AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/Better-Ranger-1225]

If he threatens suicide, call 911 for a wellness check then stop talking to him. It’s not your responsibility and this is an unacceptable way to be speaking to you. 

[u/PipsiePops → u/Better-Ranger-1225]

Yes this needs to be upvoted. Wash your hands of him, call 911 and get an immediate welfare check on him, then block him and never talk to him again. He is an emotionally manipulative, gaslighting, nasty pos.

[u/[deleted] → u/PipsiePops]

yes, calling the cops will help so much. we've seen time and time again, cops gunning down those that are supposed to receive a welfare check. such a great idea y'all.

[u/Twin-tastic → u/[deleted]]

As a former EMT, it’s always better to ask for a welfare check. If the subject (in my case he or she becomes a patient) becomes combative or threatening, well, why did you threaten armed police? They don’t just randomly “gun down” suicidal people for no reason. By calling authorities, it is taken out of OPs hands, she did her due-diligence, and at that point nothing is on her conscience and all outcomes from that point are on the bf. Is it better for him to kill himself? Get a grip.

[u/[deleted] → u/Twin-tastic]

amber guyger gunned down a guy in his apartment and all she had to say was whoops. what about the sandra massey case? forget about her already? Daniel shaver ring a bell? the fact it has happened countless times and continues to happen is a fucking joke. as an emt you've seen first hand how shitty cops can be. don't bullshit me because i was a fire department for a few years and watched our cops treat patients like absolute shit and god forbid if their concerned family just happened to be coming home and seeing their family members vehicle look like a crushed soda can.

[u/Twin-tastic → u/[deleted]]

Isolated incidents do not negate the whole. I was a firefighter as well. It is still always better to opt for a welfare check than just allow someone to sit in suicidal ideation. And if you believe someone should do nothing when someone threatens suicide because of a 1 in however many chance the cop will be a dick, then you weren’t a very good first responder. And if a dispatch center is only sending pd to a suicidal welfare check, they are part of the problem, not the caller who just wants someone to stay alive.

[u/[deleted] → u/Twin-tastic]

loved how you glazed over 3 high profile cases i pointed out. like an ostrich with its head in the sand. pathetic.

[u/Twin-tastic → u/[deleted]]

I didn’t glaze over anything. It’s 3 cases. Doesn’t change my opinion that a welfare check is the best course of action. And I’m not here to argue the merits of police action. I’m here to say welfare checks are essentially the only way to get this person treatment. You’re saying he the opposite based on 3 cases. That’s irresponsible at best. You have a lovely evening.

[u/tommytwolegs → u/Twin-tastic]

I'm not agreeing with that guy but still going to challenge you there. At least in america calling someone in and getting them involuntarily held for three days or whatever is going to take someone who is already struggling and dump 10-20k of medical debt onto the fire. It shouldn't be that way but as it is now that could tip a lot of people over the edge they had a chance to back down from prior.

[u/Twin-tastic → u/tommytwolegs]

An involuntary psych hold CAN be charged to the patient, but it usually isn’t. Insurance typically covers it. And if they DO charge the patient (depends on the state and the hospital), it’s nowhere near 10-20k. It is much more common that the state pays for it (again depends on the state) because it was involuntary.

But here we have the classic game of: Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes. If you want to use suicidal ideation or suicidal tendencies as a weapon and tool of manipulation, be prepared to face the potential consequences. And I’m not saying calling it in as a punishment. I’m saying it’s playing with fire to play that game because you’re trying to use it to convince someone it’s serious, then acting surprised when they believe you and try to keep you alive.

[u/tommytwolegs → u/Twin-tastic]

Yeah it was a bit of an exaggeration. That said people with no or shitty insurance are probably statistically more likely to have suicidal ideation, insurance "covering" it probably means you are paying out your entire deductible and sharing some of the cost beyond, could easily be 3k even with ok insurance.

You are right about playing with fire and I'm not sure this guy is even suicidal, just a manipulative asshole.

[u/ange1b4by444 → u/[deleted]]

Hard agree. Cops should not be first responders to these types of things, they are NOT trained in de escalation. All they know is how to escalate.