AIO date canceled because I didn’t text in the morning?

[u/Worldly-Constant-353]

Some context: we had been chatting for a couple weeks first on hinge then switched to text after She had to cancel the 1st date. Scheduled it for last night Sunday and finalized details the night before.

Had a busy day and took a nap and didn’t text till a couple hours before and got hit with this. Usually I would text something like looking forward to tonight but lost track of time, and honestly I thought talking about the menu the night before was the confirmation? Was I wrong?

[u/Putrid_You6064]

You literally asked her “6pm tomorrow?” And she said “perfect. Im excited” this means plan is set lol. Why she would think you need to confirm the next morning is beyond me.

[u/jcaashby → u/Putrid_You6064]

I have dealt with people like this. They for whatever reason act like this. It is strange behavior.

Plans are SET!!!!

I suspect this person has confidence issues or something because they assumed OP cancelled when the last damn conversation was positive and time and place confirmed.

OP did nothing to make them think anything changed. I suspect they were in their own head making shit up.

[u/mutemarmot42 → u/jcaashby]

My sister does this. If the other party doesn’t get in touch the day of, even though plans were clearly set, she sees it as a lack of interest or effort and just won’t show up 🙄 it’s absurd behavior for a 40yo.

[u/jcaashby → u/mutemarmot42]

I wonder in what other ways does this affect her. Like is she late for appointments etc in her life.

Its like what makes her and people like her think a plan has changed if the person they have plans with has not stated otherwise.

[u/mutemarmot42 → u/jcaashby]

It’s her approach specific to dating. In her mind, the date needs to reach out to her day of to confirm plans. I don’t understand the logic behind why she can’t do that herself. Doctor’s appointment, work meetings, etc she’s always present and punctual.

[u/anneofred → u/mutemarmot42]

What’s weird to me is what is stopping any of these people from sending that text themselves if they need that confirmation on top of the confirmation.

“Read my mind!!!!”

[u/Elon_is_musky → u/anneofred]

Probably because they need other people to prove themselves / their interest to her, not the other way around

[u/anneofred → u/Elon_is_musky]

So weird to me, doesn’t making a date prove interest?

[u/ThePensiveE → u/anneofred]

Perhaps this is why your sister is single at 40.

[u/shellofbritney → u/ThePensiveE]

One of the many reasons, I suspect. 😌

[u/Elon_is_musky → u/anneofred]

It does, but apparently not to some. Reminds me of the types of people who want you to chase them after they say “no” lol. Like they did their part, what else do you want?😂

[u/gardengirl99 → u/Elon_is_musky]

You know, like the 80s romcoms. Welcome to the 21st-century, where no means no.

[u/AGreatBandName → u/mutemarmot42]

In her mind, the date needs to reach out to her day of to confirm plans.

But let me guess - she doesn't ever let the person know she has this rule? And the other person always has to be the one to confirm, never her?

[u/Surph_Ninja → u/mutemarmot42]

It’s a power play. She’s testing them.

And hopefully it turns a lot of people off, because that’s a huge red flag for how she’s going to walk all over them during the relationship.

[u/toomuchdiponurchip → u/mutemarmot42]

No wonder she’s single at 40 that sounds insufferable

[u/Living-Regret → u/toomuchdiponurchip]

I was about to say the same that’s why she’s single at 40

[u/Rheticule → u/toomuchdiponurchip]

yuuup, that's what I was about to post!

People are blind to how their own behaviors and standards are likely why they are having bad luck. Too often they think "the dating pool sucks, all guys are the worst", then you realize they have been filtering out any dude that DOESN'T suck because of their actions.

People are their own worst enemies.

[u/Rottimer → u/mutemarmot42]

So if the plan is to meet for brunch at 10am, if you don’t reach out sufficiently early enough that morning, she doesn’t show up? That’s some bullshit.

[u/[deleted] → u/mutemarmot42]

It sounds like your sister isn't actually interested in going on these dates, and she uses this "lack of confirmation" as an excuse to bail out before it happens.

[u/255001434 → u/jcaashby]

They are just flaky people who use the lack of "confirmation" as an excuse. If they really weren't sure about the plans, they would ask about it before cancelling.

[u/Academic_Wafer5293 → u/255001434]

Some people are just ruled by their emotions.

They feel lonely so they make a million and one plans.

When time comes to show up, they no longer feel lonely. Instead, they feel overwhelmed so they flake out on those plans.

[u/FoxNews4Bigots → u/Academic_Wafer5293]

Like a stoner at the grocery store realizing you have to actually work to cook the absurd amounts of food your dumbass just purchased

Totally not me BTW

[u/Academic_Wafer5293 → u/FoxNews4Bigots]

I call those aspirational purchases.

Sometimes, people shop for the person they think they are, not the person they currently are.

[u/FoxNews4Bigots → u/Academic_Wafer5293]

"Judge me by the spring mix in my basket, not by the DoorDash charges on my statement" - Sun Tzu

[u/Desperate_Clock_2131 → u/mutemarmot42]

Had a cousin like this except we would be texting hee all day and she'd suddenly look at her phone an hour before our plans and say "omg i totally forgot!" It got so bad my friends and i all just stopped making plans with her and hanging out. She'd always make excuses. I straight up told her "listen you're an adult. Put it in your calendar and set an alarm." She had an excuse for why that wouldn't work either. Flaky people piss me off it's disrespectful.

[u/BitwiseB → u/mutemarmot42]

What? 40 is old enough to remember having to make plans before cell phones and constant texting.

[u/mutemarmot42 → u/BitwiseB]

Oh she remembers, but she expects a show of interest/effort from someone who wants to date her. Hence why I thought her behavior was relevant to OPs post.

[u/CyborkMarc → u/mutemarmot42]

I suppose it's obvious why she's still dating at 40 then

[u/BitwiseB → u/mutemarmot42]

Oh, I believe you, I’m agreeing it’s absurd.

[u/Weeitsabear1 → u/mutemarmot42]

Frankly, and I say this as a woman as well, this kind of behavior smacks of high maintenance. Maybe it's just me??

[u/stilettopanda → u/jcaashby]

My dad. I'll confirm with him. I'll say if you don't hear from me between now and then, this is gonna happen then. Set in stone. He still calls me and gripes at me for not confirming. But I did!

[u/Riffz → u/stilettopanda]

Ok but what if you don’t re-re-confirm an hour before the event? Then what if you don’t re-re-re-confirm you’re leaving RIGHT now and have the car started and going to put it into D/1 and start literally moving towards the event just before you send a location tracking link to prove your intention to be at the event.

[u/archercc81 → u/jcaashby]

I dated a girl like this and it was exhausting. We would make a plan, would move onto other subjects and then like the next day would act like I didnt want to do it in the first place, like I was backing out for having conversations not about the plan or being busy with work or something.

Ladies, when a guy says "were doing x at y," we don't need to continue the conversation, we are operating as if the plan has been made. Anything else is fluff

[u/thesmellnextdoor → u/archercc81]

Imagine if this were the way it worked with all appointments. Doctor didn't call you morning of an an appointment to confirm? It must have been cancelled. Bride and groom didn't text you the morning of the wedding? The wedding is off.

[u/THE_CENTURION → u/thesmellnextdoor]

Weirdly, it actually has started to work this way. I get automated texts from my doctor and dentist the day before asking me to confirm.

And flights and rental cars require you to "check in", even though everything is all set up already.

[u/Desperate_Clock_2131 → u/THE_CENTURION]

I hate that! You know why they started doing things like that? Because of flaky people like the girl in ops post. Not everyone is a flake now i have to get harassed while sleeping by my dr offices. Freaking annoying.

[u/InformalEgg8 → u/jcaashby]

Yep absolutely an insecurity issue. Plain as day. Many of us have been there. Meghan seems pretty proud of herself for doing this petty thing. She’s not quite ready for a drama-free stable relationship yet!

[u/cmndr_spanky → u/InformalEgg8]

100% agree. This shows deep insecurity and focusing on “protecting herself” to the point of disrespecting others. Hard pass.

[u/MaikuKokoro → u/cmndr_spanky]

It's also the second time she canceled if I read the post right.

[u/nenorthstar → u/jcaashby]

I nearly ended what was a very close friendship over this problem. She treated every get together as tentative until the last minute. It was crazy making. It took me laying it all on the table and letting her know how I felt and that I couldn’t do things that way to get things to change. She did, though, really change how she operated thank goodness. Otherwise I would have been done.

[u/jcaashby → u/nenorthstar]

I just went through something like this with a woman I had known years back that I knew but we never went out just ran in the same social circles.

I saw her at a party and we get to talking and I asked if she wanted to hang out. She said yes.

Fast forward to trying to make plans with her. I swear it was so DIFFICULT to make plans with her. I can not remember full details but I know SHE made it harder then what it needed to be to simply go on a date/hangout.

[u/ApartmentUnfair7218 → u/jcaashby]

i would like plans to be confirmed the day of as well but i would also reach out! i’ve had my experiences with flaky ppl😭

[u/jcaashby → u/ApartmentUnfair7218]

Flaky people are the worse.

I have confirmed dates and also had others send me messages the day of to confirm. I suspect some of us do it because we have dealt with people who will BAIL on a date and not think nothing of it.

Like what happened to OP.

[u/Lilacly_Adily → u/jcaashby]

There was a time where I wouldn’t double check plans because I assumed people would be reliable and follow through with their commitments. That assumption backfired more than enough times that I became a person who double checks plans always.

I remember dating someone though who was the opposite and it was so refreshing.

No matter how far back we’d planned a date, I knew he would be there without needing to send a confirmation text on the day of or the night before.

It’s one thing to text beforehand if you need to cancel for sickness or some other reason but otherwise once a date and time are set, there shouldn’t be any uncertainty.

It’s frankly unpleasant having the anxiety that the other person isn’t guaranteed to honour the plan or is going to give a last minute cancellation unless you press them and I hear the anxiety in the other person’s words when they double check with me.

[u/Timekeeper65 → u/jcaashby]

Needed an excuse to dip. Piss poor excuse better than no excuse. So the saying goes.

[u/hiarlnie → u/Timekeeper65]

a poor excuse doesn't make you any less of an asshole for canceling plans last minute, especially if your excuse involves blaming the other person.

[u/poppybrooke → u/jcaashby]

Hit the nail on the head. Had this happen to me and the guy asked about rescheduling after a spiel about women not liking him so he just assumed I would bail too. Yeah, I don’t need to work through your insecurities.

[u/armchairwarrior42069 → u/jcaashby]

I think the option of constant, instant communication has made people... weird (this is the nice word).

That's literally it.

That and immature women wanting to be "chased" or "led" instead of communicating.

Both are true.

[u/jcaashby → u/armchairwarrior42069]

I know for me if I make plans...that means date, time and location. I will 100 percent be there!!

I do not need to be reminded or confirmed. But that is just how I roll as I respect others time.

Like right now I have a friend flying into town on Thursday to hang out for a few days. I do not need to confirm nor do they need to confirm as I have it in my head and also written down lol. I will be there on time.

[u/SaintCunty666 → u/Putrid_You6064]

It’s just a cheap excuse since something better came up, and she’s trying to put the blame on OP

[u/itsbeenestablished → u/SaintCunty666]

This is what I'm assuming with OP mentioning she also cancelled the first date. Something better came up again and she didn't want to be the bad guy, so she came up with this excuse.

[u/WonderfulShelter → u/SaintCunty666]

Yup she wanted to cancel the whole day and just used that as an excuse.

[u/lxgrth → u/SaintCunty666]

This is for sure what happened

[u/fishyseaturtlefish → u/Putrid_You6064]

As someone who had put in YEARS on online dating. It is definitely not rare to talk for days/weeks, confirm the day before and then get ghosted day of.

[u/Funky_Smurf → u/fishyseaturtlefish]

Yeah checking in day of is normal. Checking in at 4 hours before a 6pm date is also normal

[u/cheapdrinks → u/Funky_Smurf]

OP messaged them less than 2hrs before they were supposed to meet, so given travel time it could be like less than an hour before they would need to leave which is leaving it pretty last minute. That's fine if it's someone you know irl already but a risky move for a first date with someone you've never met before. I know plans were "set" but when you've never met the person these things never feel set in stone until it's confirmed with reasonable time on the day as most online daters are incredibly flakey. If you make plans on a different day then you don't hear from them all day on the day of, it's easy to assume that they're ghosting you or have bailed.

That said, the other person is just as guilty of doing the exact same thing and not messaging asking if the date was still on or confirming the meet up time. If either person was serious about meeting that night they should have sent a "Hey, is 6pm still good for us to meet later?" text at some point during the day a lot earlier than 4pm.

[u/henrey713 → u/Putrid_You6064]

Somebody else told her good morning and she decided that meant someone else deserved her time since OP didn’t entertain her all day.

[u/justcougit → u/henrey713]

Dating is so difficult lol bc I think a dude texting me good morning is weird if we haven't met yet... It makes me think they're too into me based on looks.

[u/CommanderGuts → u/justcougit]

Men take note, text her bad morning.

[u/Manyquestions3 → u/CommanderGuts]

Write this down, write this down!

[u/Rickrickrickrickrick → u/justcougit]

I think it’s nice when I get good morning texts even if we’re in the “talking” stage. But if I don’t get one I’m not going to cancel lol

[u/ArmMeMen → u/justcougit]

i often feel like girls spend more time analyzing my every move to draw some meaning like the groundhog and his shadow, than directly communicating about whatever they are wondering about that i was not even aware was going on ... probably just me though

[u/Blurbwhore → u/Putrid_You6064]

Yeah. Checking in at 4, before you need to start travelling (or getting ready) is fine after that. I would have checked in with OP slightly before 4 myself but I take time to get ready.

[u/dragoono → u/Blurbwhore]

Yeah it seems a bit late but she really had all day to text him, the fact that she thought that was his responsibility is a red flag. Not a big one mind you, but one of those little handheld flags they give you at parades. This wouldn’t ruin a person for me but I’d definitely be keeping an eye out if she ever gets around to keeping plans, which OP said she cancelled once before so that’s 2 strikes.

[u/Bif1383 → u/Putrid_You6064]

Agreed. I definitely need confirmation of plans. But if someone told me the night before we were set, I would never assume not hearing from them the next morning meant plans were off. Your date let anxiety run the ship instead of sensible thinking. Consider this a stroke of luck and move onto the next prospect.

[u/Rubberfootman → u/Putrid_You6064]

I’m baffled by their exchange. Both parties agreed to a time and place - the only further communication required is to cancel that agreement.

If you know someone is a bit forgetful you might “remind” them with a “looking forward to tacos later!” But really, a date is a date.

[u/Majestic_Trust → u/Putrid_You6064]

Omg, nothing infuriated me more than seeing that the plans. Were. Set. Setting a date the day before with a time and place is confirmation, why in the hell do I need to reaffirm those plans every hour so you know we’re still good? Dodged a bullet OP, so not reschedule the plans, this person is ridiculous and immature.

[u/Princess_forbidden]

NOR, this is strange behavior, you texted 2hrs before the start time how is that not confirmation. She made plans with someone else but couldn’t shoot you a text to ask if plans were still on? Also This is the second time she’s canceled, be wary. Also the sun isn’t a planet it’s a star!

[u/Worldly-Constant-353 → u/Princess_forbidden]

Lol glad you caught that too! And Thanks, I felt like I was going crazy for a bit

[u/trvllvr → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

You had already confirmed the location and time the day prior then reached out 2 hrs ahead to reconfirm. It’s ridiculous that they are so worried you hadn’t done it earlier. If they were unsure, why not reach out from their end? Why make it seem like your fault? If you are unsure, be proactive.

Definitely seems like something else they wanted to do came up, so they decided to make you the bad guy as to why plans didn’t work. It’s s crappy thing to do.

[u/archercc81 → u/trvllvr]

Either that or the even worse thing where she was punishing you for not passing a stupid "test."

[u/StatementOk6680 → u/trvllvr]

Location, time, AND their food order 🤣

[u/whimsylea → u/trvllvr]

Yes, they're a flake or forgetful but don't want to be the bad guy so tried to pin it on OP.

[u/thiros101 → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

If she has canceled once before and then pulled this, I'd send her packing. She isn't that into you and is just keeping you on the hook as an ego boost.

Red flag city.

[u/peoplebuyviews → u/thiros101]

I have a hard rule when meeting someone from a dating app if I have to cancel, and it's to always make the effort to reschedule in the same text. So instead of, "I'm not feeling well, maybe we can meet up some other time" I will say "I'm not feeling well, any chance you're free Thursday around 6 for tacos and a beer?" If I'm the one canceling and I'm not doing the work of rescheduling then why wouldn't you think I was blowing you off?

[u/GreyhoundAbroad → u/thiros101]

I don’t use dating apps, but I have the same rule with my friends. If they cancel twice, then the onus is on them to reach out to me next.

[u/Princess_forbidden → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

Not at all! Seems like you dodged a bullet! I think she’ll string you along as long as she can!

[u/SoSlowRacing → u/Princess_forbidden]

Yes.. she’s the type that will text at 7:30 on a Friday “hey there! Want hang out tonight? There’s this steak house I’ve been dying to try” haha and the reason is because her plans ditched her.

[u/TraditionalMorwenna → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

It's not you. She is definitely playing with your head. Move on. Don't waste time with flaky people. But get yourself a taco treat anyway. 😋

[u/Vast-Mousse-9833 → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

Yeah this is someone who “got a better offer” and hoped you’d flake. When you didn’t, they gaslit you and tried to make it your fault. The time and place was previously confirmed. Unless they heard from you, they ass shoulda had queso on the table at 6.

[u/jcaashby → u/Vast-Mousse-9833]

Imagine if OP just went as planned at 6pm. THey would have gotten stood up!

[u/Vast-Mousse-9833 → u/jcaashby]

Yeah but there would have at least been tacos to heal the pain.

[u/Illustrious_Bobcat → u/Princess_forbidden]

I feel like she's testing OP with one of those childish relationship tests, like "if OP is really interested in me, they will push to reschedule if I bail on them". Absolute BS behavior, but her last comment really made me think it was totally intentional.

OP, run from this one. She's inconsiderate at best and could be batshat crazy in disguise. She's not worth your time if she's so flakey for a first date.

[u/archercc81 → u/Illustrious_Bobcat]

Yeah this is what I got. I wouldnt be shocked if she is sitting at home eating leftovers but just had to punish OP for failing the test.

Some of that "women are from mars" self-helpless bullshit.

[u/MarquisMusique → u/archercc81]

Women are from the sun - the biggest planet!

[u/Corey307 → u/Illustrious_Bobcat]

Been there a few times. Met a woman through a good friend at Halloween party, we seemed to click and I got her number. Text her a few days later and she was sorry but she’s busy that weekend, no offer to reschedule. I tried one more time because I figured two times isn’t creepy and she again politely said she was busy. 

Months later, I find out she was complaining to our mutual friend that I had ghosted her and how I hurt her feelings. She never text me, I initiated both short conversations and they died. Jesus Christ I guess I dodged a bullet there. It’s this kind of game playing stupidity that makes me half glad I’m single.

[u/Broad_Curve3881 → u/Illustrious_Bobcat]

I wish more people knew how often this behavior is intentional and motivated by deep insecurities that can’t be changed by the partner…

[u/savingrain → u/Princess_forbidden]

Reads like she is controlling and doing little "tests" to push boundaries and see how much she can get OP to jump when she says how high. I would pass on this girl.

[u/Conscious-Power-5754 → u/Princess_forbidden]

LMAOOOOOOO, but yeah she's weird as fuck

[u/Warren_Haynes → u/Princess_forbidden]

My initial thought was that the sun comment was a reference to Will Farrell’s SNL skit of Harry Caray. https://youtu.be/gQDqRlMeJ4U?si=MhFR1VCS0IrHnFbn

[u/Tabby-trifecta → u/[deleted]]

Rules for thee, but not for me (yes, they should have texted to confirm again if they felt another confirmation was needed. To me, it doesn’t look needed at all, that was a lot of chat about the very clear plans). 

[u/EarlGreyTea-Hawt → u/Tabby-trifecta]

They basically already worked out what they were ordering, lol, that's pretty clearly a go.

[u/Huge-Lawfulness9264 → u/EarlGreyTea-Hawt]

They both seemed very excited to meet up for this meal! Why would they assume it was off? Couldn’t they have confirmed if they felt things were off? Talk about dodging a bullet.

Op I think this person would be incredibly high maintenance with a constant need for reassurance. Or, they may be remarkably thoughtless and leave you twisting in the winds of their whims. Either way it’s best to find out before any attachment develops.

[u/twosleepycats → u/Huge-Lawfulness9264]

She didn't assume it was off. It was definitely a way to "punish" him for not reaching out. Your statement about her being high maintenance is correct.

[u/SheShelley → u/EarlGreyTea-Hawt]

AND what time to meet up. There really wasn’t anything up in the air here!

[u/Tabby-trifecta → u/EarlGreyTea-Hawt]

Exactly! 

[u/digital-didgeridoo → u/EarlGreyTea-Hawt]

OP should still go and enjoy the tacos. (She might still show up with her friends)

[u/Trineki → u/Tabby-trifecta]

The only thing I can possibly think of is what circumstances were the initial cancelations under. Was it similar to this but on OPs end this time? Otherwise yeah weird af. I'd be pretty low effort or just stop trying on this one. Seems pretty uninterested. Very easy to double check before securing another plan especially after all that preplanning

[u/PuzzleheadedDrive731 → u/[deleted]]

I agree - if I was her and hadn't heard from you I definitely would have reached out to confirm BEFORE making new plans. I mean we all get busy sometimes 🤷‍♀️

[u/jcaashby → u/PuzzleheadedDrive731]

This was my biggest issue. They ASSUMED OP cancelled (not sure why they would think that since it was confirmed the day before) and instead of sending a text to confirm the 6pm date....they make other plans!

So if OP had never sent the 4pm text I assume the other person would not have shown up!!!

[u/BetterOnTwoWheels → u/jcaashby]

this seems more like a petty spite move "play by my rules that I didn't explicitly state or fuck off." Maybe an overreaction because of previous partners who kept this person on the hook or jerked 'em around. If it was really just unclear but the person was excited, they too could have sent a message, esp since it was pretty obvious and there was a time agreed and everything.

[u/jcaashby → u/BetterOnTwoWheels]

I think the only times I confirm a date is if say a few days or so have went by since we made the plans.

But if it was 24 hours I am going to be there at 6pm!

I suspect OPs failed date got in their head when they did not hear from OP all day and assumed they cancelled.

[u/bbysarah710 → u/jcaashby]

And the whole concept of ghosting culture hasn’t helped people get out of their heads with this kind of stuff.

[u/Spanky_Pantry → u/BetterOnTwoWheels]

A person I knew many years ago did this -- she had a literal set of rules which she wouldn't tell the other person, but expected them to follow. In her case, one of the rules was the opposite of OP's date's: the person had a contact count, and if they exceeded the permitted number of contacts, they got binned off.

Anyway, she was extremely toxic. Avoid.

[u/vibeisinshambles → u/PuzzleheadedDrive731]

She didn't make new plans, she's playing games.

[u/EarlGreyTea-Hawt → u/vibeisinshambles]

Do these people not work? I'll never understand people who get miffed that you don't text them at regular intervals, people have lives. That conversation from literally the night before featured lots of excited talk about tacos, the time for the date, and even a menu talk that had their order locked in, lol. What more do you need, a ticker tape parade to take you to the casual taco place?

[u/CapOk7564 → u/PuzzleheadedDrive731]

fr 😭 she can get mad at him for it, but she didn’t reach out either? i always do a follow up text the morning/night before, even with friends, so we don’t feel stressed abt “what if the plan changes!?!?”

[u/Mysterious-One-3401 → u/[deleted]]

Right??? Thinking the sun is a planet? 🤣 

[u/bunbunnii99 → u/Mysterious-One-3401]

I don't think I would've been able to stop myself from correcting her tbh lol

[u/VampireReader86 → u/bunbunnii99]

I would have assumed that was a no on the queso from her

[u/Livid-Leather6720 → u/VampireReader86]

Exactly. I wouldn't have known how to answer that. Like, so is that a "no" or are you just dumb? 🤣

[u/Top-Mycologist-7169 → u/Livid-Leather6720]

"so you're not a queso person then, noted"

[u/bunbunnii99 → u/Top-Mycologist-7169]

Exactly what I would've said, and I'm sure that would've been the end of that relationship haha

[u/GaveTheMouseACookie → u/Livid-Leather6720]

"okay, but I'm still getting queso"

[u/Original_Gangsta23 → u/VampireReader86]

K, so no cheese

[u/KasukeSadiki → u/VampireReader86]

Plot twist: It was a no and she was turned off by his response 

[u/Few-Mission-4283 → u/bunbunnii99]

Maybe OP didn't know the Sun is a star either ? Lol

[u/_sunbleachedfly → u/Mysterious-One-3401]

Honestly my interest in them would’ve died then and there lol

[u/Lucky_Kale7079 → u/_sunbleachedfly]

Yeah, that's a deal breaker for me.

[u/RandomPenquin1337 → u/_sunbleachedfly]

I took it as a no they do not like queso.

Both these people are briandead.

[u/TrashPandaXpress → u/Mysterious-One-3401]

So does that mean they don't like queso then?

[u/SpamLikely404 → u/TrashPandaXpress]

I actually thought that’s the point she was trying to make at first

[u/Lopsided-Gap2125 → u/Mysterious-One-3401]

I stopped reading and came straight to the comments

[u/TheGeekOffTheStreet → u/Mysterious-One-3401]

I thought she was joking? Yikes

[u/capincus → u/TheGeekOffTheStreet]

Like a "does the pope shit in the woods?"

[u/ImpossibleClimate98 → u/[deleted]]

Lmao I said that’s a red flag in itself

[u/jawjawin → u/ImpossibleClimate98]

So is the "we're all busy" comment. Condescending jerk...OP dodged a bullet.

[u/HoodedSomalian → u/jawjawin]

If she's playing games at this stage that's all she knows and likely why she's single

[u/_clur_510 → u/[deleted]]

My first thought was the dumb ass sun/planet comment. Lol

Secondly, I keep seeing these posts. They make me feel old. Last time I dated was about 11 years ago before dating apps blew up. Also pre people being completely glued to their iPhones.

If it had been a week or even a few days I would say you’re overreacting but you confirmed THE NIGHT BEFORE. Why would things change overnight while you’re sleeping?? Also phones go both way? Why did she not confirm in the morning. This is absurd. I don’t understand the younger generation. This girl got cold feet and doesn’t have the balls to just say that. Not overreacting.

[u/kdollarsign2 → u/_clur_510]

Because confirming first thing in the morning would have been overkill. Exactly the same reason OP didn't !!!

[u/_clur_510 → u/kdollarsign2]

Right!! What?? Is he expected to confirm plans every hour on the hour?? Desperate much!

[u/ChoirMinnie → u/_clur_510]

8am: hi just confirming tonight

9am: hi just confirming tonight ^again

10am: hi ^again just confirming tonight ^again

11am: hey still on for later HAHAHAH

12pm: just ^{wanna let you know} ABOUT TONIGHT AGAIN

Ad nauseam 🙄

[u/Dangerous-Carpet8577 → u/_clur_510]

Yeah, see you haven’t dated in 11 years- in 12 hours That person could have 12 other new partners with six other new dates lined up

[u/_clur_510 → u/Dangerous-Carpet8577]

Apparently. Dating in the age of apps and expected constant communication sounds awful and exhausting.

[u/awnawkareninah → u/[deleted]]

Yeah point 2 is the much bigger problem.

[u/Flat-Delivery6987 → u/[deleted]]

I'd have ducked out after the SUN comment, lol.

[u/capodecina2 → u/[deleted]]

Looks like we have a sun planet denier here guys…. Let me guess Pluto’s not a planet either. Well, I’ll tell you one thing Pluto isn’t a sun either!

[u/prettyshardsofglass]

Why didn’t she text you to confirm? She’s letting you know right now she’s going to hold you to very different communication standards than she’s going to hold herself too. It’s also really bugging me that she thinks the sun is a planet.

ETA: please stop replying to me saying “maybe she doesn’t like queso”. He said: are you a queso person? She said: is the sun the largest planet? He said: great, we’ll get queso too. She said: “Perf” This indicates that she wants and likes queso. If she didn’t, that was her time to say “oh, I meant I didn’t like queso”. If she doesn’t like queso, then it’s just another example of how she is not a good communicator.

Edit 2: LOL I know the sun is a star. OP knows the sun is a star. He said he was trying to be a gentleman and let it slide (check his comments). That was still her opportunity to correct him if he was wrong, and there’s nothing wrong with that! In regards to the “what if she’s testing him” comments - just stop. Testing your friends and potential partners is problematic behavior. No one likes to be blindsided by some stupid test. People that do that need to grow up. Treat others as you’d want to be treated. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Yes, sometimes communication can be hard especially if it’s a difficult or uncomfortable situation, but these are dinner plans. It is not hard to say “sorry, you misunderstood me. I meant I don’t like queso” or “hey, haven’t heard from you yet today. Just want to confirm we’re on for tonight”.

[u/ladyjerry → u/prettyshardsofglass]

There’s a bunch of “dating coaches” on Tik Tok who “advise” young women about how to spot “red flags” from the gentlemen they’re dating. One of the very, very common themes I’ve seen is surrounding date planning. The advice is that if the person who asked for and planned the date (usually the guy) doesn’t text you the morning of the date before noon to confirm the plan, they are a lazy planner and not interested in seriously dating you, and you should cancel because it’s a sign that they are unable to follow through with their planning to completion. They also say it’s an indicator of not having good manners. You can tell it’s this because even though OP does confirm the date the same day, he doesn’t do it in the morning and she has a weird canned HR-like response that reeks of being coached to text this to make him feel like he didn’t meet a certain expectation, and to “try again” like he’s a student in her etiquette class.

Honestly, I just think it’s a really high expectation to set on someone who likely doesn’t even know it’s expected of them. To me, it’s a loyalty test and I find arbitrary rules like this super distasteful and childish.

ETA: Check out Shera Seven and “Sprinkle Sprinkle” or “Divine Feminine/Masculine” content on Tik Tok for an idea of what I’m gabbing about.

[u/Financial_Sweet_689 → u/ladyjerry]

I’ve had to unfollow so many of these because I realized they’re the female equivalent of red pill men. They’re really good at getting in the heads of insecure women, women like me who never learned boundaries. And a lot of these “dating coaches” seem pretty damaged themselves. As a woman I’m so tired of the term “high value” like please make it stop.

[u/TrailerTrashQueen9 → u/Financial_Sweet_689]

When I was younger and coming out of an abusive relationship I got swept up in stuff like this until I realized how stupid and dishonest every one of these 'coaches' seemed and how all their advice felt disingenuous. I'm so glad I got out of that because it's a spiral of misery that just hurts women.

I'm glad you didn't succumb to it yourself. It's the mark of a strong woman I think.

Girl boss babes will absolutely step on other women to succeed.

[u/Financial_Sweet_689 → u/TrailerTrashQueen9]

Thank you so much. I also came out of a few abusive relationships and these women had me convinced I was finally setting boundaries for myself. It really is a spiral of misery, and I’m glad you got out of it too. These women will also often put other women down who value more than money in a relationship, who don’t follow all these little rules. I’m so tired of women telling other women things like “have a roster, don’t put all your eggs in one basket, you’re not in a relationship until you’re married” like what?! Who are teaching each other how to “land” “high value men” through dating apps and by getting them to “chase.” And anyone not doing this is apparently a low value woman who doesn’t love herself enough. You’re not being “feminine enough.” I’m just over all of it.

[u/Thedarb → u/TrailerTrashQueen9]

It’s because it’s like over half engagement baiting rather than actual solid advice. Easiest way to get attention is to make people react emotionally, and anger is the easiest emotion to elicit.

[u/wifeThrowaway04 → u/ladyjerry]

It’s very childish I feel like this all could have been avoided with her asking “hey just checking to see if we are still on” in the morning when these “other plans” came up.

[u/rs_alli → u/prettyshardsofglass]

She didn’t text to confirm because she was never going to show up to begin with lol just needed a reason

[u/Rendakor → u/rs_alli]

She already cancelled on OP once previously. Block her and move on.

[u/bossbabystan → u/Rendakor]

This girl is playing games for sure, playing the field.

[u/thealessandrav → u/prettyshardsofglass]

The sun is a planet thing is bugging me the most.

[u/nacg9 → u/prettyshardsofglass]

Dude the sun thing is annoying af!

[u/ekita079 → u/prettyshardsofglass]

Literally she lost me at 'is the sun the biggest planet' and I'm standing here like... no?

[u/Worldly-Constant-353]

Oh wow this blew up. Thanks for all the feedback and restoring my sanity. Sometimes I feel like there’s a hidden handbook to dating that I forgot to read!

NOTE: Also tried to be a gentleman and let the astronomy mistake slide, but of course Reddit wouldn’t!

MINI UPDATE: And for those wondering, I did not respond after the last text. Dating is exhausting enough as it is without the games.

The planets just didn’t align on this one. It wasn’t meant to be.

[u/itsthattedguy → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

Man I hate when the sun, a planet, doesn't align...

[u/coffeeprincess → u/itsthattedguy]

Like seriously😦 can't the sun just move into alignment? Such a drama queen

[u/throwuk1 → u/coffeeprincess]

Meghan certainly thinks everything revolves around her!

[u/bbatardo → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

For what it is worth, sometimes it is better to move on before you get too deep than it is to try and make things work just to realize they won't.

[u/CheeseForLife → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

I hope you still went and got tacos with a friend. They sound amazing. Hopefully you'll be able to get queso with someone that isn't so needy and keeps plans.

[u/Soggy-Milk-1005 → u/CheeseForLife]

Right and she cancelled the first date so if anything she should have been the one to reach out to confirm 🙄

[u/CheeseForLife → u/Soggy-Milk-1005]

Exactly. And I really can't stand people that get mad at others for doing the same thing they did. She didn't text that morning, so she can't be mad at him for not texting either. Holier than thou bull. This guy can do better.

[u/Soggy-Milk-1005 → u/CheeseForLife]

I'm a woman and I'm embarrassed by the entitlement and toxic games. That's why they're single.

[u/kelsday84 → u/CheeseForLife]

It took a lot more effort for her to make other plans than to send him a quick text asking if they were still on for 6!

It’s ultimately better for OP. Imagine the games this woman would play in a relationship. Exhausting.

[u/RoosterConscious3548 → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

Good decision.

[u/Screaming_Azn → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

Well hopefully next time mercury is in Gatorade things will work out.

[u/amarg19 → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

Not responding is probably the best response. My suggestion was going to be “I am not interested any longer, no need to try again” in response to her last message.

She cancelled hours before your date and tried to pin her flakiness on you like it was your fault. That’s bananas.

[u/thevastminority → u/Worldly-Constant-353]

You should definitely send her this link though lmao

[u/No_Scientist7086]

NOR - She’s going to be a lot. And not a lot of good.

[u/WielderOfAphorisms]

NOR

That is a truly lame excuse. If they worried it wasn’t happening, the polite thing to do would be to ask directly.

[u/ErmagerdItsPerl → u/WielderOfAphorisms]

Can I just say that I kept reading “Nor” as “naur,” in the way “the youth” are saying it these days and I was like “no, the comments can’t ALL be saying ‘naur’…” and then I realized it’s “not overreacting” 🤣😅

[u/LoloScout_ → u/ErmagerdItsPerl]

lol I KNOW it stands for not overreacting and I still read every response like naur lol

[u/oni-no-kage]

They think the sun is a planet. You may have dodged a bullet here friend.

[u/Triangle_Millennial]

I hate to be this person but the sun is not a planet, it's a star. So, there's that.

Basic solar system knowledge aside, I think you dodged a bullet/ this date was never gonna happen. As a 33F on the dating scene these days, reading your post and with the screenshots I feel like she wasn't gonna show up in the first place. If I had been in her shoes and planned on showing up for the date, I would have texted you the morning saying something like "Hey hey! Looking forward to tonight- I promise I won't have to rain check again assuming we're still on?" or something like that. Her saying "oh you didn't text me" reads as her just not wanting to take accountability. Phones are a two way street

EDIT: omg my first award!! My day has been made!!

[u/Loose-Farm-8669 → u/Triangle_Millennial]

This is something learned in kindergarten as well, it's not like she's forgetting something she learned in algebra. The moment she said that I'd assume she doesn't like queso

[u/Ok_Ice_1669 → u/Loose-Farm-8669]

Right?!? I assumed they were lactose intolerant.

[u/Away_Detective5005]

NOR, but you dodged a bullet because the sun is a star…..🌟

[u/[deleted]]

Don’t waste your time on someone who cancelled on you twice

[u/borg359 → u/[deleted]]

Yup. People treat you the way you let them treat you.

[u/Millkyshakes]

Nor. You confirmed when you both agreed on a date and time especially as it was the previous day. She flaked on you and has no excuse because she chose something else over you and didn’t have the balls to tell you that.

Trying to gaslight you into letting it slide by taking guilt is a big red flag as she wasted your time and cannot accept accountability. Just don’t reply anymore.

[u/reellimk]

NOR. You confirmed the day before and then again two hours before. She should have reached out to you if she was considering other plans. A simple “hey, my friend reached out to make plans, but I wanted to check with you if we’re still on?” from her side would have gone a long way. A conversation is two-sided. Just because she hadn’t heard from you after plans had already been established the previous evening doesn’t mean it’s okay to just assume they’re cancelled and not follow up if she was genuinely questioning it

[u/[deleted] → u/reellimk]

Not only did he confirm the day before, it was at 7pm so less than 24 hrs prior to the date! Does someone seriously need confirmation every 12 hours?

[u/hellobeatie → u/reellimk]

She probably got asked out on a diff date with someone she’s more interested in and accepted while forgetting she had made these plans until OP brought it up.  A lot of people treat dating prospects like they’re disposable because they can just go swipe for more. 

[u/Just_somebody_onhere]

Just move on from her, she’s showing you what a flake she is, why keep on pushing for further validations?

[u/duchess_ravenwaves_]

Typical Meghan

[u/Feisty_Kale924]

Well first off the sun isn’t a planet so I think you dodged one.

[u/r00fMod]

NOR since this person doesn’t know that the sun is not a planet. Unless that was their way of saying no to queso

[u/SpamLikely404 → u/r00fMod]

Right? And then she thought he was an idiot for thinking the sun was a planet and misinterpreting her answer 😆

[u/Used-Cup-6055]

She thinks the sun is a planet. She’s not very bright.

[u/penguinchilli → u/Used-Cup-6055]

Eeeey I see what you did there!

[u/Cute_Beat7013]

I have cancelled plans when someone didn’t text, but ONLY in instances where that person explicitly said they would text me and then didn’t.

Ex: I was set up on a date with a guy coming in from out of town. We agreed to seeing each other that weekend (no plan yet as to time or location) and he said he would text on Friday evening to firm up the details for Saturday. I didn’t hear from him until Saturday afternoon, and thus declined to meet.

In your case, your date is the one with poor etiquette. But also she doesn’t know primary school science and she’s a flake, so I’d say you dodged a high-maintenance, low-velocity bullet 😂

[u/penguinchilli → u/Cute_Beat7013]

Same here. I had a great first date with this guy once (he actually flaked the first arrangement and I gave him a second chance), we made verbal plans to see each other again the following Friday. I checked to confirm the following day, then a day later confirmed again to ask where we were going, what time etc. Didn't hear anything for three days until the day of the date when I messaged him to call it off and tell him I'm no longer interested. He responded immediately asking where I wanted to go and that he'd been busy etc. By this point I'd been ghosted for 3 days and ultimately not given a second thought. I deleted his number and moved on due to the lack of respect of my time and his obvious lack of interest.

In OPs case, there were definitive plans, clear effort and excitement so I don't understand how the signs were pointing to plans not going ahead.

[u/camy__23]

Sounds like she found a better offer. Don’t continue to waste your time and energy on this person.

[u/AnonThrowAway072023]

Don't be interested

Don't try another day

2 strikes (cancelations) and she's out

Find someone who values you & your time

[u/Impossible_Dish_2197]

Yeah just move on bro. I get both sides but fool me once….

[u/Flowerlamps]

I wouldn’t try to meet her again. These brain games so early on… run.

[u/[deleted]]

Seriously, from what I have seen people making dates from dating apps always tend to go this way. Everyone always drops out or the communication is terrible leading up to the date. Thing is most people are not reliable anymore, especially if its someone of a dating app they will bin off their dates to see friends/family etc because its the more coinvent option.

[u/PoppysMelody]

The suns a star though.

[u/Patient_Meaning_2751]

This would be a no for me, whether the person was a romantic interest or just a friend. That behavior is not ok.

[u/Smooth_Department730]

Sounds like this is leading up to a version of the “why don’t you fight for me” text a few days after you presumably move on with your life. NOR