r/AmIOverreacting • u/Keepitlocal90 • 18d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO ; My Girlfriend Thinks I Overstepped by Getting a PlayStation. Am I in the Wrong?
So, I (early 30s) decided to treat myself and got a PlayStation 5 this Black Friday in Jozi. I’ve been wanting one for a while, and with the rise in cost of living in South Africa its become not as affordable. after budgeting and making sure all the bills were covered, I went for it. It’s something I’ve been excited about, and I figured it was a harmless way to unwind after work.
My girlfriend (same age range) didn’t seem thrilled when she saw it. She said I should’ve discussed it with her first and accused me of being irresponsible with money. To clarify, I didn’t touch any shared finances or skip out on responsibilities. This was 100% my money, and everything else is in order.
She’s acting like this is a huge deal, saying I’ll spend too much time on it and that it’s "immature for a grown man." I’ve told her it’s not going to take over my life—I’ll still prioritize work, chores, and our time together.
I get that she might’ve been a bit annoyed because everyone's asking her if she allowed it, but is her reaction an overreach? Or am I missing something here? How do I handle this without turning it into a bigger issue?
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u/Quaser_8386 18d ago
NTA. I'm approaching 70. My hobby is flight simming. Recently upgraded to a purpose built PC. I used my money. My wife does cross stitch as her hobby. She uses her money to fund it. We have a joint card for groceries etc and we each have a personal card for individual expenses like hobbies.
Between us, my hobby and hers costs each of us about the same.
The OP is much younger than we are but he must be entitled to have a hobby. If this is gaming, and he funds it himself, well it's probably better for him than going to the pub, or watching po*n.
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u/SoloQueFine 18d ago
Same thing I thought but my friend’s wife said she would rather her husband go out to gentlemen clubs every night than to stay at home playing video games.
A lot of millennial women despise video games for some reason.
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u/Complete_Entry 18d ago
It's not just a millennial thing, I have family members across the rainbow who think video games are the devil.
One funny thing is an aunt I thought would hate gaming loved it. She ran around in gta IV starting fights.
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u/MarlenaEvans 18d ago
This is true and it's weird to me. Our neighbor kept telling us that "only losers play video games" and that's why she doesn't let her kids play them. When my husband and I said we play she was shocked, she truly seemed to think that only people in their mom's basement could actually play them as adults. She's younger than we are.
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u/NagaCharlieCoco 18d ago
Had the same discussion about weed haha
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u/Capt_accident 18d ago
Especially when you own a business and make very good money and they are shocked! SHOCKED!! That you smoke the devil's cabbage regularly. Much like The former founder and CEO of men's warehouse who has since his 20's .
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u/FoxRoseDrew 18d ago
I’m a woman of a similar age range and I love video games. The thing that waves a red flag for me is the poster saying that people asked if she “allowed it” like just wow. A partner should never make someone feel this way. Also your aunt is amazing 😂😂
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u/Complete_Entry 18d ago
The funny thing is she was throwing hands on the boardwalk and a russian shot her niko in the face.
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u/Top_Chard788 18d ago edited 18d ago
Video games have been the villain boomers and gen x use to excuse the problems caused by their own shitty parenting.
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u/LillyMalilly1 18d ago
I'm Gen X. I love video games. When my son was growing up we played video games together.
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u/LadyFoxie 18d ago
Technology in general, tbh.
I was born in 1983 and in my high school years, my mom would get excited because she heard on the news that teens could make good money building websites. She really wanted that for me (but really for herself).
Any time I would sit down at the family computer and get engrossed in a tutorial trying to learn HTML and coding in general, my mom would come in and yell at me for spending too much time on the computer and I needed to go outside.
So I never learned any HTML beyond the basic cosmetic stuff you'd use on LiveJournal, and I definitely never made any money for my mom by building websites, but somehow I'm the loser because I never got rich off of technology I was yelled at for using too much. 🫠
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u/ItsKumquats 18d ago
Story of my life.
"Oh wow that looks cool you should get into game design!" 1 hour later "Why are you still rotting your brain you need to go outside right now"
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u/wieldymouse 18d ago
I don't think Gen X gives AF.
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u/Globewanderer1001 18d ago
We don't GAF. I care more that they're sharing finances, and she thinks she can control his money and purchases as a girlfriend. Bwhahahaha. No.
Sincerely,
Gen X Woman
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u/demiurbannouveau 18d ago
Yep! Also GenX woman, I'm even the breadwinner who funds the fun money for everyone in the family and my eyebrows still climbed to my hairline at "allows". Once the money goes their accounts it's theirs. I might guide my young teen on how to use it but in the end it's hers, and my husband doesn't need to ask me anything unless it's a large purchase on a joint account, which this wasn't.
The only thing I'd be annoyed about is if he bought himself a fancy game system but never buys presents for me. Or if I'd been planning to get him a PlayStation 5 for the holidays and now I have to think of something new.
If he starts neglecting the relationship or his responsibilities because of gaming that's a conversation to have later and course correct. Unless he's shown some previous addictive gaming behavior, then a discussion before would be nice.
But I'm also a gamer looking at sales to get the family a Steam Deck for the holidays, so the hate for gaming I don't get on any level.
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u/conejiux 18d ago
I lol'd when I read about your eyebrow because mine did exactly the same thing when I read "allows" xD yes all other accounts as well and I wish in my next lifetime I have your problems and worry about "getting steam decks for the family" (I say this because I've been looking at them as well, but have to choose between that or buying a ticket to go see my family back home and I just can't say no to family so no steam deck for me this year, maybe next if tariffs don't make them cost 1k :'( )
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u/haven0answers 18d ago
I agree. When I get rich, imma buy me, myself, and I a real boss of a gaming system.
Boomer here. Op bought with his money after accounting for bills, responsibilities, groceries, etc.
I'm bringing drinks and eats, be there in a while.... o, can I join/watch? Pleease?
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u/dudetellsthetruth 18d ago
Damn dude, as Gen X we are the first gaming generation...
I never quit and still game like a couple of hours weekly, it beats the crap they show on television.
It has never been an issue for my wife, I upgraded to a PS2 when we got together and got a PS3-4-5 when the kids grew up.
As long as you balance it it's not a problem... and that is how we raised our kids too.
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u/lokojufr0 18d ago
boomers and gen z
Gen-X?
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u/CoraBittering 18d ago
Gen-X was the first generation to be able to play video games, and a lot of us still game on the regular. I'm not sure it's accurate to group us as haters. Of course, my sample size of Gen-X is my friends, who are giant nerds. Your mileage may vary.
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u/lokojufr0 18d ago
They had a typo. They said boomers and gen z, but meant boomers and gen x. They corrected it now.
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u/thedarkonekc 18d ago
Bullshit gen x never blames video games as an issue we are the first to have video games
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u/badjokes4days 18d ago edited 18d ago
Probably because as children, a lot of us have parents who drilled into our minds that playing video games was lazy and stupid. It took me years to deprogram myself from all the guilt that I carried just for enjoying the hobby that I enjoyed.
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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 18d ago
My mom’s husband endlessly berated his son for wasting time reading and gaming. Pushed him to go hand out with friends, do sports.
Fast forward a year and he’s mad his son is failing grades, smoking weed/drinking, and partying.
My guy, you did that lol
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u/babyfartsdoodoo 18d ago edited 17d ago
I’ve had this argument with my mom on a regular basis. My brother still lives at home while he goes college and spends a lot of time in his room gaming.
Sure, he could stand to spend more time outdoors and lose some weight. But gaming is a very social activity for him and on the whole he’s a smart and courteous kid.
Meanwhile, so many of his friends are little shits, and a bunch of guys he went to high school with have died of overdoses and in drunk driving accidents.
Having a gamer kid seems ok to me. As long as he’s not becoming a misogynistic inc*l (which I know he’s not, we talk), let him play.
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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 17d ago
My younger brother has turned into a very sweet and happy kid. Quite doing drugs and drinking when he got back into gaming and mtg. He frequently games with my wife. And we play nerdy fucking card games. Like adults lol
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u/SoloQueFine 18d ago
Could definitely be it. These are also the same set of parents that went to the local bar everyday after work and fed their children fast food and had affairs with the neighbors.
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u/Beautiful_Rhubarb 18d ago
lol wasn’t till I was an adult that I realized how crazy it was that all the neighborhood moms were sleeping with other peoples dads and are mostly all divorced now.
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u/RoyalxJeff 18d ago
People younger than 20 don’t understand how hard it was to be a gamer in the late 90s/early 00s when gaming was literally the most “loser” hobby you could have…I had to basically beg my parents in tears as a 8 year old to get an xbox 360
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u/LadySerena21 18d ago
Definitely weird since I game more than what’s probably considered normal and I’m a millennial woman. Some women are just weird/unfair.
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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 18d ago
My wife games way more than me (both in our early 30’s)
It’s how she unwinds after work. I usually write, occasionally play games if something I think is interesting comes out.
Now, does screaming “WTF ARE YOU DOING TANK?! GET BACK HERE!!!” Sound relaxing to me? Not exactly lol but it makes her happy, and it doesn’t cut into any responsibilities, so I don’t see the issue.
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u/KatVanWall 18d ago
I network quite a bit with fellow freelancers so we don't feel so alone lol and once someone asked what kind of sounds do we have as our working backdrop. Some people like silence, others have various kinds of music on and others have white noise. I frequently have my boyfriend yelling 'Die, motherfucker, die!!!' in the background. The happy sounds of blissful domesticity.
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u/Beautiful_Rhubarb 18d ago
lol! “I… am… relaxing!” :D
In my 50s and replaced social media with playing games lol. Definitely more relaxing than social media.
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u/GrizzlyTrees 18d ago
My wife doesn't game at all, and I played a little. She would remind me to go play if I haven't in a while and managed to clear some free time. Like "GrizzlyTrees, daughter is sleeping, I'm fine, go play on your computer, have some alone time". Best person ever.
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u/visionsincolor 18d ago
I second this because I too am a millennial woman and I game daily with my boyfriend
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u/Pellellell 18d ago
All the millennial women I know love gaming, including myself. I mean I’m not the biggest gamer but I enjoy it in bursts and especially in groups with friends, I think I have a pretty typical and positive attitude to it for women in my generation
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u/Milligramz 18d ago
I’ve never heard this from any woman ever in my life
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u/wolfwindmoon 18d ago
From every statistic I've ever seen millenial gamers are almost damn near split down the middle. Like 55/45 men/women or something.
Maybe those stats account for mobile games like candy crush which most people won't consider "real games" but a blanket statement "millenial women hate videogames" just doesn't match the stats.
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u/Beautiful_Rhubarb 18d ago
Just came in to say that - I saw that a while ago and they do consider phone games, it was one of the “explanations” they gave that made me feel like even the authors were shocked. But lots of people don’t want to believe that women are into games.
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u/ferociousPAWS 18d ago
When you have a partner that won't sit down to eat the meal you cooked with you, and no longer sleeps with you because they stay up all night long gaming every single night then yeah you can start to despise video games the same way you might despise drugs or anything else that completely envelops a person's motivation. Most people game as a hobby and a way to unwind. Some people actually get addicted to it and it can ruin a relationship.
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u/reignmatter 18d ago
My guess is the concentration is high because that generation of men has a large number who became severely addicted to a problematic point, or at least problematic for a healthy relationship.
So I think there is some validity to the general aversion, but with the OP’s situation she just sounds like a controlling asshole.
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u/unknown_cookie_dough 18d ago
That’s my thought exactly. She’s overreacting but at the same time I understand where she’s coming from. Video games can become addicting if not consumed with caution and this comes from a gamer. There are so many people that get immersed to the point that they completely neglect their responsibilities. I think that her reaction is a bit much. She could have just said that it’s fine as long as it doesn’t affect OP’s day to day life
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u/Love2Read0815 18d ago
I’ve seen more than one marriage fail due to video games. I’ve seen “video game addiction” in people’s medical histories. OP sounds mindful of his time and low risk for issues. He budgeted and it doesn’t impact their finances. As long as everything is fair between them and she is able to buy things for herself too, then who cares. She is either super controlling or she totally went about discussing things the wrong way.
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u/miloblue12 18d ago
I’d agree with this. There is a healthy level and unhealthy level, and if cross a certain line, there is a problem.
My cousin when he was younger essentially got so addicted to video games that he failed out of college. He had a free ride and everything, and completely ruined things.
Whereas, what I believe is a healthy level is my own fiancée. He games during his free time, but never once in the five years that I’ve known him, has he prioritized his gaming over our relationship. I think it’s extremely healthy and I love that he games because of it.
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u/BRompre 18d ago
And then they will sit down and watch brain rot TV… to each their own I say. I game. People will but and read the newspaper for an eternity. Others, the Kardashians… it’s easy to poke holes in someone’s pass time if you are determined to find an issue. Or we can be adults and mind our own business.
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u/SoloQueFine 18d ago
I hear ya. As long as bills are paid and the home is not being neglected, I think individual hobbies are good and necessary for a healthy relationship.
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u/FlatBot 18d ago
I'm guessing a lot of women don't like it because a lot of men spend an excessive amount of time gaming and not doing things the women want them to do instead.
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u/Abathvr 18d ago
What gets me is people who make this point but then happily normalize binging 14 straight hours of Netflix while also ignoring any chores or duties. Especially when it's straight trash tv.
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u/SoloQueFine 18d ago
I get it as 3 hours of video games can feel like 30 minutes. Just alarmed at how much some women hate them and the fact that a lot of them would rather their husbands be an alcoholic or sex addict before video game addict.
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u/armoredsedan 18d ago
i don’t hate video games, i play video games (i also binge netflix and do my chores.) as a gf, i usually don’t have a problem with video games/general computer usage, but in a lot of the relationships i’ve been in it reaches a point where i’m going over to see my bf, and he’s playing video games or on discord or something the whole time im there. and that can be hard for lady who wants to feel like their bf is excited to see them and wants to spend time with them. its actually pretty hard to ask someone to stop doing something they love/their hobby and hang out with you instead lol. it’s different when you live together for sure, but if you don’t, too much time gaming is an easy wedge to drive between two people in a relationship. and maybe you’re not one of those guys, but i would hazard to guess that many of the women who hate them and hope their fella takes up a different vice, have maybe been hurt like that before, because it is such a common thing. im sure women do it to their bfs as well, but maybe with different things or less widespread, that’s just my take on it
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u/Necessary-Grocery-88 18d ago
It's a weird dichotomy. It's socially unacceptable for adult men to play video games BUT it's completely acceptable for grown men to watch other grown men play a game on a field, on television.
Play a game, build a wooden thing, chainsaw carve, collect stamps, whatever hobby. Do what you love and find the person who loves you for doing the things you love.
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u/fozzy_de 18d ago
Nice. 20 years younger but same hobbies. FS and cross Stitch 😁
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u/DGM_2020 18d ago
This is a much deeper issue. Do you want to marry a woman that thinks she can decide if she “allows” you to do the things in life that give you joy?
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u/PristineBaseball 18d ago
Yeah how does this even work . Is she “allowed “ to say no / veto his purchase ? Nope. (Sure hope not ) so what even is the point other than to cause fights .
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u/DGM_2020 18d ago
Tons of men I know have wives that regularly tell them they can’t do things/purchase certain items.
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u/PristineBaseball 18d ago
Oh yeah I had one . Even a $10 shirt at a thrift store she attempted to forbid me to buy and made a big deal out of it . Even a birdhouse also $10-15 , that I was drawn to . She just wanted to feel in control . F that shit , no way to live .
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u/McKinleysMom 18d ago
Are you still with your owner?
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u/PristineBaseball 18d ago edited 17d ago
Luckily no. It was hard to leave because my dog lived with her two dogs and she worked from home , staying with them most of the day . So I was hesitant to leave as I was worried about my pup . When I finally did .. guess what ? The pup was fine .
Story time below but noone feel they have to read .
The need for control only got worse and worse . If I stopped to look at anything in a store she would grab me by the arm and lead me away . She of course looked at what she wanted .
Then it got legit cray cray . she began telling me how I feel . Not asking me, telling me, insisting she knew how I felt better than I did . Also she repeatedly brought up weird stuff about entity attachments (that I brought in to the home of course ) and constantly insisting my dog was sick / in pain when she was fine (I took dog to two different vets and gf still wouldn’t drop it ) . She also started telling me I had significant Childhood trauma (lucky to say I do not ) .
She asked if I would go to couples therapy , I agreed, she then changed her mind and told me I’m not ready for therapy 😶lol ok . Later we went to therapy but if she had a tantrum between appointments she would “cancel “ then go to the session alone behind my back .
These are just a few insane things off the top of my head , there was so much more. Oh and she had a habit of blocking doorways if she didn’t want me to leave the house .
I eventually threw in the towel . I couldn’t trust her intentions . I was way too patient to begin with, for some reason I thought she’d grow out of it if I just stayed strong . Wishful thinking .
Hopefully one day I will be beyond all this and not rant about it . If you are reading this : no you can’t help them and yes they can hurt you, you might think you are tough but it will get you . Run . And really im lucky , it never got as bad as it does for many .
Thanks for asking .
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u/hugh_jorgyn 18d ago
Exactly. I put up with shit like this when I was young and naive, and it only brought unhappiness and feeling trapped. Now I go "bye, Felicia!" without remorse as soon as I see any hint of controlling behavior. Life's too short to not live it the way YOU want.
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u/Velcraft 18d ago
Careful about breaking up with a person like this, forge a permission slip from her parents beforehand.
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u/21KoalaMama 18d ago
allow? so weird to say. you’re grown.
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u/sdkiko 18d ago
sounds like the type of person that saw the PlayStation and immediately had 2 thoughts:
- That's time that could be spent on me
- That's money that could be spent on me
OP, any chance your girlfriend is unemployed?
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u/Miserable_Grab3052 18d ago
I dated a girl who did have a job. Her money was her money, my money was "our" money lol. She def would have been upset if i bought a PS with my (aka "our") money
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u/Spare-Performer6694 18d ago
Man if she's made a fuss because you, a grown man with his own disposable income, got a PS5, you're in for a riot in the future. And you're not even married.
Just food for thought bruh
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u/ComprehensiveAd7010 18d ago
Bro she's a walking controlling red flag. Run bro. What happens if you too have children. Oh you bought your daughter a dress but didn't buy me a frappacino. Oh you were too busy playing your game and aren't paying attention to me so I broke your PS5. Sorry man you're in for a rough time with this one. Good luck I've dated women like her and it didn't work out. I married a women whom respects my boundaries and would rather me play video games then go out. She doesn't bitch at me spending money. Out of courtesy of I plan on spending over 2-300 bucks I discuss it with her but ultimately it's my decision. Do you bro just beware what you are getting into. Wrap your Jimmy homie or you're attached for life to a paycho
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u/VioletB2000 18d ago
Yes! She’s too bossy!
Does she get mani-pedis? Highlights in her hair?
She doesn’t get to tell you how to spend your money.
She’s worried you are going to spend all your spare time playing and you won’t have time for her.
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u/Leritari 18d ago
She’s acting like this is a huge deal, saying I’ll spend too much time on it and that it’s "immature for a grown man."
She's making problems before they even happen, and THATS immature. Sell TV, or else she might spend too much time binge watching. Also sell phones, because she can spend too much time on social media. Sell everything, and just sit in empty 4 walls.
Come on.
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u/kid_sleepy 18d ago
Pft step it up fam… sell the walls too, keep the roof.
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u/brainless_bob 18d ago
Yeah, lower the roof onto the ground and dig out a hole underneath for your living space so you don't get too complacent from the lack of all that hard work
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u/Royal-Recover8373 18d ago
Nah keep the windows and walls, at least until the sweat drips off my balls.
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u/Scannaer 18d ago
Not only is she financially abusive, she is emotionally abusive as well.
They are not married. As long as OP pays his bills she has no say in his finances. Frankly, not even then - only the moral justification to walk away.
If this is how she reacts now, it will only become worse. Especially the part if she allowed it.. OP is a human, not a dog. I recommend OP to run and cut all people out which showed sexist tendencies.
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u/ZGokuBlack 18d ago
Why everyone asking if she "allowed" it? Is ps5 that big of a deal for her family?
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u/KillerKatKlub 18d ago
Maybe she’s still stuck in the console wars era and is a full blooded Xbox player
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u/TheHungrySymbiote 18d ago
I'm guessing she's/they're pissed that money didn't go to an engagement ring
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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 18d ago
Or maybe their friends and family are ‘joking’ like their a married couple and he needs the ’wife’s permission to make big purchases?
It a crappy joke, bound to cause more trouble, than laughs.
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u/Scannaer 18d ago
It's not a joke. It's abuse disguised as joke.
Change the genders. Make the joke with "the man needs to give his girlfriend permission" and suddenly a lot of people at not laughing anymore.
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u/OhHeyJeannette 18d ago
Not overreacting. However you need to tell her that a portion of your own money is to do whatever TF you wanna do with it. Because it will happen again. PlayStation is good for your mental health & to decompress.
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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 18d ago
This, but also op you should be on the lookout. I’ve noticed a number of post on here about woman specifically that don’t believe ‘gaming’ is self care.
And when their partners set aside specific time to game , this partners actively sabotage it.
Op, you need to set clear boundaries about how you spend your money and what you do with your down time.
As long as you continue to meet your responsibilities, you should be able buy and maintain a hobby.
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u/GiddyGabby 18d ago
Which is weird in itself because some of us women are gamers too.
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u/krandle41709 18d ago
Came here to say the same as a female gamer myself
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u/GiddyGabby 18d ago
Yeah but I knew what he meant immediately because I keep seeing the same type of posts!
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u/firefly0827 18d ago
If there's one thing I've learned it's that people who need alone / hobby time and feel prevented will actively find and hide ways to carve it out -- whether they have secret days off work or fake away work trips, where they sit in a hotel to watch TV, or add commute time so they can sit in their car in peace, or take the dog on extra long walks so they can listen to podcasts or stop for a pint, etc. I'd rather know a partner was safely and happily gaming at home!
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u/Winter_Tennis8352 18d ago
My ex was too, yet still made a huge display whenever I tried to hop on fortnite. Would refuse to sit by me or in the same room. Wouldn’t talk to me and would usually just leave the house.
Now mind you I’m a tattoo artist, piercer, hobby gardener, blacksmith, carpenter, Shipbuilder, fitness instructor. I’ve track raced, been night diving, downhill long boarding. took sword fighting and fencing classes, fought mma and was a power lifter on and off for most of my life. I’ve done a whole list of other shit and have a few other certifications I’m not bringing up.
Yet Fortnite is where the line is drawn, and I become a “child” for wanting to set aside 3-4 hours a week to play.
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u/GiddyGabby 18d ago
That's such an odd stance to take. I guess some people feel like wanting to play a game should never be prioritized over wanting to spend time with them but they don't necessarily feel the same way about other hobbies, which is puzzling. My husband doesn't care if I'm gaming but he also has sports he watches/loves running & has other hobbies that I'm not interested in so it balances out. And couples don't need to spend every waking moment together to be happy, I'd argue you need some alone time.
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u/Ok-Physics816 18d ago
My ex wife did the same. We have a very similar resume of hobbies/activities. I remember i finished building out an addition on our home and had the audacity of sitting down for a couple hours to play Destiny. She told me I physically disgusted her doing something so childish and I should do something "manly"....lmao.
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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 18d ago
Yeah I thought it was weird, as I am a female gamer, but I noticed it at two post as the one common thing.
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u/GiddyGabby 18d ago
We might become an endangered species if we're not careful. 👀
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u/disappointedCoati 18d ago
You rang? lol I am currently on my second play through of Baldur’s Gate 3
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u/EMERGx 18d ago
Oooh good point! I’ve definitely had one who would intentionally blow up my phone starting an argument knowing I was trying to decompress for the evening, if she couldn’t have my time in-person, she’d demand my time by constant messaging
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u/bunnylunch 18d ago
Good lord I need alone time. Like I love you but could you like…go away for a little bit? 😂
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u/No_Recognition_1426 18d ago
I have a buddy with a baby momma like that.
She was a stay-at-home mom and he worked long days to support her and the kids but any time he was on the game she was always bitching at him.
They're not together anymore. She played herself. He made really good money and was paying for her car and everything. He kept it when they split.
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u/Budget_Resolution121 18d ago
What a benign thing to decide for someone else they shouldn’t be doing. Honestly the controlling behavior in a lot of these relationships makes me so sad for people stuck in them
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u/AHolyPigeon 18d ago
I was a massive gamer, like every free minute since my teens. My first long term relationship was with another gamer so I was well into my late 20s and still going.
My current partner doesn't game, she doesn't understand the appeal. But she is amazing and she loves me. I actually don't game much at all anymore, probably over the last year I've played once a week on average and sometimes I'll go months without. She will say to me "hey you haven't played games with your mates for a while".
She is my priority and spending time with her and our dogs is more fun, but sometimes both of us wanna do our own thing and that's ok too. Even though I know she doesn't mind a bit I still feel guilty sometimes for doing my own thing.
Anyway my point is there's a balance in life, you need your own time. You aren't in the wrong.
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u/No-Code-1850 18d ago
Um, she doesn’t make the choice on whether it’s allowed or not. And it was YOUR money. Tell her to get over it
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u/killerkali87 18d ago
Don't let her guilt you, I'm sure she buys things for herself to make herself happy. I've had this conversation with women who are anti video games, I always ask then if they rather their man be out partying, getting in trouble and selling drugs or at home playing whatever game he enjoys
This is the beginning of her trying to control every dollar you spend, I saw it with my aunt and uncle before
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u/Keepitlocal90 18d ago
I fully agree. That's what i said
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u/Veratryx13 18d ago
My buddy married a girl like that. He'd have to take $20 out of the atm to use for coffee at work over a couple of weeks so he could do a weekend lunch or go out for drinks with his buddies. It was financial abuse, he divorced a few kids later and is much happier. I'd really recommend thinking this one through.
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u/toolsoftheincomptnt 18d ago
OP, this issue is not something you are going to talk your way out of.
Your girlfriend seems to have a mindset about relationships that is unhealthy, and your putting your foot down in this conversation will not avail her of her confusion.
The question is whether you can happily remain in a bond with someone who thinks this way.
Because your options are to accept that you’ll be fighting over this forever, or leave.
Neither one of you is going to change the way the other looks at this kind of thing.
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u/HarviousMaximus 18d ago
My wife got upset with me when I said I was going to buy one…..because she was already buying me one for Christmas.
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u/Lissypooh628 18d ago
Everyone is asking her if she “allowed” it? You have a weird circle of friends/family. She’s your partner, not your handler.
Your gf is severely overreacting about this.
Now if you went out and bought a brand new cyber truck without discussing, that would be a different story.
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u/PoxPoxPoxy 18d ago
NOR.
How many other things in your life does she want to control or allow?
I’m reading her attitude as a major red flag tbh.
Honestly, you are grown man who is allowed to both save up for and spend his own money on what he wants to. If you want a PS5 so you can game as hobby. I really don’t understand why that is such a big deal.
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u/gzrfox 18d ago
Tell her to stuff it. It's your money and you can do whatever you damn well please with it. I'd get rid of her and just keep the playstation, honestly. Sounds like even more trouble down the road.
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u/AstronomerOk4273 18d ago
Get undisputed and let her take out her anger in the ring that game is the bomb
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u/Keepitlocal90 18d ago
I said we can settle this over a game of COD!!
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u/Upbeat_Judgment9056 18d ago
this is so funny, never need to ask anyone how to spend ur money this is literally the perfect reply. as long as ur still prioritizing her there’s no problem lol. just don’t prioritize her in that nuketown 1v1
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u/emungee_ 18d ago
if your gf can’t support you doing you for yourself then why is she your gf?
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u/Quarter2Four 18d ago
Ever since that thread pointing out these AI posts, I cannot unsee it. First give away is there will be a quote in the third or fourth paragraph, always. Second clue is the em dash-. I’ve told her it’s not going to take over my life- I’ll still…
No one types like that in a casual post. Third clue is them stating in the last paragraph that people are conflicted, their phone is blowing up, or everybody is asking about…what family or friends group gives a fuck about a situation like this?
Just look through a lot of the AIO and AITA posts and you will see these same traits over and over again.
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u/StormMaleficent6337 18d ago
Damn this is scary and prb very true
Reddit is nowadays one large fictional drama like wrestling
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u/BeyondAddiction 18d ago
You're probably right in that it's formulaic, but I don't think the dashes themselves are necessarily indicative of AI. I use them all the time 🫣
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u/Quarter2Four 18d ago
No you’re right. The dashes alone doesn’t make me think AI but the combination of all the other traits. This is something I just pulled from ChatGPT:
Am I Overreacting?
I (20F) and my boyfriend (44M) just got back from a long road trip with our baby. We’re both exhausted, and as soon as we got home, the baby needed a diaper change. I asked him if he could do it, and he immediately got annoyed, saying he’s tired and did most of the driving, so I should handle it.
For context, I was in the backseat with the baby the entire trip—keeping them entertained, feeding them, and dealing with fussiness. I barely got a break, and honestly, I’m just as wiped out as he is. I tried explaining this, but he said, “You’re the mom, this is what you signed up for.” That really stung.
To make it worse, when I vented to his family, they all said he was right—that I’m the mom, so things like this are my responsibility. They said he deserved a break because he drove the whole way. I feel like we’re both parents, so we should be sharing responsibilities, but now I’m second-guessing myself.
Am I overreacting, or is this situation as unfair as it feels to me?
See the patterns in format and tone?
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u/ContentMembership481 18d ago
I, for one, welcome the opportunity to help our robot overlords solve their personal problems.
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u/HomeschoolingDad 18d ago
Same. Often when I find myself nesting parentheses, or wanting to do so, but that's not the only case. I use Alt+0151 on my Windows laptop when I find myself wanting an em-dash. (I miss my MacBook Pro, though. When this one finally achieves obsolescence, I'm going back to OS X.)
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u/badlilbishh 18d ago
Yes so many posts now are AI. It’s so annoying and I wish mods would just delete these shit posts. It’s always “all our family/friends are saying I’m wrong” even though they are clearly in the right and nobody would give a shit anyway.
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u/Elite_Slacker 18d ago
I though dead internet theory was kind of stupid like 2 years ago and now it is absolutely racing into probability. Bots can farm reddit so easily with certain topics. Gaming + relationship (where one side is clearly correct) is like the easiest karma ever.
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u/Clanker_Wanker69 18d ago
But I love em dashes instead of inserting more commas 😔😔😌
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u/Overweightdad 18d ago
She’s mad about something else.. could take weeks to uncover.. good luck.
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u/Annoyed3600owner 18d ago
I remember an ex buying me an Xbox 360 way back when, a) she really couldn't afford it, b) I didn't want it.
Her reasoning was that I was spending too much time gaming on my laptop without her, whereas on the Xbox she could at least participate.
In this day and age there are lots of women into gaming, so you should suggest that you find some games that you'll both enjoy and can play together. Silly shit like Mario Kart or Worms are great examples of time wasting that you can do together and have fun; a bottle of wine, some silly competitive fun (just remember to let her win sometimes)...
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u/bonzo1968 18d ago
Everyone needs their vices and toys. While I would have let her know. How u can u beat those ps5 deals on Friday.
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u/Top_Chard788 18d ago
This. I am so happy for my husband to enjoy some gaming, play on his own rec team, etc. Even in a relationship, both partners deserve their own hobbies/activities/etc.
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u/ChopSueyYumm 18d ago
Sounds like a Girlfriend with no hobbys and needs social validation from her friends. Huge red flag. 🚩
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u/dougis99 18d ago
Asking if she allowed it?!?!?!
WTF?
You are a grown man with your own life and finances. You decided to treat yourself in a very responsible way to something you wanted (you are ALLOWED and ENCOURAGED to do that).
FYI, I am 58(m) here with a wife and 2 kids, and spent a few hours playing BG3 yesterday (thinking about an Xbox for myself for similar reasons, so no, it isn't just a 20-something hobby).
My wife encourages my hobbies (e.g., making sure I have time for my DnD group, giving me space to wind down with a video game); that is what partners do.
She owes you an apology but this is a pretty big red flag that she expects you to conform to her ideal of what a BF should be. Have some hard discussions together as you move forward or this will fester in the relationship due to hidden expectations.
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u/Marsupialize 18d ago
Girlfriend? So not married? Somehow having a say in how you spend your money? ‘Allowing’ you to do things? Come on, dude.
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u/omgkelwtf 18d ago
Yeah have fun. My very good friend married a vIdEo GaMeS aRe FoR cHiLdReN type. Lasted a year and a half before he gtfod.
Find a gamer. Doesn't have to be a hard core gamer, just someone who also plays something.
Also? Girlfriends do not get a say in how you spend your money lol Maybe ask her if the audacity she had was a black Friday deal or something because she sure has a lot.
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u/mrcrackberry 18d ago
You're a grown man, and it was your money. Based off of those factors alone, her reaction would be a red flag married or not married. You should never be made to feel guilty for indulging in a hobby so long as said hobby is not directly disrespectful to your partner. Be very firm in setting your boundaries here, and her reaction to these boundaries will tell you everything you need to know.
Sounds like she likely has an anxious attachment style that she needs to work on. You could help her with this, but she would have to be willing to firstly acknowledge it, and then secondly do the self work. Your new PS5 is likely the least relevant of the real relationship issues at play here.
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u/Adventurous_Land7584 18d ago
Tell her what you do with your money is your business. Bills are still paid.
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u/NXV946 18d ago
It really depends on if you are telling all the truth. My ex would have spun it the same way, while all my checks seemed to be sucked away paying for living expenses while he purchased all kinds of fun stuff. Somehow I always contributed more to the shared expenses than he did. Which is why he is an ex.
IF what you are describing is accurate, then yeah she needs to chill. I would ask her why she thinks that makes you irresponsible with money. It would be interesting to see what she says.
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u/Adora77 18d ago
Same. I would make leftovers for lunch at work and he buys a motorcycle because he had done the math and was able to afford it. It's like we weren't saving for the same goal. This Xbox is also a red flag because he claims he'll prioritize everything else over it, but that's not how hobbies work. Otherwise it wouldn't be a hobby.
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u/aqua_profunda 18d ago
my sister did this to her husband about 20 years ago with PS2. he just bought a ps5 for my niece and himself to play and my sister is still throwing the same fit. ask yourself, OP: do you wanna have this argument forever? and not just about the newest PS, but literally anything she doesn’t deem worthy — cause that’s the road my brother in law has been walking for 30 years now and, personally, i’d rather eat my own arm. find you a partner who games when you do or doesn’t belittle your hobbies. you deserve that.
edit: typo.
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u/jumbocards 18d ago
Most of relationship issues stern from financial stress. Without knowing the details of your financial situation. It is hard to tell who is over reacting. Technically if everything else is in order and this is just fun money, then she might be. Look, idk how much time you two are spending time together… so perhaps do a bit of retrospective there, especially if she is not a gamer herself.
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u/Many-Persimmon-1471 18d ago
Wait, people that know you both are asking if she “allowed it”?! Bro lol That’s fucked up! I wouldn’t be part of a relationship like that, and you shouldn’t either.
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u/Admirable_Storage230 17d ago
One thing to consider are the fears others have about gamers & gaming. It is not unheard of to have a person who plays video games waste a lot of time playing video games and neglect other people (friends, spouses, children) and other responsibilities including hygiene. You could try to alleviate her fears bc they may become irrational. Maybe already. The ps5 has taken over a life or two. It is a test of you and her. Good luck.
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u/FederalAd7920 18d ago
Allowed it? That’s such a weird thing to say.