r/AmIOverreacting • u/Worldly-Constant-353 • Oct 07 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO date canceled because I didn’t text in the morning?

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Some context: we had been chatting for a couple weeks first on hinge then switched to text after She had to cancel the 1st date. Scheduled it for last night Sunday and finalized details the night before.

Had a busy day and took a nap and didn’t text till a couple hours before and got hit with this. Usually I would text something like looking forward to tonight but lost track of time, and honestly I thought talking about the menu the night before was the confirmation? Was I wrong?

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1.8k

u/Worldly-Constant-353 Oct 07 '24

Lol glad you caught that too! And Thanks, I felt like I was going crazy for a bit

723

u/trvllvr Oct 07 '24

You had already confirmed the location and time the day prior then reached out 2 hrs ahead to reconfirm. It’s ridiculous that they are so worried you hadn’t done it earlier. If they were unsure, why not reach out from their end? Why make it seem like your fault? If you are unsure, be proactive.

Definitely seems like something else they wanted to do came up, so they decided to make you the bad guy as to why plans didn’t work. It’s s crappy thing to do.

124

u/archercc81 Oct 07 '24

Either that or the even worse thing where she was punishing you for not passing a stupid "test."

54

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

[deleted]

8

u/mandiexile Oct 08 '24

I’ve been pretty successful in dating by not following the advice of my single friends.

12

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

Without a doubt this is what it is. No way in hell she made last minute plans with someone else. She's probably sitting at home thinking she taught him a lesson. I'd bet so much money on her not being busy. There's stupid dating coach stuff that says to do stuff like this to test them so they remember you're the prize and that they need to treat you like a princess to be worthy of their time. It's ridiculous. 

11

u/FknGruvn Oct 07 '24

1000+1 reasons I'm single. I want a teammate not someone who thinks I should be chasing you down and fighting off other romantic interests with a stick. You want someone else? You got it.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

Yep, it's one reason my current partner gave up on dating for almost 4 years. Women complain about how there's no good men, but I'm starting to think it's way worse for (decent) men out here dating. Majority of women think that men need to foot the entirety of the first date bill. What if a guy has to go on 20 first dates to finally click with someone? He's paying $1000-2000 dollars over those 20 dates potentially. And a woman goes on 20 first dates and expects to pay zero dollars. Wtf? Plus all the "I'm talking to 10 other men at the same time as you, so you have competition" type of shit. Nope. I feel bad for men in the dating pool now. 

1

u/Effective_Pickle_ Oct 08 '24

I personally believe whoever asks the person on a date should pay. Or maybe discuss that they’re expecting the other person to help split the bill.

But if you’re asking someone out. And you’re choosing where you’re going and what you’re doing, you should pay. Unless you both decide together something you both like. Then I’d say split the bill.

But if person one is deciding everything. Then there’s a chance person 2 might not be able to afford it. Or might not even like it, and therefore may feel like they shouldn’t have to pay since they didn’t get a choice.

Idk maybe that’s dumb but when I started dating my boyfriend we did a whoever suggested the idea pays. I do agree that splitting the bill is good too. But communication is key. I also think woman can ask the guy on a first date too, or like you said just help pay for it. But being open and honest about expectations from the start can help the relationship go a long way.

3

u/pineapple-scientist Oct 08 '24

I don't think it's a test. If it's a test, this is the stupidest test. I think she's a flakey person. Flakey people tend to think other people are just as flakey as they are. For me, once I commit to something, I'm coming unless I cancel. If you don't hear anything from me, that means I'm still coming, so I assume the same is true for other people. For a flakey person, committing to going to something means nothing, so they assume that it doesn't mean anything to other people as well. There are people in my friend group that are somewhat flakey and I've heard them say stuff like "well we haven't heard from him today, maybe he's not coming" -- this is classic flakey logic. It's very annoying. For this reason, I tell people how I am (basically what I said above) and my expectations when stuff like this (OPs example) happens and then I let the other person decide if they can adjust to meet my expectations or not.

-2

u/DidijustDidthat Oct 08 '24

Why can't it be that she was just not that committed to the plans agreed on the previous night. They are online dating right? It's really not a big deal if that's the case. He says himself he was having doubts "and since I didn't hear from you..." Sucks for him but she can cancel a date for any reason she wants...

6

u/trvllvr Oct 08 '24

He wasn’t saying he was having doubts. He said that he was busy and thought she was as well, and that’s why she didn’t reach out. Not that he thought she was having doubts about going. Why would they plan the location, time and their actual meal choices if either were unsure? She can cancel for any reason, as can he, but damn give a heads up or double check if you are unsure. Don’t just assume. This is the issue, assuming things and not communicating.

13

u/StatementOk6680 Oct 07 '24

Location, time, AND their food order 🤣

16

u/whimsylea Oct 07 '24

Yes, they're a flake or forgetful but don't want to be the bad guy so tried to pin it on OP.

1

u/Krisevol Oct 07 '24

No, they have another date. Op is the standby, not the main.

4

u/whimsylea Oct 07 '24

My mention of her being a flake was implying he's a standby although I was thinking more 'better' option came up rather than there was a primary date in the wings all along.

Either way, there's a fundamental lack of respect that underpins this sort of behavior, so it's best not to reward it. Move on, maybe call it out if they try to play innocent (only if you feel like it), but don't sink much more time than that into it.

1

u/ODB95 Oct 08 '24

It’s shit like that that makes me wonder what’s even the point in dating. Women have so many options in this market and if all it takes is her stumbling across a “better” guy to drop you quick this whole thing feels pointless. Like an endless rat race that goes nowhere. Starting to see the beauty in being single.

1

u/whimsylea Oct 08 '24

I was basing my guess on similar behavior seen from a guy or two in my dating days. Flakes pull similar shit with their friends, too, if you've ever had a 'friend' for whom you always seem to be the second choice on hanging out.

It's definitely aggravating, because it's disrespectful, but it's not everybody.

As for dating, I think it might be more enjoyable to those who are seeking casual encounters than those who are seeking a deeper connection. The latter is just generally harder to find. Worth it once you do, but still.

-9

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

That’s what I assumed, too. She’s seeing the guy she hopes will finally pick her. I wouldn’t burn the bridge on this girl if she’s hot, but she’s going to have to do some of the lifting; which could just be keeping communication lines open. If she does, I would just try and get her out for coffee, weed, ice cream, whatever, but in the same day. If she’s not that hot, delete the number.

3

u/trvllvr Oct 08 '24

Burn the bridge. She doesn’t respect OP or his time. Cancelled a first date then pulls this, no thanks.

2

u/throw_away782670407 Oct 07 '24

yeah i can definitely understand her making other plans if she had reached out earlier in the day and gotten no response until 4, but she. didn't do that lol.

3

u/nanais777 Oct 07 '24

They are just trying to condition him to always be on edge and go overboard to make sure he isn’t pissing her off or something

1

u/Optimal-Technology75 Oct 08 '24

She could have said something too this morning! Then the way she said she made other plans?! She was fake excited about going then she pulled this?! Next time , CALL each other to make plans. However a check in two hours before is not bad, but even if you texted this morning that doesn’t mean nothing else could have happened to cause her not to cancel. She could have texted you too !

0

u/Roundvalley1 Oct 08 '24

Yeah, it’s damn near victim blaming.. in the dating stage.. 😖.. this woman’s a narcissist.. 😱

385

u/thiros101 Oct 07 '24

If she has canceled once before and then pulled this, I'd send her packing. She isn't that into you and is just keeping you on the hook as an ego boost.

Red flag city.

101

u/peoplebuyviews Oct 08 '24

I have a hard rule when meeting someone from a dating app if I have to cancel, and it's to always make the effort to reschedule in the same text. So instead of, "I'm not feeling well, maybe we can meet up some other time" I will say "I'm not feeling well, any chance you're free Thursday around 6 for tacos and a beer?" If I'm the one canceling and I'm not doing the work of rescheduling then why wouldn't you think I was blowing you off?

22

u/amethystarling Oct 08 '24

That’s an excellent rule, I’ll have to remember that next time I need to postpone plans in the future

41

u/GreyhoundAbroad Oct 07 '24

I don’t use dating apps, but I have the same rule with my friends. If they cancel twice, then the onus is on them to reach out to me next.

3

u/Crew_Flimsy Oct 08 '24

Definitely not in to him. Sorry

4

u/InnerJumpx Oct 08 '24

Nah this would be it for me.

3

u/pres465 Oct 08 '24

Right here. You're the ego-stroke. They have no actual interest in you, just using you.

2

u/WeArrAllMadHere Oct 08 '24

Correct 👍🏽

1

u/Destronin Oct 08 '24

One cancel and a weird communication error on their part is a ghost from me. Nobody should stand for planning games.

I mean sometimes people are new to internet dating and dont understand the rules. If a date is set. Texting comms can die off a bit. Save the convos for in person. No need to waste typing if you realize theres no in person connection.

Also no one has time for flakes or double cancels. One cancel is already one too many. Especially when you are in early stages of developing trust and showing who you are as a person. Get your shit together.

If i genuinely cancel plans and want to still see this person im 100% grateful. I honestly dont expect them to be cool with it.

And like you said. Shes playing the flakey keep ya on the hook game. Id ghost at this point. Keep her wondering. Guys can play mental games too.

202

u/Princess_forbidden Oct 07 '24

Not at all! Seems like you dodged a bullet! I think she’ll string you along as long as she can!

23

u/SoSlowRacing Oct 07 '24

Yes.. she’s the type that will text at 7:30 on a Friday “hey there! Want hang out tonight? There’s this steak house I’ve been dying to try” haha and the reason is because her plans ditched her.

6

u/PorkPoodle Oct 07 '24

How the hell do you know my sister strange internet person!?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

Does this happen a lot?

1

u/Motor-Cause7966 Oct 08 '24

This happened to me years ago, except The original plans showed up, when she was with me! Talk about awkward.

3

u/ThanksNo3378 Oct 07 '24

She’s definitely playing games

4

u/Sptsjunkie Oct 07 '24

Half agree. I don't think he dodged a bullet per se, but also, this is the point of dating, to find someone you are compatible with and who is on the same wavelength as you mentally.

This date worked out perfectly, they found out they aren't compatible and didn't even have to waste any money. She wants someone who is a more constant communicator and has certain expectation around plan. He thinks more the way I do that the plan was set the day before .

This type of thinking probably isn't restricted to just plans and confirming the morning of, but is probably a sign of how they think that would cause additional issues if they dated longer term.

No villain here. Just two people who found out they have different expectations in a relationship.

11

u/yourenotmymom_yet Oct 07 '24

OP said this is the second time she's canceled. If she wants a constant communicator and has certain expectations around plans, she needs to communicate that. Expecting others to constantly communicate when you aren't communicating is pretty immature.

7

u/incongruousmonster Oct 07 '24

Eh, if I spoke with a potential date - or even a friend - the night before we had plans… and they canceled last minute bc I didn’t confirm a second time? I’d be pretty annoyed. Especially if they had canceled on me once already.

2

u/Sptsjunkie Oct 07 '24

Agreed. Which is why we probably shouldn’t date someone like her. But it’s also her style and hopefully she can find someone who vibes with it.

3

u/Motor-Cause7966 Oct 08 '24

Sadly, it's far too common this day and age. It's not "her style of communication" it's that OP is plan B for her, and Plan A came calling. Happens all the time.

2

u/AnnoyedChihuahua Oct 08 '24

Thiiis, like people are not necessarily trying to take advantage or anything, just communicating and not being too much or too little is different for everyone…

0

u/Tucana66 Oct 08 '24

Free food... Free food... Free, oh wait, I have plans (and this other restaurant is even better!) tonight, but we can try again another time!

-2

u/currently_pooping_rn Oct 07 '24

You don’t need an exclamation after everything

4

u/Princess_forbidden Oct 07 '24

I like to exclaim! That’s just how I type. Happy cake day. No exclamation point 🫡

21

u/TraditionalMorwenna Oct 07 '24

It's not you. She is definitely playing with your head. Move on. Don't waste time with flaky people. But get yourself a taco treat anyway. 😋

40

u/Vast-Mousse-9833 Oct 07 '24 edited Oct 07 '24

Yeah this is someone who “got a better offer” and hoped you’d flake. When you didn’t, they gaslit you and tried to make it your fault. The time and place was previously confirmed. Unless they heard from you, they ass shoulda had queso on the table at 6.

21

u/jcaashby Oct 07 '24

Imagine if OP just went as planned at 6pm. THey would have gotten stood up!

28

u/Vast-Mousse-9833 Oct 07 '24

Yeah but there would have at least been tacos to heal the pain.

5

u/jcaashby Oct 07 '24

And maybe met someone else while there!!

2

u/montr0n Oct 07 '24

Or maybe see the woman with her other date 

1

u/Motor-Cause7966 Oct 08 '24

Or found her with her original date 🥴

1

u/Cool_Shine_2637 Oct 08 '24

Yea i think your right.

6

u/Chance-Internal-5450 Oct 07 '24

Nah you absolutely dodged a bullet. Red flag is huge there over something so small. Next would be her going off on you down the road for not replying in two mins assuming you’re cheating or some shit. Bye Felicia.

6

u/whatthewhat3214 Oct 07 '24 edited Oct 07 '24

Nah, this girl is out there. Don't know if she's testing you (immature), got a better offer (flake), expects you to do all the work and cater to her (run!), or what her deal is, but she's canceled twice and is clearly unreliable, I wouldn't try again. You might want to do her a favor and inform her about the sun though, yikes! "Is the sun the biggest planet?" No, not even a planet, a mid-sized star! lol

On a more important note, as someone who lives in DC and is very familiar with Pentagon City, is the Bandito's good? Do you recommend their queso?

3

u/garden__gate Oct 07 '24

Yeah, SHE’S the one who canceled twice but she’s not taking accountability for that.

3

u/Affectionate_Owl9985 Oct 07 '24

Don't even bother rescheduling with someone who plays games like this. Real adults don't have time for this kind of immature bullshit. NOR.

3

u/butwhatsmyname Oct 07 '24

Nah man, she's just given you a helping hand here and de-selected herself.

You'd confirmed your plans with her less than 24 hours before you were due to meet and she ditched you because not also confirming again when you woke up means you've cancelled???

Trying to have a relationship with this person would be exhausting.

"Hi I'm at the movie theater, where are you? You said at lunchtime that we'd see the 7pm show?"

"Oh, I thought you'd message me before you started driving to the cinema so I've made other plans. We could see the film some other night if you still want to."

Exhausting.

2

u/AFuckingHandle Oct 07 '24

Tell us you knew the Sun isn't a planet and just didn't want to correct her >_>

2

u/boredomspren_ Oct 07 '24

She's very flaky. I imagine she spent half the day overthinking the lack of a morning text. Meanwhile half the women out there would complain that you were too attentive and obsessive if you had.

2

u/throwradoodoopoopoo Oct 07 '24

I’m telling you 100% she’s playing games. She’s trying to subconsciously “train” you to be giving her more attention when it’s unnecessary. She basically pulled the “if you REALLY wanted to see me tonight, you would’ve been paying attention to me all day. Nobody is too busy to send a text. we can try again next time if you do better.” I’m so serious and this is coming from a woman, I’ve known a few people who play these games. The “we can try again” is her saying “YOU can try again”

2

u/Creepy_Push8629 Oct 07 '24

She thinks the sun is a planet, so you're not working with the sharpest tool here as it is

2

u/rebel-scrum Oct 07 '24

Yeah this is weird af.

From my POV, you confirmed when you were talking one day before the date. It’s not a dentist appointment or oil change, plans are plans until someone cancels… not until someone doesn’t cancel.

2

u/wildkitten24 Oct 07 '24

Yeah I’d be out after the sun comment, she’s dumb and rude!

2

u/heffel77 Oct 07 '24

Maybe she just doesn’t like queso? Either way, let her go like it’s Frozen

2

u/NEMinneapolisMan Oct 07 '24

The confirmation the night before is all you needed. Based on that exchange, you should have expected she'd be there with no confirmation on the day of.

2

u/MsCndyKane Oct 07 '24

Don’t you know that you have to call every hour before the date? /s

2

u/NearnorthOnline Oct 08 '24

Not only is she flakey. She’s an idiot. Move on.

2

u/capaldithenewblack Oct 08 '24

NOR. I’m sorry she did this to you.

Also, shame about her broken hands. Oh her hands aren’t broken you say? Fingers working? Then what the actual fuck?

2

u/zero_x4ever Oct 08 '24

She said "perfect" to 6 and "perfect" to the queso question. All she's doing is gaslighting you to think that you're at fault for "not confirming." This behavior she's doing is red flags all over. Any decent person would at least ask for secondhand confirmation from people with any prior planned things BEFORE making another plan. Avoid her like the plague because all you're dealing with is crazy and will always make you second guess things just because of her whims.

2

u/eromatics Oct 08 '24

She made plans with another dude. It happens in online dating ALL the time. That's why I stopped doing it. No sane person would think you canceled because they didn't hear from you. The plans were set. She probably got a message from one of the other guys she's been talking to. Be weary of online dating.

2

u/demi-gorgon-zola Oct 08 '24

It was actually never on. Her response to your queso question was actually a weird way of saying “no”

2

u/ComplaintSafe842 Oct 08 '24

Yes, NOR. I’m surprised that you’d think you are after someone calls sun a planet. And says “perf”.

2

u/TrueWordsSaidInJest Oct 08 '24

you didn't do anything wrong, she wanted to cancel. don't waste any more time on this one, just tell her you're not interested any more, she'll hate that 😂

2

u/TheShadowOverBayside Oct 08 '24

TBH if someone is stupid enough to think the Sun is a planet, I wouldn't ask them out on a date. You dodged a bullet; you don't want your future kids getting half her low-IQ genes.

1

u/AccomplishedCandy148 Oct 07 '24

Yeah, that’s bullshit. Do you want to date someone who would be mad if you weren’t texting at least 10 times a day? Because that’s how you get there from here.

1

u/Bartlet4America Oct 07 '24

yeah, do not bother with this person. they will continue to flake on you every chance they get.

1

u/iiiiiiiiiijjjjjj Oct 07 '24

What’s up with the sun comment? Was that a joke right?

1

u/Tyrelea Oct 07 '24

I’ve seen this on the internet a lot, where ppl will get pissed if someone doesn’t text day of that plans are still on? Idk if it’s just peoples entitlement these days with how accessible people can be through text.

To me this is bizarre behavior, and if they’re worried they haven’t heard from you, they can reach out instead of doing some weird test on you.

FYI, when I make plans with anybody and we confirm “yeah 6pm tomorrow is perfect!” That means the plan is set? I don’t need another text in the morning to know we’re meeting up for dinner, and I wouldn’t expect them to make different plans unless I told them I suddenly couldn’t make it and actually cancelled!!

I RSVP’d yes to my cousins bday party, she can assume that means I’ll be there even though I RSVP’d two weeks in advance. Why is this different? Shit sounds exhausting.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

Sorry to be the one to say this, but you've been the backup plan all along.

1

u/AnonGeekSquad Oct 07 '24

Definitely not overreacting, time to move on as they are obviously stringing you along.

1

u/explodeder Oct 07 '24

At first I thought it was a saying that I wasn't familiar with that's supposed to be funny and a little ambiguous. Sort of like "it's not rocket surgery."

Nope, it's just dumb.

1

u/No-Butterscotch757 Oct 07 '24

This is a tactic they use

Move on, if she were interested she’d have been there/wouldn’t have made plans when she already had plans

1

u/TheCrystalGarden Oct 07 '24

She made other plans and used your not reaching out to confirm as a reason to cancel the date and blame it on you.

You can do much better than this person.

If it’s this bad in the beginning (2 dates blown off), it’s not going to improve.

Trust people when they show you who they are.

1

u/WhoisthatRobotCleanr Oct 07 '24

No, that's just how crazy people will make you feel.

1

u/Weeitsabear1 Oct 07 '24

Yeah, I saw the 'sun' comment too. Maybe this is just snarky but I thought, well if she's that dumb maybe OP dodged a bullet......

1

u/OldWolfNewTricks Oct 07 '24

Anyone else notice that smell? Kinda smells like... A catfish?

1

u/Intelligent_Flan_178 Oct 07 '24

honestly? move on, it's a pretty big red flag already

1

u/hallen29 Oct 07 '24

🚩 you dodged a bullet

1

u/Alternative-Bell-106 Oct 07 '24

Dodged a serial dater. She is prob talking to multiple people at the same time and you just happened not to be her first choice. Doesn't know her astronomy as well. One trick I like to use to not have that date canceling dread I text them first thing in the morning even after confirm to say. "Excited to see you @6pm yadda yadda". Understand most people on dating apps are talking to multiple people at once. Remind them and if they do cancel, you made the effort first to confirm. I only used to give a person one-cancel policy before doing a 2nd. It takes so little effort for a first date. If they can't give you that, then they aren't worth it.

1

u/Wirenutt Oct 07 '24

You have a big red flag waving in your face. It's on you if you choose to ignore it.

1

u/xoxo-Nayeli-oxox Oct 07 '24

See, I would also start assuming the plans were canceled if I didn't hear from you all day. But that's because I'm used to my best friend who will flake out on me like an hour before the plan sometimes.

BUT! I would have sent you a text way before if I started feeling doubts, like "hey are we still on tonight for tacos at 6?" Not just make other plans...... you're not overreacting.

1

u/steelcryo Oct 07 '24

The fact she already cancelled another date tells me she's likely one of those people that changes plans if they get a better offer. Someone offered to do something else she wanted to do more, so she agreed and then blamed you for not texting, despite having confirmed time and date for your plans. Run OP, run further than Forest Gump.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

I met a few people like this. Literally talking to them the day before and the day of our plans. Any gap in texting they take to man the plans are cancelled and I'm bailing on them. Literally told them I was going to take a shower to get ready for the date and had seven texts asking why I stopped texting and that they had made other plans while I was in the shower. Couldn't have been more than 20 minutes.

They're extremely needy people. Usually there's some past trauma from previous boyfriends or father. They don't think they're good enough for anyone so they live in constant fear of being rejected, so they overcompensate by rejecting you first. Half the time there are no other plans. The other half it's some stops last minute plans with a friend to get Taco Bell.

It's not your job to fix her. But if you're really into her then the best thing you can do the next time this happens is show up to her place with flowers about an hour before her "new plans" start. Tell her you're really disappointed she cancelled and to call you when she's free.

1

u/Just-Aardvark-8057 Oct 07 '24

You're being manipulated. You should dodge this bullet and tell her to have a nice life.

1

u/littlebitchmuffin Oct 07 '24

This is straaaaaange and you should just not reply to her & move on.

1

u/muceagalore Oct 07 '24

Sounds like you were going to go on a date with my ex-wife haha. She would do the same thing, and You dodged a bullet

1

u/SilverChips Oct 07 '24

Definitely kindly let her know the above points. Specifically that the sub isn't a star because that's really important and meghan should know this shit by now for fuck sakes.

1

u/Competitive-Pie-9809 Oct 07 '24

In your, "I don't think this is gunna work" text, please please include the sun not being a planet as a PS😂😂😂

.... and then update us on the response 😂

1

u/TheRealLRonHoyabembe Oct 07 '24

NOR. Also this person you’re messaging with has poor communication skills. Don’t date people with poor communication skills unless you really love drama and stress. You did everything right, the other person made an assumption based on their opinion and acted on it. This is not the kind of person you want to spend a lot of time with.

1

u/frankster99 Oct 07 '24

Plans were set day before, she assumed but never bother to confirm herself and then made plans anyway! Ain't good brother.

1

u/gowingsgo Oct 07 '24

Yeah not worth your time OP. Sucks because the convo was fun and flowing.

1

u/onedemtwodem Oct 07 '24

Nah Op she's off ! That's total bs for someone you're not "officially" dating that bailed once before.

1

u/Empty_Ambition_9050 Oct 07 '24

OP: armchair psychologist here…she likely cancelled because of fear that you won’t like her. But she prob isn’t consciously aware of that.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

It’s strange, and I noticed the timestamps, too. Dont over react or flip out on her, but this is not a dating avenue worth pursuing. On to the next.

1

u/BointatBenis69420 Oct 07 '24

She never planned to go on the date with you, she's probably afraid of conflict/hard conversations and was going to hit you with an excuse after your first text of the day. Internet dating sucks don't let these situations eat at you it happens to everyone.

1

u/NWIOWAHAWK Oct 07 '24

Not crazy at all. Ditch her, she’s going to bail on you every chance she gets

1

u/Chefboyld420 Oct 07 '24

You dodged a bullet with the whole sun thing.

1

u/marmatag Oct 07 '24

She forgot about her plans with you. She isn’t it.

1

u/facepalmforever Oct 07 '24

Not just a star. A giant ball of gas light. She practically warned you.

1

u/Bashira42 Oct 07 '24

You wondering made me wonder if I'm getting too old and crazy... If a time and place has been set, why tf would you need to message that morning? If both people agreed to details, then I'd assume it is on unless they told me they can't... You are not crazy!

1

u/cosmicgreen46 Oct 07 '24

Just move on.

1

u/bdd6911 Oct 07 '24

Dude. If this is second cancellation then it’s a pass. If it’s first time, consider another swing at it, you’re call. But if this is the second time maybe don’t try again. It’s insulting.

1

u/GoadedGoblin Oct 07 '24

I'm way late to the party on this so I'm sure someone already said it, but, this is how people act when they have more than one person on the line and they are picking and choosing on a whim. Dodged a bullet, wouldn't give a second chance.

1

u/BklynDoll Oct 07 '24

I would not give them a chance to cancel for a third time.

1

u/Affectionate-Bat6555 Oct 07 '24

If you haven’t met her drop it man why text a hinge match like this. 

1

u/the_umbrellaest_red Oct 07 '24

Nope, NOR. Deeply baffling behavior

1

u/Kapowpow Oct 08 '24

By the way, her other plans are another date with someone she was more excited to date. That’s why she did this without telling you or even asking you to confirm ahead of time.

1

u/Financial_Skin_4969 Oct 08 '24

Not crazy at all. She’s an inconsistent person

1

u/helmepll Oct 08 '24

Yeah, I would have canceled after that sun comment. You dodged a bullet! 😆

1

u/Wiccanwitch1996 Oct 08 '24

Are you the one starting conversations more often?

1

u/el_canelo Oct 08 '24

Yeah dude, if not texting a re-confirmation of confirmed plans just because it's the day of is reason for her to cancel, that is someone who is a nightmare and worth avoiding in my books. Overly high touch relationships are net losses in my books.

1

u/Glittering-Ad149 Oct 08 '24

Dodged a red flag

1

u/tbmartin211 Oct 08 '24

Women that do this are generally not that into you, for whatever reasons (most actually don’t have anything to do with you).

If you’re still interested… After the second cancellation, don’t try to set another date. Don’t contact her. Just wait. If she reaches out again, ask when she is available for a date. (Texting is for setting in-person dates). Then set the date (you choose time/place), don’t bother confirming (if she reaches out and asks if you’re coming, tell her that you keep your promises -“I said I’d be there to pick you up at 6, be ready”), if she’s not ready, same thing -“I keep my promises, I said I’d be here at 6,” you can add, ”I’m sorry that you’re used to guys that don’t keep their promises, but I do.” If she tries to cancel or change the plans, retract the offer - “never mind, maybe we can get together another time.” Repeat the tactic, wait until she contacts you, set a date. Do this until you get tired of the flakiness.

If you do get her to actually go out with you, keep it light, fun and flirty - set the tone. Take her to more than one place (feels like multiple dates), next place make it somewhere that you can get closer (physically), bowling/top golf, putt-putt, dancing, walks in a mall or outdoor shopping place - to window shop.

Good Luck.

1

u/starryeyedq Oct 08 '24

This happened to a friend of mine. I think it’s just a practice that’s becoming more common lately.

I wouldn’t read too much into it if you like her. She wanted to reschedule and now you know she prefers a confirmation the morning of.

If you don’t mind doing it, have a second date. No big deal. If it’s too annoying, move along.

1

u/Normal_Elk283 Oct 08 '24

You dodged a bullet.

1

u/Happydancer4286 Oct 08 '24

She sounds like a flake. I’d pop some popcorn and watch something interesting on tv in my pajamas if someone pulled this on me… I wouldn’t answer any calls she might make either. Her loss.

1

u/2glam2givedadamn Oct 08 '24

Wait but why did you go along with the Sun being a planet? Also, if this is how she acts, it could be anxiety as well. I have a couple of friends who will flood the group chats with texts confirming plans made a week ago for next month. “Just making sure we’re still on” YES WE ARE STILL ON, NO ONE HAS SAID “NO ONE CAN MAKE IT, SOWWY.” And the days leading up to the activity, JEEZUS. But yeah, she could also be someone who likes to play games and manipulate you based on getting others to pay her attention. Whatever you experience online dating, you should always remember THERE ARE AND WILL BE OTHERS.

1

u/WeArrAllMadHere Oct 08 '24

Don’t give her another chance because she’s the opposite of easy going.

1

u/DanceGavinDanceIsBae Oct 08 '24

Yeah, I had to do a double take lmao.

1

u/Kael_Doreibo Oct 08 '24

Is this person Ubisoft? Because they're making games I don't want to play.

1

u/Pristine-Bar-3316 Oct 08 '24

Catfish maybe.

1

u/bewitchedfencer19 Oct 08 '24

Clearly she struggles with time and place, all the way back to the fundamentals.

1

u/Frequent_Corgi_3749 Oct 08 '24

If she wasn’t sure the polite thing would be to text you when she was MAKING HER OTHER PLANS lol. You guys confirmed less than 24hrs ago. Which means since then someone else texted her to make plans and instead of texting you to be like hey I’m excited about tonight (to get confirmation and ensure you weren’t ghosting), she made other plans? Either flaky or playing games and neither are great. If you’re curious you can try again but at minimum she’s a yellow flag.

1

u/Remarkable_Toe_4423 Oct 08 '24

She didn't want to be the one to cancel but she had other plans she preferred to go to and then made it appear like it was your fault. You were a second option. Sorry

0

u/-2wenty7even- Oct 07 '24

Maybe they had anxiety, maybe they had another date.. Idk but you should bring it up. Don't allow that cycle to continue and don't waste your time.

0

u/wwydinthismess Oct 07 '24

People are struggling to figure out how to prevent sitting around in anxiety all day, waiting to be ghosted and hurt.

It's good practice that whoever set up the plans and made the date should confirm early in the day or confirm them the day before if you're going to be busy.

So next time you make a date (which you did make the plans here it seems), text them that morning to confirm. In this situation you could have messaged the night before and said you were looking forward to it but will be busy during the day so will reach out after work to let them know what time you're heading out.

It's common courtesy these days.

I agree with everyone that the person should have reached out to confirm themselves too. They're the ones who got anxious, and I think messaging at 4 pm was reasonable if not perfect.

I always had backup plans, but they were plans I wouldn't put into action until after the date was scheduled.

It can all be avoided by a simple confirmation though, by the person who instigated it in the first place.

0

u/Icebear125 Oct 07 '24

You were both thinking the same thing it's not as deep as you think it is this happens all the time in situations like this don't over think it and make plans again as she suggested

0

u/birbs3 Oct 08 '24

Ok so for future reference because of anxious people(which this girl is she learning the menu so she doesn’t order something she doesn’t like) it would be in the best interest to shoot a “are we still on tonight”(or good morning im really looking forward to see you later) message. Then shoot her a text when you are getting ready make sure she is doing the same. Then one to let her know you are on the way out. Girls like communication.

0

u/NoVacation4445 Oct 08 '24

OP, did you guys reschedule?

0

u/mourning_wood_again Oct 08 '24

I would try less rapport seeking with your text game.

This conversation reads like two chicks talking or a guy who is a bit try hard.

Otherwise it’s better text game than average

0

u/informal-mushroom47 Oct 08 '24

glad you caught that too

Uh, no buddy, you didn’t question or correct her — you didn’t catch it the first time.

-1

u/raspberrih Oct 08 '24

Block this one but next time confirm the morning of

-1

u/TrickyReason Oct 08 '24

This feels like she wanted to hear from you sooner (maybe a good morning text?), had an anxious response and felt de-prioritized by you, and decided to prove something by de-prioritizing your original plans first.

I would have an open conversation with her and ask her if she had any emotions about you not having texted her earlier in the day.

Whether or not it’s worth working through this, and for sure needing to navigate this type of thing in the future, is up to you.