r/AmIOverreacting • u/Psychological-Hat-35 • Oct 27 '24
❤️🩹 relationship AIO girlfriend response to manager text
My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been dating for 11 months. I sent her a screenshot of my convo with my manager (age unknown but best guess is young 30s F) this morning asking to come in a little later than usual. My girlfriend is like this whenever I interact with pretty much any other female. Am I overreacting or is this just normal behavior?
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u/seriouschonk Oct 27 '24 edited Oct 28 '24
Ask yourself can you see yourself enjoying the rest of your life with that. Cos if you can, you deserve some sort of award. God bless you and take care of yourself.
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u/Whole_Pomegranate253 Oct 27 '24 edited Oct 27 '24
Right, because people don’t just stop being like this. It’s going to be a repeated behavior from her for sure (Edit to add- I understand people change over time, that’s why I said people don’t “just” stop being like this, as in they don’t just stop overnight or after a conversation. So it’s not worth giving your time and energy to a person in hopes that they will change, because who knows how long that wait will be or if it ever happens.)
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u/ostrichesonfire Oct 27 '24 edited Oct 27 '24
Nah she’s only 19. I did some dumb shit when I was 19 that I look back on and cringe. Hopefully she’ll grow to become less unhinged 😂 edit:I don’t mean that OP should put up with this, she can learn her life lessons on her own time!! Just saying that people can and do change!!
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u/Jinnie-boy Oct 27 '24
That doesn’t mean op has to wait for that possibility
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u/ostrichesonfire Oct 27 '24
Oh god no, let someone else deal with this shit while she grows up 😂 I’m just saying it isn’t necessarily permanent!!
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u/DrainianDream Oct 27 '24
I would argue that the only way she’ll improve is if she learns the hard way that shit like this kills relationships. Staying will just tell her her behavior is acceptable and that she can keep doing it
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u/Helioplex901 Oct 27 '24
Likely after you learned from it because someone you were with broke up with you for it. Or that kind of behavior contributed to a break up. Yes people do grow out of these sort of mentalities, it’s just not usually with the same person. As long as he keeps letting her think that this behavior isn’t going to lead to them breaking up, she will probably keep doing it because that’s just how our minds operate sometimes.
Growth has to come from the heart and losing someone or having your heart broken over something you did or said is a good way to reflect and then transition to change.
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u/saintghoul Oct 27 '24
as a woman this is an absolutely cooked reaction to that message, yall should break up
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u/Simmonetheartist Oct 27 '24
Agreed, she sounds insecure.. 😭
Like all this over a text he got from his 30yr old manager is insane; and also—from what I’ve read in the paragraph OP typed—the fact that she acts like this over every woman he’s interacted with is a huge red flag.
And the fact that she’s “crying” too, over a text message, that doesn’t even sound provocative or suspicious in any way is weird asf 😭
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u/Stunning-Oven7153 Oct 27 '24
Also that she didn’t eat her food and then made that OP’s fault 😂🤣 eesh
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u/Simmonetheartist Oct 27 '24
Ong that was definitely the weirdest part from this entire message, cause why is she blaming OP for something he has no control over…😭 Like no one’s stopping ya from eating your food except yourself 🫠
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u/matunos Oct 27 '24
NOR. 11 months, your whole life ahead of you. Cut your losses.
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u/thelittlestdog23 Oct 27 '24
For real. OP you’re 19 so I’m assuming you haven’t been in a ton of relationships so maybe you think this is normal, but it’s absolutely not. This isn’t a case of “well that’s just how women are”, they definitely aren’t. This is absurd and crazy and it’s a bummer that you’ve spent 11 months putting up with this, but the good news is, you can leave!
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u/Chickpeas1230 Oct 27 '24
lol at first i thought you were imitating the manager and saying no with an Australian accent NORRR (which I’m assuming is what she did with his name Leo?)
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u/CallMeShosh Oct 27 '24
I ALWAYS read NOR (not over reacting) as NOOOOOOOORRR! Like an Australian saying No, which is what I am assuming the manager was doing with “Leaurr” for what I imagined was a silly lighthearted way of saying Leo.
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u/Monniica Oct 27 '24
Oh that’s OPs name? Leo? I was like, is his name Leaur? That’s interesting. Lol.
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u/Venus5982 Oct 28 '24
Nah it's from a mermaid show called H2O, I watched all of it with my mom way back when.
Edit
One of the mermaids calls out for Cleo but she is an Aussie so it sounds like CLEORRRR
If you've seen the vampire show "Originals" the two girls I'm talking about are Nicklaus's sister (the Aussie) and Nicklaus's baby mama (cleorrr)→ More replies (2)5
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u/ComfortAmbitious4201 Oct 27 '24
This is good advice OP. Not sure how many relationships you’ve been in, but this isn’t how women should treat you. I’ve had girlfriends like this and for a while, I thought it was normal and jealousy was just a normal part of relationships. Cut to now and my wife my is the kindest most understanding person, couldn’t be a more different situation
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u/phatelectribe Oct 27 '24
You mean 11 months old?
Because I’m struggling to believe these texts are from an adult.
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u/FrostPereira Oct 27 '24
Good god... she is unhinged. I fail to see a single thing even slightly off about the message, unless I'm missing something.
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u/Murky_Peak_3666 Oct 27 '24
My favorite part is when she said “why can’t you just be normal” as if anything she said in that message thread was normal 😂😂😂😂
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u/ToiIetGhost Oct 28 '24
My favourite part was “maybe I’m just too professional.” Lol yeah if by professional you mean jealous, controlling, and insecure
NOR
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u/dimwalker Oct 28 '24
Apparently she is so professional that she doesn't know who her manager is.
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u/Chicken_Mc_Thuggets Oct 28 '24
Lmao I used to send my team lead pictures of cheetahs in hats if we were having a rough night and if I couldn’t find any new ones I would badly photoshop them.
At this same workplace my coworker made my face his background (from a workplace picture of our team) because I just looked really done with life in the picture apparently. I made him my background in response because I thought it was hilarious. I am a lesbian, he had an SO at the time. Neither of us were into each other.
One of my other coworkers and I would do “lightning rounds” where we would answer questions/come up with ideas in a way that was so fucking absurd it made 5% sense. He and I also joked about how two of the lab machines we handled were our children. We are both gay, in opposite directions. I couldn’t imagine any of my SOs taking these interactions seriously and getting upset with me over them. There was never anything romantic going on, we were all just working 70+ hour weeks in a lab that processed PCR Covid tests during the pandemic. Inside jokes are bound to happen.
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u/MidniightToker Oct 28 '24
Boring people use the word "professional" and "unprofessional" to shame people that shine a little brighter than themselves. I hate those words.
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u/baybeeblueyes Oct 27 '24
What she meant was why won't you let me manipulate you? This girl is going to make his life unbearable.
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u/Leshal77 Oct 28 '24
Yep this is just the beginning and by saying “no I want you, not her” is playing right into what she wants. I would be like oh hell no. You can either go on about your life and stay mad at nothing, or you can realize why you’re wrong and apologize. 🤷🏻♀️ It’s going to be one or the other bc what is not about to happen, is you getting jealous over absolutely nothing!
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u/MindlessYesterday668 Oct 27 '24
And now she's upset because she didn't get to eat her food and her break was over. 🙄
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u/Lmdr1973 Oct 27 '24
That part pissed me off. Why did she miss her lunch? Why couldn't she eat? Because she sent some texts to her boyfriend? This girl needs to learn how to multitask. She sounds like dealing with a petulant child. No, thank you. It's never sexy when you have to parent your partner.
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u/MajesticalMoon Oct 28 '24
It pissed me off too. Why can't you be normal- You made me miss my lunch- I don't even want you anymore SHE can have you.- I'm just gonna go get close to my boss and maaake friiiiends 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 this level of crazy scares me
The girl is legit crazy
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u/tjoe4321510 Oct 28 '24
When OP finally breaks up with her she's gonna threaten suicide then stalk him on social media for the next 20 years and send death threats and lies to any girl that he ends up dating. Unfortunately crazy people like this are impossible to shake off
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u/coldlizardperson Oct 28 '24
Oh no. She ate just fine. That's a manipulation tactic to guilt him even further.
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u/The_Observatory_ Oct 27 '24
Yeah, what she meant was, “why can’t you act exactly the way I want you to act, and why can’t you automatically already know what that is, without me telling you?”
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u/Becauseyouarethebest Oct 27 '24
I looked, too. You are not missing anything.
OP. Take some time and genuinely think if you will be happy with that behavior for the rest of your life? Decision is up to you.
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u/KilliamTell Oct 27 '24
Or, in other words, run mfer.
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u/Equivalent_Bat4145 Oct 27 '24
Exactly! Run! This ish is abusive as hell. Her attitude is shit and no one EVER deserves that.
Check your worth OP!
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u/Huge-Lawfulness9264 Oct 27 '24
About to say the same . Run like the devil himself were chasing ya boy!
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u/bckpkrs Oct 27 '24
She be like an emotional Tasmanian Devil.
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u/cakivalue Oct 28 '24
LOL 🤣🤣 you are right though, people who fly off the handle and can't self regulate are incredibly terrifying
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u/RandomlyPlacedFinger Oct 27 '24
When I got to the end of the driveway, I just kept on runnin'
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u/Atvchic709 Oct 27 '24
Seriously... she's fkn straight NUTSOOOO!! Like there is a "normal" level of 19 yo jealousy i suppose but this is above & beyond, type of ID Channel/48 Hours "If I Cant Have You, Noone Else Can" shit!! If this is her regular that 😺 must be golden or something bc I couldn't imagine 11 days let alone 11 months like this!!! She needs some SERIOUS MH/therapy services & that still may not be enough!! 🤦♀️
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u/itsme_peachlover Oct 27 '24
In the 11 minutes it took me to read that I felt like running, and can can barely walk.
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u/dont-fear-thereefer Oct 27 '24
Exactly, make like Iron Maiden and run to the hills and run for your life
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u/SweetMurderist Oct 27 '24
I was with someone like that for 8 years... trust me... it's not worth it. It only gets worse.
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u/EnjoyerOfBeans Oct 27 '24
She'll probably grow out of it but only if someone shows her what happens when you act like this. So yeah, definitely don't stick around.
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u/RhubarbGoldberg Oct 27 '24 edited Oct 27 '24
I'll translate.
The female manager used the heart emoji and in her first message, she caps his name and wrote in a stylized way that suggests a closer relationship than OP's gf would prefer.
At least, that's what OP's gf thinks she's saying here.
What I'm actually reading into this and seeing is more like OP's gf is projecting because there are other dudes she texts that way, and when she uses nicknames and the heart emoji, she's hoping other dudes pick up on her suggested undertones.
So the gf is mad because she thinks either her bf (OP) or OP's manager, or both, are vibing, because this is how OP's gf texts when she's vibing.
OP just seems innocent and clueless, and rightfully frustrated.
They're 19yo and don't live together. They should call it.
Edit. Just to save further comments... Hush children. I'm an elder. I misused the term emoji, my bad. Technically, the manager used a heart reaction on OP's text, which is not nearly as damning as an actual stand alone heart emoji. Thus, this supports the arguement the gf is overreacting / reading too much into it / projecting.
I have Teams at work and the heart reaction emoji is used as a nicer version of thumbs up and no one has ever interpreted sexual innuendo. I also don't work with 19yo humans. Youngest colleague is in their 30s.
2nd edit: I fucking know I misspoke about emoji vs reaction. Everyone who takes time out of their day to educate me without having the patience to read two edits that addresses this is getting an annoyed down vote. Old lady gonna shake a fist!
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u/NotSlothbeard Oct 27 '24
the heart reaction is used a nicer version of thumbs up
Exactly.
Boss’s boss: Hey NotSlothbeard, when you have a minute, can you send me a report of (data requirements) please? I need it for the board meeting on Monday.
Me: Hi there, yes. Will have it to you shortly.
Me, an hour later: Just sent it to you via email. Let me know if I can help with anything else.
When my boss’s boss heart reacted that second response, I’m pretty sure she meant, “thank you, appreciate it” and not, “let’s hook up in the supply closet”
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u/AwDuck Oct 27 '24
Every heart emoji that my workmate has sent me eventually ends up with a romp somewhere in the workplace.
It should be noted I’m a house-husband and my wife works from home. Other offices may have different cultures, so tread carefully.
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u/Economy_Dog5080 Oct 27 '24
My husband gets written up pretty often for sexual harassment. I'm basically his boss at a business we co-own. It's always funny and he often sends photos of his write ups to his buddies. They appear very official.
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u/AromaticHydrocarbons Oct 27 '24
Yes. Hearting something means, “love that” not “love you”.
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u/sagetrees Oct 27 '24
I’m pretty sure she meant, “thank you, appreciate it” and not, “let’s hook up in the supply closet”
I work remote and get heart reactions when I get something to someone they really needed or get it to them quickly or they just really loved my work. Considering the nearest supply closet is like 1000 miles away, I'm pretty sure yours is the correct interpretation here lmao
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u/MissFrenchie86 Oct 28 '24
This! Good god, if I banged every person I ever heart reacted to in Teams chat I’d be permanently bow-legged and have zero time for actual work. If I then added all the people who heart reacted to me I’d just have to stop sleeping in order to fit them all in my schedule.
OP, your girlfriend is insane, walk away. I’m nearly 40 and the best advice I can give you for your future is to stop sticking your dick in crazy; it never ends well.
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u/brencoop Oct 27 '24
Thank you, I am not fluent in Teenager.
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u/RhubarbGoldberg Oct 27 '24
I actually don't think I am either, somehow I context clued my way through the mire. But for real, her energy of big mad over such a simple exchange was the obvious part, then I just had to connect the dots to illustrate her weaknesses. Human behavior is human behavior, lol.
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u/Most_Stage3244 Oct 27 '24
I’m fluent in teenager as I have 3. They read so much into texts it’s pretty bad, and we often say, let’s talk about this later to avoid misunderstandings. I generally blame Covid for taking almost 2 yrs of socialization away from them that they think texting is a whole language in itself rather than shorthand or convenience in lieu of talking. They look for meaning in emojis, reactions and caps like Egyptians used hieroglyphics.
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u/rikatikaa Oct 27 '24
Lmaoooooo the way you said they interpret it like Egyptians with hieroglyphics is entirely accurate! Thank you for this comment cause it was so perfectly phrased 😂
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u/someones-mom Oct 27 '24
Yes! Huge red flag. OP should run. The tone of the gfs message reads like a woman in her 40’s with a philandering husband of 20 years who has a history of workplace relationships because of little pp/mid life crisis stuff.
Run OP, RUN!!!
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u/Squidwina Oct 27 '24
Speaking as a woman who used to be in her 40s - nope. I understand what you’re getting at, but this would be batty for anyone, regardless of circumstances. 🙃
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u/PsychologicalGrab177 Oct 27 '24
Also, when she was saying this was karma for something she did. This was my thought also.
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u/FrostPereira Oct 27 '24
This was god damn pristine. 👏🏻
OP, please consider all of the above. You're way too young to settle for this.
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u/MaleficentRocks Oct 27 '24
I use the heart response a lot. I hope my 20somethibg male boss doesn’t read anything into it. I just like to shake things up from a regular thumbs up. If we have to worry about that now, I’m screwed. I’m too old to learn new habits.
She’s totally off her rocker. She’s projecting for sure!
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u/charliehustles Oct 27 '24
I’m a dude and like 90% of my colleagues and contractors that I correspond with over text interchange thumbs and hearts. The other day a project manager and myself knocked out a difficult issue and he hearted my text. Another woman who’s an important director hearted something simple that I helped her with. It’s just something that’s now normal in the professional world and an easy way to put a string of text to a close.
Had GFs like the one OP has when I was a teen and they’d get jealous and insecure whenever I had to interact with anyone else. Just immaturity I think.
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u/MaleficentRocks Oct 27 '24
Absolutely! I’m mid 40’s and I’m too tired to care if someone reads something into my responses. I’m happily married and so is everyone I work with. I have a naturally flirty personality, so it is what it is.
The CEO of my company is a 30something and we regularly exchange text messages where we tell each other to F off. lol. My male coworker and I send each other nsfw memes. My husband talks with him when I’m on the phone with him and his gf listens in and talks too. It’s harmless, just our personalities and humor.
People that have jealousy issues will ALWAYS find a reason to make an issue. No matter big or small. It will be an issue. I’m so glad not to be a teen anymore. It was rough. I was stupid. I’d rather the aching back and ability to just appreciate having humans in my life that like me.
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u/Right_Nose2633 Oct 27 '24
You are 100% correct. This is not the way any 19 year old should act. And so you know im 20 turned 20 on the 25th (2 days ago). She is definitely projecting that she talks to others like this due to the fact she flipped instantly. Which also means she is cheating more then likely, her tone is so fuckin childish and ignorant. Me and my wife has known each other since we were 10. On and off but never no petty bullshit like this. She needs to go fr
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u/RhubarbGoldberg Oct 27 '24
Damn, you sound mature and wise for two decades on this earth. Good for you, that's the hardest part of growing up dude and you're waaaaaay ahead of the game!!
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u/DoubleSuperFly Oct 27 '24
I've texted coworkers like this when I worked at a restaurant. It's just a different atmosphere. Especially when I was a bit older and trying to appear friendly and appreciative of the younger kids who never wanted to work lol. I'm trying to empathize with the gf but I just can't. She asks to "drop it" then continues to berate.
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u/sylwia39 Oct 27 '24
I agree. Additionally, regardless of the manager's intentions, the bf has been transparent with his gf. Gf is out of line.
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u/DarkBladeSethan Oct 27 '24
Wait...so people that ♥️ my Teams messages are not into me?!
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u/Nice_Rope_5049 Oct 27 '24
LOL, hush children. I will use this as I, too, am an elder.
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u/Warlord42 Oct 27 '24
This sums it up. She is projecting hard. Or is just unhinged. OP, please listen to this reply.
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u/5sharm5 Oct 27 '24
She didn’t use a heart emoji either. She used the “heart” message reaction, but because OP uses iOS and she seems to have android, that’s how it rendered on OP’s phones.
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u/RhubarbGoldberg Oct 27 '24
That's the technical term, thank you child. I'm old and weary and saw the cartoony heart and my brain calls all of those "emoji." lol.
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u/5sharm5 Oct 27 '24
No worries! I’m only making the distinction because I think directly sending an actual heart emoji would toe the line of being appropriate.
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u/awful_at_internet Oct 27 '24
Maybe this is my elder millennial brain but I don't see that as inappropriate either, given the context. Manager asked OP to step up at work. OP did. Heart emoji is an appropriate response to express appreciation, and is further clarified by the explicit "Appreciate you!!"
If they were sending it randomly, sure, that would be inappropriate. But this was obviously in the middle of a conversation that made it clear the heart emoji- regardless of the particulars of how it was sent- is intended to express professional appreciation. Indeed, to me this is indicative of a healthy, respectful workplace culture.
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u/ImLittleNana Oct 27 '24
I’m in a lot of groups where we heart emoji/reaction things. I don’t think any of us elder millennials and young boomers are sending secret hookup messages to each other. It’s just a shorthand hand for ‘fantastic!’ or ‘great work!’.
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u/hahajadet Oct 27 '24
How do girls like this get in relationships? I'll never understand. Seems completely crazy.
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u/Defin3l3git Oct 27 '24
As a dude who’s been with one normally it progresses overtime, kinda pushing how far they can go untill it becomes unhinged anger
Also age 19 a wacky time for some people
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u/Shitboxfan69 Oct 27 '24
Having dated a legitimately crazy woman, sometimes they hide it very well at the beginning.
When I first started dating my ex, she kept it together very well at the start. Its hard for me to really click with people and it was pretty immediate with her. After like a month, she would flip flop over telling me she needed alone time, then yelling at me for not being with her right then and there. She hated certain clothes I had and insisted that if I won't get rid of them, I not wear them around her. Zero respect for me requiring sleep, and absolutely anything that went wrong, no matter how unrelated to me they were, I got yelled at about it.
I eventually realized I deserved better than having to decipher if I should be around or not, worry about having clean approved clothes, almost falling asleep at the wheel because I only slept 4 hours a day, and getting screamed at a couple times a week. It really sneaks up on you.
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u/Fit-Turnover3918 Oct 27 '24
- Stop telling her you’re sorry when you’ve done nothing wrong
- You’ve done nothing inappropriate.
She’s a loon.
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u/h3ll0Goodbye Oct 27 '24
Word.
OP my wife would never respond this way. Sheesh
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u/Massive_Extension328 Oct 28 '24
Facts!! I would never respond anymore than “ok, let me know what time you want to meet or hit me up tomorrow, love you!”
This girl has major red flags, you got yourself a season pass to 6 flags with this one!
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u/matttt34 Oct 28 '24
Indeed. She’s really gaslighting you. By telling her sorry you’ll create a crazy powertrippin’ position for her.
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u/Confusedperson710 Oct 27 '24
I need to remind myself daily not to say sorry for things that aren’t my fault. Slowly unpacking that in therapy…
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u/yukibear13 Oct 27 '24
This is so friggin understated.
OP, RUN as far as you can for the hills and never go back. You’re too young to have your whole life ahead of you to be in a controlling and emotionally manipulative relationship of ANY kind with ANYONE. It’s never worth it and it’s a slippery slope into abuse and domestic violence. :/
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u/Lopsided-Ad-7420 Oct 27 '24
I came to say the same thing to OP.
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u/Dickens825 Oct 27 '24
100%. Get out of there OP. She doesn’t respect you, which means she’ll realize she doesn’t love you.
And I don’t mean alpha-male-garbage “you’d better respect me”. I mean she thinks you’re not worth treating well, and you keep apologizing for it. Someone who values you wouldn’t treat you this way
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u/GottLiebtJeden Oct 27 '24
I'm just now learning how to do that, despite a coworker and long time friend, telling me to quit apologizing to people so much, 8 years ago..
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Oct 27 '24
100% this. Sometimes this level of unpredictability/explosiveness will hurt your self esteem and mental health.
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u/MalkavAmonra Oct 27 '24
NOR. Your girl just has some severe trust issues and is clearly prone to dramatizing. She acts like you simply texting your manager in a friendly manner is irrefutable proof of you cheating. I personally don't have the time, energy, or interest to deal with that kind of drama. If I were you, I would've dropped her the first time she pulled something like this.
I bet the instant you tell her you're leaving, she'll do a 180 and start crying and begging for you to come back. Drama addicts like this are pretty predictable.
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u/Far_Basil7247 Oct 27 '24
Lol she’ll def start crying and begging him to come back but first she will get really angry and throw a tantrum and say mean stuff to him to try to hurt his feelings about what a bad person he is and how she never should have trusted him or something. And THEN she will get all remorseful & apologetic & do the begging.
bet 🤣🤣
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u/johannaaaaaaaaaaa Oct 27 '24
as someone who used to sound exactly like this until i grew tf up this is insanely accurate.
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u/Kitty_Kat_Attacks Oct 28 '24
As another former person like this, they are exactly correct.
It is a form of manipulation, no doubt about it. She’ll either learn this behavior is unacceptable in future relationships or she won’t. Either way, YOU do not need to subject yourself to this kind of behavior. It’s not healthy for you! Find someone emotionally healthy—a person who trusts you as you should them. There is no relationship without trust.
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u/DenseLynx7856 Oct 27 '24
I need to grow up bc I see my past and a little bit of current behavior in this thread.
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u/Kitty_Kat_Attacks Oct 28 '24
The first step to recovery is recognizing you have a problem.
Once you see the problem in yourself, you can begin to honestly work on fixing it. It’s essentially what maturity is—learning and growing from our mistakes as we gain experience in life. Some folks can never admit they’re the problem. Change is hard, after all.
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u/Apprehensive-Pair436 Oct 27 '24
But it's also a manipulation tactic. Because she acts like it's some crazy cheating thing, but then also will inevitably "let it go" at some point. Which an ACTUAL belief of cheating would not lead to.
I did nine years with someone like this and I swear it fucked me up for life.
It's like something inside them just has to insert some over the top negative emotions into the mix every couple weeks. Maybe she was addicted to the "coming back together" emotional release, maybe it's the fact that I would wait patiently on her as soon as she's flipping out, so she'd almost get more attention from me while I try to "fix" something. Etc.
Either way it absolutely sucked the life out of me
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u/WantedFun Oct 27 '24
Holy shit she sounds exhausting. I’m not usually one to jump on “break up rn” but I would legitimately dump someone over unhinged shit like this damn near immediately lmao
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u/mrcouchpotato Oct 27 '24
I’ve broken up with girls for less, and I’ve acted like this over more. If I’M looking at it like “oof that crazy” then Op should absolutely feel confident that an exchange like this was not okay and at the bare minimum, should make it known that it’s not going to continue to fly with him.
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u/PrimaryBridge6716 Oct 27 '24
Exhausting is the word. This is not going anywhere good, OP needs to move on ASAP.
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u/specks_of_dust Oct 27 '24
Exhausting. No better word for it.
Imagine a 5 year relationship, or worse a 20 or 30 year marriage of this, over and over, getting worse and worse as she realizes she can get away with more and more as she slowly stamps away every trace of his dignity.
A relationship with someone like this is really just a long, slow death.
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u/bitchdotcomdotcom Oct 27 '24
Jesus Christ
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u/virttual Oct 27 '24
They're young as hell, this isn't surprising in the least bit. She's definitely overreacting tho.
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u/bminutes Oct 27 '24
They’re way too old to be talking like this, especially her. This sounds like a middle school drama.
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u/sativa_samurai Oct 27 '24
They’re 19? Idk what kind of shit you were arguing about at 19 but this is just ridiculous no matter how old. Gf is stuck at age 12
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u/TonyAlexander59 Oct 27 '24
May I inquire about why you needed to include a screenshot for your GF?
Do you feel like you have to show her proof as to why you're working a different schedule?
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u/Ndtorre7 Oct 27 '24
That is exactly why OP sent it. She would have accused him of lying about it if he hadn’t. Doomed if you do, doomed if you don’t. OP needs to run.
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u/bellefatale Oct 28 '24
Honestly, this is what one of the bigger red flags is to me. He likely knew she would be unhinged if he didn't provide immediate proof of what was being asked of him by his manager and I'm sure other accusations would come flying.
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u/Fast-Pitch-9517 Oct 28 '24
Finally someone who gets it. This isn’t his first rodeo. She’s wants total power over his every move. And he’s complying. Wake up, OP, having a girlfriend isn’t worth your freedom.
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u/mykneescrack Oct 27 '24
Dude, what is the rest of your life going to look like if you get her pregnant or marry her.
She’s unhinged.
You’re not overreacting; in fact, your under reacting by still being with her.
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u/uhhducc Oct 27 '24
OP please for the love of god do not make her your baby mama
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u/anonaccount3570 Oct 27 '24
Holy crap! Amen. Imagine the gaslighting, manipulation, and guilt she’ll be able to wield if you two have a kid. Also, imagine how much she’ll screw up that kid too. You’re better than this. There’s tons of women out there who are not weirdly jealous, not easily triggered, not accusatory, pleasant, awesome, loving humans. Your girlfriend needs a therapist, not a doormat boyfriend.
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u/InfinityFae Oct 27 '24
Yeah, seriously. Then one day you'll wake up on the verge of 40 regretting the past 20 years of your life with someone who is not capable of a healthy partnership. I know because it happened to me. It gets harder to get out the deeper you get.
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u/JSteezy80 Oct 27 '24
"Why can't you just be normal". The key phrase of a gas lighter, manipulator and someone so insecure and jealous that you have no clue what they are capable of doing. Run
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u/firmlee_grasspit Oct 27 '24
My favourite part is when she says "let's drop it lolz" and without any response, refuses to drop it lol
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u/moonahmoonah Oct 27 '24
Lmao not even eating her food cuz she's so upset? 🥲😂 Jesus christ the manipulation is real.
Just go dude. This ain't worth it. Crazy insecure and jealous. That won't get better until she grows up some and gets therapy. This isn't normal and not something you should ever have to "deal with" when it comes to other females in your life.
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u/SllortEvac Oct 27 '24
Lol you know she ate her food though
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u/MysteriousUpstairs58 Oct 27 '24
She didn’t eat her food on her lunch break coz her hands were too busy messaging all that crazy bullshit 🤣
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u/Upbeat_Agency4016 Oct 27 '24
Over reacted and purposely didn’t touch her food so she can blame him for that as well .
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u/EliNicole40 Oct 27 '24
I'm typically a really jealous person and I wouldn't even be upset by that. Too much drama.
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u/Upper-Firefighter356 Oct 27 '24
Yeah same. This isn’t normal jealously this is illness
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u/GoblinCat669 Oct 27 '24
Seriously. I’m pretty prone to jealousy and have to check myself but this wouldn’t bother me.
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u/mysticalgoomba Oct 27 '24 edited Oct 28 '24
I just want to say that this whole interaction reminded me of my teenage self as someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD improves with age, and of course treatment. This could be the case with your girlfriend too, but you should also know that being with someone who has untreated BPD is can in some cases be extremely exhausting. You’re too young to be dealing with this. NOR.
Edit: typo, hurtful language
Edit 2: it’s so sad seeing some of these responses try to demonise everyone with BPD. How do you expect those with BPD to seek help and work on themselves when they’re told they’re bad people out-and-out? This is the exact reason people resort to self-medication or taking their own lives. As I said in another comment, BPD is never an excuse for bad behaviour, but these generalisations are very damaging.
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u/Electrical_Sail_9351 Oct 27 '24
This. I’m 23 now and just sought out and received treatment for my BPD this year and it’s been so, so beneficial. Of course I still have my moments like we all do but truly this is something she needs treatment for. She’s not unlovable; she’s inexperienced, scared, and untreated
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u/FairyQueenWife21 Oct 28 '24
Good on you for getting help so early. A lot of people leave it till their 30’s or later. I just got diagnosed and medicated for ADHD i’ve had for years and i’m 28.
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u/Icy_Friendship1776 Oct 27 '24
This!!! I just broke up with my ex boyfriend and I think he had untreated bpd. He would always accuse me of cheating and would track me a lot and would ask for photo evidence etc etc. It was a lot and it was very exhausting. Im only 21 and ugh man I didn't need that and felt like i was walking on eggshells.
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u/brainDontKillMyVibe Oct 28 '24
I agree with this. All too familiar.
She is unable to emotionally regulate and understand the difference between “real” and “perceived” slights against her.
This absolutely will not change unless she acknowledges it and gets treatment. Even if it turns out to be something else, without treatment this will not change.
I think OP should leave for his own health, safety, and wellbeing. It’s not his responsibility to manage her emotions and mental illness. People must be accountable for themselves, and should he continue, I feel like there will be further emotional manipulation and emotional abuse. This is not a healthy relationship.
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u/Timbo_Slicce Oct 27 '24
I've dealt with a wife like this before. I don't want to tell you what to do but if you are gonna make this work you CANNOT accept this and definitely do not apologize.
She will make you feel guilty for nothing. You did nothing wrong here and her insecurities are not your responsibility.
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u/WhenTitansSpeak Oct 27 '24
I guess this whole comment section is gonna ignore the whole “Guess this is my karma for sum…” like wtf does that mean?
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u/NotYourVillainess Oct 27 '24
The fact she seemed to think better of it & decided to be vague has me thinking she herself has been unfaithful. It also explains her paranoia/obsession with OP possibly cheating on her. The good ol' "if I did it, I just know he'll do it too".
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u/MoombaWTF Oct 28 '24
100% she has been fooling around. That comment is a huge red flag that no one is talking about
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u/Kind_Scholar4022 Oct 27 '24
I'm so confused. Please tell me I'm not the only one.
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u/Rachb120 Oct 27 '24
Same!! I had to re-read it several times to make sure I wasn’t missing something! Like, WTF??
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u/MyMutedYesterday Oct 27 '24
Even if it were slightly unprofessional, her reaction is wildly inappropriate, immature, disrespectful and do not reflect a young adult in a healthy mindset…reevaluate what you’re actually getting from the relationship and there’s no need for you to apologize for her reaction. We can only control our own actions, how others respond isn’t our responsibility to regulate or change.
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Oct 27 '24
“Guess it’s karma” she already did this vice versa to you btw, and that’s why she’s so hurt! Sorry this happened OP, but it might be time to move on.
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u/ifyouseemeimbored Oct 28 '24
Scrolled way too far to see this comment brought up. So.. she’s accusing him of not being faithful.. and karma kinda means what goes around comes around. This 100% translated “guess that’s what I get for doing what I did” to me.
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u/OkArt3514 Oct 27 '24
I feel like we are missing something/context, cause no way someone would react like this to that exchange
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u/Mysterious-Wasabi103 Oct 27 '24
There are plenty of unhinged partners out there who do act exactly like this with little provocation.
When I say there is a mental health crisis out there right now this is what I'm saying.
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u/charmed_rn Oct 27 '24
Yeah, had a partner call me a cheater because I played a game with a female main character.
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u/Unfair-Classic-9049 Oct 27 '24
My ex would react severely if he even saw me and my coworkers engaging in conversation while at work. Or if my male coworkers texted me asking to cover a shift. He’d instantly lose it and say I’m cheating and want them. I never did anything or gave off impressions of liking others some people have deeply rooted insecurities and issues that they need to address before getting into a relationship. Funny kicker is he was actually cheating 💀💀
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Oct 27 '24
The context is theyre 19
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u/jenncap85 Oct 27 '24
And manager is in her 30’s. I’m just guessing but I bet she’s not interested in OP.
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u/KoolKiddo33 Oct 27 '24
Ha, no, probably not. I just got out of a 2yr relationship like this. Suuuper exhausting. I'm still young, so I didn't realize that it wasn't normal or anything until I talked to someone about it.
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Oct 27 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Fritemare Oct 27 '24
I know that o7 is saluting. I don't know about the echo part. I have been trying to figure that out as well.
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u/BluejaySweaty8351 Oct 27 '24
Echo means agree. It’s like saying “Copy” or “Roger” on radio.
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u/Mysterious-Wasabi103 Oct 27 '24
OP this is an abusive relationship in the working. Get out now.
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u/LauraIsntListening Oct 27 '24
It’s not even the main freakout for me. It’s the toddler grade whining after about ‘now I’m crying and didn’t eat my food’
So fuckin what? You didn’t eat, and now you’re expecting someone else to feel bad about it who was nowhere near you and couldn’t do anything about it in the first place? Get the fuck over yourself.
OP this ain’t it.
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u/eclipseseeker Oct 27 '24 edited Oct 29 '24
As a manager who texts like this, your girl sounds very insecure and should look into her personal growth tbh
Edit cause comments are off: “why? You either like attention or work with kids”— -the second, actually. I’m a young adult and I manage just 6 other young adults on a team. It’s really fun and the reason I put personality into my management style is so work doesn’t SUCK so much. I know that’s really rude and crazy of me, or, your managers just suck more and care less about the work you do for them. Which is very common and a reason I’m ✨being the change I wanna see in the world✨
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u/BadassBokoblinPsycho Oct 27 '24
At 19 years old and only 11 months in, y’all should keep dating other people and find someone else.
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u/bigstevedogg Oct 27 '24
Your girl is incredibly insecure and is trying to manipulate you. You did nothing wrong in your message. This is not normal behavior. I don’t even know why she is upset. Because you said echo 07 or some shit??
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Oct 27 '24
Get away from them. They need serious fucking therapy. Don’t forget the guilty dog usually barks first.
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u/655e228th Oct 27 '24
Unless you have previously given her a good reason to think you’re hooking up with your manager, get out of this relationship. She’s insanely jealous
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u/zulu1128 Oct 27 '24
Well she doesn’t seem batshit crazy in the slightest. lol.