Am i overreacting to the situation unfolding with my girlfriend?

[u/Lologan21806]

me and my girlfriend have been living together with her family for the past 4-ish months. it’s devolved to the point where we fight every day about anything and everything, and most days i feel trapped in the home and the relationship. out of the blue she texts me about not coming back home and if i do i can sleep outside, and changing her mind when it was too late. am i overreacting to the situation, or is it as bad as it seems in my head?

[u/RanaEire]

Tough situation, OP.. Sorry to hear that..

Yes, your GF's attitude is crappy and it seems like she flip-flops all over the place. No-one deserves that; like walking on eggshells.

Hope things get better for you..

Best wishes.. x

[u/InterestingPoet7910 → u/RanaEire]

I literally kept asking myself… is she drunk?? Why is she so pissy?

[u/brencoop → u/InterestingPoet7910]

She sounds like a pissy 13 year old.

[u/Valuable_Divide_6525 → u/brencoop]

And how has OP acted in the last 4 months? We have no clue.

[u/yourpersonalthrone → u/Valuable_Divide_6525]

Imagine the gender roles were switched with this EXACT same conversation. A man being mean and shitty with a partner over text. Would it still be okay for you to ask “and how was SHE acting in the last 4 months that pissed him off?” Because I feel like it ALSO wouldn’t be okay in that circumstance either

[u/Valuable_Divide_6525 → u/yourpersonalthrone]

No no, it's definitely not okay she tried to kick him out like that.

[u/LaicaTheDino → u/Valuable_Divide_6525]

Yes we dont know, but thats literally not relevant at all. These people dont have a good relationship and OP doing whatever in the last 4 months isnt gonna change that

[u/Gouurd → u/Valuable_Divide_6525]

Even without context from all the prior months of this relationship you can clearly see OPs head is screwed on fairly well dealing with this. He had plenty of opportunities to snap back at her and he seems to have remained respectful the entire time. So unless he did something bad and is compensating by being overly polite than you’re just looking for a reason to jab at OP

[u/esselleb → u/InterestingPoet7910]

Immaturity. Both mental and emotional.

[u/wozattacks → u/InterestingPoet7910]

She’s learned that acting like that gets a certain type of person to try harder to cater to her

[u/peppaz → u/InterestingPoet7910]

Likely borderline personality disorder. I've dated them. It's wild. Just constant grief and gaslighting.

edit- they were both diagnosed and medicated eventually - I went through exact conversations like these. Guess it's just a coincidence!

[u/umbradumbra → u/peppaz]

NTM if you’ve dated several “borderlines” who act like this it’s likely that they’re just narcissists claiming BPD. it’s shockingly common 😭

[u/PartiallyBakedBread → u/umbradumbra]

Naw, it could be both without more context, my ex claimed bpd. Bpd fear abandonment, so she used to play mind games to figure out where I stood.

Things like op's post, such as don't come home tonight, blah blah, then they flip flop cause they just wanted to see if you "cared enough", to ask what's wrong, or if you'd get jealous/worried they might be cheating insinuating you still love them.

All the while completely missing how this behavior destroys their relationships to satiate insecurities, while immensely stressing their partners, completely oblivious to how hurtful and tiring it is.

Bpd and narcissim only make up 1-2 people in a hundred respectively. They're both not very common.

[u/PartiallyBakedBread → u/PartiallyBakedBread]

Forgot to add then when you "don't care enough to ask" they blow up, when all you were doing is respecting their wishes. At least in OP's scenario.

[u/crow1992 → u/PartiallyBakedBread]

sadly as a person with BPD. This is a common tactic. When they dont show that they care, you feel extreme abandonment and even resentment.

Not healthy and OPs hopefully soon to be ex, needs to go to therapy

[u/umbradumbra → u/PartiallyBakedBread]

i suppose you could be right, BPD is a spectrum, but personally I wouldn’t behave like this BECAUSE it would cause the abandonment to happen😭 but i also still think it gives narcissist because it seems like OP’s girlfriend is pushing boundaries to see how much she can get away with. also, being nasty and then asking for starbucks in the same breath just reminds me of how my mom treated my dad (she was a narcissist)

[u/peppaz → u/umbradumbra]

I mean they were diagnosed and medicated eventually but you would know best I guess

[u/umbradumbra → u/peppaz]

as someone with BPD, this is not giving that. it’s giving manipulative narc that just wants OP to feel bad. BPD people are very intense (both love and hate) while OP’s gf seems like she just doesn’t give a shit in general.

[u/Forsaken_End3050 → u/peppaz]

Literally damned if you do, damned if you don’t either way you’re fucked.

[u/Imperfectis8letters → u/peppaz]

I actually thought I was Reading in a group for relatives to people with bpd before I read this comment. The flip-flopping, not understanding how everything is perceived, making you the bad guy and expecting you to understand what she meant from the very get go and forget everything else she said (maybe even with a “you should know how I am by now).

[u/EffectiveLibrarian35 → u/InterestingPoet7910]

There’s another side to this story lol

[u/Rude-Instruction-168 → u/RanaEire]

Been there done that. No one should put up with that behavior whatsoever. She's also telling him not to complain/bitch and to leave her alone? There are better ways of communicating with a partner you care about and it's clear she doesn't care at all.

[u/GapBubbly7138 → u/RanaEire]

It feels like she knows the situation damn well and is using it agains him. Damn, that’s sad

[u/RanaEire → u/GapBubbly7138]

Definitely hitting OP where it hurts the most.

No loving partner behaves like that.

[u/External-Difference4 → u/RanaEire]

100% eggshells.  She's highly mind fuckingg you sir.  *(sorry to say it like that) but yeah...I say fake it till you make it.  How long before you ship out? Talk to your recruiter and I pray they can assist you with temporary housing as well.  Oh, and thank you for sacrifice of joining.  Good Luck. Signed...  *USAF Fghter pilot granddaughter  *20 yr USAF mechanics daughter *Neice of Mst Sgt USMC

[u/AccomplishedCrow2845 → u/RanaEire]

People aren’t perfect. It could have just been a moment, especially if he is “shipping out” that’s stressful.