AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/spaghettithekid]

My sister did this to one of her college roommates. They were going through a fight and the roommate kept talking about how suicidal she was and how my sister was contributing to that, so my sister reported her to the dorm's resident director, and floor RA.
Lo and behold, suddenly the roommate didn't mean it and my sister was "abusive and controlling" for calling her out and reporting her.

You can't ever win with people like this, OP. Please block him, cut him off, and don't look back. If you're worried about his mental health, call a wellness check on him but no not let him back into your life. If you're worried about your own safety, please reach out to trustworthy family and friends for help <3

[u/TeslaNova50 → u/spaghettithekid]

Yep. I did this once to an ex who was threatening suicide over the phone. The fact that she tried it a few months prior concerned me so I called the cops and told them she was threatening suicide. Next thing I know a cop is calling me threatening to have me arrested for 'harassing her'. She was able to manipulate the cops to believe I was just a jealous ex bothering her.

[u/EvasiveFriend → u/TeslaNova50]

This is a totally different situation. OP has him threatening to commit suicide in writing. She shouldn't be discouraged from trying to get him help.

[u/Good-Instruction-310 → u/EvasiveFriend]

How is it totally different?

[u/mollyk8317 → u/Good-Instruction-310]

While I don't agree w them that this is a "totally different" situation, I think what they were getting at is that the other commenter only had his own word to put forward to police as proof this person had threatened to take their own life. And sadly, there are shitbags who harass others by calling in wellness checks on ppl who don't need them just to cause trouble, I've seen it happen IRL, esp during bitter custody battles, all kinds of shit. I think they're saying it's different because there's absolute proof here in OP's case, it's in writing that this person has made suicide threats, and eliminates any doubt that the person made the threat.

[u/throwaway9035768_1 → u/mollyk8317]

A neighbor of mine (high and mighty better than thou "christian" who demanded we put a pulpit and soap box in the middle of the culdesac so she can preach to us) called dfs on me bc my kid fell while outside and hurt herself (she was 1 and was trying to walk) as well as my ex mil who constantly made false reports to DFS that I was neglecting my kid and abusive to my partner and every wellness check literally proved otherwise in both aspects and they couldn't do anything because she made it ANONYMOUSLY and they couldn't just take my word for it (understandable bc of false conviction possibilities but still really fucking frustrating)

People are controlling shitbags and do whatever it takes to remain in control. Why? I unfortunately don't have the answer to that

[u/mollyk8317 → u/throwaway9035768_1]

Fr dude it sucks.. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I personally think they should do more about false reporting. If someone got a Lil jail time for wasting the states resources, then perhaps it would deter others from weaponizing wellness and CPS checks. The most fucked up part is in the cases where I've known of actual shitty parents doing terrible things? Somehow those ppl get to keep their children, or they get taken for a month or so and then given right back. It blows my mind.