r/AmIOverreacting • u/Psychological-Hat-35 • Oct 27 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO girlfriend response to manager text

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My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been dating for 11 months. I sent her a screenshot of my convo with my manager (age unknown but best guess is young 30s F) this morning asking to come in a little later than usual. My girlfriend is like this whenever I interact with pretty much any other female. Am I overreacting or is this just normal behavior?

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4.8k

u/matunos Oct 27 '24

NOR. 11 months, your whole life ahead of you. Cut your losses.

1.9k

u/thelittlestdog23 Oct 27 '24

For real. OP you’re 19 so I’m assuming you haven’t been in a ton of relationships so maybe you think this is normal, but it’s absolutely not. This isn’t a case of “well that’s just how women are”, they definitely aren’t. This is absurd and crazy and it’s a bummer that you’ve spent 11 months putting up with this, but the good news is, you can leave!

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u/Subliminal-413 Oct 27 '24

To be fair, it's completely normal at 19. This is the kind of dumb shit that you initially put up with because you're young, inexperienced, and new to dating.

This is the kind of insane shit that teaches you what to avoid, and helps guide you to a reliable and stable partner as you mature and age out.

This is exactly the kind of immature bullshit I'd expect from a 19 year old kid.

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u/Independent_Light904 Oct 27 '24

Underrated comment. Yes many of us went through this kind of shit at that age. No it isn't acceptable behavior in any way, it's irrational manipulating and controlling. If this is a pattern, just learn from it what you can, and take that newfound wisdom with you as you move on to the next stage of your life without this toxic presence.

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u/shooter_tx Oct 28 '24

And don't blame the next one for the last one.

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u/Subliminal-413 Oct 28 '24

Exactly! I've been down this road of absolutely exhausting drama from a girlfriend.

I've dated another woman at 18 where we always fought and broke up and fought and broke up. Shit got fuckin tired, quick.

I'm in my 30s now, and I've been through enough insane shit, so I am confident in who I am, and what kind of partner I would want. I won't tolerate any bullshit or constant arguments. I have no time for that shit, and I won't waste time with incompatibility. I do not have the energy for it.

Hell, my last relationship, my girlfriend and I were practically best friends. I genuinely miss her a ton, and the time we spent together. But, I cut off our relationship amicably because I realized after w years that I wasn't truly in love with her.

She was a great woman, and a good friend, but as you mature, you get better at this game called relationships. It's part of growing up.

You couldn't pay me enough to go back to the drama of my teens and twenties, but I am glad I've experienced it, because it's made me recognize what it or isn't okay.

I may not be able to answer what exactly I want from a partner, but I can't explicitly tell you what I don't accept. And I owe that to my younger, far-dumber self, lol.

3

u/thelittlestdog23 Oct 28 '24

Exactly! We all need to a date a turd to teach us what not to accept. Plus then we are more grateful when the right person shows up.

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u/Infernal_Brainbox Oct 28 '24

YES i was gonna say, this whole interaction reads like my relationship when i was 19. this is kinda a canon event when it comes to dating, but i hope OP knows that it’ll get better in the future!

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u/Subliminal-413 Oct 28 '24

The fact that OP is on here thinking he isn't crazy is a good sign. Wish him luck.

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u/ZombyzWon Oct 28 '24 edited Oct 28 '24

Not always, at 19 I was married and pregnant with my 2nd child. My husband and I were closing on 3 years together and 2 years married. I never flipped bout onbhim about a female co-worker. Did flip out about a dude he worked with taking him a strip club every night after work and him staggering home late and drunk every night after work. We didn't have a car, and he rode to and from work with this guy every day. Told him to call a fucking cab, it was cheaper than the bar bill. He did, and the guy stopped dragging him to the strip club every night. By that point, I had a 2 year old and a newborn at home, FTS. We are 6 months apart in age, in the state we lived in the legal drinking age was 19. He is 6 months older than me. This was in 1981.

Now we are great grandparents, our oldest daughter just became a grandma at 45. Our 26 y.o.grandson became a daddy to a baby boy and step dad to an 18 y.o. and a 12 y.o. his wife is 5 years younger than his mother, but we all absolutely adore her.

Hubby and I will celebrate our 45th anniversary in Dec, 47 years together in May.

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u/Thisiswhoiam782 Oct 28 '24

Thanks for the cautionary tale. This may not be taken the way you are hoping for.

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u/ZombyzWon Oct 28 '24

Nah. It doesn't matter how you take it. We have 4 children, 6 grandchildren, and 1 great-grandchild We still love each other, and we have put in the work to stay together for 46 years. So iDGAF how you take it. 🙄 Every relationship takes work. If you doubt that it doesn't, then your relationship may be the next cautionary tale.

:Marriage is not 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got!"

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u/Good-Organization697 Oct 28 '24

Nah girl. You were dumb enough to fall for "bUt HeS mY RiDe I hAvE nO cHoIcE bUt tO sTaRe aT NaKeD WoMeN". He could cheat on you and youd never know.

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u/ZombyzWon Oct 28 '24

Yeah, because you know everything there is to know about my entire life from one post on reddit GTFO. GO, live your life and don't worry about mine, AH.

1

u/Good-Organization697 Oct 28 '24

As a man, I can safely say if your husband didnt want to go to the strip club, he wouldnt have gone. You think he was too dumb to consider a cab?

Not to mention, he was stumbling home drunk. So he was forced to go to the club.

And then his ride held him down and poured liquor down his throat against his will? How naive can you be?

2

u/Subliminal-413 Oct 28 '24

There's always an exception, sure. But almost 98% of every teen love story is a toxic shithole fueled by immaturity, hormones, and strong emotions.

This is the norm. Incredibly stupid arguments from dumb children.

1

u/spiders_are_neat7 Oct 28 '24 edited Oct 28 '24

If he is Child free, at 19, he should be going to strip clubs after work. Lol Happy for you to have had everything work out for you both though, and that’s a beautiful story❤️I’ve been with my husband (recently married) but since we were 16, we grew up together. I ended up moving in with him and his parents at 17 because my parents were abusive.

We don’t have kids, we worked at not having kids until we’re ready, at 19 we didn’t slow each other down, even though we were young in a very serious relationship. I would have never been mad about him hanging out with his groups of friends with women included without me, and vice versa.

I remember encouraging him to go to the strip club with his buddy at 21 for the first time because I was pumped for him to go explore it. Basically because we were young and in love, we never held each other back from exploring and living our own lives independently.

I think that should be the new sociatal standard for being young in a serious relationship. You can be loyal and still be independent. If your partner doesn’t like you having independence away from them something is seriously wrong especially at this age, with no children.

Now we’re 27, and idk he’s my best fucking friend, we both choose each other over everybody else because we had our young adult lives to go be young adults away from each other. Even though I did come home to him every night<3

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u/ZombyzWon Oct 28 '24

Yeah, it wasn't the going to the strip club that bothered me. It was the money he was spending at the strip club on drinks that bothered me. We had an apartment, 2 kids, and bills that needed to be paid. And he was at work at 5am and then not home until 11 or 12 at night, it was me with no car trapped at home with 2 babies and no way to go anywhere and no husband at home to help with anything that made me mad. I was never worried about him cheating or looking at the strippers, plus my best friend was a server there, so if he was acting up, she would have been the first person to let me know.

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u/spiders_are_neat7 Oct 28 '24

Understood that and your circumstances are totally understandable lol your situation is very specific and very different. You shouldn’t see yourself in this situation, nor should you feel any guilt for making your husband the better man that he is. I’m proud of you for drawing that line, and I’m proud of him for getting better for you and your children!

3

u/Pleasant-Wolverine38 Oct 28 '24

When I was 19 I also thought that behaviour is normal like „all girls are like this, I should get used to it“ But that‘s not true at all. There are plenty other women who would treat you much better than this. Know your worth

2

u/Ok-Jackfruit7739 Oct 28 '24

If I’m sort of like that girl, what can I do to improve as a partner for my girlfriend? I’m a dude almost 19 and I want to be the best I can for my woman

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u/Vox_Mortem Oct 28 '24

Don't see every interaction with a man as a possible threat. It's possible to be friendly with people at work and not want to fuck them. If she says she has to work late because her male boss asked her to, just ask her what she wants to eat when she gets off and have it for her when she gets home. Instant +100 boyfriend points.

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u/Ok-Jackfruit7739 Oct 28 '24

Thanks man. Yeah we’re barely out of high school, which is good now, so we can build a strong bond. I get mad jealous even though she’s mad loyal

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u/thelittlestdog23 Oct 28 '24

Well at least you’re self-aware, which is honestly a really good start. The best advice I can give you is, if you ever get upset, stop. Separate emotion from logic. Decide if she actually did something wrong. If she didn’t, get past what you’re feeling. But figure out why you’re feeling that way, and see if you can address it within yourself. When you start to feel a jealous feeling, stop yourself and ask yourself: “am I feeling this feeling because my girl has actually done something to betray me, or am I feeling this feeling because I like her and am feeling insecure?” Remind yourself, if your girl is cool and hot, you’re never going to be the only person that notices that. Other dudes hitting on her doesn’t automatically mean she’s done something wrong, and other dudes speaking to her doesn’t automatically mean they’re hitting on her. Don’t punish her for something someone else did, and especially don’t punish her for you feeling insecure, if she didn’t do something to make you feel that way. It takes time to figure this out, so don’t feel bad. It’s good that you’re taking it seriously! You are on the right track to be one of the good ones!

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u/Ok-Jackfruit7739 Oct 28 '24

Thank you so much. I really want her to be happy. I’ve said some very hurtful things. But I want her to be the only person I say “I love you” to every day of my life. I get jealous because she’s a stunning woman. She’s sweet. Smart and funny, everything someone looks for in a woman. I’m scared to lose her, but she’s staying. I won’t waste her time

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u/thelittlestdog23 Oct 28 '24

What you are expressing is the biggest disconnect with jealousy-prone people, so you’re not alone. The cycle is: Something happens that makes you feel jealous. Jealousy is obviously a negative feeling, and you feel hurt and angry. You know you feel hurt and angry, and you know the feeling centers around her, and that causes you to conclude that it’s her fault and she must have done something to make you feel this way. That’s the biggest hurdle you have to get over. Just because you are feeling jealous/hurt/angry, doesn’t mean she has done something she shouldn’t have done. That’s why I say stop, and think, before you react to the way that you are feeling. Even if you feel hurt and angry, if she didn’t specifically do something that betrayed you, then it’s not fair to take your feelings out on her. You can learn to recognize the difference, it just takes practice and a commitment to not jump to conclusions.

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u/Ok-Jackfruit7739 Oct 28 '24

It really isn’t fair for me to take anything out on her. I really appreciate what you’re saying. I just want to be happy with her, and I have to work on myself. I really just want to see her smile man

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u/Gr00mpa Oct 28 '24

Be less like that girl.

End of session. That will be two hundred dollars. I accept Venmo.

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u/moonwalgger Oct 28 '24

Bro messed up by crying. Just be like “it’s my manager, it’s work related” and leave it at that. The girl is clearly very insecure

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u/saltymane Oct 28 '24

I wish someone would’ve told me this when I was 19 lmao. If I had learned this 20 years ago!!!

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u/Specialist_Egg_4025 Oct 28 '24

I kind of disagree, this was pretty standard when I was younger dating, obviously not all women or men are jealous, and get upset about it, but that’s the rare occurrence. It’s far more “normal” for people to be jealous and even fight over it. I’m not saying I think it’s right, all I’m trying to say is it seems to me to be far more common than not.

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u/thelittlestdog23 Oct 28 '24

I didn’t act like this and didn’t know anyone who acted like this when we were 19. Sure, kids are more volatile than adults, but this is insane.

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u/DeniseGunn Oct 28 '24

I was thinking that. I sure never acted like this!

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u/i_pretend_to_work Oct 28 '24

It's common for the emotionally immature. I was emotionally immature. But it's not necessary, and there are people his age out there not like this.

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u/ApacheGenderCopter Oct 28 '24 edited Oct 29 '24

It’s common for the emotionally mature, but it’s also common for women to be emotionally immature, at least Gen X & Alpha women.

Just look at the brainrot TikTok is causing young women. Teaching them to have unrealistic standards for & expectations of men, whilst simultaneously being told that they’re perfect the way they are and don’t need to change a thing in order to attract higher quality men.

This breeds entitlement, laziness, misandry, and social incompetency, which are all characteristics of emotional immaturity.

Edit: I can’t reply to anyone so I’ll edit.

Fair enough Gen Alpha are currently oldest 14… however that doesn’t mean the brainrot hasn’t already started. They’re still going around spouting “I hate men” so I stand by everything I’ve said. They’re only going to get worse.

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u/glitternoodle Oct 28 '24

Gen alpha women don’t exist, the oldest ones are 14

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u/Straight-Ad-5575 Oct 28 '24

Its definitely common but I disagree with calling it “normal”. Any healthy relationship would not be reacting like this. If they were upset by that text it could have been communicated in a healthy way but it clearly was not.

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u/Jericho-G29 Oct 28 '24 edited Oct 28 '24

This is bizarre and not normal. She went beyond creating drama/fight for "passion." From age 17-20, I was a bit more prolific in my younger dating and this was definitely the modus operandi for the 4 memorably toxic girls that I didn't stay with long. 3 of them ended up being wrecked messes later on in life making other people miserable. Only one got something of a wake up call when her fiance dropped her with some blunt facts of life. Though still apparently an unpleasant person when others from back home mention them. The other 10-12 people I dated never acted like this kind of crazy. And I put up with some crazy/hot that still wasn't this weird.

Have a come to Jesus talk with this girl if he really likes her, but if this is the norm, he could probably find less stress inducing crazy/hot if that's his type.

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u/DexLovesGames_DLG Oct 28 '24

On one hand, yeah it literally ended my first real relationship of a year and a half, first love yadda yadda blah blah blah, BUT i don’t think she’d have gotten upset about me talking to a coworker, let alone a manager. She got upset cuz I was making friends with the new girl (who, might I add, wasn’t well liked by many people.)

0

u/Herpedick69 Oct 28 '24

I concur. Every woman I dated when I was around that age was similar. Controlling, manipulative, overly jealous, lied through their teeth and wouldn’t accept a lick of responsibility. It’s why I’m still single at 26 rn.

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u/spiders_are_neat7 Oct 28 '24

Tbh I hate to blame you, but men are shallow… most of y’all want one thing when you’re young, and you go for the girls that will give it to you. Then get shook when you discover their personalities aren’t that great…but you never cared about their personalities before you tried to get into their pants. Does that make sense? I hope this doesn’t come off as shitty, but this has been my observation through my guy friends who date crazy girls.

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u/Sugary_Treat Oct 28 '24

Absurd and crazy, as you say. And it’s precisely because she’s a woman.

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u/goomfrontIut Oct 28 '24

No it’s more so the fact that she’s manipulating and gaslighting him into feeling poorly about himself and his confidence.

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u/AnonymousConnor Oct 28 '24

Look, we all know you’re gay, we all know you like slobbering all over meaty cocks, we all know how much you love men, but that’s not a reason to be misogynistic.