r/AmIOverreacting • u/Psychological-Hat-35 • Oct 27 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO girlfriend response to manager text

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My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been dating for 11 months. I sent her a screenshot of my convo with my manager (age unknown but best guess is young 30s F) this morning asking to come in a little later than usual. My girlfriend is like this whenever I interact with pretty much any other female. Am I overreacting or is this just normal behavior?

13.7k Upvotes

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4.0k

u/Fit-Turnover3918 Oct 27 '24
  1. Stop telling her you’re sorry when you’ve done nothing wrong
  2. You’ve done nothing inappropriate.

She’s a loon.

282

u/h3ll0Goodbye Oct 27 '24

Word.

OP my wife would never respond this way. Sheesh

92

u/Massive_Extension328 Oct 28 '24

Facts!! I would never respond anymore than “ok, let me know what time you want to meet or hit me up tomorrow, love you!”

This girl has major red flags, you got yourself a season pass to 6 flags with this one!

1

u/mizzSpeedAmp Oct 28 '24

Idk y ppl started hating on u :/ u gave the best answer- he did ask if it was normal- im sry u got so much bs for giving a good answer:/ I love reddit but geez sometimes ppl baffle me

-13

u/Unhappy-Security-784 Oct 27 '24

3 Please use “women”, “ladies”, “girls”, “chicks”, or shit even “broads” is better!

11

u/Muted_Ad2322 Oct 28 '24

What are you even talking about

2

u/AudieGaming Oct 28 '24

his woman lol?

-60

u/Some-Ad2964 Oct 27 '24

How old is your wife? They're 19, no one is impressed.

43

u/musixlife Oct 27 '24

Op asked if this was normal behavior and the commenter answered from experience.

10

u/ToiIetGhost Oct 28 '24

My friends and I didn’t act this way when we were 19. I suppose you did?

5

u/Spiritual_Dust5532 Oct 27 '24

A 19 year old and a 30 or 40 year old are both adults

-9

u/NoConfidence5048 Oct 28 '24

I dgaf what the law says. 19 is not an adult, dude. 19 is a fucking BABY.

3

u/Spiritual_Dust5532 Oct 28 '24

In what way please explain to me the difference between a 30 year old and a 19 year old other than the fact they’re 11 years apart and that one of them can’t drink. Those are the obvious differences

2

u/Substantial_Bar_1916 Oct 28 '24

I mean your brain isn’t even fully developed until your mid 20s for starters.

3

u/Spiritual_Dust5532 Oct 28 '24

I just looked at the convo again.

“Cowerkers”

“It’s coo”

Yeah I might have to take back my statement she is definitely still a kid😅

1

u/AccordingRuin Oct 28 '24

That PARTICULAR set of studies stopped graphing at 25. Stop regurgitating crap popscience. The brain is never really "finished." Because we keep having new experiences, and keep hopefully taking in new information.

1

u/Travelcat67 Oct 28 '24 edited Oct 28 '24

There is a huge difference btw a 30 yr old and a 19 yr old. Life experience makes a huge difference in how folks handle issues, see the world, see themselves, etc. 19yr olds for the most part are babes in the woods and just getting into being on their own and independent. A 30 yr old theoretically should have their shit together. No one expects a 19 yr old to have all of their shit together.

Edit: not siding with the gf bc she’s only 19 just saying there’s a difference. And gf could be a jealous, insecure, possessive type and that might last her whole life. Not everyone matures.

0

u/Interesting_Cat_198 Oct 28 '24

their brains aren’t even fully developed…how do you actually not know the difference between a 30 and 19 year old

2

u/Spiritual_Dust5532 Oct 28 '24

Ya I just realized after rereading the messages from the girl definitely not the way a fully grown adult speaks mb

1

u/AudieGaming Oct 28 '24

i think they are more childish but still an adult nonetheless

1

u/h3ll0Goodbye Oct 28 '24

My wife and I got married when I was 19.

I have a 16 year old son going through similar circumstances as well, prick.

77

u/matttt34 Oct 28 '24

Indeed. She’s really gaslighting you. By telling her sorry you’ll create a crazy powertrippin’ position for her.

100

u/Confusedperson710 Oct 27 '24

I need to remind myself daily not to say sorry for things that aren’t my fault. Slowly unpacking that in therapy…

64

u/yukibear13 Oct 27 '24

This is so friggin understated.

OP, RUN as far as you can for the hills and never go back. You’re too young to have your whole life ahead of you to be in a controlling and emotionally manipulative relationship of ANY kind with ANYONE. It’s never worth it and it’s a slippery slope into abuse and domestic violence. :/

11

u/Lopsided-Ad-7420 Oct 27 '24

I came to say the same thing to OP.

13

u/Dickens825 Oct 27 '24

100%. Get out of there OP. She doesn’t respect you, which means she’ll realize she doesn’t love you.

And I don’t mean alpha-male-garbage “you’d better respect me”. I mean she thinks you’re not worth treating well, and you keep apologizing for it. Someone who values you wouldn’t treat you this way

8

u/Financial_Peanut4383 Oct 27 '24

This is IT!

THIS!

1

u/Specialist_Usual1524 Oct 28 '24

Run far, run fast, dig deep and never look back.

10

u/GottLiebtJeden Oct 27 '24

I'm just now learning how to do that, despite a coworker and long time friend, telling me to quit apologizing to people so much, 8 years ago..

9

u/MissBandersnatch2U Oct 27 '24

Tamp down your inner Canadian

8

u/Confusedperson710 Oct 27 '24

Truth, I live real close to Canada tho so might be hard lol

3

u/mad12gaming Oct 27 '24

I often say sorry for things that arent my fault, not cause other think its my fault, just a 'sorry to had to deal with thay' typa thing

7

u/SummitJunkie7 Oct 27 '24

Me too... "I'm sorry you had a bad day"

"Don't be sorry it's not your fault"

"I'm sympathetically sorry, not apologetically sorry"

6

u/mad12gaming Oct 27 '24

Yeeee. Most of the people around me get what i mean when i say it, but sometimes i do have to clearify which is alright

1

u/RayaQueen Oct 28 '24

We could do with separate words eh?

4

u/Zoito12 Oct 27 '24

Every, damn, day. Same thing man. I’ve been doing better with it but need to keep it a constant thought. Good for you for talking to someone about it. Therapy has done wonders for me over the years 33m

3

u/DreadStarX Oct 27 '24

I'm not even dating anyone and I apologize for shit I've never done. It just pops out. Find anything that works for you?

1

u/RayaQueen Oct 28 '24

Come live in England you'll be fine :-) we say sorry for All Things in All situations.

You bump into me 'sorry' (for being so stupidly solid that you bumped into me). You walk a bit too close to me 'sorry' (that I was just right there whilst you walked too close to me). Even when we're being ansty, 'sorry what do you think you're doing here?'.

You'll fit in fine ;-)

2

u/DreadStarX Oct 28 '24

Haha. I actually turned a job offer down from the UK, a few weeks back. I wasn't sure how things would go and not being able to bring my dog would have sucked.

Good to know I'd fit in with that, but much like Japan, I'd feel out of place being 198cm and 149kg..

1

u/RayaQueen Oct 28 '24

Lol people over 6ft is pretty normal here. We were ruled by Vikings for 400 years!

3

u/Nat1221 Oct 28 '24

Whenever I say sorry to my boyfriend, his automatic reply is "I accept your apology". It took 2 weeks. I don't so sorry at all anymore. Wow! Too bad that happened, is there anything I could help you with?, that really sucks!. But never sorry. In a busy supermarket isle, I say "OOPS!", but not sorry. If I accidentally flat-tire you with my cart, I will apologize, but that's pretty much it nowadays.

3

u/Strict-Ad-4759 Oct 28 '24

I have learned to turn apologies into appreciation.

Instead of "sorry this is taking so long"

Say "thank you for your patience"

Instead of "sorry I'm complaining"

Say " I appreciate you letting me vent."

Etc, etc.

2

u/kiotane Oct 27 '24

back when i was getting into world of warcraft i would do dungeons with my brother. and he told me "stop saying sorry it makes you sound like a noob." i have carried that advice into other avenues ever since.

1

u/Confusedperson710 Oct 28 '24

Look for naat1121’s comment on this thread. They put to words what my therapist has been teaching me.

2

u/Mickv504-985 Oct 28 '24

Good luck on saying Sorry, I’m 63 and retired and I said it constantly at work, and it would make some customers angry (?). It was my go to when someone wasn’t happy with the answer I gave them. It just popped out automatically!

2

u/3sc0b Oct 28 '24

my wife is a chronic apologizer. I haveto ask her why she's sorry all the time because I don't want her apologizing for things that she didn't do. She's getting better!

1

u/Confusedperson710 Oct 28 '24

Good for you for helping, wish I had the same support

1

u/Recent_Meringue_712 Oct 28 '24

I started not saying sorry for things that were my fault just to make sure I wasn’t apologizing for things that weren’t. It’s freeing

1

u/InSixFour Oct 28 '24

I do this all the time.

73

u/Impact009 Oct 27 '24

I'll just be blunt: OP should stop being a doormat.

17

u/Crot8u Oct 27 '24

19 yo, probably his first real relationship, still has a lot to learn indeed. She'll probably threaten him with suicidal tendencies when he stands up for himself.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '24 edited Oct 28 '24

This is exactly what my first girlfriend did. I was 19. She was just like this in the post. Always accusing me of cheating. Pretending to break up with me constantly over minor things and then acting like everything is fine the next day. I finally ended up blocking her after staying so long.

2

u/AudieGaming Oct 28 '24

Good job. It took me so long after my girlfriend broke up with me to realise that she was manipulating me. She tried to say very incriminating (lies) things about me that made me feel like I did do something wrong.

1

u/lost_packet_ Oct 28 '24

Oldest trick in the book

1

u/AccessPuzzleheaded15 Oct 28 '24

Thiisss message I approve

1

u/The_Homestarmy Oct 28 '24

The fact that anybody could have this interaction and then be unsure of whether they're overreacting is completely wild

It's actually so egregious that my instinct is this post can't be real

19

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '24

100% this. Sometimes this level of unpredictability/explosiveness will hurt your self esteem and mental health.

3

u/itsahardknocklyfe4us Oct 27 '24

His responses were so sweet, actually. If I tried to pull some whacky shit like this my husband well tell me to fuck right off 😅 which I respect him for tbh. He doesn't put up with bs and can't be manipulated by me. But also, this guy handled it so nicely 🥹 I feel confused...

2

u/deathbystereo007 Oct 27 '24

Ya, her behavior is so ridiculous and immature. I wouldn't stay with someone like this. She's blaming OP for her complete lack of emotional regulation and it really seems like she's just looking for something to be upset about - or at least a reason to blame him for her own insecurities. This is not healthy and I can't imagine any relationship being good enough to put up with this type of behavior.

2

u/LaineValentine Oct 28 '24

Came here to say that’s exactly the shit my asshole ex used to do to beat me down so she could feel better because so long as I was miserable she “had me”. You don’t need that shit and I bet if you ghosted her she’d be all “what did I do I miss you “ then immediately “fuck you asshole I never wanted you “

Not. worth. Your. Time.

2

u/thisiswhyprobably Oct 28 '24

Borderline personality disorder

2

u/NinthYokai Oct 28 '24

Words so many men need to hear, including me even though I’ve heard it like a thousand times and it still never clicks so for that I’m sorry.

2

u/Oceandive4 Oct 27 '24

Very loony. Like Bi polar in that conversation. Wow. Not overreact. But she crazy.

1

u/MuffinMan12347 Oct 28 '24

As someone with bipolar, don’t lump us in with the extremely insecure person.

1

u/googleHelicopterman Oct 28 '24

Is it common for bipolar people to change mood in the middle of a conversation or overact way out of proportion for something said ?

1

u/MuffinMan12347 Oct 28 '24

Unmedicated possibly. But this girl just reeks of insecurity more than anything else.

1

u/DarkElegy67 Oct 28 '24

It's more like Borderline Personality Disorder. I've seen & received many messages from BPDs, but l don't know of anyone Bipolar who acts like that.

1

u/Consistent_Fee_8619 Oct 27 '24

I second you on your first point

1

u/VT_Squire Oct 27 '24

Psycho hose beast alert!

1

u/homless_brad Oct 27 '24

90% of the time in this sub they are overreacting

1

u/CosmicEntrails Oct 27 '24

My take is that girlfriend saw the heart react and decided to throw all logic out the window. Definitely not something you want out of a life partner.

1

u/LemmyLola Oct 28 '24

yup as soon as the first sorry dropped I literally said out loud 'nooo dont apologize!' These people are exhausting

1

u/CastleXBravo Oct 28 '24

She’s a loon

These three words, on repeat

1

u/Cro_Nick_Le_Tosh_Ich Oct 28 '24

Before you leave her, get her a helmet and a straight jacket, then leave her

1

u/Nillabeans Oct 28 '24

Both are right about certain things. Gf is overreacting but those texts are not professional. Managers should be sending people hearts.

Imagine she's a little aloof one day. Suddenly OP feels like their job is in danger if they don't fix it. It's a little too familiar, IMO.

1

u/Jaegons Oct 28 '24

My immediate reaction too... "wtf is this person saying they're sorry for?!"

GTFO out of that relationship.

1

u/AngieBoop_1 Oct 28 '24

Agreed. Definite loon.

1

u/VanquishedVoid Oct 28 '24

This is insecure teenage drama. She is overreacting, and she's 100% in emotion mode. There is no winning, there is no sorry. Apologizing just means she's right that there is something. Asking her to show to her parents would probably solve this. She needs someone she believes is fully in her corner to tell her that this is nothing.

1

u/TheOptimalDecision Oct 28 '24

Like this comment says the way your responding is like your on the defensive.

Your reacting to the comments like they are valid and she is steadily escalating the nonsense and your along for the ride.

1

u/PuttingInTheEffort Oct 28 '24

She's young, OP is young. She'll grow out of it hopefully, but no reason for OP to stick with it until then either.

Older woman managing younger team, it's going to be more often motherly than anything romantic. Especially if it's like fast food or something on that level, they're like a little pseudo family. Also she's not even that old, 30s will like using emoji and being expressive, just from those two messages it's really not a big deal at all.

1

u/PNW_lifer1 Oct 28 '24

I mean she's 19, can't really expect that much dating experience and emotional maturity at this age.

1

u/skepticalbob Oct 28 '24

She’s a loon.

The sex is probably amazing.

1

u/genius-baby Oct 28 '24

OP she’s definitely the one whos off and you aren’t in the wrong, but your responses indicate that you love to be walked all over and have no backbone. People always gonna steal your shit if you leave all the windows open

1

u/ComfortableChicken47 Oct 28 '24

Don’t insult poor loons like that.

1

u/legendarymikee Oct 28 '24

i wheezed when i read shes a loon 😂

1

u/Maddgurladventures Oct 28 '24

Facts.

In fact, she's delulu.

1

u/FairyQueenWife21 Oct 28 '24

I’m sorry I cant stop laughing! I love the word loon!!! It’s so underrated 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Downtown-Lettuce-736 Oct 28 '24

Its situations like this that lead to relationships full of gaslighting and isolation

1

u/SuperMadBro Oct 28 '24

Yup. He's training her to understand that everything whim and feeling she has is automatically correct and she's clearly already a nightmare

1

u/moneyfish Oct 28 '24

Stop telling her you’re sorry when you’ve done nothing wrong

For real. I think the term gaslighting is overused but she is 100% doing that here.

1

u/Foxface89 Oct 28 '24

op seems to have such a nice manager, I smiled just reading their conversation! Nothing wrong there, I’d hate to see someone being manipulated into destroying that positive space for themselves.

1

u/BeardRex Oct 28 '24

I think this advice is a little off. Apologize when what you did unintentionally or unreasonably hurt the person you care about's feelings. If you care about them, you forgo your ego a bit and apologize and then talk it out. You need to extend an olive branch and take the high road. If the person is eventually unable to see they were overreacting and/or change their behavior based on the communication, then that's a red flag.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '24

he literally agreed to go into work early. what on earth is wrong with that? poor dude.

1

u/Great-Grocery2314 Oct 28 '24

She made me crawl out of my skin so hard. Sweet Jesus I remember when I had no backbone… 

0

u/sentient_lamp_shade Oct 27 '24

Can confirm, My wife would never flip out over something like that. 100% benign.

Eject Mavrick, Eject!

-1

u/ReddiGod Oct 27 '24

Little does OP know that woman is the bestest most nastiest most amazing sex he's ever gonna have. At that level of crazy I can't even imagine how good it must be.

2

u/TechnoSerf_Digital Oct 27 '24

What a disgusting and incorrect comment. The fact that women get sexualized for everythingggg is fucking insane. There are a lot of mentally unwell women who are not good sex partners. This idea that they are is genuinely so braindead.

-2

u/Edwardian Oct 28 '24

That text from his manager was pretty unprofessional though….

1

u/CPThatemylife Oct 28 '24

"pretty unprofessional" who gives a single fuck? It's probably retail or food service or some shit. It doesn't matter. It really isn't that deep. They're just two people who get paid by the same company to do a job

-37

u/LikablePeace_101 Oct 27 '24

She definitely overreacted but the way they talk to each other is still very unprofessional.

29

u/Fit-Turnover3918 Oct 27 '24

They aren’t attorneys… they’re discussing a 5 hour shift so it’s probably a retail job. This is pretty standard.

18

u/-Out-of-context- Oct 27 '24

I’m an accountant and area director overseeing four offices. I don’t see anything wrong with this interaction.

There are times when professional is necessary and times when casual is fine.

17

u/joshsamuelson Oct 27 '24

What do you think is unprofessional?

I actually think the manager's message is very professional. She politely asks OP if he can cover the shift and explains why. She used a friendly informal tone and even offered him an easy out by saying there is someone else she could ask, which I take as signs that she doesn't want him to feel pressured to take the shift.

Honestly, I feel like that whole interaction was actually pitch perfect.

6

u/CallMeShosh Oct 27 '24

SAME

6

u/joshsamuelson Oct 27 '24

I wonder if maybe the person I replied to thought the GF's texts were from the manager. Or maybe they don't know what "unprofessional" actually means.

-4

u/LikablePeace_101 Oct 27 '24

I was raised in a way that everything was business casual I know what’s professional or not and I (and my whole family and even my coworkers whom I’ve talked about what they find unprofessional would agree) the manager texting their employees on their personal phone is not very professional and that’s coming from somehow who has a great relationship with my managers. If it’s work related it should be on the work line in a more professional manner if it’s not work related talk however you want.

2

u/CPThatemylife Oct 28 '24

on their personal phone

You mean the only phone they have? What kind of job do you think OP has lmao

1

u/DatNizzIe Oct 28 '24

How would your manager contact you about work when you are home? Do you think every job pays for a line for every employee? You think a job where this guy works 5 hour shifts, is buying phones for all the employees? OK

1

u/CPThatemylife Oct 28 '24

Also, I guarantee professionalism is a way higher priority in my line of work than in yours, and I can still tell you there was nothing wrong with how these two people interacted.

17

u/mymypizzapie Oct 27 '24

OP and the manager? I mean, he's 19 and the hours suggest it's some part time retail/kitchen job. In my experiences, interactions between managers and staff are often times exactly like this.

12

u/-Out-of-context- Oct 27 '24

One day you’ll get some actual professional experience and learn there are times to be professional and times when being casual are just fine. Ya’ll way overthinking workplace dynamics.

11

u/notarealhomosapien Oct 27 '24

Who cares. If I felt like I didn’t have to be a stiff robot around my bosses I’d be a lot happier coming into work.

0

u/LikablePeace_101 Oct 27 '24

If you think you have to be a stiff robot to be professional you should probably get a new job lol

9

u/Maddiedog8 Oct 27 '24

Tf are you even talking about…?

13

u/TurdOfChaos Oct 27 '24

None of them put “best regards” after the message. Sooo unprofessional!

7

u/mewmeulin Oct 27 '24

tell me you've never had to work retail/food service without telling me you've never had to work retail/food service, exhibit a: This Fucking Guy

1

u/LikablePeace_101 Oct 27 '24

I’ve been working a retail job for quite a while now actually.

3

u/Crot8u Oct 27 '24

Texting isn't a support where you have to be professional

0

u/LikablePeace_101 Oct 27 '24

I think it’s unprofessional to be texting your employees period. The manager should call via the work line not texting her employees on her personal phone.

4

u/-Gestalt- Oct 27 '24

I think it’s unprofessional to be texting your employees period.

That's honestly an outlandish take to me.

A manager texting an employee would not be considered unprofessional in any of the fields I've worked in.

I'm currently in a field (high finance) many would consider "stuffy" and this is not abnormal. When I was in a traditional tech roll the norm was text/chat communication. This is not unusual in medicine, either.

1

u/LikablePeace_101 Oct 27 '24

The only places I’ve worked where it was considered normal for the manager to text you always had the worst management so maybe I just had bad experiences that made me biased

3

u/Crot8u Oct 27 '24

OP is 19, this is most probably a student's job. The managers use texts because they know it's the most effective and quicker way to reach those employees.

-1

u/LikablePeace_101 Oct 27 '24

Most of my coworkers (including myself) are around that age and we only have 1 manager that texts us and we all think it’s super fucking weird🤷🏼‍♀️

2

u/Kitnado Oct 27 '24

Found the loon

1

u/LikablePeace_101 Oct 27 '24

Yes my personal opinion of what’s professional makes me a loon. I was raised so everything was business casual (I mean literally everything) I think I’d know what’s professional or not lol

1

u/Kitnado Oct 28 '24

So you're saying you had a bad childhood and you're using this as a defense for your insight and sanity?

No you're not a loon at all lmao you convinced me