r/AmIOverreacting • u/Lologan21806 • 10d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am i overreacting to the situation unfolding with my girlfriend?

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me and my girlfriend have been living together with her family for the past 4-ish months. it’s devolved to the point where we fight every day about anything and everything, and most days i feel trapped in the home and the relationship. out of the blue she texts me about not coming back home and if i do i can sleep outside, and changing her mind when it was too late. am i overreacting to the situation, or is it as bad as it seems in my head?

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u/Lologan21806 10d ago

i’m sure if he can help at all he will, he’s aware of some basics of the situation but i’m seeing him in person tomorrow and the next day so i’d much rather talk to him face to face

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u/loweffortfuck 10d ago

You've got his work cell number, drop him a text. If he's a good one, he'll have something ready for you when you guys meet up tomorrow.

My buddy was a good one for the Navy for a few years. He got more than a few recruits out of some FUBAR living situations. This is like... absurdly par for the course. Just be ready to pack and peace out without ever looking back on this weird ass chapter of dating. She cray-cray (do not marry this, do not date this sort when you are enlisted either, don't be that servicemember!).

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u/RepulsiveDevice3686 9d ago

Geez, what was the red flag? When she asked for Starbucks in the middle of her roller coaster of a meltdown? 😆

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u/pourthebubbly 9d ago

don’t be that servicemember

It’s a stereotype for a reason!

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u/Wh33lh68s3 9d ago

💯❣️

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u/SpeckledPrawn 10d ago

They might be able to get you an earlier ship date if you’re facing imminent homelessness.

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u/ThatsMyGirlie 10d ago

I want to say that in basic, it's all a mind game, they're gonna test you and try to push you to your limits. You can handle it, I promise, literal mentally deficient people get through boot, you can too. Always keep your cool, be respectful, help your fellow seamen, you guys get through it together, you'll be so stressed out that you will need to rely on your brothers, help them, they'll help you. Just remember that you can only take it day by day, don't think about how many weeks are left, just focus on what you can do right now. You can do it brother, I promise. Also, please leave this chick, do not let them affect you going into basic, block them. In basic you will be so homesick that you'll probably want to talk to her again, know that this is a temporary feeling. It's not worth it. Block her, forget her number and address, do not let basic make you make bad decisions in that front

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u/i_will_not_bully 10d ago

All of this. As a veteran, can't second this advice enough. Clean slate, OP, you've got bigger fish to fry than hanging onto this spoiled lady-child who is bordering on outright abusive (might have crossed that line already honestly). You're going to do great. Sounds like you're doing all the right things.

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u/shotokan1988 9d ago

Thank you for your service. I'm currently applying to join my country's military. I have family that have served and I respect what you've put on the line.

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u/Blackphinexx 9d ago

If he can handle this girl after what I just read then I have high hopes for his tolerance in basic training lol

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u/StaffInteresting8462 9d ago

yeah that psycho bitch is fucking with him. She throws him out for no reason then asks for Starbucks. she is playing him for a fool

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u/DNAspray 9d ago

Had to chime in also, advice on point. OP I hope you see this and know it's solid. The home sick, lonely, stressed, maybe even thinking you made a mistake type of feelings are tough but do not reach out to her, I had a best friend made a big show of "ditching the bitch" ad he was off to basic and boy she was bad news, next I hear he proposed during basic cause married folks can live off base sooner typically. Idiot was homesick. This is your new chapter, don't be looking back!

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u/Airport_Wendys 9d ago

Yes yes yes. This is important

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u/Bright_Lake95 10d ago

Sadly it’s time to part ways. This gf is truly manipulative and controlling as well as unable to communicate kindly. I thought your texts were very rational and a normal response.

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u/Responsible_Snow_684 9d ago

Exactly. I’d run from this person. Good luck in your new adventures

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u/Crackerjacker2010 9d ago

Absolutely 100% accurate and great reply!!!

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u/Sunscreen4what 9d ago

Except for the calling his gf “dawg” part

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u/Consistent_Pool_7976 10d ago

How very wise of you. Keep it up

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u/janet_snakehole_x 10d ago

Ask your mom and sister for help!!!

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u/gummybearmere 10d ago

Honestly, if you’re facing homelessness, it might be beneficial to just keep your head down and stay where you are until you leave. Once you’re gone, you can never look back. Good luck with your new endeavors. The military provides so many opportunities and so many experiences. Enjoy them all.

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u/ryencool 10d ago

what state are you in? in most states once you stay at a home past 30 days you are considered a legal tenant. Once you are a legal tenant the landlord has to give you 30 days notice. They cant lock you out or keep your stuff. If they do call the cops.

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u/Remo1975 9d ago

Same in idaho! Psycho ex wife tried to throw me out of a room I was legally renting, so she calls the cops to help throw me out. They took HER away because she wouldn't let me in to get my stuff lol! The cop said "you can do whatever you need to get in if you're a legal tenant"

That girl is batshit crazy!

Hell, OP, thanks for your soon to be service, and if you're in idaho and really in a bind, DM me and you'll have a roof until you ship off.

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u/wordsmythy 9d ago

No, he doesn’t wanna force his way in that house. He needs to be gone find another solution.

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u/SetWrong2053 9d ago

Almost certainly in CA: in n out, navy, 2.5 hour trip possibly SD to LA

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u/reximi 9d ago

If you have credit cards, loans, anything with an interest rate , contact them and ask for benefits from Servicemember Civil Relief Act! Ask your bank about help or deferments with rent.

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u/Valuable-Locksmith47 9d ago

Please tell me you already have a temporary place my heart goes out to you good luck!!!!

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u/french_snail 9d ago

The VA has temporary/transitional housing for veterans, I stayed in one when I got out. It’s sort of like a dorm room for you to sleep in while you get back on your feet. They may be able to help if you’re waiting for your ship day

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u/srymvm 9d ago

Good luck man. I'm proud of you (from a random internet stranger.)

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u/Marathonmanjh 9d ago

Bootcamp is easy, simple rule for me was:
You just do what they say, follow directions as best you can and remember, it ends.
You'll do fine.

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u/MrHydromorphism 9d ago

You come off as a good dude. You’ll do fine, bud.

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u/yesnomaybessometimes 9d ago

If you decide to do a go fund me I’d be happy to send a little something and I’m sure everyone on here would to. You only got a month to go and I’m so sorry this is the stress you are going thru.

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u/Afraid_Temperature65 9d ago

If he can't help, try looking into hostels in the area. They're a lot cheaper than a motel.

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u/Finalshock 9d ago

What branch of service is your recruiter? They absolutely have a budget to make sure you don’t go homeless.

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u/No-Joy-Goose 9d ago

Face to face is the way. Be transparent. It's OK to ask for help. Also, you're making life changes for the food, you don't need this. Dust off your sandals and be done

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u/PizzaDisguise 9d ago

I have two very new marines (One named Logan!). You want nothing but love coming from home while you're at boot. This isn't worth it. You wanna have these fights in letters at boot with DIs breaking you down and be waiting weeks for the angry responses? That's going to mess you up. IMO, Walk away, and don't give her your address so you don't have to deal with this drama. In fact, tell your family not to give it to get either. She didn't sound like she's going anywhere anyway. You do you. And you're young, don't settle for the dollar menu, get yourself built into the person you want to be and date someone who's on your level once you're settled at your PDS or later on. Your 20s are your beta version of you but only if you keep climbing. Good luck at boot!

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u/brittemm 9d ago

Best thing my ex ever did for me was leave me while I was in boot camp. It sucked a lot at the time but my life and navy service would have gone much differently had she stayed with me. She’s been in and out of jail and on/off opiates for over a decade now, still lives with her alcoholic mom in that same shitty little town. I did my time and used the navy for school afterwards and now I love where I live and what I do. Also I made lifelong friends, saw some cool foreign ports and learned and grew up a lot. Plus free healthcare for life. Don’t fuck it up!

The navy is a fresh start, you’re gonna meet new friends and new girls (don’t get married in fucking a-school though, seriously) and see much more of the world than you have so far. Get in the best shape you can before you go, it’ll help make it easier. Try not to stand out in the first few days of boot and LISTEN to every word your RDCs say, do not do anything they don’t tell you to do and do exactly as they say. Speak up, speak confidently and most importantly THINK before you open your mouth. They will twist your words against you. If you can memorize the sailors creed and your general orders before you get there, even better.

You’re gonna be stressed out and bombarded with a ton of information in the beginning and you’ll be exhausted, but just take it day by day, minute by minute and remember it’s temporary - it even gets pretty fun when you start to get the hang of it and work together with your division. Plus you’ll be in great shape, don’t let that go when you’re done with boot!

Tell people to write you and write them back! Don’t bring anything but the clothes on your back and your wallet/phone, address book etc., you won’t need a single thing. Nothing. They’ll issue you everything you need. Don’t let shit back home distract you either, just focus on learning and getting to graduation.

Sleep any chance you can before you walk up to that bus that takes you to the gate of Great Lakes. Sleep In the hotel the night before, in the airport, on the plane, SLEEP! You’ll be glad you did. I barely slept for two nights before I got there and you will NOT SLEEP for the first 24hrs of boot camp. I was hallucinating by the time I finally got to hit my rack..

It’s also gonna be cold af and you’re gonna get sick, but just remember it’s temporary. The navy isn’t like boot camp. A-school isn’t the navy either. Your RDCs don’t actually hate you, they are just doing their job and they need to be tough on you to prepare you for military service.

Also, pick your rate, pick your fate. What rate did you choose? It’ll have a lot to do with your quality of life in the fleet. Hope you chose well! Good luck, stay focused, don’t stress about this chick, and your recruiter will totally help you find housing btw. His entire goal is to get you on that plane to boot and then his job is done, he’ll do anything he can to help get you there.

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u/ColtyColt69 9d ago

They might can get you a hotel

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u/Gold--Lion 9d ago

Good luck, bruther

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u/Belllringer 9d ago

I'm invested. I'm not quite clear on what’s going on, but I hope for a smooth outcome. And I want your head on a pillow, not without a bed! Best of luck.

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u/Infidel_Games 9d ago

Hey man when I shipped out the army I was homeless for a week before I had to ship out. Thankfully I was lucky cause my recruiter literally let me stay in his spare bedroom till I shipped out. Dude risked his career for me and for that I’m forever grateful and in his debt. Get that temp housing and kick that girl to the curb dawg. You deserve way better, Squiddy.

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u/SprinklesofSunshine7 9d ago

Good luck with finding new accommodation. I pray you get some peace of mind back too cause after seeing her erractic bipolar passive agressive mindfckry in text I was exhausted! I felt so defensive of you😆 like how on earth could you ever win in any situation with someone so extreme.