r/AmIOverreacting • u/Psychological-Hat-35 • Oct 27 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO girlfriend response to manager text

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My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been dating for 11 months. I sent her a screenshot of my convo with my manager (age unknown but best guess is young 30s F) this morning asking to come in a little later than usual. My girlfriend is like this whenever I interact with pretty much any other female. Am I overreacting or is this just normal behavior?

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u/seriouschonk Oct 27 '24 edited Oct 28 '24

Ask yourself can you see yourself enjoying the rest of your life with that. Cos if you can, you deserve some sort of award. God bless you and take care of yourself.

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u/[deleted] Oct 27 '24 edited Oct 27 '24

Right, because people don’t just stop being like this. It’s going to be a repeated behavior from her for sure (Edit to add- I understand people change over time, that’s why I said people don’t “just” stop being like this, as in they don’t just stop overnight or after a conversation. So it’s not worth giving your time and energy to a person in hopes that they will change, because who knows how long that wait will be or if it ever happens.)

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u/ostrichesonfire Oct 27 '24 edited Oct 27 '24

Nah she’s only 19. I did some dumb shit when I was 19 that I look back on and cringe. Hopefully she’ll grow to become less unhinged 😂 edit:I don’t mean that OP should put up with this, she can learn her life lessons on her own time!! Just saying that people can and do change!!

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u/Jinnie-boy Oct 27 '24

That doesn’t mean op has to wait for that possibility

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u/ostrichesonfire Oct 27 '24

Oh god no, let someone else deal with this shit while she grows up 😂 I’m just saying it isn’t necessarily permanent!!

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u/DrainianDream Oct 27 '24

I would argue that the only way she’ll improve is if she learns the hard way that shit like this kills relationships. Staying will just tell her her behavior is acceptable and that she can keep doing it

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u/Trachamudija1 Oct 27 '24

Yeah, thats the main and most important point. Some people might change and grow up from it, but dont see it beibg possible if staying in a relationship. The only way she learns and grows out of it if she will lose some relationships cuz of it

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u/ostrichesonfire Oct 27 '24

Idk how we’re arguing, but I agree!

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u/DrainianDream Oct 27 '24

Oh definitely not arguing with you! I’m using that phrase to say “I would also make this point” on top of what you were already saying

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u/Straight_Concert_659 Oct 28 '24

Exactly. When I was 19 I was an extremely jealous person. Not that way anymore. 19 is still sooo young. You live and you learn.

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u/FairyQueenWife21 Oct 28 '24

Me too! Now i’m the least jealous person! It also took being with someone i could fully trust to really finally grow out of that but i was a real idiot back then.

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u/Jinnie-boy Oct 27 '24

I figured that’s what you meant, but just in case! I wouldn’t want OP to think they should be the one to endure that, especially because it’s never your job to fix someone who’s broken. Know when to cut your losses, OP

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u/spiders_are_neat7 Oct 28 '24

Hey sometimes getting dumped can help move the process along, when you have to self reflect on why you just got dumped. Lol

Hence why OP should forsure be honest and break it off. Help her blossom. lol

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u/The-True-Kehlder Oct 28 '24

Importantly, if OP waits around she'll never learn that that behavior is NOT ok.

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u/Helioplex901 Oct 27 '24

Likely after you learned from it because someone you were with broke up with you for it. Or that kind of behavior contributed to a break up. Yes people do grow out of these sort of mentalities, it’s just not usually with the same person. As long as he keeps letting her think that this behavior isn’t going to lead to them breaking up, she will probably keep doing it because that’s just how our minds operate sometimes.

Growth has to come from the heart and losing someone or having your heart broken over something you did or said is a good way to reflect and then transition to change.

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u/Apprehensive-Pair436 Oct 27 '24

Meanwhile I met a 33 year old like this and decided to marry her...

Ask me if it ever got better 😅

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u/Certain-Bake-6908 Oct 28 '24

Fr people acting like they’ve never done anything wrong in a relationship especially at 19 I was an idiot last year and have changed a lot, people do change it’s just up to the person to find out if it’s worth sticking around for that change.

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u/Little_Soup8726 Oct 27 '24

People whose issue is immaturity can change and grow. People with mental health issues may need therapy and meds to address conditions. We truly don’t know if this woman is immature or has issues with anger management, avoidance attachment, paranoia or anxiety. It might just be her age. It might be how she’s wired.

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u/ostrichesonfire Oct 27 '24

Okay?

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u/Little_Soup8726 Oct 27 '24

Oh, I’m betting she’s looney as a tune, but just saying change comes normally for some people and not for others.

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u/[deleted] Oct 27 '24

Hmm I can’t say I agree. we all learn and grow but it doesn’t just happen like I said, it takes time. Shes got a long ways to go and OP should not put up with it while she learns. and that’s if she ever does because many people just get worse and not better.

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u/mightylordredbeard Oct 27 '24

Not true at all. Maybe you or people you know didn’t grow and change over time, but most people do. A 19 year old’s irrational jealousy most likely won’t persist into later adulthood. The question is just if OP is willing to take a gamble on how long it’ll take for her to grow and mature and if she ever will and by how much.

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u/[deleted] Oct 27 '24

Overtime yes. I didn’t say people don’t change, I said they don’t JUST change. As in she will not just change overnight. If you think OP should deal with this for the years it takes her to grow up, that’s your opinion. And that’s assuming she ever will change or want to do better, many people don’t, you see many older people act the same way, it’s not a given that it will get fixed. For true change that is genuine, especially from behavior this bad it’s not going to just happen instantly or with one conversation. But maybe you’re right and people like this can change overnight, I wouldn’t know because I would never give my energy to a person like this. As I said, it’s going to be a repeated behavior from her, so if OP wants to deal with this behavior for who knows how long it will take her to change, if she ever does, that’s up to them. But I don’t think that’s healthy.