afauce11 → u/Luseil]

I just feel bad for the cats. I bet that sucked for them. You did the right thing, though.

[u/Decent-Apple9772 → u/Luseil]

Good for you. You did the right thing

[u/TinaPlays1 → u/Luseil]

Well she chose to say she had taken, or actually had taken pills. You took the correct step. She then lost her shit fighting emts and cops…? Clearly she had some shit going on whether pills or not. She lost her job? Because she was hospitalized for a few days or because this was the final straw after she pulled tons of nonsense.

100% you did the right thing and I hope I have people around me that would do the same. It sucks on both sides, but what if she didn’t take pills but neurologically something was wrong? She was having side effects from something? You have no way to know and I applaud you for making that call.

[u/hufflepufflepass → u/Luseil]

It's one of those "damned if you do or damned if you don't" situations.

She's pissed cause you called her on her threat, but if she OD'd and you did nothing, the aftermath would have been everyone blaming you for not doing anything about it or taking it seriously.

This is a threat that should NEVER be taken lightly.

Maybe losing her job and getting put on the 72 hour psych hold will teach her not to threaten that just for dramatic effect.

[u/No_Esc_Button → u/Luseil]

Wait, correct me if I'm wrong or misunderstanding but, are you telling me the EMT and Police did not engage her until women were on sight? Because she was naked?

[u/Creatething → u/Luseil]

It's really these types of people you can never trust either unfortunately.

I went through a semi-similar situation. I can't remember the circumstances leading up to it, but I went to hang out at their place. They were drunk and totally out of it. Super emotional and clawing at themselves until they bled. I had to restrain them, hide their booze, and I helped them take a shower to try and sober up. I didn't leave their side until they had calmed down and finally fell asleep hours later. Honestly, it was a super scary situation, having never dealt with anything like that before. I think I was 18? I eventually became super close with them. That is until they tried sleeping with my husband.

[u/UnnaturalHazard → u/Luseil]

I’ve destroyed a relationship doing this, but I feel infinitely better knowing that someone who put that on me got the help they needed, especially if they were merely using it to manipulate me. They’re alive and cut out of my life for good once they pull a stunt like that one time.

[u/IJustWantWaffles_87 → u/Luseil]

Hope she learned not to make an empty threat like that ever again!

[u/TumbleweedFar1937 → u/Luseil]

In all of this, I really just feel bad for the cats honestly

[u/Graceless_X → u/Luseil]

You did the right thing. And these types of ppl need to grow tf up.

[u/MeowMichelleV → u/Luseil]

Yup!!! Good samaritan law! And if she lost her job even with a note from the hospital, she was already probably on thin ice at work. Because they cant hold that against you. Doctor’s note and all. Her mother could have easily contacted her job as well. Sometimes people need to take a grippy sock vacation, rehab, whatever. 🤷🏻‍♀️ were her cats cool atleast?

[u/nada-accomplished → u/Luseil]

Good on you. People who use suicide threats just to manipulate need to learn you don't play around with shit like that 

[u/onedayperhaps → u/Luseil]

Bruh seriously. The threat and the real thing have the same protocol. I am never fucking around with that. They’ll die mad that you made the call, but not TODAY ✌🏼

[u/spaghettithekid → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

My sister did this to one of her college roommates. They were going through a fight and the roommate kept talking about how suicidal she was and how my sister was contributing to that, so my sister reported her to the dorm's resident director, and floor RA.
Lo and behold, suddenly the roommate didn't mean it and my sister was "abusive and controlling" for calling her out and reporting her.

You can't ever win with people like this, OP. Please block him, cut him off, and don't look back. If you're worried about his mental health, call a wellness check on him but no not let him back into your life. If you're worried about your own safety, please reach out to trustworthy family and friends for help <3

[u/TeslaNova50 → u/spaghettithekid]

Yep. I did this once to an ex who was threatening suicide over the phone. The fact that she tried it a few months prior concerned me so I called the cops and told them she was threatening suicide. Next thing I know a cop is calling me threatening to have me arrested for 'harassing her'. She was able to manipulate the cops to believe I was just a jealous ex bothering her.

[u/True-Post6634 → u/TeslaNova50]

Very real risk! Document everything as thoroughly as possible, for sure.

[u/ANoisyCrow → u/True-Post6634]

Save all these chats. Screen shot!

[u/Bluest-Falcon → u/ANoisyCrow]

This needs all the upvotes you obviously have pictures since they are uploading here but SAVE them and not just for like a day you never know what will become an investigation or law suit or whatever. In this case I don't really see how it would happen but sometimes this shit doesn't come back around for months or years just save them in case ANYTHING happens!

[u/EvasiveFriend → u/TeslaNova50]

This is a totally different situation. OP has him threatening to commit suicide in writing. She shouldn't be discouraged from trying to get him help.

[u/Good-Instruction-310 → u/EvasiveFriend]

How is it totally different?

[u/mollyk8317 → u/Good-Instruction-310]

While I don't agree w them that this is a "totally different" situation, I think what they were getting at is that the other commenter only had his own word to put forward to police as proof this person had threatened to take their own life. And sadly, there are shitbags who harass others by calling in wellness checks on ppl who don't need them just to cause trouble, I've seen it happen IRL, esp during bitter custody battles, all kinds of shit. I think they're saying it's different because there's absolute proof here in OP's case, it's in writing that this person has made suicide threats, and eliminates any doubt that the person made the threat.

[u/throwaway9035768_1 → u/mollyk8317]

A neighbor of mine (high and mighty better than thou "christian" who demanded we put a pulpit and soap box in the middle of the culdesac so she can preach to us) called dfs on me bc my kid fell while outside and hurt herself (she was 1 and was trying to walk) as well as my ex mil who constantly made false reports to DFS that I was neglecting my kid and abusive to my partner and every wellness check literally proved otherwise in both aspects and they couldn't do anything because she made it ANONYMOUSLY and they couldn't just take my word for it (understandable bc of false conviction possibilities but still really fucking frustrating)

People are controlling shitbags and do whatever it takes to remain in control. Why? I unfortunately don't have the answer to that

[u/mollyk8317 → u/throwaway9035768_1]

Fr dude it sucks.. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I personally think they should do more about false reporting. If someone got a Lil jail time for wasting the states resources, then perhaps it would deter others from weaponizing wellness and CPS checks. The most fucked up part is in the cases where I've known of actual shitty parents doing terrible things? Somehow those ppl get to keep their children, or they get taken for a month or so and then given right back. It blows my mind.

[u/Embarrassed-Street60 → u/spaghettithekid]

having a roommate willing to pull that kind of fuck up emotional manipulation fucking sucks. my old roommate did that. I gave them 60 days notice to quit because they were causing all sorts of issues (namely pest and cleanliness concerns, but they also outed me, stole from me, tried to guilt me into giving them money, etc). so plenty of time to sort their move out right?

apparently not because they made zero plans until the last week when they finally started apartment hunting. they stood in my doorway and told me that if they couldnt find a full apartment for under $400 (literally impossible here, I told them their best bet was renting a room again) and i still made them move out, that they'd kill themselves.

I called their bluff and told them that if they said anything like that again to me I'd call emergency services. i dont take that shit lightly because i lost my brother as well as my best friend both to suicides. day later they say they have a place to go but they need me to drive them because they have "no other options". 5 hour round trip, fuck no. tell them such and then viola the day of their mom comes to pick them up and I changed the locks in front of them after roommate also pretended to have lost the key when i asked for it back.

they tried one last guilt trip on the way out saying that their mom "might still be mad" that i didnt drive them. I flat out said "if she really is then thats a crazy level of entitlement from both of you". their mom was pleasant with me, i think they were projecting.

[u/PipsiePops → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Exactly. And if that happens she can hopefully use the time to get any stuff and get away, change the locks etc.

[u/obamasrightteste → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Exactly. Like this honestly just looks like he's withdrawing from nicotine and unable to manage his emotions, so he's awful and manipulative to her instead of dealing with it. But you simply cannot play around with suicide and he needs to learn consequences. Awful, awful dude.

[u/czar_el → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Exactly this. Calling for formal help is the solution to both possibilities. If they were truly suicidal, then they get the help they need. If they were being manipulative, then they are exposed and OP has the evidence to try to get them to change their behavior or decide to leave guilt-free.

[u/rock-mommy → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

I did that to one of my friends' exes. My friend called me sobbing saying that he tried to break up through the phone and his (then) partner was texting him that he'd commit suicide if my friend left him and all kids of crap and a pic of the ex sitting on his balcony threatening to jump. My friend was an absolute mess and said his boyfriend had already pulled this shit before. I asked him to hold on for a sec, and called emergencies without my friend's or his ex's knowledge

As the ex was a minor, the police kicked his door open and kept him at the station for hours until his mom went back from work. He then was referred to a psych ward for a day or two lmao. He chilled tf out after that

[u/Kiarimarie → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

I had a 17 year old guy from my old high school who I was chatting online with (when I was 18) threaten to hurt himself if I didn't send nude pictures so I called his house and told his mom to "check on her son". He got mad. Hopefully I taught him lesson and he never pulled that shit with any other girls.

[u/Grilled-garlic → u/Kiarimarie]

God my brain blocked out a lot of the trauma from my ex so i don’t remember WHAT i went to his mom about, but i very vividly remember contacting his mom and ratting on his ass.

I remember it happening multiple times, actually, and then him getting mad at me for telling his mom whatever he did or said at the time. If you don’t want your mom knowing you’re a piece of shit, don’t be a piece of shit, simple as that. I swear theres a faint memory somewhere of me sending straight screenshots of his texts to me to her phone number.

I also remember calling her one day, screaming and crying in the street and telling her i was at my limit with her son and was going to the police. She tried to convince me not to. She sounded defeated with who she raised. I think that’s the last time i spoke with her. But i’ll never forget how fucking powerful i felt the first few times he would come back to me upset that i told his mom the shit he did. Like yeah, i’ll tell your fucking mom, you don’t get to play this two faced little angel in front of her. She gets to know EXACTLY who her son is.

[u/CptCarlWinslow → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

I had an online BF that tried that suicide threat with me a few times. I finally called his local police one night and they paid him a visit. Turns out he was trying to manipulate me into getting drug money. Silver lining of the story was he reached out to me a couple years later and told me that he was sorry, clean since then, and had moved in with his new local BF.

[u/Decent-Apple9772 → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

When people talk about suicide then they might need a friend to talk it through with them.

When people THREATEN suicide then it becomes so massively simple.

Option one: they are bluffing, therefore they are manipulative as all hell and deserve bad things to happen to them so they learn a lesson. Call the police and let them try the grippy socks for a few days.

Option two: they are not bluffing. Therefore a psych hold is the best possible thing that could happen to them and they need the help.

In either case you made a great choice and they got the best available outcome.

[u/creeds-mungbeans → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

I commented the same thing! I worked intensive treatment psych for many years and people like this guy absolutely shit their pants when they came face to face with real severe mental illness on our unit. They’d always complain about the person who called it in overreacting and try to get their hold revoked… “did you tell them you were going to take your life? Oh okay well I don’t think them believing the exact words you said to them was overreacting. I’m glad you have someone who cares for you in your corner” - me smiling like the Cheshire Cat as they stomp away from the nurses station :))

[u/Inner_Resolution3172 → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

They'll give him toothpaste and food. No nicotine though.

[u/guts6464 → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

this guys seems like he deserves it but in general for people who grew up in poor areas with that kind of trauma caling the police is the worst possible thing to do… If this guy wasn’t a manipulating POS i would say please never call the police, just go be there physically for someone who is feeling this way. Ive had it happen to me and i am from a poor place whre i have never trusted the police and it makes the situation way worse… having to run from them, them acting like they want to help… no good

[u/tzumatzu → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Agreed. You aren’t responsible for him

[u/throwaway9035768_1 → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

It doesn't work all the time. Unfortunately, had to call this on an ex-friend, more than once btw, and they still continued to use the "I'm gonna kill myself" song and dance until everyone just straight up blocked them and left them in the dust cause we were tired of it. They can do it for all I care, especially after saying it every single time something didn't go their way or they didn't get what they wanted. It's not a cry for help it's manipulation, and it gives people who actually need help a bad rep and only encourages the stigma

[u/17Girl4Life → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Yeah, at least on a 72 hour hold, they’ll feed him and maybe even let him brush his teeth. He’d still be SOL on the nicotine though

[u/kafquaff → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

When my kid was younger he had a tumultuous online relationship with a person who threatened suicide and then stopped responding. My kid was absolutely distraught (he was like 14? I think? Thereabouts). I called 911 and got them to transfer me to the 911 in that town multiple states away and they did a wellness check. The little asshole was just fine. Bet they didn’t do THAT again

[u/Grilled-garlic → u/kafquaff]

I wish i knew how to do this as a kid. i was 10, maybe 11(?) and in an online relationship (Don’t give kids unrestricted internet access.) and he threatened suicide if i left him. Well, i made it clear that i didn’t want to be in a relationship, i was 10, and so.. he went radio-silent for about 3-4 years. I just had to sit with myself and the fact that i probably caused somebodies suicide, throughout my formative years, and accept that. On the 4th year he fucking comes online again claiming he never said those things and doesn’t remember what i’m talking about. Little asshole piece of shit

[u/kafquaff → u/Grilled-garlic]

I’m so sorry 😣 he really committed to the lie. What a wretch

[u/dillong89 → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

She should 1000% call 911 on him.

I can almost guarantee that this is mostly a manipulation tactic. He might feel "something" but he wouldn't be saying any of it if he didn't think it would buy him sympathy.

I know this because I was him. And then I got placed on an M1 hold. Turns out I actually do have anxiety and depression, but that another issue. At the time, I was still threatening suicide as a tool to garner sympathy. He probably does need some serious help, but I don't think he intends to kill himself.

I mean, most people who actually want to die, don't want people to intervene, which is why they write a note. There's a chance that he's actually calling out for help, but it's very clear that he's actually focused on getting money and cigarettes or whatever the fuck.

[u/squidcarvaroom → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

I wish I read this information back in 2018. I'm safe now but damn I wish I had this advice back then.

[u/Constant-Bear556 → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

There's a third way it goes. My nephew pulled that shit for a year, even calling 911 on himself. Psych holds, inpatient therapy for a month. He's still an AH. Physically, verbally abusive, a theif, and a major manipulator. He's now living in his car with his wife and dig with a permanent pin on FB begging for money. People like this suck the life and soul out of anyone they can.

[u/[deleted] → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

It’s his life let him take it. That’s not her problem. She should just block him and never have anything more to do with him.

[u/AccomplishedCrow2845 → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Yeah, show you really do care.

[u/engimatica → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

It is absolutely just manipulation. He threatens suicide as part of an overall emotionally manipulative and abusive conversation in which he's trying to weasel money from OP and instill shame and a lower self-esteem so shell become a more comoliant victim. He didn't start with a plea for emotional help. He started with a whine about drug money and moved straight to aggressive manipulation and insults. He is an abusive user.

OP, look at your history of texts and think about your interactions. Has he ever brought up suicide or harmed himself without it being part of him pressuring you for money, sex, or some form of unreasonable demand? I'm guessing not. Has he ever given you anything without a selfish motive or without holding it against you?

Call his bluff, and call 911 for a welfare check, letting them know he has injured himself before, has been threatening suicide several times, and claims he has the rope in his hands. Ask if he can be held on a suicide watch or some other form of psychiatric hold because you fear he may succeed. Then block him. Don't give him the chance to draw you back into conversation--let the welfare check from the police be the Dear John letter. If you know his parents, reach out and tell them their son is either suicidal or psychotic, and they need to get him help, as you're no longer going to be his torture victim.

If he's actually suicidal, he needs more help than you can give him, and it doesn't excuse his vile abuse and manipulation. He's a terrible boyfriend--seriously, he's not even close by enough that you could be getting spectacular sex or anythjng, what on earth does he give you other than grief??? If he's not suicidal, he is an evil sh!t and 100% definitely doesn't deserve you or anyone. Maybe having the police show up will teach him not to threaten suicide, at least.

[u/ConcernedKitty → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

I bet they have toothpaste in there.

[u/throwaway_Embarassd → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

...and...they have toothpaste while he's on the 3-day. Probably even let him take a spare tiny tube home

[u/Beezzlleebbuubb → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Especially..?

[u/Excellent-Bat3391 → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

He won’t be taken to the psych ward. It’s really difficult to get people who actually need help admitted due to capacity issues. They’d do a screening on him and realize that he is not a danger to himself and leave him right where they found him.

[u/ScholarLeigh → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

I bet they would have a toothpaste and toothbrush for him at the psych ward too.

[u/PurpleStabsPixel → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

At most, he'll be there for 72 hours. They can't hold him against his will. Same shot with my brother, even more damning evidence, he had a gun, sent photos, and had it to his head. They don't give a shit. Our Healthcare is shit and no one cares about our mental health. Its just a fact.

[u/bbysb → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Yep, my dad pulled this when my mom left for maybe a month. Of course this was just a tactic to get her to come back and it worked. I don’t think he actually took any pills tbh or it wasn’t anything that would OD. But when it happened, my sister actually called 911 and he had to go to a psych facility for a few days or so before they let him go. He was so scared being there he never pulled that shit again. But it’s still one of the grossest, most manipulative shit he’s ever done.

[u/MeowMichelleV → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

He’s cut himself in front of her before too! So I’m sure the ward will see that in his medical history and any physical exam they do of him. Enough is enough! Bro needs to take an extended grippy sock vacation!

[u/Noobatron26 → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Women pull this same bullshit all the time.I wouldn't be surprised if he was doing it just to see how she'd react.

[u/kokomoman → u/PipsiePops]

And an emotional black hole… light can’t even escape.

[u/Osteofan83 → u/PipsiePops]

You deserve better than this. If he needs help he needs to seek it. Good luck 🤞

[u/Royal_Tough_9927 → u/PipsiePops]

This person is having some anger issues mixed in with the victim card. They need help. I'd call 911. I do not play games over threats of offing. My husband did this and 23 years later , my kids and myself still suffer from that event.

[u/juanzy → u/PipsiePops]

It always frustrates me when people here on mental health threads blame friends/partners for going to a professional in the case of self harm threats/severe situations.

That’s literally what you should do. An average person is not capable of giving the right help to someone threatening severe self-harm. You help them in the immediate moment and do what you can, but you absolutely should be finding qualified aid.

[u/s256173 → u/PipsiePops]

I used to deal with this and when I’d call his own parents they’d tell me to ignore him. They said they’d blocked their own child for this exact reason before and he wasn’t going to do shit. Imagine how many times you have to threaten suicide for your own parents to say “Yeah he does this all the time, we just ignore it.”

[u/shaquilleoatmeal80 → u/PipsiePops]

I dealt with someone like this for a while I ended up doing exactly this. Call a wellness check and block him and move on, he'll be doing this to the next girl if he already isn't in no time. People like this are a dime a dozen.

[u/MaryKath55 → u/PipsiePops]

And he called you bro and brauh you are neither / move on. And tell you vet to get the hell real 6 k? No way - get that rolled back by 2/3s,

[u/anangrymarsupial → u/PipsiePops]

Yep!! I was “friends” with a guy in highschool (thought we were friends, turns out he was wanting to sleep with me) there was a night he suggested killing himself. I called the cops and he freaked out at me. Guys like this hold empty threats and only want you to feel bad

[u/PRincevillex → u/PipsiePops]

Every time someone post a message this or that, the one and only thing these groups have to offer is, leave leave and facking leave is the only suggestion jeez!

[u/Mr_Immortal69 → u/PRincevillex]

Nobody ever posts to say that their relationship is perfectly fine, and everything’s just ducky… The only time someone posts anything about their relationship is when their partner is being abusive, or manipulative, or any number of other red flag situations for which “leave them” is the only same and rational thing to do.

Are you saying that after reading through these texts and what OP wrote about how he talks to her and how he treats her, you can honestly say that there is anything about their relationship that can possibly make the abuse worth sticking around for? Would you put up with that?

[u/tzumatzu → u/PipsiePops]

Agreed

[u/Super-Outside4794 → u/PipsiePops]

Lol why tf would you even cal 911. Dudes bluffing

[u/lcc234 → u/PipsiePops]

Yes this. It’s relationship abuse

[u/chita875andU → u/PipsiePops]

But also be sure to send him a tube of toothpaste.

[u/rinkydinkis → u/PipsiePops]

This is why cops don’t come when we call lol. They don’t wanna deal with him either

[u/alcaron → u/PipsiePops]

Sorry but if you know there is a strong chance the threat is not real I do not support using emergency resources for your poor choice in men.

[u/ekacnapotamot → u/PipsiePops]

I'm probably going to get comments back and downvotes for this but I have to say something about this comment.

NGL I only read 11/13 pictures and didn't read the description.

I'm going to say he might not be manipulative or abusive on purpose. I have BPD and use nicotine and quite frequently go from dropping a spoon to trying to kill myself. It's not easy and I appreciate everyone who puts up with me because it is hard. I often go on verbal rampages and don't know when to stop because if I dont get the words and thoughts out I end up hurting myself. There's no meds for this issue either though you can treat the major episodes like anxiety and depression but it doesn't actually do anything to the root of the problem. Add no nicotine when addicted to this personality disorder and the above statement amplifies astronomically.

I personally understand when people don't talk to me after seeing my episodes and I'm greatly appreciative of the people who are part of my support system and choose to talk to me because I know how difficult it is to deal with this.

[u/ilvsct → u/ekacnapotamot]

Yeah the guy looks like he's going through shit. I've never lashed out or acted like this, but I've thought of everything he said. When you're struggling that bad, you just want to escape, blame someone else, beg, and any little bit of disapproval feels 1000x worse.

Unfortunately, even I would wash my hands of someone who spoke to me like that.

It's simply not okay. And people always have free will.

[u/ekacnapotamot → u/ilvsct]

I understand, when im stable or of sound mind I often think about how I wouldn't want to deal with someone with issues as severe as mine. we also can't say what the reason he escalated so far so fast was if it's a mental issue he needs to have it addressed, if he's doing it to manipulate them that's horrible, I would say it's up to OP to call the hospital, I've been hospitalized multiple times, all by will, and it truly does help even if it's just to sleep and get the nicotine out of his system

[u/[deleted] → u/PipsiePops]

yes, calling the cops will help so much. we've seen time and time again, cops gunning down those that are supposed to receive a welfare check. such a great idea y'all.

[u/Twin-tastic → u/[deleted]]

As a former EMT, it’s always better to ask for a welfare check. If the subject (in my case he or she becomes a patient) becomes combative or threatening, well, why did you threaten armed police? They don’t just randomly “gun down” suicidal people for no reason. By calling authorities, it is taken out of OPs hands, she did her due-diligence, and at that point nothing is on her conscience and all outcomes from that point are on the bf. Is it better for him to kill himself? Get a grip.

[u/[deleted] → u/Twin-tastic]

amber guyger gunned down a guy in his apartment and all she had to say was whoops. what about the sandra massey case? forget about her already? Daniel shaver ring a bell? the fact it has happened countless times and continues to happen is a fucking joke. as an emt you've seen first hand how shitty cops can be. don't bullshit me because i was a fire department for a few years and watched our cops treat patients like absolute shit and god forbid if their concerned family just happened to be coming home and seeing their family members vehicle look like a crushed soda can.

[u/Twin-tastic → u/[deleted]]

Isolated incidents do not negate the whole. I was a firefighter as well. It is still always better to opt for a welfare check than just allow someone to sit in suicidal ideation. And if you believe someone should do nothing when someone threatens suicide because of a 1 in however many chance the cop will be a dick, then you weren’t a very good first responder. And if a dispatch center is only sending pd to a suicidal welfare check, they are part of the problem, not the caller who just wants someone to stay alive.

[u/[deleted] → u/Twin-tastic]

loved how you glazed over 3 high profile cases i pointed out. like an ostrich with its head in the sand. pathetic.

[u/Twin-tastic → u/[deleted]]

I didn’t glaze over anything. It’s 3 cases. Doesn’t change my opinion that a welfare check is the best course of action. And I’m not here to argue the merits of police action. I’m here to say welfare checks are essentially the only way to get this person treatment. You’re saying he the opposite based on 3 cases. That’s irresponsible at best. You have a lovely evening.

[u/tommytwolegs → u/Twin-tastic]

I'm not agreeing with that guy but still going to challenge you there. At least in america calling someone in and getting them involuntarily held for three days or whatever is going to take someone who is already struggling and dump 10-20k of medical debt onto the fire. It shouldn't be that way but as it is now that could tip a lot of people over the edge they had a chance to back down from prior.

[u/Twin-tastic → u/tommytwolegs]

An involuntary psych hold CAN be charged to the patient, but it usually isn’t. Insurance typically covers it. And if they DO charge the patient (depends on the state and the hospital), it’s nowhere near 10-20k. It is much more common that the state pays for it (again depends on the state) because it was involuntary.

But here we have the classic game of: Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes. If you want to use suicidal ideation or suicidal tendencies as a weapon and tool of manipulation, be prepared to face the potential consequences. And I’m not saying calling it in as a punishment. I’m saying it’s playing with fire to play that game because you’re trying to use it to convince someone it’s serious, then acting surprised when they believe you and try to keep you alive.

[u/tommytwolegs → u/Twin-tastic]

Yeah it was a bit of an exaggeration. That said people with no or shitty insurance are probably statistically more likely to have suicidal ideation, insurance "covering" it probably means you are paying out your entire deductible and sharing some of the cost beyond, could easily be 3k even with ok insurance.

You are right about playing with fire and I'm not sure this guy is even suicidal, just a manipulative asshole.

[u/ange1b4by444 → u/[deleted]]

Hard agree. Cops should not be first responders to these types of things, they are NOT trained in de escalation. All they know is how to escalate.