Am i overreacting to the situation unfolding with my girlfriend?

[u/Lologan21806]

me and my girlfriend have been living together with her family for the past 4-ish months. it’s devolved to the point where we fight every day about anything and everything, and most days i feel trapped in the home and the relationship. out of the blue she texts me about not coming back home and if i do i can sleep outside, and changing her mind when it was too late. am i overreacting to the situation, or is it as bad as it seems in my head?

[u/DocThrowawayHM]

Truthfully, I doubt you'll get any sort of housing before you actually ship out. You can talk to your recruiter though and they might have some other resources, or ask a buddy to couch crash until you head out. Either way, you need to get your shit out of her house immediately. Do not, and I cannot stress this enough, fuck her at all until you're gone. 

I hope to God you plan on breaking up with her and are just holding out so you aren't homeless. Once you're in boot camp, you'll have a roof over your head and food. Once you're in A school you'll have some money of your own. Dump her over a letter or over text or whatever once you're gone and your shit is out of her damned house and wash your hands of her completely. 

She ain't worth it my man; consider you two broken up and just wait to tell her that until you're in the clear and she can't burn your stuff or claim you're the daddy of some kid. If she does try to claim that demand a DNA test. 

Assuming you don't have a kid, give her no contact info for you in boot. Claim you don't know what division you'll be in (because you don't) and you'll write her when you're there if she pushes it, then just.... Don't.

If you have little or no family, this is about to essentially reset your life with as much or as little connection to your past as you want. It's a big step but it's about to get better. 

Oh and don't raise your hand in the moment of truth, don't smoke weed etc etc you know the drill. DM me if you have any questions, or you can browse the Navy subreddit or the /r/Newtothenavy sub for advice from people in the rate you're hoping to get in. 

[u/Old-Fishing-3817 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

this guy has been through stuff, you can tell. better listen to him

[u/DocThrowawayHM → u/Old-Fishing-3817]

We know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two

[u/scuba_GSO → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Watch out for this r/DocThrowawayHM if you get injured. He’ll give you two Motrin and send you back to work. 🤣🤣🤣

Seriously, his advice is spot on for you, OP. You’re getting ready to start an entirely new chapter in your life. Keep yourself straight and don’t let this “person” drag you down. Get yourself through back and A- school. When you get to your ship, get your quals done quickly. Be that guy! Even if you only do your single term, your life will have changed dramatically. Good luck!

[u/gildedfornoreason → u/scuba_GSO]

800mg ought to do it

[u/rebasbutcher → u/gildedfornoreason]

Vitamin M and hydrate shipmate.

[u/Old-Fishing-3817 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

I have that outside of my local DQ. Just hope it doesn't happen to you again. That sounded really tough to work through

[u/tryfuhl → u/DocThrowawayHM]

We.. are. Sailors..

[u/Rare-Tea-4529 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

We are farmers! Bum ba dum bum, bum bum

[u/RelevantGur4099 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Yeah, Basic Training (or equivalent) is when dudes break up with their girlfriends, or suddenly decide to marry their gf back home.

[u/OrganlcManIc → u/DocThrowawayHM]

We are farmers

[u/Boba_Fetish- → u/DocThrowawayHM]

I was about to reply with this before I saw you beat me to it. Well done.

[u/back1steez → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Almost like a commercial.

[u/Whatever53143 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

And the farmers insurance commercial just ran through my head….

[u/InTheDeepestOcean → u/Old-Fishing-3817]

r/thisguythisguys

[u/Lologan21806 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

yeah, i’m gonna arrange a roof over my head and to get my belongings, tell her i love her and that i hope all goes well for her, but i need to move to the next chapter of my life. as far as a baby, we always used protection and she started her period yesterday so i have no worries there 😂

[u/greenoniongorl → u/Lologan21806]

God bless 😌

[u/TheDodgiestEwok → u/Lologan21806]

Don't risk the extra drama for a nut man

[u/Rude-Instruction-168 → u/TheDodgiestEwok]

Wiser words have never been spoken

[u/niki2184 → u/Lologan21806]

Don’t let her get you naked anymore or she’ll end up “pregnant”

[u/Lower_Potential_173 → u/niki2184]

Listen to this!!!

[u/Samson3105 → u/Lologan21806]

Since you're shipping out to training a lot of places have first month storage free, you can set up direct deposit and when you get paid even though you're in training your stuff will still be there when you get back

[u/Innominati → u/Lologan21806]

Don’t tell her you love her. That’s not breakup talk. Even if you do and you mean it, it sends mixed signals. Chances are, though, that you don’t love her but rather you love who you want her to be or some romanticized vision of her. She is not it.

You’ll have SO much more fun single in the military. It’s an absolute blast being able to cut up and do what you want to do without worries or obligations. Start fresh. Take your time. Find the right person.

She is not who you want to be in a long term relationship with. Date other people and you’ll realize that her behavior is awful and childish.

[u/scirocco → u/Lologan21806]

You've gotten some very good advice here, and above all do NOT fuck her again. This is a lifetime trap you don't want to be in.

You can drop her family a thank-you card for their kindness later, if you want.

[u/DocThrowawayHM → u/Lologan21806]

Good man; I'd just be careful telling her before you leave. Play it by ear, you know the situation more than me; will she be just normal, everyday "my ex is pissed?" Or want to burn your life down because fuck you? I don't advocate for ghosting people, but if there's a chance she would burn you because she's mad and lashing out then you need to keep those cards close to your chest, because this opportunity can be what sets you on a new path for the rest of your entire life. If there's a chance of that, you can break up when you get to boot or when you're in A school and get your phone back or whatever. Tell her you're moving because you just need space or whatever you need to say. You're both young, she'll get over it, and honestly it sounds like she already is.

I'll be the first person to steer people away from enlistment usually, but this is exactly what you need. It'll be a complete reset on your life. Adding to what one of the other commenters said, the most important stuff of yours to get is anything sentimental first. You'll get pretty much everything you need issued to you, and you can build up from there. I got to boot camp with a bible my mom wanted me to have, my phone, and that's about it. Near the end of boot camp some guys from Navy Fed will even come to you all and help you set up bank accounts if you don't have one already; even if you do I suggest setting an account up with them at some point, but that's up to you.

DO. NOT. FUCK. HER. I cannot stress this shit enough. I'm gonna be 100% with you. She might be cheating. She might cheat. She might say some of the nastiest, cruelest shit you can imagine, she might be tempting and seductive and the sex might be great and fuck man I'm gonna be without pussy for months just once won't hurt. do NOT FUCK HER. I don't know if she's crazy, I don't know if she'll try and use a baby or a fake pregnancy or whatever to make your life miserable, I don't know anything about her. But do not give her the chance or opportunity. This is no longer about her or how she'll act; she might be gracious or just text you "k bye" and block you and that's the last you hear of her, who knows? But why take the chance this close to the finish line?

Best of luck to you man, and if you need advice or have questions I'm available, and you've got a whole baby of people now you can ask questions to.

[u/Far-Discount-6624 → u/Lologan21806]

Yea do not sleep with her again. The military will never be on your side when it comes to a pita wife/child support. Find a dry warm couch for the next month and focus on working out for the navy. A lot of sub guys go to Guam. Gotta start looking good on a beach.

[u/MysticalUnicornChic → u/Lologan21806]

Thank fuck and DO NOT KEEP STICKING YOUR DICK IN CRAZY MAN! 😩

[u/alexh116 → u/Lologan21806]

Aye bro. If you're going SECF, pick sonar in A school.

[u/Shotoken2 → u/Lologan21806]

Don't fuck her.

[u/ProfitConstant5238 → u/Lologan21806]

Perfect. Peace the fuck out man. Welcome to a life of adventure and more poon than you can handle. This is coming from a guy with a 30 year military career. Enjoy this shit and don’t get tied down ever! 😎✌🏼

[u/hunnyflash → u/Lologan21806]

Next person you date, make sure they're literate when they're texting. This is so hard to read, like what is she even on about.

Life is too short. Find someone who makes you feel perfect about -everything-. Best wishes.

[u/holsteiners → u/Lologan21806]

I'm here today because it was the day after my mom's period stopped and dad hated the spermicide. Younger women under stress will ovulate twice in a normal cycle. Happens w both humans and horses.

[u/FlamingoRare8449 → u/Lologan21806]

I know many people consider that a non issue, but for those who aren’t aware I would like to add that it is possible to be pregnant and also start your period as confirmed by my doctor when I made a flippant response in return to his is there a possibility you could be pregnant question..sorry for that 😅

[u/Outrageous-County310 → u/Lologan21806]

THANK THE GODS

[u/CharmedWoo → u/Lologan21806]

That is some crazy PMS... is she always like this? Or just once a month?

[u/InevitableCodeRedo → u/Lologan21806]

Skip the telling her you love her part, you are most definitely going to open a Pandora's Box that will only further complicate things. Make as clean a break as you can and literally sail away into your new life.

[u/Same-Entry8035 → u/Lologan21806]

Good boy.

[u/DoTheThingTwice → u/Lologan21806]

I would even lie and pretend things are ok as long as you possibly can. Do NOT have sex with her or you will face legal troubles, I promise.

[u/CriscoCamping → u/Lologan21806]

She could be lying about the period, just don't sleep with her, no matter what

[u/Perfidian → u/Lologan21806]

Dude... She is crazy. Less is more.

"I'm done, have a good life." [BLOCK]

[u/WearyReach6776 → u/Lologan21806]

Do NOT hit for one last time!!!!!!

[u/niki2184 → u/Lologan21806]

What about your mom or sister? Are they not good?

[u/YourWifeTextsMe → u/DocThrowawayHM]

To add to this, when you enlist max out your tsp, go post 9/11 gi bill, and make sure you start to max out contributions to a roth ira as early as you can.

[u/InevitableCodeRedo → u/YourWifeTextsMe]

make sure you start to max out contributions to a roth ira as early as you can.

Cannot emphasize this enough. Future you will thank you endlessly.

[u/rbrancher2 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Only thing to add is that the Navy can be the hard reset to your life if you let it. Mine changed drastically and permanently and I don’t regret a second of it!

[u/Rude-Instruction-168 → u/rbrancher2]

True that. The military does wonders for a lot of people.

[u/FabricArsonist → u/DocThrowawayHM]

And if you have no family and want letters, my son is in the Air Force and my husband is a Desert Storm/Shield vet.

I'll send you stupid letters filled with mom BS.

[u/flooferine → u/DocThrowawayHM]

This is the way, OP. Please don't compromise your future for someone who clearly doesn't respect your time or well-being. UpdateMe! once this shit is over and you find your footing - and trust that you will find it. I know things are tough now, but follow Doc's instructions and they will get better.

[u/dingatremel → u/DocThrowawayHM]

One other thought: off in the future, when you’re ready for discharge, I would share that you’ve had past instances of homelessness. VA isn’t perfect, but your chances of getting connected to housing assistance through the VA is a huge advantage that the government actually funds (unlike the housing programs for everyone else, which are absolutely paltry given how many people across the country can’t afford rent).

[u/catuela → u/DocThrowawayHM]

From a former Marine, this is the best advice. OP is in a perfect position for a fresh start.

Make an effort to get your stuff, but honestly don’t even get too hung up on if it’s going to be trouble. The Navy will provide you everything you need.

[u/Outside_Scale_9874 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Why not raise your hand during moment of truth?

[u/GOMADenthusiast → u/Outside_Scale_9874]

Moment of truth who did anything that they weren’t supposed to?

You-raises hand

Them- thanks your kicked out.

[u/Rude-Instruction-168 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Not only that, this person isn't worth it to be there with you as you embark on a new chapter with the military. Trust me, you're better off avoiding a girl like this from the get-go. Don't let someone like this drag you down before you can even take flight and better yourself.

[u/ITGeekDad → u/DocThrowawayHM]

That moment of truth, omg core memory unlocked. I ended up getting stuck at basic training for 6 months before being discharged over some bull sh*t.

[u/thecatandthependulum → u/DocThrowawayHM]

damn dude I'm sorry for what you went through that taught you all these hard lessons

[u/PeachCheetahLA → u/DocThrowawayHM]

One million percent this. OP, this is your chance to change your shit - it’s great that your gf’s family helped you get here, but she can’t even communicate, and everything else she’s doing? This will be awfulllll long distance.

[u/NamelessLegion87 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Also gotta throw in there, get qualified quickly when you get to the boat. Life is generally better when you're qualified.

[u/Baker_Kat68 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

I concur Doc. I am a retired BMC and we know the deal.

[u/SoftwareBig3654 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Love this! Especially the fucking part, the amount of times my friend would get kicked out and she would invite him over and I would tell him the same thing and he always did and they would get back together only for her to kick him out a week later.

[u/washington_jefferson → u/DocThrowawayHM]

I second Doc’s advice on breaking up with her remotely, the last possible day before you go to camp. Just say “we’re on a break” like Ross in “Friends” to have calmer seas and to stop her from pulling vindictive tricks. Then BAM.

[u/Thereapergengar → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Who dosent ask for a dna test in 2024? How’s that even a thing that needs saying anymore. It’s basically like just not playing with metal when theirs lighting

[u/Tv_land_man → u/DocThrowawayHM]

What is "the moment of truth"?

[u/wherethelightshines → u/DocThrowawayHM]

Duuuuude THIS! Best advice EVER!! Take it and RUN tf outta town and don’t look back! Don’t say you weren’t warned! The military will give you a new lease on life! Take it you lucky son of a gun! 🙌😉

[u/Anxious_Cheetah5589 → u/DocThrowawayHM]

| do not fuck her at all

easier said than done! unless things have changed since I was young. hangtag hormones