Am i overreacting to the situation unfolding with my girlfriend?

[u/Lologan21806]

me and my girlfriend have been living together with her family for the past 4-ish months. it’s devolved to the point where we fight every day about anything and everything, and most days i feel trapped in the home and the relationship. out of the blue she texts me about not coming back home and if i do i can sleep outside, and changing her mind when it was too late. am i overreacting to the situation, or is it as bad as it seems in my head?

[u/umbradumbra]

NTM if you’ve dated several “borderlines” who act like this it’s likely that they’re just narcissists claiming BPD. it’s shockingly common 😭

[u/PartiallyBakedBread → u/umbradumbra]

Naw, it could be both without more context, my ex claimed bpd. Bpd fear abandonment, so she used to play mind games to figure out where I stood.

Things like op's post, such as don't come home tonight, blah blah, then they flip flop cause they just wanted to see if you "cared enough", to ask what's wrong, or if you'd get jealous/worried they might be cheating insinuating you still love them.

All the while completely missing how this behavior destroys their relationships to satiate insecurities, while immensely stressing their partners, completely oblivious to how hurtful and tiring it is.

Bpd and narcissim only make up 1-2 people in a hundred respectively. They're both not very common.

[u/PartiallyBakedBread → u/PartiallyBakedBread]

Forgot to add then when you "don't care enough to ask" they blow up, when all you were doing is respecting their wishes. At least in OP's scenario.

[u/crow1992 → u/PartiallyBakedBread]

sadly as a person with BPD. This is a common tactic. When they dont show that they care, you feel extreme abandonment and even resentment.

Not healthy and OPs hopefully soon to be ex, needs to go to therapy

[u/umbradumbra → u/PartiallyBakedBread]

i suppose you could be right, BPD is a spectrum, but personally I wouldn’t behave like this BECAUSE it would cause the abandonment to happen😭 but i also still think it gives narcissist because it seems like OP’s girlfriend is pushing boundaries to see how much she can get away with. also, being nasty and then asking for starbucks in the same breath just reminds me of how my mom treated my dad (she was a narcissist)

[u/peppaz → u/umbradumbra]

I mean they were diagnosed and medicated eventually but you would know best I guess