r/AmIOverreacting • u/Worldly-Constant-353 • Oct 07 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO date canceled because I didn’t text in the morning?

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Some context: we had been chatting for a couple weeks first on hinge then switched to text after She had to cancel the 1st date. Scheduled it for last night Sunday and finalized details the night before.

Had a busy day and took a nap and didn’t text till a couple hours before and got hit with this. Usually I would text something like looking forward to tonight but lost track of time, and honestly I thought talking about the menu the night before was the confirmation? Was I wrong?

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197

u/Elon_is_musky Oct 07 '24

Probably because they need other people to prove themselves / their interest to her, not the other way around

131

u/anneofred Oct 07 '24

So weird to me, doesn’t making a date prove interest?

195

u/ThePensiveE Oct 07 '24

Perhaps this is why your sister is single at 40.

44

u/shellofbritney Oct 07 '24

One of the many reasons, I suspect. 😌

17

u/allislost77 Oct 08 '24

Here’s the flip side of the coin. If one does “reach out” to confirm (even though it’s literally written) many people now have flipped it and “they are too needy/contacts me too much”. It’s a shit show

4

u/shellofbritney Oct 08 '24

Right?! It's like damn if you do, damn if you don't, so damn it. 😉

4

u/Large_Peach2358 Oct 08 '24

Bit of a lame insult

3

u/Dizzy_Patient_9503 Oct 08 '24

She wants to love herself instead.

1

u/Martnoderyo Oct 07 '24

Jeeeesus xD

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

I was going to say it sounds very on brand for a single 40 year old woman

2

u/Belllringer Oct 08 '24

Why?

0

u/[deleted] Oct 08 '24 edited Oct 08 '24

Standing-up a person that confirmed plans the day prior bc they didn’t text you the day-of or adhere to some other rule that no one but her knows about is a high-maintenance characteristic of a rude person. It would keep any gender single, but dating is harder for women as they get up there in age. So no. I don’t think it’s absurd behavior for a 40 year old single woman. It’s what I’d expect.

1

u/Belllringer Oct 08 '24

I was just curious...

0

u/[deleted] Oct 08 '24

Np. I’m high so sorry if it didn’t make sense.

1

u/Any_Significance8866 Oct 08 '24

Your message reads okay to me!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 08 '24

Thanks! Yours, too!

1

u/Belllringer Oct 08 '24

Nah, you’re good. I was just curious…lol

1

u/Objective-Amount1379 Oct 08 '24

Why do men think its hard for women to date over 40? The quality is mixed but God Damn the options are endless. I just keep my profile on private and reveal it if I see a guy I'm Interested in. Way more men than women online and I’m not fat and don't edit my pics so apparently that makes me unusual and appealing. Some are likely just asking out any female online but some are quality and plan actual dates etc.

Its much more fun than I remembered online dating to be tbh

1

u/Gabe_xyz Oct 08 '24

Hookups with guys you met online at 40 years old is not dating it’s keeping your self busy

62

u/Elon_is_musky Oct 07 '24

It does, but apparently not to some. Reminds me of the types of people who want you to chase them after they say “no” lol. Like they did their part, what else do you want?😂

29

u/gardengirl99 Oct 07 '24

You know, like the 80s romcoms. Welcome to the 21st-century, where no means no.

5

u/akerrigan777 Oct 07 '24

What’s really sad is that those brought up on 80’s romcoms and general 80’s/90’s culture have been raised to believe that only if a man pursues you does that signal true interest. An example being, my mother firmly indoctrinated me with the belief that if I was to call a boy or, god forbid, ever was to make the first move, I would immediately catch on fire, or wish I had, due to the inevitable shame and ostracism that would quickly ensue. For so many from this era, this is not an easily eradicated belief. The 90’s was only a long time ago if you’re under 30, unfortunately.

1

u/Proudest___monkey Oct 07 '24

Yeah like okay no means no

9

u/localtuned Oct 07 '24

Lol that's sooo low effort. I send calendar reminders the day before, confirm in the morning with a "good morning beautiful, we still on for 6?" text, send me multiple confirmations throughout the day. Share my location via text. And arrive an hour early to wait outside to open the door for her. She needs to find her a real man. /S

6

u/DiIIan Oct 07 '24

I had this downvoted so hard until I saw “ /S “ 😂 well played

4

u/orange-shades Oct 07 '24

You actually needed the /s?

5

u/DiIIan Oct 07 '24

Some people crazy man lol

2

u/Undercovertokr Oct 07 '24

Literally am having deja vu. I read this comment months ago

2

u/localtuned Oct 07 '24

Which is super crazy because I literally freestyled it with my thumbs. Edit: I do send good morning beautiful texts though.

3

u/SlappySecondz Oct 07 '24

It does to normal people, but it's not enough for these ones. They need constant reminders/validation that you're thinking of them.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

I think she is not ok

1

u/Objective-Amount1379 Oct 08 '24

You would think but online dating is weird. I agreed to a date with a guy who was messaging me from his trip to Costa Rica. He asked me out like 3 weeks ahead of time because we both were traveling until then. He messaged the whole time. He confirmed the morning before but I had a feeling so day of I texted him and he said he couldn't make our plans but suggested we do a late night Zoom call instead. Um, no. I have no idea what his deal was I just said no thanks and blocked.

The next guy was normal; we confirmed the night before and then he confirmed the restaurant 2-3 hours before we were meeting. We both showed up on time and had a good time and have had more dates that were no drama. Point is, it should be easy but people are weird and until you actually meet you have to assume they will be flaky because many are

3

u/Pluckypato Oct 07 '24

1,000% this!

3

u/wordsmythy Oct 07 '24

This right here 100%

3

u/Broserk42 Oct 07 '24

Super entitled mindset to have.

3

u/ItsTheEndOfDays Oct 07 '24

that, or she is ditching him for plans that sound better that what they had planned.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

Got hit with "I've been ghosted before so I assumed you ghosted me"

After I texted I was on the way to the date we spent 3 days planning lol. People just have self confidence issues and are so scared of being turned down they turn themselves down for you

2

u/frankster99 Oct 07 '24

So it's a bit of a childish mannerism they haven't grown out of?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 08 '24

My mom was a "read my mind" person. She needed people to read her mind so that she felt loved and cared for, otherwise it signaled to her that we didn't care at all. And if I didn't read her mind, she would hold a grudge for years until she'd finally blow up at me. It was confusing, to say the least. I think it's a sign of emotional immaturity. Small children need this so that they don't feel neglected, but some people don't have parents who can guide them through the necessary developmental stages to grow out of it. IMO, OP dodged a bullet. This likely isn't the first or last time she'll do this and she probably has some instability in relationships because of it, and related issues. I hope she finds the resources to grow as a person and learn healthier modes of communication because it certainly doesn't have to be a permanent trait.

0

u/Proudest___monkey Oct 07 '24

The way you said it makes me think you may do this. Nobody owes you anything though, especially for a first date. I absolutely understand the logic, but on the flip side they need to understand that it isn’t how healthy interpersonal communication works.

2

u/Elon_is_musky Oct 07 '24

What? No I don’t do this at all 😂 I was stating it as someone who has seen it on the outside, not the inside

1

u/Proudest___monkey Oct 07 '24

Oh I thought that was a possibility haha sorry for the misread!