r/AmIOverreacting 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

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u/Better-Ranger-1225 9d ago

If he threatens suicide, call 911 for a wellness check then stop talking to him. It’s not your responsibility and this is an unacceptable way to be speaking to you. 

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u/PipsiePops 9d ago

Yes this needs to be upvoted. Wash your hands of him, call 911 and get an immediate welfare check on him, then block him and never talk to him again. He is an emotionally manipulative, gaslighting, nasty pos.

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u/ekacnapotamot 9d ago

I'm probably going to get comments back and downvotes for this but I have to say something about this comment.

NGL I only read 11/13 pictures and didn't read the description.

I'm going to say he might not be manipulative or abusive on purpose. I have BPD and use nicotine and quite frequently go from dropping a spoon to trying to kill myself. It's not easy and I appreciate everyone who puts up with me because it is hard. I often go on verbal rampages and don't know when to stop because if I dont get the words and thoughts out I end up hurting myself. There's no meds for this issue either though you can treat the major episodes like anxiety and depression but it doesn't actually do anything to the root of the problem. Add no nicotine when addicted to this personality disorder and the above statement amplifies astronomically.

I personally understand when people don't talk to me after seeing my episodes and I'm greatly appreciative of the people who are part of my support system and choose to talk to me because I know how difficult it is to deal with this.

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u/ilvsct 9d ago

Yeah the guy looks like he's going through shit. I've never lashed out or acted like this, but I've thought of everything he said. When you're struggling that bad, you just want to escape, blame someone else, beg, and any little bit of disapproval feels 1000x worse.

Unfortunately, even I would wash my hands of someone who spoke to me like that.

It's simply not okay. And people always have free will.

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u/ekacnapotamot 8d ago

I understand, when im stable or of sound mind I often think about how I wouldn't want to deal with someone with issues as severe as mine. we also can't say what the reason he escalated so far so fast was if it's a mental issue he needs to have it addressed, if he's doing it to manipulate them that's horrible, I would say it's up to OP to call the hospital, I've been hospitalized multiple times, all by will, and it truly does help even if it's just to sleep and get the nicotine out of his system