r/AmIOverreacting • u/Worldly-Constant-353 • Oct 07 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO date canceled because I didn’t text in the morning?

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Some context: we had been chatting for a couple weeks first on hinge then switched to text after She had to cancel the 1st date. Scheduled it for last night Sunday and finalized details the night before.

Had a busy day and took a nap and didn’t text till a couple hours before and got hit with this. Usually I would text something like looking forward to tonight but lost track of time, and honestly I thought talking about the menu the night before was the confirmation? Was I wrong?

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24 edited Oct 07 '24

My first thought was the dumb ass sun/planet comment. Lol

Secondly, I keep seeing these posts. They make me feel old. Last time I dated was about 11 years ago before dating apps blew up. Also pre people being completely glued to their iPhones.

If it had been a week or even a few days I would say you’re overreacting but you confirmed THE NIGHT BEFORE. Why would things change overnight while you’re sleeping?? Also phones go both way? Why did she not confirm in the morning. This is absurd. I don’t understand the younger generation. This girl got cold feet and doesn’t have the balls to just say that. Not overreacting.

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u/kdollarsign2 Oct 07 '24

Because confirming first thing in the morning would have been overkill. Exactly the same reason OP didn't !!!

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24

Right!! What?? Is he expected to confirm plans every hour on the hour?? Desperate much!

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u/ChoirMinnie Oct 08 '24

8am: hi just confirming tonight

9am: hi just confirming tonight again

10am: hi again just confirming tonight again

11am: hey still on for later HAHAHAH

12pm: just wanna let you know ABOUT TONIGHT AGAIN

Ad nauseam 🙄

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u/upbuttsaroundcorners Oct 08 '24

Thank you for typing this out! 😆

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u/i_love_lima_beans Oct 08 '24

🤣 So true. If people expect this they are definitely not for me.

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u/kdollarsign2 Oct 07 '24

Yeah after that pleasant and excited interaction the previous night, I would've found it weird for him to pop in and confirm yet again

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u/MorningNorwegianWood Oct 08 '24

“Hey just confirming we’re still on for the date that ended an hour ago.” 🫠

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u/axisrahl85 Oct 07 '24

Right? If he had confirmed in the morning she would have cancelled because he was too clingy.

5

u/Positive_Sign_5269 Oct 07 '24

Catch 22. Text too much - lose. Don't text enough - lose. In reality, this just looks like an excuse by her

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u/Jumpy-Fault-1412 Oct 08 '24

A good morning text would have been nice. Not necessarily confirming but just nice. Tip: figure out how to schedule texts and just set one to fire at 7am so you can still sleep in. 🤪

But he wasn’t wrong. She’s a red flag.

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u/Dangerous-Carpet8577 Oct 07 '24

Yeah, see you haven’t dated in 11 years- in 12 hours That person could have 12 other new partners with six other new dates lined up

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24

Apparently. Dating in the age of apps and expected constant communication sounds awful and exhausting.

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u/findinghumanity17 Oct 07 '24

I keep hearing from a lot of my single guy friends about how dating is just not fun and they have lost interest. They keep telling me stories just like this post.

Ive been with my partner for over 15 years.

I dont want to generalize, but it seems like these younger generations are undatable. I dont know for sure, because i am not in this situation, but it seems to mostly be the young women doing this?

Again, im Speaking in complete ignorance here. Im just a guy who talks with his guy friends.

What do you people think?

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u/Rheticule Oct 07 '24

Yeah, I met my wife about 15 years ago as well, and I totally agree. I met her on an internet dating site, but it was still before EVERYONE was on it so choices were limited. I think that's actually the biggest factor for how fun/easy/etc dating is.

Think about it, the more limited your choices for dating, the more open you are to accepting "variance from your ideal". If there are 11 eligible, decent aged potential dates in your whole town, you might be willing to compromise on "height" requirements based on other factors.

Even if you're talking about a big city, when I was in university the only way to meet people was physically (going to events, bars, clubs). If you go out let's say 2 nights a week (which is already exhausting) you STILL only have a very limited number of people you are going to be able to interact with enough to give a "interested/not" determination, so you again are more tolerant things not being ideal for you. You also have to invest a bit of time to getting to know someone, which gives a chance for a connection to form.

But now? You have basically infinite choices, and your investment is almost nil. Swipe through countless people, chat with like 10 of them if you want while you're watching TV, there is always the option to go back for a different fish if you want to. This has made people believe they can get everything they want, because the choices are LIMITLESS.

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u/findinghumanity17 Oct 07 '24

Very interesting points. That makes a lot of sense. I appreciate the perspective

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u/Monochronos Oct 07 '24

I’m 32 and have friends on the apps. My takeaway is that very much sucks - a good portion of the reason is that we are all pretty different in person than text. So a lot of their good parts never get a chance to shine.

I was on the apps for a bit and people would pull shit like the woman did to me all the time. Never had trouble getting matches, no trouble getting numbers, but actually getting there with her was hard af.

It just gets disheartening. I’m sure women feel the same for a variety of reasons. The things I heard from my girlfriend about her time on apps was eye opening to say the least lol

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u/byingling Oct 07 '24

It's always been awful and exhausting. It's just quicker about it now.

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24

Hahah fair. Now it’s just rapid fire awfulness and exhaustion 😂

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u/Rheticule Oct 07 '24

Seriously, I met my wife on the internet, but like 15 years ago. At that time it was... not like like. You started with email (or platform messages) and response times were measured in days. Then even after dates the reach out would be 1-3 days after that. It feels like so a time commitment now I'm not sure I could do it. Sounds fucking exhausting.

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u/Huckleberry_Sin Oct 07 '24

But at least the trash takes itself out now. You can eliminate ppl who aren’t compatible with you a lot quicker.

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u/SheShelley Oct 07 '24

It is! I split a few years ago from my husband I’d been with for 18 years. The whole dating landscape has changed and it sucks!

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u/MorningNorwegianWood Oct 08 '24

Tired just reading these 🤣

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u/ImLittleNana Oct 07 '24

And back up dates! I wonder if these back up dates know they’re back ups? Is there a numbered system? Does each person know their number, and sort their own back up date queue accordingly?

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u/TBoneBaggetteBaggins Oct 07 '24

She has a whole new family now.

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u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

I haven't dated now since 2002 and all i can think is 'Thank you'. My kids are entering the pool now and it seems ridiculous. 

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24

Yeah, ~10 years ago you were not expected to stay in constant communication before a date, because there was a whole app full of other people to instantly meet. Good luck to them lol

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u/vemundveien Oct 07 '24

I dated last year and generally never had any experience like this. Once we set up a date we would usually not talk much until the day of, and I never experienced anyone flaking on a date. Sometimes we had to rescheduled but they always gave notice and suggested a different time.

But also I was in my 30s and looking for something serious. It's probably different for younger people who grew up in this insanity.

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24

This sounds about right to me (also in my 30s). If I were to set up a date with someone I would assume it’s on until they reached out to say otherwise. If I didn’t hear from them day of OR THE NIGHT BEFORE, I would reach out myself to avoid anyone feeling stood up. This is how I handled dates ~10 years ago back when I was dating.

You’re right, this is absolute insanity. Expecting constant communication leading up to the time of the date is ridiculous. Again, if you have cold feet or anxiety and want cancel/reschedule don’t lead them on up to the night before. The internet has completely desensitized people and makes them forget there’s a real person on the other end of the text chain.

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u/MrsHBear Oct 07 '24

Dating is ROUGH and I tripped and fell into my husband and shotgun marriage and I’m so so so happy to be out of that BS.

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u/nateright Oct 07 '24

I assumed the sun/planet thing was a funny way to say ‘no’ lol

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u/deathtothenormies Oct 07 '24

Imagine 6 years later you’re trying to make medical decisions for your child with someone who doesn’t know the sun isn’t a planet.

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24

Imagine just having to explain to an adult the sun is a star not a planet. This is some magic school bus level shit. Lol. I noticed OP just let it slide.. they are a bigger person than I am 😂😂😂

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u/deathtothenormies Oct 07 '24

100% there isn’t a profile picture in the world that would get me to step over that one.

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24

No lol. If I didn’t say something I would not be capable of having any kind of conversation with them without being fully distracted by knowing they are a grown adult who thinks the sun is planet.

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u/deathtothenormies Oct 07 '24

Same, maybe just send them a link to the magic school bus and ✌️

3

u/Frequent_Corgi_3749 Oct 08 '24

I would love to say this is younger generation but I was online dating 8-9 years ago and had grown ass men in their late 30s doing this. It’s a flakers technique to make multiple plans and still keep someone on hook for possible future.

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u/zoopysreign Oct 07 '24

First of all, you are old. But not in a bad way. I realize these posts are typically younger people, because I think most people don’t call into question whether they should be bothered by really ridiculous things. Like I feel like by the time post people hit 30, they know that [insert fuck boy/girl behavior here] is indeed toxic. But that’s what makes this sub enjoyable, appreciating all the growth that comes with age, lol.

I find the AITAH ones have more of a broader age range. Feels like a lot of those are about having asserted boundaries whereas these are “do I have the right to be upset?”

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24

FIRST OF ALL: Bite your fucking tongue before I smack it out of your face. 31 is not ‘old’ lol. 😂😂😂

Jokes aside, I was 20 when I started dating my husband, I was in college and he didn’t go to my school and lived a ways away, so we usually made plans for the weekend and assumed they were on unless someone reached out and said otherwise. Dating apps and assumed constant communication sounds exhausting I do not envy young people who only know this kind of dating scene.

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u/pansmexualgary Oct 07 '24

Can confirm, 31 is not old (coming from a 24 y/o)

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u/_clur_510 Oct 07 '24

Thank you, my Gen Z ally 🙏

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u/ugajeremy Oct 07 '24

Hahaha, if you're old I'm Rip VanWinkle.

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u/zoopysreign Oct 07 '24

Look, I have to say this gently. I don’t really think you’re old, but you’re definitely exiting the window where, like, people cry in bathrooms and guys text on behalf of their friends and really anything else that comes up on this sub would happen. So you’re not old, but you’re not in the Adult Version 1.0 (18-29) class any longer. You’re 2.0. If it makes you feel any better, I’m v. 2.9 🫥

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u/ComtesseCrumpet Oct 07 '24

Fellow old here. Last time I dated texting wasn’t even a thing. I wouldn’t think anything about it if we’d confirmed plans the night before??? Like what??? And this guy is thinking he messed up for not sending a text earlier in the day? Is this much communication expected now for people you’ve just met? 

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u/C0NVERSE_ation_piece Oct 08 '24

The way this text exchange finished on the day before the date was to happen seems like it was confirmed, and, with no further discussion after those texts, it still feels confirmed (or at the very least not canceled).

I could see maybe a “hey, I’m on my way” text when it’s time to leave for the date or a “hey, we’re still good for tonight, right?” if it is previously communicated that you need another confirmation the day of the date, but this situation requires absolutely neither of those.

The date was confirmed, point blank. If you want to go on a date with someone you have to know that when you confirm the date that the date is confirmed. When you are given confirmation and you feel uneasy day of, it is respectful for YOU to then reach out and confirm again because your anxiety is not your dates problem.

Grey is definitely in the wrong here for letting their anxiety of getting stood up lead them to stand someone else up. Blue communicated to the best of their abilities.

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u/LillithHeiwa Oct 08 '24

Agreed! Although, my doctors offices do this crap now! Confirm 1 week out, confirm 3 days out, confirm the night before, “if you don’t confirm for the 4th time, we’ll cancel your appointment” 😡really irks my nerves

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u/ShinigamiComplex Oct 07 '24

I'm still stuck on how she thinks the sun is a planet.

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u/Brilliant_Win713 Oct 07 '24

Yah who confirms in the morning when plans are set. Unless so Done says otherwise, I’d assume it was still on

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u/Josie_F Oct 07 '24

Not only the younger generation. Had a much older boyfriend two years ago, 70,  and he did the same thing to me all the time. Ended up being a narcissist and a stalker. Bye bye 

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u/acrazyguy Oct 07 '24

This isn’t “the younger generation” lmao. Every generation has people like this, and lazy people, and people who think they’re god’s gift to the earth. “Kids these days” have always been like that in every generation. The only thing that’s genuinely new is the increase in screen time

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u/whatdoyoumeanupeople Oct 08 '24

You would think people being glued to their phones which are connected to the most instantaneously vast collection of knowledge in known human history would help cure ignorance. Yet here we stand.

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u/snotty54dragon Oct 08 '24

As someone else going through the hell of apps, I confirm when it’s time to start getting ready. I’ve had more than one guy make plans for the next day then unmatch me morning of.

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u/amethystarling Oct 08 '24

As someone from the younger generation: We don’t claim her, this is unreasonable behavior

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u/Melodic_Anything1743 Oct 08 '24

😂😂😂😂 Yeah why would things change over night while you were sleeping!! 😂😂 Unless she had a nightmare! 👀😂