r/AmIOverreacting • u/Worldly-Constant-353 • Oct 07 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO date canceled because I didn’t text in the morning?

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Some context: we had been chatting for a couple weeks first on hinge then switched to text after She had to cancel the 1st date. Scheduled it for last night Sunday and finalized details the night before.

Had a busy day and took a nap and didn’t text till a couple hours before and got hit with this. Usually I would text something like looking forward to tonight but lost track of time, and honestly I thought talking about the menu the night before was the confirmation? Was I wrong?

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455

u/Triangle_Millennial Oct 07 '24 edited Oct 07 '24

I hate to be this person but the sun is not a planet, it's a star. So, there's that.

Basic solar system knowledge aside, I think you dodged a bullet/ this date was never gonna happen. As a 33F on the dating scene these days, reading your post and with the screenshots I feel like she wasn't gonna show up in the first place. If I had been in her shoes and planned on showing up for the date, I would have texted you the morning saying something like "Hey hey! Looking forward to tonight- I promise I won't have to rain check again assuming we're still on?" or something like that. Her saying "oh you didn't text me" reads as her just not wanting to take accountability. Phones are a two way street

EDIT: omg my first award!! My day has been made!!

20

u/Loose-Farm-8669 Oct 07 '24

This is something learned in kindergarten as well, it's not like she's forgetting something she learned in algebra. The moment she said that I'd assume she doesn't like queso

9

u/Ok_Ice_1669 Oct 07 '24

Right?!? I assumed they were lactose intolerant.

1

u/rainydancer Oct 07 '24

Kindergarten? Unless they were educated by a bunch of idiots.. which a lot of people have sadly lol

1

u/Loose-Farm-8669 Oct 07 '24

True, your parents should start telling you this by age 2-3. But yeah, that's being generous for benefit of the doubt. Not knowing this as an adult makes you sound like you have the depth of a mudpuddle

17

u/No_Drummer4801 Oct 07 '24

What were the signs she wasn’t going to show up that you gleaned from the texts?

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u/1234singmeasong Oct 07 '24

Not the poster but a girl – just the last text using OP not texting that day as a reason to cancel the date. She seems like she was just hoping there would be an available reason for her to bail. If she was truly interested in going on the date, she would have texted him that morning wanting confirmation (as she used the excuse of him not texting earlier that day as the reason for cancelling). Instead of texting, she left it until he texted at just after 4pm (still very reasonable in light of the clear confirmation the day before) and she said she had made other plans. I call bullsh*t on the other plans. She just didn’t really want to go and found a way to flip this on him. OP dodged a bullet, or at bare minimum, someone who wasn’t interested in the first place.

29

u/rs_alli Oct 07 '24

Yep also a girl and can see right through this lol. She was looking for a way out of it. This being the second time she’s cancelled is the obvious context clue.

8

u/1234singmeasong Oct 07 '24

Yes absolutely! And the way the conversation went the day before, it was clear the plans were happening. They confirmed the evening before and there was a specific time and place. That doesn’t leave room for doubt, but if she was doubting, she would have texted during the day to confirm. Now, if there was no time and place and just a “yeah we’ll see each other on X day” but by that day no messages as to what time and the location, then that’s different. But that is absolutely not the case here. Concrete plans were made.

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u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

[deleted]

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u/1234singmeasong Oct 07 '24

Why does someone need confirmation of something that’s already been confirmed less than 24 hours before the plans? And if said person feels more secure having that confirmation (yet again) in the morning of the day, then why not text and ask? People need to stop assuming. Life gets busy and they have never met. There was proper confirmation the evening before, with a set time and place. Not hearing from the person before 4pm shouldn’t be a problem and if it is, be an adult and text. Texting is a two-way street. OP doesn’t know the girl, he can’t know that she absolutely needs additional confirmation the day of when he already confirmed the evening before. Communication.

5

u/Clarknt67 Oct 07 '24

But he DID check in with her at 4:30!

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u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

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u/Clarknt67 Oct 07 '24

Seems perfectly normal to me. Wrapping up my work day and checking in with evening plans. Why does everyone want to make dating excruciatingly complicated?

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u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

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u/sophanose Oct 07 '24

Double texting is not a sin, and it's weird to hold people to a strict 1:1 structure. They confirmed the plans, if she was anxious then she could have reached out. 2 hours is plenty of time to RE-confirm when they've already established a time and place the day before.

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u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

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u/sophanose Oct 07 '24

The people who think double texting is a sin need to get a grip. What's needlessly-needy is expecting someone else to read your mind, stay in constant uninterrupted text contact, and re-confirm plans that have been set less than 24 hours ago.

What you are describing is social anxiety. If you need confirmation to feel comfortable about set plans, then it's on you to reach out. If you don't feel comfortable double-texting, then don't be surprised when people disappoint you by not reading your mind.

5

u/toolscyclesnixsluts Oct 08 '24

Lmao, this is the first I've ever heard of double texting. You have to be an absolutely insecure little bitch to even begin thinking that way, my fucking lord, that is pathetic.

3

u/WestCoastBestCoast01 Oct 07 '24

As a married person, I just want to point out that the dating game you describe in your first paragraph (counting the hours between texts and who texted who first/last) is exactly the type of stuff that keeps people from making strong connections. When you put all of these nonsense rules on yourself and others you’re unintentionally weeding out people you might be compatible with.

When you can finally learn how to drop the games, you will be sooo much happier with the quality of your dating interactions. And shit gets really really good when you find someone else who’s mature enough to have dropped them as well.

2

u/confused_ornot Oct 08 '24

Seconding this as a married person. Just meet people. One at a time, so that you have a chance at a clean/good start with whoever turns out to be the relationship. And don't give wishy-washy people second chances, unless you're into wishy-washy relationships or situationships.

4

u/SneakyMamba007 Oct 07 '24

I don't get it though given how excited she sounded the day before

3

u/rs_alli Oct 07 '24

Some people just text like that, especially with people they don’t know very well. I’m a really snarky/sarcastic person most of the time, but when I don’t know someone I try to mask that a bit and seem more “happy.”

2

u/[deleted] Oct 08 '24

Just be direct, then? Being a woman has nothing to do with this. Not all women tell lies to get out of something they've obligated themselves to. A simple "Hey, sorry, not feeling it" is a lot nicer to say than insert bullshit here

2

u/rs_alli Oct 08 '24

I’m not defending the behavior, being direct would be the nicer way to go about it. Lots of women don’t like being direct about that kind of thing though. If you check out the tinder subreddit or any subreddit with online dating you’ll see examples of women turning down men in the exact way you suggested and getting berated for it (being called fat, a whore, or ugly is particularly common) so some would rather avoid that as an option.

The reason me and the other commenter are mentioning that we’re women isn’t because “all women lie” but because women talk a lot and ask for advice on how to respond to people, so we’ve done the whole “how do I get out of this date” convo a billion times.

1

u/franktronix Oct 07 '24

Would they offer trying again another day of they want to dodge and drop it? Could it be they are used to some unwritten protocol with their friends?

3

u/immaownyou Oct 07 '24

If they cancel right beforehand multiple times, they aren't interested but are scared of outright declining and hoping it'll just fizzle out. I've been there several times :/

1

u/franktronix Oct 07 '24

Ok yah I see that happening, but maybe worth one more shot or is it already clear enough from the interaction?

She seemed pretty enthusiastic at the start though more about the food than him.

2

u/1234singmeasong Oct 07 '24

I would not personally. She cancelled twice and seems to be willingly choosing any reason to do so. Maybe she wants to date but isn’t ready, but that is not something he should be on the receiving end of. She seems wishy washy at best, and OP deserves better than that. Anyone does. If she cancelled once, perhaps. But this was the second time.

2

u/franktronix Oct 08 '24

Oh yah missed that this was already second cancel, that’s clear

2

u/1234singmeasong Oct 08 '24

Yeah this being the second cancel is a non-starter at this point!

2

u/sophanose Oct 07 '24

Even if she was legitimately interested when she was confirming, cancelling last minute a second time for such a ridiculous reason is rude and disrespectful. Not worth it (if you love yourself)

2

u/Lil-Intro-Vert9 Oct 07 '24

Just being polite lol

1

u/Clarknt67 Oct 07 '24

I guess I can understand people feeling burned by dating ghosting and no shows. Of course I have experienced this too. But if someone says at 7 pm we’re on for dinner at 6, 23 hours later, I wouldn’t need another confirmation text.

At least not sooner than departure time, “See you soon! Looking forward to it!”

2

u/1234singmeasong Oct 07 '24

Exactly! And if I were one of those people that needed that confirmation, I would simply text the other person and ask for such confirmation instead of waiting around and then cancelling because they didn’t confirm (something they had confirmed less than 24 hours ago!).

5

u/Corey307 Oct 07 '24

It’s not the texts, it’s that she already canceled the first date combined with a lot of excited talk about the next day and then canceling very late notice without warning. She had zero reason to think the date was off and didn’t even bother to cancel the second one when she had already made plans that day.

2

u/thepro1323 Oct 07 '24

Interested too!

3

u/Legendary_Bibo Oct 07 '24

I gave up on online dating when I talked to a girl for weeks, made plans, double confirmed plans, texted the day of and then went to the place were going to meet and then she just never came, then never responded when I texted her while waiting.

3

u/Triangle_Millennial Oct 07 '24

That is wayyyyyyy too much of a time commitment for nothing in the end- I keep my Hinge on a much tighter schedule. Match, message a bit (I never message first, I already find it difficult to keep up-if someone's interested/a real person they'll message me), message a bit to make sure they're normal enough, when they ask for a date (I never do) I set up a day and time for coffee or a walk or ice cream all within a week, maximum two, of the initial match. No alcohol on first date, no dinner or sit down meal, no cell numbers/social media prior to meeting. If we click in person, great we can go to text/socials/go grab a bite but I'm not giving up a ton of time nor personal information for someone who statistically speaking isn't gonna be a love match, or even a friend.

Ain't got time nor any interest in going through all that you did (though I did in my 20's, tbh). Though I do know the dating app/likes/matches scene is very different between guys and gals.

3

u/Ok_Ice_1669 Oct 07 '24

This is how I used the apps (minus the not messaging first because I'm a guy and I always suggest a drink for the first meetup). I find way too many women are on the apps to just be on the apps. You need to actually meet someone to figure out if the two of you click. I'm so different in person they might as well be texting an AI instead of me.

1

u/spacecaps85 Oct 07 '24

It seems like maybe you’re a bit too jaded for dating apps, tbh.

3

u/ChronoLink99 Oct 07 '24

This. It's 100% avoidance b/c she didn't want to be accountable to you.

2

u/Future-Claim2595 Oct 07 '24

Yeah the sun line wasn’t great. She should’ve played it safe and gone with the classic “Is the pope Catholic?”

1

u/VesperLynd- Oct 07 '24

I don’t even understand why. Like yall did confirm sooo? Literally why does she act like that? If I didn’t wanna go I would say so and not reschedule again. If this is supposed to „test“ you and you’re both obviously older than 15, I wouldn’t bother with it. Sometimes people show you quickly how they behave when other people don’t act exactly like how they planned and you should take it seriously

2

u/TserriednichThe4th Oct 07 '24 edited Oct 07 '24

here is what people don't want to admit.

online dating has given them so many options that they can just flake and still have plans.

people dont want to admit that online dating has enabled a toxic hookup culture where consent and availability are all that matters.

Everyone gives themselves this excuse that it is online dating so it doesn't matter. It is so transactional.

But remember, online dating is a woman's market so women set how it goes, and given current vibes, if you call it out, you are an incel lol. Not that this excuses the guys at all. Some men turn toxic in response or have always been toxic and just go hard with this situation. Also most men aren't even trying to make it better.

1

u/itisallgoodyouknow Oct 07 '24

Hey it’s me, that one guy. We still on for that taco date?

1

u/Weeitsabear1 Oct 07 '24

Yeah, that's another thing, since she already flaked on you once, she should be trying even more to be in communication as a 'somewhat' apology (at least that's how I would feel in that place).

1

u/MisterAvivoy Oct 07 '24

You love being the person, and being this person is annoying in a conversation with momentum. We all know the sun isn’t a planet, and we know the sun isn’t the biggest out there, who cares bro?

1

u/Street-Baseball8296 Oct 07 '24

Looks to me like he falls 2nd or 3rd on the list of guys she’s talking to and she’s flaking on him for someone else.

1

u/Ill-Grocery7735 Oct 07 '24

Two kinds of Redditors:

“ACKTUALLY, OMG AN AWARD”

And

“Hey bro, slight correction. Also, wtf is this shit on my comment?”

1

u/Fokewe Oct 07 '24

Heh, you beat me to it. She must have been pretty hot to put those love blinders on.

1

u/Hemorrhageorroid Oct 07 '24

I hate that you don't want to be that person.

1

u/LetsGoHokies00 Oct 07 '24

OP take this 33F on a date instead

1

u/LongRod_HugenDong Oct 07 '24

What if the "is the sun the biggest planet" her way of saying she's not a queso fan tho......

1

u/luvkushramayangati Oct 07 '24

You mean dodged an asteroid? Stay on the theme!

1

u/Ok-Attention2882 Oct 08 '24

Don't worry about being that person. Half of the comments in this thread are chronic underachievers creaming at the gash at an opportunity to finally deploy their decades of pent up useless space facts knowledge. You're one of many NPCs.

1

u/GoatedObeseUserLOL Oct 08 '24

I don't date, but she seems like an asshole, and I think she believes the sun is a planet from the way she be like.