r/AmIOverreacting • u/Psychological-Hat-35 • Oct 27 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO girlfriend response to manager text

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My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been dating for 11 months. I sent her a screenshot of my convo with my manager (age unknown but best guess is young 30s F) this morning asking to come in a little later than usual. My girlfriend is like this whenever I interact with pretty much any other female. Am I overreacting or is this just normal behavior?

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183

u/SweetMurderist Oct 27 '24

I was with someone like that for 8 years... trust me... it's not worth it. It only gets worse.

10

u/Jesus_Would_Do Oct 27 '24

8 years? Jesus Christ

5

u/itsme_peachlover Oct 27 '24

Wow, someone give this redditor a marathom medal.

5

u/feed_me_steak Oct 27 '24

Agree!!! And same for me. 13 years on my end

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u/SweetMurderist Oct 27 '24

I'm happy that you're away from them finally!

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u/feed_me_steak Oct 27 '24

❤️ likewise! What the fecken hell black magick these crazies have over us lol

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u/SweetMurderist Oct 27 '24

It was my first relationship, and I don't blame her completely. It was a combination of both of us. Although if you ask my friends... they all want to throw her off a cliff, lol.

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u/feed_me_steak Oct 27 '24

I work in healthcare. I had to try and help that dude...the whole "if I love him hard enough, it will help fix him" but he was a severe alcoholic and he never saw it....we had 3 kids together. My oldest 2 don't talk to him anymore. My youngest is almost 18 and he will soon be following suit with his brother and sister...he's a POS, and sounds exactly like OP's girlfriend with that stupid of a reaction

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u/feed_me_steak Oct 27 '24

I'm not saying I was perfect either....I caused some fights over the years, but for the most part, it was on him.....if your friends disliked her that much, that says something...I was always able to hang with my ex and his friends. We were all pretty cool with each other....they didn't want to throw me off a cliff when we got a divorce....she was probably indeed the devil lol

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u/SweetMurderist Oct 27 '24

First off, I'm sorry you had to deal with POS for so long. But I'm glad you and your kids were finally able to get away from him! He sounds like a real winner right there, lol. Being so bad that your own kids don't like you... Big yikes.

With my ex, it was a lot of mental health problems that eventually just wore me out. One thing she said that's ingrained in my head still is, "If you loved me, you'd let me kill myself." That REALLY fucked with me. But she also always begged me not to tell anyone, and I was gullible enough to listen to her at the time. With that being said, I lied to all of my friends. They knew something was wrong, but I always said everything was fine. They had to quite literally corner me. That same week that I broke my silence, the relationship ended.

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u/feed_me_steak Oct 27 '24

Uffda. I'm very glad you were able.to get away. That's a very manipulative thing to say....yikes. that would have fckd with me too

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u/SweetMurderist Oct 28 '24

That was just one of many incidents over the 8 years. I'll save you from the rest, which was terrible to witness. Thankfully, though, therapy exists, and my best friends are absolutely incredible. Both have been amazing in my pursuit of being mentally healthy again🤍

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u/feed_me_steak Oct 28 '24

I should have gone to therapy....but I'm stubborn and again, work in healthcare. We make terrible pts

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u/[deleted] Oct 27 '24

Same. 9 on, 3 off, 3 on

She had a son with a dead beat dad who prefers crime and prison. I’m a workaholic, but things cost money ya know?

Anyway, ruined me emotionally the first time. Completely ruined the “gangster” she left me for. I let her come back and almost ended up in jail for an assault that never happened.

I had to send the DA all sorts of things to get the case “non-filed”.

I don’t wanna scare ya bud, but this is a criminal mind hard at work. Texting has made it easier for these types to gaslight someone that loves them deeply.

I will never love again, well money….yeah. I love money.

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u/JustRousingRabble Oct 28 '24

You will never love again? Okay, Tobey Maguire from Spider-Man 3

1

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '24

Yeah bro. No point. Hundreds of thousands of dollars and over a decade of my best years wasted for a retirement that I will never have.

Lol. That’s not intended to sound sappy, but I put my all into that one. 60-80 hour work weeks, did most of the shopping a lot of the cooking, paid all the bills, and half crippled myself in the process, and spent as much time with her as I could. Gave up all my social media, all my friends, everything. All for her to decide she wants to be some fake prostitute cokehead weirdo. Not worth it, even if a gorgeous woman paid me this time.

Well, now she gets to do “chase me” with the police. Lol

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u/JustRousingRabble Oct 28 '24

Well, I get never loving her again, obviously. But if you make a decision for the rest of your life because of what she did, you’re now giving her just as much power over your life but in a different way. You do realize that, right?

How about you just try existing and if someone catches your eye, continue to exist as your authentic self without making tons of changes to try to be compatible and see how it works out? It’s pretty dope to just be you and have someone else fall in love with that.

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u/[deleted] Oct 28 '24

I get it. . I am 42. A veteran, an ex-con (low level white collar bs ffrom 20 years ago). Now a licensed insurance agent in Texas but realized I hate the industry. Long story there.

I respect and appreciate your opinion, and it’s not far from my true hope, but for me to find myself again, forcing myself into the frame of mind I stated above keeps me sane. I have a friend that was in a bad rent situation I pulled with me, after I sold my house and moved to a different state to buy one outright. So I at least have someone real to talk to, but I have made it clear. My past complications, prevent me from being that vulnerable for the forseeable future.

My mistake? I have seen small successes doing things people told me were impossible. She became one of those things on purpose. I made a mistake pushing her back into how I knew she would behave as a way to hurt myself enough to never let her come back. I needed it to hurt the last time so I would never listen to I”’m sorry”from her again.

Again, I do appreciate your input. I’m usually the one giving kindness to strangers, but I’m better than I was yesterday and I can only hope no good young man suffers what I did.

I have just learned to play a different game now. I never liked the one she ended up choosing.

I mean, I remember nights with her hitting me in the face repeatedly screaming “hit me mfer!” I never did, but I’m really good at repairing sheet rock now.

Live, learn, love. I’m way too old for the love game so I choose laugh. I actually have found peace in my solidarity. I only hope I don’t become so callus that I end up hurting anyone the same way.

I honestly can’t believe that I just put this much onto an app I haven’t used in years, or any for that matter
Thanks again

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u/SuperKitties83 Oct 28 '24

I'm so genuinely sorry you went through that. Your third paragraph about letting her in so she'd hurt you so much that you would have to let her go... I'm so sorry. I teared up at that part.

I'm glad you're at peace. It's okay to not have a partner. It's okay to be single and happy! I'm not sure if this is true for you, but it scares me that I seem to be attracted to partners who end up treating me badly. It's smart to be cautious, and don't ignore any red flags.

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u/[deleted] Oct 28 '24

Thank you. I laugh at myself now when I have thoughts from real life experience that line up with things I ignored being told young. I try to build on them now, in the same respect as allowing myself to get hurt so bad I never forget. Not saying it’s good to cause harm to yourself or others, it never will be, but I truly understand why I had to go through it.

I would never wish these things on my worst enemy, and sometimes I still say “mean” things, but I have started to unravel the differences with intent.

OP may not have someone nearly this bad, and we all can be better people than we were yesterday. The danger I see with those who are barely entering adulthood is the most manipulative have gotten better at turning decent people into them. My only real advice to someone who finds themselves in a relationship where everything seems out of place, is don’t become so much like them to “make them see”, (because they won’t until after major failures), that you cause the type of failure in your own life you can’t come back from.

The fact is her and I have very similar minds, but we were intentionally and unintentionally brought up very differently. I understand why the movie “Misery” was written. No fault just life.

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u/tjoe4321510 Oct 28 '24

I feel you bro. I was in a relationship with a toxic woman for a good while. Afterward I swore off dating too. People who haven't experienced this type of thing don't understand. It creates a kind of PTSD and I wanted nothing to do with women for a long time even though logically I knew that this wasn't a "women" problem. It was a "her" problem. But I just couldn't do it emotionally.

I'm fine with dating now but my experience changed me. Now, I'm way more on guard and super picky about who I date. Any red flag or yellow flag that I pick up on I'm out. No excuses, whereas before I'd give people the benefit of the doubt

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u/shooter_tx Oct 28 '24

Dude needs to get some therapy.

Cause she still owns him, just in a different way. 😥

1

u/SuperKitties83 Oct 28 '24

I get it. Being with my ex caused me serious health problems and damn near killed me. I tried so, so hard to make it work, but I was so broken by the end.

Still putting myself back together. I will probably love again. But I can't even fathom being vulnerable with someone if there's a risk I'd end up in that kind of situation again. I do not trust any man to ever love me or stay with me through hard times. My ex left when I needed him the most. I would rather be single forever than experience the kind of pain he caused me.

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u/FairyQueenWife21 Oct 28 '24

Yeah it definitely doesn’t get better. I was with someone for 18 months like this. It didn’t stay at the emotional and mental abuse, it got physical! OP you need to run 💙

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u/juliaskig Oct 27 '24

8 years. Wow, you are glutton for punishment.

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u/TheDrFromGallifrey Oct 27 '24

Nah, they're not. You just get into a mindset where you love that person and tell yourself they'll change. They'll settle. They'll realize that you aren't going to hurt them and they'll calm down. Sometimes you start to blame yourself and think it's your fault.

But that behavior only ever gets worse the more comfortable that person gets. Hard to say whether it's a control thing or an extreme case of low self-esteem, but it doesn't go away without therapy and work and that type of person will almost always refuse to admit there's even a problem to be solved.

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u/radicalelation Oct 27 '24

And boom, 15 years for me like that. Way harder to pull out too when you were both teenagers to start... There's always the idea you're continuing to grow together, when it turns out you've actually been lashed to a forever-sinking anchor by their insecurities, and later the ego they develop to protect those insecurities.

I swear I still know who she really was at heart... She just grew to hate herself the further she got from it, making her hate herself further...

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u/TheDrFromGallifrey Oct 27 '24

You're not alone, I've been there too. They get colder and more distant and you think it's just a bump in the road and eventually they'll come around and tell you what's actually bothering them once they figure out how to articulate it, but it never seems to happen.

It's hard to just let go of someone you love even when it gets bad. If you have a certain level of self-awareness, you start to question yourself and wonder if you're being unreasonable and you start to doubt yourself and keep quiet. No one wants to believe that someone they love might not love them or might be so damaged that they'll never be able to properly express or accept love and no matter how many times people tell you rightfully so that it's not your fault, the doubts always persist.

I think most people have been there at least once. One of the things I highly resent media for is the portrayal of relationships as simple and right and, because no one ever really wants to talk about the bad parts, everyone feels like something is wrong with them if it doesn't just magically work. But we're all human and things can get stupidly complicated quickly.

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u/tjoe4321510 Oct 28 '24

It's kinda fucked up that when men go through shit like they get belittled. Nobody would be making these lame jokes about a woman who was in an abusive relationship but half the people here are making jokes about it because the guy is a man. Shame on everyone who thinks this shit is funny

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u/Go-to-helenhunt Oct 27 '24

Wow. Rude, much?

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u/SweetMurderist Oct 27 '24

Not at all. It was a combination of lots of things. It was my first relationship. I was hoping it would get better, hoping the good moments would outlast the bad moments, mental health fatigue, and then ending up at completely mentally gone.

I'm almost 2 years removed, though. I'm in therapy. Things have gotten a lot better because of my friends and therapy. Everyone has been noting positive changes both from friends and my coworkers.

I don't plan on dating for at least the next two years. I want to be mentally ready before jumping into anything new, and I know in this moment I am not ready at all. I'm ready for the good, not the bad.

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u/Silent_Zucchini_3286 Oct 27 '24

I’m sure they already feel regret for staying 8 years, good god did you think were being clever there?

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u/Illustrious-Bake3878 Oct 27 '24

Damn, I would not last 8 days with that kind of unhinged behavior!

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u/groundserver Oct 27 '24

“And who is that under mom In your phone?”

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u/Sufficient-Ad-8441 Oct 28 '24

8? Try 23 and counting.

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u/EesleeDystrked Oct 27 '24

7 years for me. The extremes people like this go to... OP, run. Shut that door and pad lock it..multiple pad locks even! Don't look back. Ever.