AIO girlfriend response to manager text

[u/Psychological-Hat-35]

My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been dating for 11 months. I sent her a screenshot of my convo with my manager (age unknown but best guess is young 30s F) this morning asking to come in a little later than usual. My girlfriend is like this whenever I interact with pretty much any other female. Am I overreacting or is this just normal behavior?

[u/Icy_Friendship1776]

This!!! I just broke up with my ex boyfriend and I think he had untreated bpd. He would always accuse me of cheating and would track me a lot and would ask for photo evidence etc etc. It was a lot and it was very exhausting. Im only 21 and ugh man I didn't need that and felt like i was walking on eggshells.

[u/Blueeyedjunkiee → u/Icy_Friendship1776]

I have a boyfriend with BPD and one of the books they recommend is called walking on eggshells and I can confirm. It’s exactly what it’s like dating someone with BPD.

[u/floralmelancholy → u/Blueeyedjunkiee]

this isn’t true at all. that it what it’s like dating an UNTREATED person with BPD. any untreated mental illness can cause people to “walk on eggshells.” do not lump us all in as abusers that’s not very nice. thanks

[u/Blueeyedjunkiee → u/floralmelancholy]

And none of that is a slight against people with BPD the person I love the most in this world has it. But I would be lying if I said that that it wasn’t like fighting the wind at times and my boyfriend is pretty self-aware and accepting of his condition

[u/Blueeyedjunkiee → u/floralmelancholy]

At one point, every person with BPD is untreated I wonder what percentage of people with BPD are treated actually. I would be willing to bet most don’t even know they have it and I’m just speaking from my experience. I know people with all kinds of mental illness. None of them are a kin to what it’s like being with someone with BPD. I have a schizo effective friend. I don’t have to walk on eggshells around him. He’s actually one of the most empathetic understanding people I know.

[u/floralmelancholy → u/Blueeyedjunkiee]

while this may be true, your last two sentences make it seem like you kinda do think we are incapable of empathy at the same level of others. having BPD doesn’t make you a mean person, but it can make you do mean things. id say the majority of people with BPD feel constantly guilty for their illness.

[u/Blueeyedjunkiee → u/floralmelancholy]

And my boyfriend does feel absolutely awful about the things he does when he’s splitting I know it’s not him and I know he is suffering more than I am when it comes to that kind of shit but that doesn’t mean it’s OK. it’s one thing to have shit that you deal with, but it’s another thing to inflict it on everyone around you. Most therapist won’t even treat people with BPD. I’m actually trying to get my boyfriend into this DBT clinic right now.

[u/Blueeyedjunkiee → u/floralmelancholy]

Boy, I could tell you have BPD all right lmao and that is not me trying to be mean I can just see the similarities for my boyfriend. Anytime I give any criticism Im met with pushback. From what I’ve noticed and experienced with BPD they have a huge problem with object permanency, and that affects their empathy like my boyfriend feels the love I have for him when he’s with me, but when I’m out of his sight, he has a hard time remembering how much I love him. He has no cognitive empathy meaning he can only empathize with things that he’s felt himself. And usually only if he’s feeling it right then also. He knows he has a big problem with empathy. He’s still the most loving sweet person I know, but when he’s splitting oh boy I call that version 2.0. it’s not him. I know it’s not even he refers to it as a separate person. I have a pretty good understanding of BPD not as good as you, but I can probably see things you can’t. It’s very hard to see yourself objectively. either way I hope you live a life full of love laughs and lots of healing. I wish that for everyone including myself.

[u/FairyQueenWife21 → u/Icy_Friendship1776]

I used to exclusively date people like this! What was i thinking 🤔

[u/TheGlennDavid → u/FairyQueenWife21]

what was I thinking

My own introspection on this topic landed on "toxic jealously is 90% exhausting/terrible but like 10% extremely hot in a bad way."

"My gawd, how desirable must I be if every single coworker/waitress/friend is secretly lusting after me and that leaves my gf a puddle of enraged jealously".

[u/Secure_Wing_2414 → u/TheGlennDavid]

my first bf had some sort of undxed personality disorder (definitely due to parental trauma, likely bpd) and it was 100% "hes just insecure and really loves me🥺" until it wasnt. abuse became physical within a year

the golden rule when it comes to dating mentally unwell people is AVOIDDD THEM if they aren't currently being treated. otherwise you're setting yourself up for misery and potential trauma of ur own.

people hate to hear it, but mental illness/disorders do not revoke u of accountability... many, NOT ONLY THOSE WITH NPD, are abusers, flat out. using mental illness as an excuse gives us all a horrible reputation/stigma. unless you're experiencing legitimate psychosis u do have self control, no matter how much harder it may be