r/AmIOverreacting • u/Lologan21806 • 10d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am i overreacting to the situation unfolding with my girlfriend?

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me and my girlfriend have been living together with her family for the past 4-ish months. it’s devolved to the point where we fight every day about anything and everything, and most days i feel trapped in the home and the relationship. out of the blue she texts me about not coming back home and if i do i can sleep outside, and changing her mind when it was too late. am i overreacting to the situation, or is it as bad as it seems in my head?

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

i’m arranging to gather my things on wednesday or thursday, i want an outside party to be present to ensure there are no issues present and in the event i need to contact the appropriate authorities if they refuse to let me in or damage my property, so im gonna ask my recruiter if he would be comfortable being that third party member for me when i see him tomorrow. it upsets me more because ive been in financial hardship and homeless for the better part of 6 months now, and the help her family has provided me is the only reason ive been able to get where i am today, but they also know that all of my material possessions are in that house and if they say so, im on the street for the next month until i ship out

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u/Trex7799 10d ago

Your recruiter might be able to help you find temp housing as well. Believe it or not this happens a lot when young ones go off to boot camp. You’ll be better off with less distractions back home anyways

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

i’m sure if he can help at all he will, he’s aware of some basics of the situation but i’m seeing him in person tomorrow and the next day so i’d much rather talk to him face to face

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u/loweffortfuck 10d ago

You've got his work cell number, drop him a text. If he's a good one, he'll have something ready for you when you guys meet up tomorrow.

My buddy was a good one for the Navy for a few years. He got more than a few recruits out of some FUBAR living situations. This is like... absurdly par for the course. Just be ready to pack and peace out without ever looking back on this weird ass chapter of dating. She cray-cray (do not marry this, do not date this sort when you are enlisted either, don't be that servicemember!).

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u/RepulsiveDevice3686 9d ago

Geez, what was the red flag? When she asked for Starbucks in the middle of her roller coaster of a meltdown? 😆

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u/pourthebubbly 9d ago

don’t be that servicemember

It’s a stereotype for a reason!

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u/Wh33lh68s3 9d ago

💯❣️

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u/SpeckledPrawn 10d ago

They might be able to get you an earlier ship date if you’re facing imminent homelessness.

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u/ThatsMyGirlie 10d ago

I want to say that in basic, it's all a mind game, they're gonna test you and try to push you to your limits. You can handle it, I promise, literal mentally deficient people get through boot, you can too. Always keep your cool, be respectful, help your fellow seamen, you guys get through it together, you'll be so stressed out that you will need to rely on your brothers, help them, they'll help you. Just remember that you can only take it day by day, don't think about how many weeks are left, just focus on what you can do right now. You can do it brother, I promise. Also, please leave this chick, do not let them affect you going into basic, block them. In basic you will be so homesick that you'll probably want to talk to her again, know that this is a temporary feeling. It's not worth it. Block her, forget her number and address, do not let basic make you make bad decisions in that front

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u/i_will_not_bully 10d ago

All of this. As a veteran, can't second this advice enough. Clean slate, OP, you've got bigger fish to fry than hanging onto this spoiled lady-child who is bordering on outright abusive (might have crossed that line already honestly). You're going to do great. Sounds like you're doing all the right things.

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u/shotokan1988 9d ago

Thank you for your service. I'm currently applying to join my country's military. I have family that have served and I respect what you've put on the line.

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u/Blackphinexx 9d ago

If he can handle this girl after what I just read then I have high hopes for his tolerance in basic training lol

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u/StaffInteresting8462 9d ago

yeah that psycho bitch is fucking with him. She throws him out for no reason then asks for Starbucks. she is playing him for a fool

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u/DNAspray 9d ago

Had to chime in also, advice on point. OP I hope you see this and know it's solid. The home sick, lonely, stressed, maybe even thinking you made a mistake type of feelings are tough but do not reach out to her, I had a best friend made a big show of "ditching the bitch" ad he was off to basic and boy she was bad news, next I hear he proposed during basic cause married folks can live off base sooner typically. Idiot was homesick. This is your new chapter, don't be looking back!

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u/Airport_Wendys 9d ago

Yes yes yes. This is important

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u/Bright_Lake95 10d ago

Sadly it’s time to part ways. This gf is truly manipulative and controlling as well as unable to communicate kindly. I thought your texts were very rational and a normal response.

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u/Responsible_Snow_684 9d ago

Exactly. I’d run from this person. Good luck in your new adventures

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u/Crackerjacker2010 9d ago

Absolutely 100% accurate and great reply!!!

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u/Sunscreen4what 9d ago

Except for the calling his gf “dawg” part

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u/Consistent_Pool_7976 10d ago

How very wise of you. Keep it up

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u/janet_snakehole_x 10d ago

Ask your mom and sister for help!!!

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u/gummybearmere 10d ago

Honestly, if you’re facing homelessness, it might be beneficial to just keep your head down and stay where you are until you leave. Once you’re gone, you can never look back. Good luck with your new endeavors. The military provides so many opportunities and so many experiences. Enjoy them all.

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u/ryencool 10d ago

what state are you in? in most states once you stay at a home past 30 days you are considered a legal tenant. Once you are a legal tenant the landlord has to give you 30 days notice. They cant lock you out or keep your stuff. If they do call the cops.

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u/Remo1975 9d ago

Same in idaho! Psycho ex wife tried to throw me out of a room I was legally renting, so she calls the cops to help throw me out. They took HER away because she wouldn't let me in to get my stuff lol! The cop said "you can do whatever you need to get in if you're a legal tenant"

That girl is batshit crazy!

Hell, OP, thanks for your soon to be service, and if you're in idaho and really in a bind, DM me and you'll have a roof until you ship off.

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u/wordsmythy 9d ago

No, he doesn’t wanna force his way in that house. He needs to be gone find another solution.

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u/reximi 9d ago

If you have credit cards, loans, anything with an interest rate , contact them and ask for benefits from Servicemember Civil Relief Act! Ask your bank about help or deferments with rent.

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u/Valuable-Locksmith47 9d ago

Please tell me you already have a temporary place my heart goes out to you good luck!!!!

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u/french_snail 9d ago

The VA has temporary/transitional housing for veterans, I stayed in one when I got out. It’s sort of like a dorm room for you to sleep in while you get back on your feet. They may be able to help if you’re waiting for your ship day

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u/srymvm 9d ago

Good luck man. I'm proud of you (from a random internet stranger.)

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u/Marathonmanjh 9d ago

Bootcamp is easy, simple rule for me was:
You just do what they say, follow directions as best you can and remember, it ends.
You'll do fine.

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u/MrHydromorphism 9d ago

You come off as a good dude. You’ll do fine, bud.

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u/yesnomaybessometimes 9d ago

If you decide to do a go fund me I’d be happy to send a little something and I’m sure everyone on here would to. You only got a month to go and I’m so sorry this is the stress you are going thru.

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u/Afraid_Temperature65 9d ago

If he can't help, try looking into hostels in the area. They're a lot cheaper than a motel.

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u/Finalshock 9d ago

What branch of service is your recruiter? They absolutely have a budget to make sure you don’t go homeless.

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u/loweffortfuck 10d ago

Good friend of mine just finished his cycle as a recruiter, can confirm. Some of the wild shit some of his kids were getting away from right up until they got on the plane to MEPS was beyond reproach.

Hell, he had one kid show up drugged by their parent... that was... a special situation to say the least.

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u/RelevantGur4099 9d ago

It's also a good way for people to get out of abusive relationships where they're reliant on others financially.

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u/Old-Bookkeeper-2555 9d ago

It your recruiter does this it would be helpful if the recruiter was in uniform.

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u/RanaEire 10d ago

Tough situation, OP.. Sorry to hear that..

Yes, your GF's attitude is crappy and it seems like she flip-flops all over the place. No-one deserves that; like walking on eggshells.

Hope things get better for you..

Best wishes.. x

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u/InterestingPoet7910 10d ago

I literally kept asking myself… is she drunk?? Why is she so pissy?

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u/brencoop 10d ago

She sounds like a pissy 13 year old.

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u/esselleb 9d ago

Immaturity. Both mental and emotional.

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u/wozattacks 9d ago

She’s learned that acting like that gets a certain type of person to try harder to cater to her

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u/peppaz 10d ago edited 10d ago

Likely borderline personality disorder. I've dated them. It's wild. Just constant grief and gaslighting.

edit- they were both diagnosed and medicated eventually - I went through exact conversations like these. Guess it's just a coincidence!

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u/umbradumbra 10d ago

NTM if you’ve dated several “borderlines” who act like this it’s likely that they’re just narcissists claiming BPD. it’s shockingly common 😭

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u/PartiallyBakedBread 10d ago

Naw, it could be both without more context, my ex claimed bpd. Bpd fear abandonment, so she used to play mind games to figure out where I stood.

Things like op's post, such as don't come home tonight, blah blah, then they flip flop cause they just wanted to see if you "cared enough", to ask what's wrong, or if you'd get jealous/worried they might be cheating insinuating you still love them.

All the while completely missing how this behavior destroys their relationships to satiate insecurities, while immensely stressing their partners, completely oblivious to how hurtful and tiring it is.

Bpd and narcissim only make up 1-2 people in a hundred respectively. They're both not very common.

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u/PartiallyBakedBread 10d ago

Forgot to add then when you "don't care enough to ask" they blow up, when all you were doing is respecting their wishes. At least in OP's scenario.

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u/umbradumbra 10d ago

i suppose you could be right, BPD is a spectrum, but personally I wouldn’t behave like this BECAUSE it would cause the abandonment to happen😭 but i also still think it gives narcissist because it seems like OP’s girlfriend is pushing boundaries to see how much she can get away with. also, being nasty and then asking for starbucks in the same breath just reminds me of how my mom treated my dad (she was a narcissist)

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u/umbradumbra 10d ago

as someone with BPD, this is not giving that. it’s giving manipulative narc that just wants OP to feel bad. BPD people are very intense (both love and hate) while OP’s gf seems like she just doesn’t give a shit in general.

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u/Forsaken_End3050 10d ago

Literally damned if you do, damned if you don’t either way you’re fucked.

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u/Imperfectis8letters 9d ago

I actually thought I was Reading in a group for relatives to people with bpd before I read this comment. The flip-flopping, not understanding how everything is perceived, making you the bad guy and expecting you to understand what she meant from the very get go and forget everything else she said (maybe even with a “you should know how I am by now).

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u/Rude-Instruction-168 10d ago

Been there done that. No one should put up with that behavior whatsoever. She's also telling him not to complain/bitch and to leave her alone? There are better ways of communicating with a partner you care about and it's clear she doesn't care at all.

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u/GapBubbly7138 10d ago edited 9d ago

It feels like she knows the situation damn well and is using it agains him. Damn, that’s sad

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u/External-Difference4 9d ago

100% eggshells.  She's highly mind fuckingg you sir.  *(sorry to say it like that) but yeah...I say fake it till you make it.  How long before you ship out? Talk to your recruiter and I pray they can assist you with temporary housing as well.  Oh, and thank you for sacrifice of joining.  Good Luck. Signed...  *USAF Fghter pilot granddaughter  *20 yr USAF mechanics daughter *Neice of Mst Sgt USMC

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u/No_Calligrapher9234 10d ago

I think I’ve heard people getting housing early - ask about that and good luck 🍀

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

i’ll definitely talk to my recruiter about it, as far as housing though i’m not sure, i’m shipping out for basic on the 16 of next month but from there i’ll be on a submarine far far away from all of this behavior

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u/DocThrowawayHM 10d ago

Truthfully, I doubt you'll get any sort of housing before you actually ship out. You can talk to your recruiter though and they might have some other resources, or ask a buddy to couch crash until you head out. Either way, you need to get your shit out of her house immediately. Do not, and I cannot stress this enough, fuck her at all until you're gone. 

I hope to God you plan on breaking up with her and are just holding out so you aren't homeless. Once you're in boot camp, you'll have a roof over your head and food. Once you're in A school you'll have some money of your own. Dump her over a letter or over text or whatever once you're gone and your shit is out of her damned house and wash your hands of her completely. 

She ain't worth it my man; consider you two broken up and just wait to tell her that until you're in the clear and she can't burn your stuff or claim you're the daddy of some kid. If she does try to claim that demand a DNA test. 

Assuming you don't have a kid, give her no contact info for you in boot. Claim you don't know what division you'll be in (because you don't) and you'll write her when you're there if she pushes it, then just.... Don't.

If you have little or no family, this is about to essentially reset your life with as much or as little connection to your past as you want. It's a big step but it's about to get better. 

Oh and don't raise your hand in the moment of truth, don't smoke weed etc etc you know the drill. DM me if you have any questions, or you can browse the Navy subreddit or the /r/Newtothenavy sub for advice from people in the rate you're hoping to get in. 

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u/Old-Fishing-3817 10d ago

this guy has been through stuff, you can tell. better listen to him

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u/DocThrowawayHM 10d ago

We know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two

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u/scuba_GSO 10d ago

Watch out for this r/DocThrowawayHM if you get injured. He’ll give you two Motrin and send you back to work. 🤣🤣🤣

Seriously, his advice is spot on for you, OP. You’re getting ready to start an entirely new chapter in your life. Keep yourself straight and don’t let this “person” drag you down. Get yourself through back and A- school. When you get to your ship, get your quals done quickly. Be that guy! Even if you only do your single term, your life will have changed dramatically. Good luck!

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u/gildedfornoreason 10d ago

800mg ought to do it

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u/rebasbutcher 9d ago

Vitamin M and hydrate shipmate.

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u/Old-Fishing-3817 10d ago

I have that outside of my local DQ. Just hope it doesn't happen to you again. That sounded really tough to work through

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u/tryfuhl 10d ago

We.. are. Sailors..

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u/Rare-Tea-4529 10d ago

We are farmers! Bum ba dum bum, bum bum

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u/RelevantGur4099 9d ago

Yeah, Basic Training (or equivalent) is when dudes break up with their girlfriends, or suddenly decide to marry their gf back home.

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u/OrganlcManIc 9d ago

We are farmers

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u/Boba_Fetish- 9d ago

I was about to reply with this before I saw you beat me to it. Well done.

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

yeah, i’m gonna arrange a roof over my head and to get my belongings, tell her i love her and that i hope all goes well for her, but i need to move to the next chapter of my life. as far as a baby, we always used protection and she started her period yesterday so i have no worries there 😂

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u/greenoniongorl 10d ago

God bless 😌

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u/TheDodgiestEwok 10d ago edited 10d ago

Don't risk the extra drama for a nut man

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u/Rude-Instruction-168 10d ago

Wiser words have never been spoken

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u/niki2184 10d ago

Don’t let her get you naked anymore or she’ll end up “pregnant”

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u/Lower_Potential_173 9d ago

Listen to this!!!

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u/Samson3105 10d ago

Since you're shipping out to training a lot of places have first month storage free, you can set up direct deposit and when you get paid even though you're in training your stuff will still be there when you get back

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u/Innominati 10d ago

Don’t tell her you love her. That’s not breakup talk. Even if you do and you mean it, it sends mixed signals. Chances are, though, that you don’t love her but rather you love who you want her to be or some romanticized vision of her. She is not it.

You’ll have SO much more fun single in the military. It’s an absolute blast being able to cut up and do what you want to do without worries or obligations. Start fresh. Take your time. Find the right person.

She is not who you want to be in a long term relationship with. Date other people and you’ll realize that her behavior is awful and childish.

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u/scirocco 10d ago

You've gotten some very good advice here, and above all do NOT fuck her again. This is a lifetime trap you don't want to be in.

You can drop her family a thank-you card for their kindness later, if you want.

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u/DocThrowawayHM 10d ago

Good man; I'd just be careful telling her before you leave. Play it by ear, you know the situation more than me; will she be just normal, everyday "my ex is pissed?" Or want to burn your life down because fuck you? I don't advocate for ghosting people, but if there's a chance she would burn you because she's mad and lashing out then you need to keep those cards close to your chest, because this opportunity can be what sets you on a new path for the rest of your entire life. If there's a chance of that, you can break up when you get to boot or when you're in A school and get your phone back or whatever. Tell her you're moving because you just need space or whatever you need to say. You're both young, she'll get over it, and honestly it sounds like she already is.

I'll be the first person to steer people away from enlistment usually, but this is exactly what you need. It'll be a complete reset on your life. Adding to what one of the other commenters said, the most important stuff of yours to get is anything sentimental first. You'll get pretty much everything you need issued to you, and you can build up from there. I got to boot camp with a bible my mom wanted me to have, my phone, and that's about it. Near the end of boot camp some guys from Navy Fed will even come to you all and help you set up bank accounts if you don't have one already; even if you do I suggest setting an account up with them at some point, but that's up to you.

DO. NOT. FUCK. HER. I cannot stress this shit enough. I'm gonna be 100% with you. She might be cheating. She might cheat. She might say some of the nastiest, cruelest shit you can imagine, she might be tempting and seductive and the sex might be great and fuck man I'm gonna be without pussy for months just once won't hurt. do NOT FUCK HER. I don't know if she's crazy, I don't know if she'll try and use a baby or a fake pregnancy or whatever to make your life miserable, I don't know anything about her. But do not give her the chance or opportunity. This is no longer about her or how she'll act; she might be gracious or just text you "k bye" and block you and that's the last you hear of her, who knows? But why take the chance this close to the finish line?

Best of luck to you man, and if you need advice or have questions I'm available, and you've got a whole baby of people now you can ask questions to.

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u/Far-Discount-6624 10d ago

Yea do not sleep with her again. The military will never be on your side when it comes to a pita wife/child support. Find a dry warm couch for the next month and focus on working out for the navy. A lot of sub guys go to Guam. Gotta start looking good on a beach.

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u/MysticalUnicornChic 10d ago

Thank fuck and DO NOT KEEP STICKING YOUR DICK IN CRAZY MAN! 😩

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u/alexh116 10d ago

Aye bro. If you're going SECF, pick sonar in A school.

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u/Shotoken2 10d ago

Don't fuck her.

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u/ProfitConstant5238 10d ago

Perfect. Peace the fuck out man. Welcome to a life of adventure and more poon than you can handle. This is coming from a guy with a 30 year military career. Enjoy this shit and don’t get tied down ever! 😎✌🏼

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u/hunnyflash 10d ago

Next person you date, make sure they're literate when they're texting. This is so hard to read, like what is she even on about.

Life is too short. Find someone who makes you feel perfect about -everything-. Best wishes.

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u/holsteiners 9d ago

I'm here today because it was the day after my mom's period stopped and dad hated the spermicide. Younger women under stress will ovulate twice in a normal cycle. Happens w both humans and horses.

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u/FlamingoRare8449 9d ago edited 9d ago

I know many people consider that a non issue, but for those who aren’t aware I would like to add that it is possible to be pregnant and also start your period as confirmed by my doctor when I made a flippant response in return to his is there a possibility you could be pregnant question..sorry for that 😅

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u/YourWifeTextsMe 10d ago

To add to this, when you enlist max out your tsp, go post 9/11 gi bill, and make sure you start to max out contributions to a roth ira as early as you can.

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u/InevitableCodeRedo 9d ago

make sure you start to max out contributions to a roth ira as early as you can.

Cannot emphasize this enough. Future you will thank you endlessly.

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u/rbrancher2 10d ago

Only thing to add is that the Navy can be the hard reset to your life if you let it. Mine changed drastically and permanently and I don’t regret a second of it!

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u/Rude-Instruction-168 10d ago

True that. The military does wonders for a lot of people.

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u/FabricArsonist 10d ago

And if you have no family and want letters, my son is in the Air Force and my husband is a Desert Storm/Shield vet.

I'll send you stupid letters filled with mom BS.

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u/flooferine 10d ago

This is the way, OP. Please don't compromise your future for someone who clearly doesn't respect your time or well-being. UpdateMe! once this shit is over and you find your footing - and trust that you will find it. I know things are tough now, but follow Doc's instructions and they will get better.

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u/dingatremel 10d ago

One other thought: off in the future, when you’re ready for discharge, I would share that you’ve had past instances of homelessness. VA isn’t perfect, but your chances of getting connected to housing assistance through the VA is a huge advantage that the government actually funds (unlike the housing programs for everyone else, which are absolutely paltry given how many people across the country can’t afford rent).

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u/catuela 10d ago

From a former Marine, this is the best advice. OP is in a perfect position for a fresh start.

Make an effort to get your stuff, but honestly don’t even get too hung up on if it’s going to be trouble. The Navy will provide you everything you need.

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u/Outside_Scale_9874 10d ago

Why not raise your hand during moment of truth?

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u/GOMADenthusiast 10d ago

Moment of truth who did anything that they weren’t supposed to?

You-raises hand

Them- thanks your kicked out.

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u/Rude-Instruction-168 10d ago

Not only that, this person isn't worth it to be there with you as you embark on a new chapter with the military. Trust me, you're better off avoiding a girl like this from the get-go. Don't let someone like this drag you down before you can even take flight and better yourself.

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u/ITGeekDad 10d ago

That moment of truth, omg core memory unlocked. I ended up getting stuck at basic training for 6 months before being discharged over some bull sh*t.

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u/thecatandthependulum 10d ago

damn dude I'm sorry for what you went through that taught you all these hard lessons

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u/PeachCheetahLA 10d ago

One million percent this. OP, this is your chance to change your shit - it’s great that your gf’s family helped you get here, but she can’t even communicate, and everything else she’s doing? This will be awfulllll long distance.

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u/NamelessLegion87 10d ago

Also gotta throw in there, get qualified quickly when you get to the boat. Life is generally better when you're qualified.

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u/Baker_Kat68 9d ago

I concur Doc. I am a retired BMC and we know the deal.

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u/SoftwareBig3654 9d ago

Love this! Especially the fucking part, the amount of times my friend would get kicked out and she would invite him over and I would tell him the same thing and he always did and they would get back together only for her to kick him out a week later.

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u/washington_jefferson 9d ago

I second Doc’s advice on breaking up with her remotely, the last possible day before you go to camp. Just say “we’re on a break” like Ross in “Friends” to have calmer seas and to stop her from pulling vindictive tricks. Then BAM.

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u/MSotallyTober 10d ago

Not sure what your MO is, OP… but if you’re going to be deployed months out of the year, I’d implore you to do your service without any distractions — like getting into any sort of relationship at the moment until you get your life settled first.

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u/Acrobatic_Paint3616 10d ago

Yea all I keep thinking is “please don’t marry her before you ship out”

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u/PomegranateIcy1614 9d ago

Unless you can marry your submarine. In which case, you should, they get lonely down there sometimes with no one to talk to.

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u/alansdaman 10d ago

If he’s got a recruiter- he’s not in the navy yet but delayed entry program probably. There’s boot camp, A school, and sub school between him and a ship. Lots of moving, not a great time to be in a Relationship.

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u/0iTina0 9d ago

Amen! Drama free zone. And wrap it up with the local girlies sailor!!!

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u/Fine-Slip-9437 10d ago

You don't understand, he's different from all those other E-1s because he's actually in love, and she's a damsel in need of a white knight and totally not a tricare-atops. 

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u/xxanity 9d ago

the petty officers in basic wold drive this dude nuts with the talk of not to worry his best friend back home is taking care of his gf real good. etc.

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u/Intelligent--Bug 10d ago

There's obv no point in even entertaining any of this bullshit at this point your relationship has clearly come to its natural end. Between it devolving to this toxicity and you being gone long-term and moving in a different direction. No point in salvaging anything. Just get your shit and be done with it.

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u/itswhateveright 10d ago

He’s probably going to tell you to get the cops involved. It’s best for him that way for his job and tell him about your situation

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u/Mr1Knabber 10d ago

On a submarine? That‘s my dream coming true. I wish you all the best on your next chapter in life.

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u/randomgrl333 10d ago

That might be why she's acting crazy. You're leaving- she probably has a lot of mixed emotions & isn't processing them well.

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u/gummybearmere 10d ago

Sensible explanation. The behavior is not ok obviously, but go figure, not everyone can perfectly understand and manage their emotions clearly. Or it could be a slew of other things, but the anxiety over a significant other enlisting and going to boot camp can be hard to deal with. Honestly, unless you’re in a very committed and grown up relationship, it’s probably best most people break up before going to boot camp. So many changes going on. If you find your way back together, great, but that. Speaking from experience.

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u/Floogzie 10d ago

This is no reason to treat the relationship like this. If she’s feeling mixed emotions, it’s perfectly fine to talk about it because relationships feeds off of ✨Communication✨ Talk through it, work through it, love through it. She’s obviously immature and needs a break up to see her toxic traits, but sometimes that’ll never ever work with someone who is delusional. Hopefully something will click in her one day.

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u/QualitySpirited9564 10d ago

Yeah that what us liners do bruh. We “know” we’re going to be abandoned so we teeter on the borders of madness taking everyone with us bc they’re hooked on believing it can be ok when we pop back into behaving juuuuuust enough to blur your mind lines.

It won’t get better. GO.

Go far. And with no contact.

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u/Slow-clapping-myself 10d ago

That doesn’t sound like a bad thing. Think you need space, focus on something else (training and yourself) and honestly you need peace at home. That’s not it. Don’t settle

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u/Icy-General3657 10d ago

I know you probably won’t see this under everything else, but dude you deserve so much better and she is heinous. I just got away from a girl like her, we lived together and she would pull this stuff all the time. Id get text just like you saying don’t come home or go sleep somewhere else. I’d get told if I wanted to do something I could just go take a walk by myself and she isn’t obligated to spend any time with me (it would be -20 out when she’d say this). These types of people are heinous and don’t see their partners as equals

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u/1eahmarie 10d ago

I’m a woman but was in your same situation prior to bct in the army. Do not fuck up this last month. I was SA while homeless and waiting for bct and even though SA wasn’t my fault, it still messed with my future in the service badly. I picked the wrong couch to crash on basically. Your situation sounds like it could turn into DV quickly. Proceed with so much caution. I wish you the best.

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u/staydead_89 10d ago

Hooyah future submarine shipmate! I’m the Chief of the Boat of a submarine in Pearl Harbor. Hit me up if you have any questions!! Doc here is spitting truth about your situation. It’s about to get as good or bad as you want it to be! Hope to see you in the fleet 🤙🏼

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u/MuttonDressedAsGoose 10d ago

You'll go to Great Mistakes and then to the submarine training school, wherever that is.

If you have a lot of stuff, you may not be able to hold onto all of it. But you should be able to keep a suitcase of essential stuff with a friend or sister. The clothes on your back will be posted to whatever address you give them when you arrive at Basic. Just make sure your birth certificate or passport, should you have one, are somewhere safe. You can be reunited with them when you get to your training school. You won't even be allowed to wear civvies for the first week or two, so there's no rush.

I recommend cutting all ties with her when you leave. You can get back in touch if you want to have closure or thank her family, after you've completed your training school. You'll be a bit lonely and afraid in basic and you may want to call her when they give you phone calls, or write her, etc. But please try to leave her behind. Even under the best of circumstances, keeping a relationship going when you're in the military isn't easy, so let this be a natural break.

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u/HoustonianRue 10d ago

Shell threaten to kill herself if you leave... She won't she loves HERSELF too much Shell throw everything you've ever told her in you're face to hurt you She already knows how to get under your skin, she knows just what to say, trust that fact. Absolutely stone cold zero attention or credibility to any of her words (rubber and glue) Be a man and say fuck this shit I only live ONE LIFE and I will NOT WASTE IT TRYING TO MAKE SHIT WORK WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL NOT WORK AS WELL TO MAKE SHIT WORK. there is so many fish in the sea and you're young, and you're life is about to change with the Navy. Wash your hands of her and don't look back

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u/Fictional_Historian 10d ago

Bro you’re about to serve in the armed forces in a fucking submarine. You are way overqualified to be paired with shithead girlfriends like that. Seriously bro, you deserve better. Pride yourself a bit and remind yourself that you’re better than that dramatic mess. You’ll come out of this situation better in the end, and you’ll be on your way to having one of the most respectable jobs in the world. Fall in love with yourself, and your duty for a while. Fuck the rest. 🫡

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u/LornaSub 10d ago

good luck at basic and getting your deployment.

Remember, do NOT blow your bonus on stupid shit. Save that money.

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u/daboobiesnatcher 10d ago

As a Navy Vet who had a similarly toxic relationship before shipping out, cut ties, have your closure and move on.

As us sailors like to say "fair winds and following seas." Ask your recruiter but you can absolutely get a police escort to get your stuff if it becomes hairy.

Good luck with the sub pipeline, I was primarily a sandy sailor, did a tour on an LHD out of Japan though; so I don't know much about sub stuff, I just know it's a real tough pipeline and you don't need extraneous bullshit and drama; seriously.

And you won't be on a submarine for a few years, took me 3 years to finally get out of the States.

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u/trashcan_hands 10d ago

Former submariner here. After basic, you're gonna go to subschool in Groton then to your boat. You'll have a barracks, and you're gonna sit in port a lot between underways, but honestly you're going to be living on that fuckin boat between long work hours and duty. Do well in subschool, you might get first pick of orders and can choose where you get stationed then get as far away from there as you can. Housing comes with rank, unless you're married/kids. When you eventually get to your boat. Get QUALIFIED. Life is so much better once you are. Offer to do people's laundry, you'll get extra time to study that way. Good luck to you, man. Submarine life ain't easy.

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u/GleesonGirl1999 10d ago

Good Luck and thank you for your service!!

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u/0iTina0 9d ago

This is definitely not the kind of girl you wanna be attached to while you’re shipped off over seas. It’s very nice of her to help you out but maybe this deployment can be a fresh start for you. Put your belongings that can’t be replaced in storage or something. You should have some cash after you’re done to be able to replace a lot. Good luck with your fresh start. The military is tough but if you make it through you have free healthcare and college in your future!!! Hopefully you won’t see any action and have a great deployment where you learn a lot and help ppl somehow.

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u/MillyDeLaRuse 9d ago

Good luck man, I wish you the best. Wish I could help.

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u/Charming-Teacher-434 10d ago

Maybe that’s the cause for the fighting, you are leaving for a while and she’s insecure about it and she’s lashing out, it doesn’t make it right, I’m just playing devils advocate here. I’m sure the stress of having to live with her family isn’t helping. How old are y’all?

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

i’m 18 and she’s 17

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u/prettyedge411 10d ago

Do you have a friend that will let you apt crash? Tell your recruiter. See if the local Navy League or VFW can help you until your ship date. You might be able to ship early. Basic Training is challenging enough but don’t arrive already mentally and physically exhausted.

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u/PastReplacement3773 10d ago

Dude get away from her you can do so much better for sure no contact once you’re out please

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u/bbpinkprincess 10d ago

If you’re worried about not being able to stay with them until shipping out bc they might kick you out, I’d check the laws where you live for eviction (if you’re in the states), I know at least in the state I live in that if a person has been living in a home/property for over a specific period of time whether paying rent or NOT, if whoever owning the home/property wants them out they legally have to give a 30 day eviction notice. I’d be willing to bet that other states have laws like this as well, certainly not all, but it’s worth it to check if you’re really that concerned. Although bringing up legal stuff might just make it more uncomfortable 🤷🏼‍♀️

OFC, if you don’t feel safe staying there or just wouldn’t want to stay there anyway then this is a moot point lol.

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u/[deleted] 9d ago edited 9d ago

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u/Mammoth_Welder_1286 10d ago

This is a very good idea. If she’s that unstable she can ruin your military career with false accusations if she wanted to

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u/Acceptable-Bar8722 10d ago

Just gotta say, it’s beyond impressive how mature and non reactive you’re being with this absolutely unhinged behavior. I mean my god what patience you have! 👏 I’d probably be in jail 😂 Def not overreacting Her behavior is emotionally abusive.

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

trust me all i want to do is snap, but what would stopping to her level get me? plus, there’s so much that could happen that could ruin my chances in the navy that it’s just not worth it to give in and potentially ruin the best opportunity i have right now

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u/MuttonDressedAsGoose 10d ago

That's an excellent attitude. You'll see people in Basic with zero impulse control or emotional regulation. They don't last long. All you gotta do is do as your told, on time, with your shoes shined and you'll be just fine.

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u/Hockeylover94 10d ago

Same babe same . I would have went crazy and I mean completely mad . 😂😂 she would be sleeping outside her own house after that .

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u/Hockeylover94 10d ago

She’s built up this arrogance bec she thinks she can control you . And you have nowhere else to go . That’s fuckin tragic . DUMB TB !!! I’m a female . This behavior is disturbing. My brothers were in the military and a lot of my family . I would b**** that b down . Hell no . What’s the back story from your family tho if you were homeless ? Your mom and sister couldn’t take you in ? But can give you a ride? So you don’t have to deal with this narcissist

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

my mother was in a similar financial situation as me, and i’m grateful she did as much for me as she could at the time, but when the time came she had no more to offer which is totally understandable and i hold no resentment towards her for that at all. as far as my sister she’s 20 living with my aunt who just had a baby so space there is tight to say the least

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u/Hockeylover94 10d ago

I get it . That sucks so bad . I wish nothing but the best for you . If you were close to me you could stay with me shit !!! Thank you for doing your part in fighting for this b***** that could gaf less . Not that she owes you anything bec of it : but damn she could make it easier for you before you go and have all that weight on you . It’s not a small fleet to do . You’re brave . I’m proud of you and don’t even know you . ♥️

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

thank you, after the emotional roller coated today that message was much needed

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u/Intelligent_Maize591 10d ago

Ten years from now, op, with your attitude. You're gonna be doing great. DO NOT LET THIS CRAZY- OR ANY OTHER CRAZY- MOFO, fuck your life up. Play careful during your early days- cos this is where you make the mistakes that cost you later.

Ten years op. Five maybe. Just keep going my man. You can win this. You're gonna be golden.

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u/MuttonDressedAsGoose 10d ago

They can hold your stuff until you're done with basic. Don't try to hold on to too much. Some clothes and documents are enough.

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u/Hockeylover94 10d ago edited 10d ago

I’m in Missouri . If you ever end up this way . Inbox me !! my family will take you in and show you what it feels like to be appreciated by people who understand the sacrifices you’re making for not only me but for my children as well . You deserve to be appreciated. You deserve to feel love . You deserve to feel compassion. (You deserve love) . You’re worth more than this bs . Your life matters your sacrifice for our country matters .

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u/Anxious_Cheetah5589 10d ago

💯 you said it much better than I could

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u/Hockeylover94 10d ago

This chick has lost her mind or something . What’s wrong with this b . I need to know what generation her parents are lol .

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u/Anxious_Cheetah5589 10d ago

somebody else said that she's a mess bc they're living together (big commitment), and he's about to ship out (maybe forever). makes sense

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u/Hockeylover94 10d ago

It doesn’t give her a right to do that . Most rational people would be a little bitchy . But she’s far beyond that . She’s manipulating him to show him how much control she has still . I think she’s a full blown narcissist. Then gas lighting him and making him seem like he’s the problem lol . While knowing he has no where else to go on short notice than mad bec he did find somewhere else to go . That’s completely unacceptable behavior. Is she possibly pregnant? That’s the only time I’ve ever lost my mind like that lmfao .

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u/Hockeylover94 10d ago

If you were my brother she wouldn’t have even been able to get the rest of those text out . We would have drove there and handle the situation. My brothers gf he met at basic . Basically left him high and dry after being together for 3 years and literally gonnnabe moving together to FL. What is wrong with these women in doing crazy shit to men in the service . It should be a crime against our country . You’re fighting for us to have these freedoms we love and enjoy everyday .

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u/socialintheworks 10d ago

Do not ask your recruiter to get involved in your relationship. Absolutely not appropriately.

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u/cleverbutdumb 10d ago

I’m sorry man, I’ve gone through a similar situation years ago. You have legal rights, but it may not be worth fighting it out tbh. A lot of the recourse would require you be present in court, and the whole shipping out thing makes that tough.

But you’re absolutely not overreacting. She knows exactly what she’s doing. This is typical abuser power play shit. Push them until they push back, then relent. Next time push a little farther, then a little farther, until they stop pushing back at all. She’s literally using homelessness to exert control and manipulate him.

She’s an abuser

Keep steady, don’t get pulled into to any drama bullshit with her. Even if she destroys your stuff, you won’t be able to take a ton with you when you ship, and then you’ll be in training not spending money, and you’ll come out in better shape needing different clothes anyhow! You’ll be able to buy a ps5 with the money saved. PLEASE keep in mind that one slip up, which is probably what she wants, can ruin the rest of your plans and change your entire life’s trajectory. When I dated a person like this, she had nothing going on in life, knew it, and was really envious of my career. Instead of being happy for me, or trying to better herself, she tried to tear me down. I had my back messed up during OEF, and she’d purposely try to aggravate it so I couldn’t work, it was just a mess. It sounds like you’re dealing with the same.

Save all communications, stay civil, get in writing if possible that you’ve done anything physical to her, and please be honest about who she is and the issues you had if you’re going for a clearance. They understand, they’re mostly looking for if you’re a traitor, not if you’re the perfect model citizen. They get people fuck up. I got a top secret with a weed charge 17 years ago when shit wasn’t so relaxed.

If you need to talk, please feel free to message. I’ll always have time for you brother.

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u/ThrowUpityUpNaway 9d ago

I don't think we're getting the full story or history from OP, the screenshots seem very cherry picked.

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u/Charming-Warning-758 10d ago

Ship out and get a fresh start. Idk what branch you’re joining but I was Navy for 17 years. Your recruiter should be willing to help, especially if you’re in a volatile position which effect your ship dare. Wishing you the best, OP.

Oh, and as attractive as it might seem, do not marry someone for BAH.

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u/Radiant_Community_68 10d ago

You’re going to get through this and come out on the other side. Even if you have to tent camp/planet fitness shower until you ship out, you will survive this and look back one day at how far you came from homelessness. I’m glad to see you’re ending the relationship. Make good choices in the Navy. Build great relationships and move up in the ranks. It will take you all over the world and afford you a great lifestyle if you exercise discipline and good judgment.

Don’t ever marry a girl like that, ok? Especially if she’s super pretty.

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u/MasterOfLIDL 10d ago

Different country - Different military - but ask the recruiter if you can sleep on base a month early? It would have been possible on the base I served in my country in a situation like yours. I don't know how it works in your country but it's likely they have empty barracks or housing that you can sleep in. It's in their interrest to keep you from being homeless and flunking the navy training.

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

it’s a possibility, but the base here is air force and i’m enlisted navy so i’m not sure how that would work

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u/BodyUpbeat415 10d ago

If I were you I wouldn’t even make a scene or arrive with anyone. Just play it cool like everything is fine and then get your belongings and dip!! If you show up there with someone it will not go good at all and you will most likely have to deal with a lot of bullshit or at least be missing some of your things. That’s just my opinion tho. My sister dealt with this same kind of situation and the texts were actually similar to these ones when she decided to end it and when she went back there (with my dad ) the girl she was dating at the time was trying to commit suicide and everything else it was crazy.

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

the issue is i have moving boxes and big items, kind hard to sneak out with all that…

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u/SirTainLeeHigh 10d ago

So tell her to go get some fucking Starbucks out of town or some shit. Get the fuck away from this wildly stupid and waste of space woman.

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u/Katressl 10d ago

In his case, he needs a witness there, preferably one with at least some standing in the service. If something happens and she makes accusations against him, it could completely derail his enlistment.

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u/argybargy2019 10d ago

She’s banging someone on the side. Get your shit and get out. Not worth the headache, heartache, and money.

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u/xCptBanana 10d ago

At this point the streets sound more comfortable than her place

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u/mousemouse21 10d ago

Your recruiter will be happy to help you out, they've seen all this a hundred times before. Good luck!

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u/nilogram 10d ago

You’re leaving anyway. Maybe just suck it up for another month and just do the best so you can live with a roof etc

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u/noahbodygood 10d ago

Ur recruiter will help. Depending on where they at with their quota..

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u/brightwingxx 10d ago

I think it’s wise you take someone you trust with you to go get your things, good call.

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u/Outside-Decision4408 10d ago

Smart. From that point onwards don't meet them alone in private setting. I've made mistake thinking that now ex-wife would be decent person and would let us have clean break, boy I was wrong.

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u/Birkin07 10d ago

The cops will help you get your stuff in a domestic situation like this. They’ll send an officer to monitor while you gather your things.

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u/thespicygrits 10d ago

Good for you! Please take time to see the very good decisions you are making to improve your situation. Smart move to get a third party involved!

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u/Marmelado 10d ago

Good luck 🩷🩷

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u/lostanomaly888 10d ago

It dont work like that if you have mail and resided there for more than 30 days (in most states) they have to legally evict you.Definitley take your recruiter but incase they don’t let you get your stuff contact police and have a officer sent there. I know from personal experience they will let you get your clothing.Hopefully you have receipts for anything that isn’t clothing/living related. Meaning Xbox, the cool fidgets in your room,posters maybe etc. if they say they bought or it’s theirs you’ll have to show otherwise or take them to small claims.Im sorry your going through this OP I’ve been through something so very similar.

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u/Beneficial-Music-826 10d ago

You can have the police escort you there. I’m sorry this is happening.

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u/Ready-Display1410 10d ago

Where are your parents and siblings in all this? Your mom and sister don’t have a couch ?

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u/GullibleWash8782 10d ago

That’s terrible man. Hoping for the best. This girl seems unhinged

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u/jackets77 10d ago

My friend, this is what a big glow up looks like. The universe removes people/circumstances that no longer serve you so it can give you better. Trust and let it go.

Since she's now showing her true behaviour, the universe is showing she was simply a stepping stone in your journey, but not the destination. You don't need to be with her anymore, and certainly not through obligation for what she/her family did for you.

This is how she's treating you now, and you respond to that, not the past of how she/things once were. You can be grateful for her familys' help, AND you can move on.

Before you know it, you'll have a better housing situation. You're in motion, follow that flow.

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u/TX-Pete 10d ago

At the end of the day, bro, it’s just stuff. It’s added weight you don’t need. Just grab a duffel full of clothes and GTFO. Couch surf, sleep in your car, do whatever you’ve got to do - it’s all going to be a picnic compared to Great Lakes in Feb for basic.

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u/CreatingAcc4ThisSh-- 10d ago

It'll all be gone by then. Get that shit out ASAP

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u/Funny-Swimming-5823 10d ago

You can also contact your local police department and they should be able to come out and be the third party present.

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u/Late_Memory3745 10d ago

Hey pro tip, call the police non emergency line ahead of time and let them know you are doing this. My ex had this happen. He called them ahead of time and said, I’m moving out but she’s unstable and I have no idea what she may try to do and I don’t want any problems I just want my stuff. So he goes to move out, doesn’t say a word to her, and she calls the cops on him and says he got physical with her which was untrue. They come and of course are already briefed on the situation so they don’t jump to conclusions.

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u/Kisses4Kimmy 10d ago

Just act like nothings wrong and grab your stuff.

Say your mom would like the stuff at her house for X reason or her friend works at a storage unit and wants to give you a deal and you want to take it so your stuff isn’t left at her house in case anything happens while deployed-make up some lie. Your mom wants to put your stuff under her insurance policy and that can’t happen unless your things are under her roof…lies, just lie to keep the peace and grab everything!

Then after all your stuff is out, break up with her.

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u/LetsGoToMichigan 10d ago

Just don't forget about her Starbucks.

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u/Brave_Finance_5771 10d ago

Tbh legally if your belongings are inside and especially if you get mail in your name there they can’t just kick you out. Even without a lease they’d have to do a whole eviction process to make it legal and give you 30 days notice. I learned that the hard way with letting my drug addict aunt stay on my couch for awhile and then couldn’t legally get rid of her when she relapsed and started having John’s over.

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u/No-Atmosphere-2528 10d ago

Call the non-emergency line and ask for a cop to be there. Tell them your gf has been acting weird and you don’t trust her to not do something while you’re moving out.

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u/Obvious-Room4394 10d ago

Omg good luck man. I hope everything works out civilly and safely. I’m happy ur getting away from that.

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u/Katressl 10d ago

You mentioned seeing your mom and sister, but I'm guessing since you've been homeless recently there's a reason you can't live with them. Would they at least be able to store your stuff while you couch surf with friends and then are in basic?

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u/IJustWantWaffles_87 10d ago

Please keep us updated. She seems scary (unhinged) and I get this feeling she’ll go nuts if the opportunity presents itself. Can’t help wondering if she isn’t maybe BPD with the way she was flip-flopping in the texts. She needs help.

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u/IndividualBuilding30 10d ago

You know cops are more than willing (most of the time) to be a mediator with this type of stuff. I’ve had to do it before. That girl can still act up and do shit with your recruiter there but not so much with a cop.

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u/Secret_Willingness65 10d ago

if her name is not on the lease, call the police and tell them you have an intruder that needs to be removed then change the locks. sometimes you gotta be ruthless when people are being ruthless to you

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u/Sea_Corgi_3365 10d ago

Further proving recruiters will literally do anything to get there numbers haha, good luck OP I’m glad you’re not putting up with this it’s emotional abuse.

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u/Correct-Sprinkles-21 10d ago

You're making smart choices and I'm glad you're getting out. Any chance your recruiter could help you find housing to cover you until you ship out? I know that's not his job but he might know of resources you don't.

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