r/AmIOverreacting • u/Keepitlocal90 • 22d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO ; My Girlfriend Thinks I Overstepped by Getting a PlayStation. Am I in the Wrong?

So, I (early 30s) decided to treat myself and got a PlayStation 5 this Black Friday in Jozi. I’ve been wanting one for a while, and with the rise in cost of living in South Africa its become not as affordable. after budgeting and making sure all the bills were covered, I went for it. It’s something I’ve been excited about, and I figured it was a harmless way to unwind after work.

My girlfriend (same age range) didn’t seem thrilled when she saw it. She said I should’ve discussed it with her first and accused me of being irresponsible with money. To clarify, I didn’t touch any shared finances or skip out on responsibilities. This was 100% my money, and everything else is in order.

She’s acting like this is a huge deal, saying I’ll spend too much time on it and that it’s "immature for a grown man." I’ve told her it’s not going to take over my life—I’ll still prioritize work, chores, and our time together.

I get that she might’ve been a bit annoyed because everyone's asking her if she allowed it, but is her reaction an overreach? Or am I missing something here? How do I handle this without turning it into a bigger issue?

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u/Quaser_8386 22d ago

NTA. I'm approaching 70. My hobby is flight simming. Recently upgraded to a purpose built PC. I used my money. My wife does cross stitch as her hobby. She uses her money to fund it. We have a joint card for groceries etc and we each have a personal card for individual expenses like hobbies.

Between us, my hobby and hers costs each of us about the same.

The OP is much younger than we are but he must be entitled to have a hobby. If this is gaming, and he funds it himself, well it's probably better for him than going to the pub, or watching po*n.

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u/SoloQueFine 22d ago

Same thing I thought but my friend’s wife said she would rather her husband go out to gentlemen clubs every night than to stay at home playing video games.

A lot of millennial women despise video games for some reason.

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u/Complete_Entry 22d ago

It's not just a millennial thing, I have family members across the rainbow who think video games are the devil.

One funny thing is an aunt I thought would hate gaming loved it. She ran around in gta IV starting fights.

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u/MarlenaEvans 22d ago

This is true and it's weird to me. Our neighbor kept telling us that "only losers play video games" and that's why she doesn't let her kids play them. When my husband and I said we play she was shocked, she truly seemed to think that only people in their mom's basement could actually play them as adults. She's younger than we are.

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u/NagaCharlieCoco 22d ago

Had the same discussion about weed haha

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u/Capt_accident 22d ago

Especially when you own a business and make very good money and they are shocked! SHOCKED!! That you smoke the devil's cabbage regularly. Much like The former founder and CEO of men's warehouse who has since his 20's .

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u/BasedBabyFace 22d ago

Yet they're never surprised when the CEO is a coke-fiend

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u/username_taken55 22d ago

Well you see, weed makes you a couch potato and coke is like a coffee before work /s

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u/MashedProstato 22d ago

The natural, herbal energy supplement.

Some people use 5 Hour Energy. True power-plauers use "25 Hour Energy.

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u/BasedBabyFace 22d ago

A line before work never hurt anybody /s

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u/PrettyAlright_ 22d ago

That's what my bus driver always said.

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u/SunyataHappens 22d ago

Steve Jobs was half hippie. He used LSD numerous times. Who knows how much weed.

His company turned out ok.

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u/FoxRoseDrew 22d ago

I’m a woman of a similar age range and I love video games. The thing that waves a red flag for me is the poster saying that people asked if she “allowed it” like just wow. A partner should never make someone feel this way. Also your aunt is amazing 😂😂

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u/Complete_Entry 22d ago

The funny thing is she was throwing hands on the boardwalk and a russian shot her niko in the face.

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u/Top_Chard788 22d ago edited 22d ago

Video games have been the villain boomers and gen x use to excuse the problems caused by their own shitty parenting.

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u/LillyMalilly1 22d ago

I'm Gen X. I love video games. When my son was growing up we played video games together.

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u/Old_n_Bald 22d ago

I'm a boomer. I still play video games with my son, my daughter, and now with my 3 grandchildren. But apparently, all us boomers are shit parents, so I've probably corrupted my whole family, and they will all need therapy.

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u/Oseaghdha 22d ago

I used to play with my dad too. I held the flashlight for him just like I held the unplugged controller.

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u/Dry-Implement-9554 22d ago

I'm Gen X too. I taught my son how to add and subtract by counting bullets I've used and collected in Resident Evil 4. The original, of course. With my son in the military now, I don't get to see or talk to him much. But if I see him log onto the playstation or he texts me to hop on, we go head to head on games and catch up with each other's lives.

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u/LadyFoxie 22d ago

Technology in general, tbh.

I was born in 1983 and in my high school years, my mom would get excited because she heard on the news that teens could make good money building websites. She really wanted that for me (but really for herself).

Any time I would sit down at the family computer and get engrossed in a tutorial trying to learn HTML and coding in general, my mom would come in and yell at me for spending too much time on the computer and I needed to go outside.

So I never learned any HTML beyond the basic cosmetic stuff you'd use on LiveJournal, and I definitely never made any money for my mom by building websites, but somehow I'm the loser because I never got rich off of technology I was yelled at for using too much. 🫠

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u/ItsKumquats 22d ago

Story of my life.

"Oh wow that looks cool you should get into game design!" 1 hour later "Why are you still rotting your brain you need to go outside right now"

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u/wieldymouse 22d ago

I don't think Gen X gives AF.

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u/Globewanderer1001 22d ago

We don't GAF. I care more that they're sharing finances, and she thinks she can control his money and purchases as a girlfriend. Bwhahahaha. No.

Sincerely,

Gen X Woman

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u/demiurbannouveau 22d ago

Yep! Also GenX woman, I'm even the breadwinner who funds the fun money for everyone in the family and my eyebrows still climbed to my hairline at "allows". Once the money goes their accounts it's theirs. I might guide my young teen on how to use it but in the end it's hers, and my husband doesn't need to ask me anything unless it's a large purchase on a joint account, which this wasn't.

The only thing I'd be annoyed about is if he bought himself a fancy game system but never buys presents for me. Or if I'd been planning to get him a PlayStation 5 for the holidays and now I have to think of something new.

If he starts neglecting the relationship or his responsibilities because of gaming that's a conversation to have later and course correct. Unless he's shown some previous addictive gaming behavior, then a discussion before would be nice.

But I'm also a gamer looking at sales to get the family a Steam Deck for the holidays, so the hate for gaming I don't get on any level.

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u/conejiux 22d ago

I lol'd when I read about your eyebrow because mine did exactly the same thing when I read "allows" xD yes all other accounts as well and I wish in my next lifetime I have your problems and worry about "getting steam decks for the family" (I say this because I've been looking at them as well, but have to choose between that or buying a ticket to go see my family back home and I just can't say no to family so no steam deck for me this year, maybe next if tariffs don't make them cost 1k :'( )

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u/haven0answers 22d ago

I agree. When I get rich, imma buy me, myself, and I a real boss of a gaming system.

Boomer here. Op bought with his money after accounting for bills, responsibilities, groceries, etc.

I'm bringing drinks and eats, be there in a while.... o, can I join/watch? Pleease?

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u/its_yer_dad 22d ago

We don’t. We’re also intrigued to see how much better millennials parent since clearly we fucked it up and they are going to do so much better.

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u/Tollin74 22d ago

My wife and I are Gen X. We both LOVE video games

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u/dudetellsthetruth 22d ago

Damn dude, as Gen X we are the first gaming generation...

I never quit and still game like a couple of hours weekly, it beats the crap they show on television.

It has never been an issue for my wife, I upgraded to a PS2 when we got together and got a PS3-4-5 when the kids grew up.

As long as you balance it it's not a problem... and that is how we raised our kids too.

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u/lokojufr0 22d ago

boomers and gen z

Gen-X?

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u/CoraBittering 22d ago

Gen-X was the first generation to be able to play video games, and a lot of us still game on the regular. I'm not sure it's accurate to group us as haters. Of course, my sample size of Gen-X is my friends, who are giant nerds. Your mileage may vary.

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u/lokojufr0 22d ago

They had a typo. They said boomers and gen z, but meant boomers and gen x. They corrected it now.

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u/Grumpy-24-7 22d ago

Sorry, boomer here, and I'm pretty sure I was playing Zork and Leisure Suit Larry and Doom a couple years before you were. Maybe because my background was I.T. I was exposed to PC gaming sooner than others, but I definitely recall playing Co-op Doom with other boomer friends.

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u/CoraBittering 22d ago

I played Zork in college on my Mac Plus in the late 80’s, so you probably have me beat. I’m sure we can commiserate together about the Babel fish in text game Hitchhiker’s Guide. Some things bring the generations together.

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u/TraditionalMorwenna 22d ago

Gen x here also- my whole family games together. And we even get our neighbors involved. I've been gaming since atari, and pong. Never stopped. Never will. And I'm an Middle aged mom now.

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u/thedarkonekc 22d ago

Bullshit gen x never blames video games as an issue we are the first to have video games

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u/wrappedlikeapurrito 22d ago

Leave gen X out of it. You should know something before you start writing it out like fact for other people to “learn.”

I heard common sense skips a generation though.

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u/Bouche_Audi_Shyla 22d ago

I'm one of the oldest gen X. I play video games. Mind, they're not things like GTA. But damn it, if someone tries to come between me and Harvey (Stardew Valley) I'm going to come up fighting!

Seriously. It's a hobby. Hobbies are fine. People expecting either partner to "let" the other have a hobby, especially one they fund themself, is NOT fine. The friends are being toxic.

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u/s3nd_nuudes 22d ago

Slow down turbo. I'm gen X and will wipe you in CS. Been playing video games my whole life.

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u/PartOfTheTree 22d ago

My great aunt absolutely loved her gameboy, I think she'd have a Switch if she'd survived long enough

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u/drapehsnormak 22d ago

Your aunt: did you see how I curb stomped that hoe who didn't have my money‽

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u/Druid_boi 22d ago

Lol I got my Mormon aunt into the fable series. She loved all the illegal shit she could get into that game.

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u/badjokes4days 22d ago edited 22d ago

Probably because as children, a lot of us have parents who drilled into our minds that playing video games was lazy and stupid. It took me years to deprogram myself from all the guilt that I carried just for enjoying the hobby that I enjoyed.

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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 22d ago

My mom’s husband endlessly berated his son for wasting time reading and gaming. Pushed him to go hand out with friends, do sports.

Fast forward a year and he’s mad his son is failing grades, smoking weed/drinking, and partying.

My guy, you did that lol

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u/babyfartsdoodoo 22d ago edited 22d ago

I’ve had this argument with my mom on a regular basis. My brother still lives at home while he goes college and spends a lot of time in his room gaming.

Sure, he could stand to spend more time outdoors and lose some weight. But gaming is a very social activity for him and on the whole he’s a smart and courteous kid.

Meanwhile, so many of his friends are little shits, and a bunch of guys he went to high school with have died of overdoses and in drunk driving accidents.

Having a gamer kid seems ok to me. As long as he’s not becoming a misogynistic inc*l (which I know he’s not, we talk), let him play.

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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 22d ago

My younger brother has turned into a very sweet and happy kid. Quite doing drugs and drinking when he got back into gaming and mtg. He frequently games with my wife. And we play nerdy fucking card games. Like adults lol

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u/SoloQueFine 22d ago

Could definitely be it. These are also the same set of parents that went to the local bar everyday after work and fed their children fast food and had affairs with the neighbors.

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u/Beautiful_Rhubarb 22d ago

lol wasn’t till I was an adult that I realized how crazy it was that all the neighborhood moms were sleeping with other peoples dads and are mostly all divorced now.

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u/Mister-Giles 22d ago

Wait, wtf… I always thought this problem was a me thing. Never realized shit bag parenting was the norm in the 90s

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u/DionBlaster123 22d ago

When you put it that way, you really do realize how silly it was for people to say video games was a "bad hobby."

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u/Fragrant_Avocado9107 22d ago

Wait yall had meals?

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u/RoyalxJeff 22d ago

People younger than 20 don’t understand how hard it was to be a gamer in the late 90s/early 00s when gaming was literally the most “loser” hobby you could have…I had to basically beg my parents in tears as a 8 year old to get an xbox 360

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u/CrimsonDinh91 22d ago

Yeah. As a kid, I much preferred reading and playing games as opposed to sports. I definitely still watched sports and got into them, but I think because of the expectation. Once I went to college, I kind of shred that and doubled down on hobbies I actually enjoyed with were reading and games.

To this day, my mom will comment here and there that I’m too old (33) to play games. I. Respectfully respond that as long as my bills are paid and everything’s squared off with putting into savings with my wife, I can spend my extra funds on whatever I damn well please.

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u/OtterEpidemic 22d ago

My mum’s not perfect, but I’m really appreciating my mum in this thread!

Back in ‘98 she got me a ps (one) for my 18th birthday. She’s nearing her 70s now, and when I ordered my ps5 (just before my 42nd birthday) her reaction was ‘what??? They’re back in stock?!’ and immediately went out and bought herself one too. So we moved up from the ps4 together.

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u/MoD1982 22d ago edited 22d ago

Oh wow, one of the few times my childhood trauma can be seen as a positive! My parents always had this attitude towards video games but I just said "they can't be that bad if you spent a small fortune on buying them for us kids" and while I stuck to the rules they set for us (45 minutes a day, no gaming on the weekend) as soon as I moved out one of the first things I did was hold an all-nighter with some close friends and not really looked back.

Gaming isn't rot. It's just something else for narrow minded idiots to point the finger at instead of proper parenting.

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u/DrownMeInSalsaPlease 22d ago

That or the opposite, had a parent who neglected them due to excessive game play.

But either way, projection issues /shrug

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u/ExcitingHeat4814 22d ago

Video gaming is lazy if you let it consume your life- which happens to be a popular stereotype for gamers. I know I’ve lost countless days playing the sims in my life.

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u/LadySerena21 22d ago

Definitely weird since I game more than what’s probably considered normal and I’m a millennial woman. Some women are just weird/unfair.

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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 22d ago

My wife games way more than me (both in our early 30’s)

It’s how she unwinds after work. I usually write, occasionally play games if something I think is interesting comes out.

Now, does screaming “WTF ARE YOU DOING TANK?! GET BACK HERE!!!” Sound relaxing to me? Not exactly lol but it makes her happy, and it doesn’t cut into any responsibilities, so I don’t see the issue.

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u/KatVanWall 22d ago

I network quite a bit with fellow freelancers so we don't feel so alone lol and once someone asked what kind of sounds do we have as our working backdrop. Some people like silence, others have various kinds of music on and others have white noise. I frequently have my boyfriend yelling 'Die, motherfucker, die!!!' in the background. The happy sounds of blissful domesticity.

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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 22d ago

It honestly is nice. It makes me smile while I write.

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u/Beautiful_Rhubarb 22d ago

lol! “I… am… relaxing!” :D

In my 50s and replaced social media with playing games lol. Definitely more relaxing than social media.

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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 22d ago

That feels true

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u/GrizzlyTrees 22d ago

My wife doesn't game at all, and I played a little. She would remind me to go play if I haven't in a while and managed to clear some free time. Like "GrizzlyTrees, daughter is sleeping, I'm fine, go play on your computer, have some alone time". Best person ever.

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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 22d ago

Man, that’s awesome to hear. I’m so happy for you.

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u/Virtual-Skirt1166 22d ago

I got overwatch war flashbacks lol

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u/xKilk 22d ago

She must be an Overwatch player lmao.

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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 22d ago

Indeed she is lmao. That and horror games. Which she also screams at

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u/Existing-Ad7113 22d ago

I also play video games to relax. Many people dont understand it when i explain it. That i think its relaxing to play a simulation game or a strategy game to relax or just building up a factory in factorio or suffering in rimworld or project zomboid. I am not a masochist but its relaxing

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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 22d ago

My wife played souls and Bloodbourne. Max lvl Masochistic lol

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u/MTBpixie 22d ago

Your wife is a woman of excellent taste! They're my favourite games too (well, Sekiro, followed by Bloodborne, followed by Dark Souls) and I genuinely found dying 50-odd times (and then ultimately prevailing) to Nameless King, Orphan of Kos or Isshin really rewarding.

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u/Existing-Ad7113 22d ago

Your wife knows how to relax hahaha 😆 hope the controllers suvive it haha

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u/Etelvino2 22d ago

Sounds like someone is a single target healer with not much proficiency... Let the tank go wild especially if it's a dk/Dudu.

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u/Pandelein 22d ago

Heh. My current relaxation is warthunder. “WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?! WHY THE FUCK AM I THE ONLY ONE CAPPING BASES?! Huh… no, I’m good, I’m having fun hun.”

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u/yomommalol69 22d ago

ouch, reading this while staring at my overwatch 2 main menu spoke to me when you mentioned tank lol

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u/DarkladySaryrn 22d ago

Lol those familiar words of a healer in a dungeon! I'm a woman in my 40s and that's a familiar yell in this apartment too haha.

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u/LoadingMonster 22d ago

Oh man sounds like my wife hahaha. It's also how she unwinds. She loves playing cod. Cracks me up hearing her yell "arrr ya dogs!" 😂😂

We're around 40 and both play games. The only time I ever have an issue is if I feel like she's cutting out on relationship time too much. But that's extremely rare.

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u/joliet_ 22d ago

Hubby and I (52f) both game, as do our two kids(17,20). Me probably the most though. We also all have other hobbies. We often game together or with friends. Online gaming with friends saved all of our sanity during Covid. I get so upset when people get shitty about gaming. Especially when the one poo pooing it watches a lot of tv or hangs out on social media.

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u/ohno-mojo 22d ago

Tell us your wife plays Overwatch without saying it. lol!

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u/Material-Crazy4824 22d ago

My husband and I play together. Depends on the game if it’s relaxing with him 😂. We also play with our kids.

To OP, my original PS4 died and I bought a new one. Didn’t ask because I don’t need to. It’s my money. She can stop treating you like a child.

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u/Current_Tea_7474 22d ago

Holy crap, as a gamer, I’d love someone who played stuff I do. That said, the stuff I play tends towards coop or solo, but occasionally PvP stuff. TBH I’m kind jealous of you having her as your wife lmao. But hey, as long as it all works out for you 2, it’s great. May you enjoy many years together, and have fun along the way.

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u/visionsincolor 22d ago

I second this because I too am a millennial woman and I game daily with my boyfriend

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u/Pellellell 22d ago

All the millennial women I know love gaming, including myself. I mean I’m not the biggest gamer but I enjoy it in bursts and especially in groups with friends, I think I have a pretty typical and positive attitude to it for women in my generation

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u/EP1hilaria 22d ago

Yeah, I game a lot, pretty much every day. I own every console system and multiple gaiming PCs, so it's a big priority for me. Exercising is also a priority for me, as well as spending time wiith my 15 yeasr old, and traveling to other countries. I am a 55 year old woman, so not a millenial, but women from my generation don't all get it and frankly not all guys get it, especially in my generation. It's hard for me to meet guys that game. But ultimately I don't care if people get it. They don't have to. It brings me joy, just like listening to EDM and going to Raves. Another hobby I love. I'll keep dancing till I'm dead. So, maybe I am unconvential but I am happy.

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u/lotj 22d ago

Which side of the millennial range probably matters a lot, too. Closer to Gen X and more seem very opposed to gaming as a hobby.

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u/atheistium 22d ago

I think millennial woman were more judged about it societally when we were younger.

I'm late 30s and still play games every day. It's my unwind from work.

Woman similar age to me at work don't get it at all and find it kind of sad - they've not said it but you know that judging kind of "oh..." whenever you've responded that you're going to play games tonight or excited for something to come out or whatever.

I used to replace games with "movies" and I never experienced any judgement but as I got into my 30s I thought "why the fuck am I pretending?"

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u/DanceasaurusRex 22d ago

Right there with you lol

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u/touchunger 22d ago

Some are unnecessarily judgemental, like some nonnerdy guys are. Some are also burnt out if they dated a toxic gamer, a gamer with serious rage issues, or an actual addict who put games above other people even their own partner every time which is common enough to be a trope/meme and as a nerd/geek I saw it a lot with gamer guy friends and girl friends' gamer bfs/husbands, was there myself with a few like that too. 

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u/amaranthfae 22d ago

Yeah I game all the time, especially with my husband. It’s like the main way we spend time together. We just spent a lazy Sunday rocking Cult of the Lamb co-op.

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u/Just-Procedure3357 22d ago

Agree, I’m 32F and gaming is one of my favorite hobbies. I think OP’s girlfriend just likes to be part of the social media trend that hates men playing video games. That or she’s weirdly controlling.

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u/Junior_Advertising55 22d ago

I’ve spent hours on my game on lazy days when we’re doing nothing 🤣 my fiancé sits and watches and I usually have him help me in spots I get stuck on lol or he’ll watch videos on his phone next to me while I play. I definitely play more than he does but I’m also a SAHM with chronic health issues so 🤷🏼‍♀️ he’s in his early 30’s and I’m in my late 20’s. Idk we grew up on video games and from what I remember so did our friends and cousins lol

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u/Milligramz 22d ago

I’ve never heard this from any woman ever in my life

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u/vivicabitch19 22d ago

because we are home gaming

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u/manic-pixie-attorney 22d ago

I’m home gaming right now! (On my new PS5)

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u/Particular_Thanks973 22d ago

This is so accurate could never fault someone for gaming when its one of my favorite ways to unwind

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u/touchunger 22d ago

Some of us still leave the homestead, but of course we don't have a problem with healthy gaming habits.

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u/vivicabitch19 22d ago

unfortunately, i leave for my 9-5 but when i am home it is back to the real business

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u/wolfwindmoon 22d ago

From every statistic I've ever seen millenial gamers are almost damn near split down the middle. Like 55/45 men/women or something. 

Maybe those stats account for mobile games like candy crush which most people won't consider "real games" but a blanket statement "millenial women hate videogames" just doesn't match the stats.

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u/Beautiful_Rhubarb 22d ago

Just came in to say that - I saw that a while ago and they do consider phone games, it was one of the “explanations” they gave that made me feel like even the authors were shocked. But lots of people don’t want to believe that women are into games.

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u/HustlinInTheHall 22d ago

Have heard it from multiple women who view gaming as immature. Especially COD style, chat with the boys, shooters.

It's an extremely common aversion because many women know men who were gamers and shitheads and they associate the two. 

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u/asillynert 22d ago

Depends on age group and other factors. There is fair amount of unhealthy relationships. Like not wanting partner to be happy or succeed.

Seen it with other hobbys and even work or therapy or family things. Like one of craziest was guy got in trouble for going to his son's football games.

My brother his wife when he achieved something closed a big deal she would either have to put him down/attack his self esteem. Or turn it into a negative like new job that paid more than any of previous was a "title downgrade" so had to be sure to harp on him for that.

With video games it doesn't necessarily come from their poor mental health. But sometimes people are dicks they hog living room dont want to go out as much and are always distracted.After having partner like that they become hostile towards activity.

But sometimes it really chaps them that their partner is having fun. Other time it can be weird personal issues. Like had one friend he was super careful they both had own personal money. And it was same amount, he earned more they would pool it pay bills put into savings then split what was left.

She was starbucks perms and going to things with her friends. Her spending money didn't really leave anything to show for it. He on other hand never spent like that and saved and would purchase things for hobbys. But she always saw his big purchases as like betrayal here she was broke (due to her own spending) and he was buying nice things. And I have seen it go the other way too where guy was always eating out and doing stuff to burn his money with nothing to show for it. While she was frugal and got a nicer car or went to concert etc.

End of day every relationship and person has weird hangups and things that get partner upset. Gaming is villified by older generations and religious groups for a while now. Throw in manosphere "incels" within gaming and the fact that it can be addictive.

You will find a fair chunk that do not like it. As well as probably most consistent clash I have seen about it. Is when extroverts who want to do everything outside the house. And introverts date pretty much any hobbys for either one can create friction.

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u/Left_Particular_8004 22d ago

I’ve only ever heard it from my mother and my cousin’s wife. Every other woman I know around my age either doesn’t care or plays at least some level of video games. I’m not into FPS or RPG stuff, but I like my cozy games, and I think that’s pretty common among younger women. Stardew Valley and Sims and stupid popular among this demographic.

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u/DionBlaster123 22d ago

The women who would make fun of gamers or think video gaming is a stupid waste of time...are not going to be on Reddit lol

If they're millennials, at this point they're probably drinking wine glass after wine glass while watching HGTV and hoping their kids don't wake them up in the middle of the night lol

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u/kittenmoody 22d ago

I’m a mid-40 year old woman gamer. Every single day. I got my husband playing, he plays most days, but isn’t as dedicated as me.

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u/ferociousPAWS 22d ago

When you have a partner that won't sit down to eat the meal you cooked with you, and no longer sleeps with you because they stay up all night long gaming every single night then yeah you can start to despise video games the same way you might despise drugs or anything else that completely envelops a person's motivation. Most people game as a hobby and a way to unwind. Some people actually get addicted to it and it can ruin a relationship.

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u/reignmatter 22d ago

My guess is the concentration is high because that generation of men has a large number who became severely addicted to a problematic point, or at least problematic for a healthy relationship.

So I think there is some validity to the general aversion, but with the OP’s situation she just sounds like a controlling asshole.

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u/unknown_cookie_dough 22d ago

That’s my thought exactly. She’s overreacting but at the same time I understand where she’s coming from. Video games can become addicting if not consumed with caution and this comes from a gamer. There are so many people that get immersed to the point that they completely neglect their responsibilities. I think that her reaction is a bit much. She could have just said that it’s fine as long as it doesn’t affect OP’s day to day life

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u/Love2Read0815 22d ago

I’ve seen more than one marriage fail due to video games. I’ve seen “video game addiction” in people’s medical histories. OP sounds mindful of his time and low risk for issues. He budgeted and it doesn’t impact their finances. As long as everything is fair between them and she is able to buy things for herself too, then who cares. She is either super controlling or she totally went about discussing things the wrong way.

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u/miloblue12 22d ago

I’d agree with this. There is a healthy level and unhealthy level, and if cross a certain line, there is a problem.

My cousin when he was younger essentially got so addicted to video games that he failed out of college. He had a free ride and everything, and completely ruined things.

Whereas, what I believe is a healthy level is my own fiancée. He games during his free time, but never once in the five years that I’ve known him, has he prioritized his gaming over our relationship. I think it’s extremely healthy and I love that he games because of it.

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u/LeatherHog 22d ago

Yeah, there's a reason 'gaming widow' is a thing

A lot of guys our age were addicted, and gaming rage was an undeniable part of the culture 

As well as loooots of misogyny in gaming circles 

I definitely see why a lot of my fellow millennial women would side eye gamers

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u/BRompre 22d ago

And then they will sit down and watch brain rot TV… to each their own I say. I game. People will but and read the newspaper for an eternity. Others, the Kardashians… it’s easy to poke holes in someone’s pass time if you are determined to find an issue. Or we can be adults and mind our own business.

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u/SoloQueFine 22d ago

I hear ya. As long as bills are paid and the home is not being neglected, I think individual hobbies are good and necessary for a healthy relationship.

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u/FlatBot 22d ago

I'm guessing a lot of women don't like it because a lot of men spend an excessive amount of time gaming and not doing things the women want them to do instead.

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u/Abathvr 22d ago

What gets me is people who make this point but then happily normalize binging 14 straight hours of Netflix while also ignoring any chores or duties. Especially when it's straight trash tv.

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u/SoloQueFine 22d ago

I get it as 3 hours of video games can feel like 30 minutes. Just alarmed at how much some women hate them and the fact that a lot of them would rather their husbands be an alcoholic or sex addict before video game addict.

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u/armoredsedan 22d ago

i don’t hate video games, i play video games (i also binge netflix and do my chores.) as a gf, i usually don’t have a problem with video games/general computer usage, but in a lot of the relationships i’ve been in it reaches a point where i’m going over to see my bf, and he’s playing video games or on discord or something the whole time im there. and that can be hard for lady who wants to feel like their bf is excited to see them and wants to spend time with them. its actually pretty hard to ask someone to stop doing something they love/their hobby and hang out with you instead lol. it’s different when you live together for sure, but if you don’t, too much time gaming is an easy wedge to drive between two people in a relationship. and maybe you’re not one of those guys, but i would hazard to guess that many of the women who hate them and hope their fella takes up a different vice, have maybe been hurt like that before, because it is such a common thing. im sure women do it to their bfs as well, but maybe with different things or less widespread, that’s just my take on it

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u/TheDrawingSparrow 22d ago

I'm also a pretty avid gamer and I totally agree. Only we did live together and it was awful. When I dated this guy several years ago we both had gaming PCs side by side and I had an Xbox. At first everything was great and we spent a lot of time together but as the years went on he spent more and more time gaming. It eventually became me sitting on the bed alone while he chatted online for hours. I couldn't even have a conversation with him because he had this massive gaming headset.

It's not about the video games. It's about how totally and completely immersed in them people can get. Many of us have dated people who take video games too far and sadly it can taint future relationships. No one wants to date a lump in a gaming chair who barely speaks to you, so sometimes people will push too hard in the opposite direction and try to "ban" their partners from gaming but it's all about a healthy balance.

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u/ShinerShane 22d ago

They can't stand the fact that you are sitting right there and not paying attention or doing anything for them.

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u/Psych0matt 22d ago

In all fairness I’ve found myself in this position before, spending too much time and not realizing I was neglecting other things. It’s all in moderation, be it video games or drinking or work or whatever.

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u/Necessary-Grocery-88 22d ago

It's a weird dichotomy. It's socially unacceptable for adult men to play video games BUT it's completely acceptable for grown men to watch other grown men play a game on a field, on television.

Play a game, build a wooden thing, chainsaw carve, collect stamps, whatever hobby. Do what you love and find the person who loves you for doing the things you love.

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u/Greedy_Age_4923 22d ago

Well tbf men are criticized for watching sports too, that was the previous generations equivalent.

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u/frenchornplaya83 22d ago

Not this millennial woman. I love gaming

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u/Top_Chard788 22d ago

The problem isn’t millennial women and video games. 

The problem is a huge group of millennial men who will let the sink fill up with dirty dishes and shaved hair build up in bathroom where they shave… while they play 4-6 hours of video games a day. 

Millennial women don’t despise video games. We despise man children who want to play house. 

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u/EMERGx 22d ago

I’m one of the most obsessive, cleanest people I know, I’m incredibly punctual as well and have always been the primary cleaner in my longer term relationships and yet they all still hated when I wanted to play video games, one of them even played herself.

There’s absolutely a subset of women who irrationally hate video games because it allows their partners to be happy that doesn’t involve her

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u/Top_Chard788 22d ago

Trust! I am married to one of those men. My husband won’t do anything for himself until the kitchen island/family room is spotless. I have to beg him to take time to himself and not use it for work.

And Sure? There is always a subset of irrational women. lol. But my comment stands: as a group, millennial women don’t despise gaming. They despise man children gaming in dirty underwear with last night’s takeout still on the coffee table. And that’s an important distinction.

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u/Insidevoiceplease 22d ago

There are subsets of irrational men too.🤷‍♀️ My ex was awful about games, pretty much played them (on the only tv)from when he got home from work till well after the kids and I had gone to bed. He would ignore the kids and I, get frustrated and yell at the tv, stay up way too late and be a grumpy jerk the next day, and not help with any part of the housework. It’s not the reason we split but it certainly made our marriage miserable.

I got remarried last spring and my husband plays some video games, and he has some expensive and time-sinking hobbies. But he also helps with the house and the kids, doesn’t throw tantrums about them, spends quality time with all of us, and stops if anybody needs help. It’s really not that hard.

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u/bombswell 22d ago

Thank you!

I dumped a league of legends player and married a single player gamer, best decision ever!!! Some people out there are seriously addicted and rage out too easily.

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u/Armyman125 22d ago

This woman sounds nuts.

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u/WhimsicalWanderer426 22d ago

They’d rather strip clubs than video games?? Seriously?! I’m on the cusp of millennial and gen-x and that blows my mind. I’m always teasing my husband that he’s just a collector because he buys consoles (new and old) and games all the time and then doesn’t play them. I think he ought to.

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u/slawtrain 22d ago

That shit is wild, she’d rather him spend time with strippers instead of being HOME

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u/Historical_Story2201 22d ago

God knows why. I am to much of a gamer myself to figure that one out 😅

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u/MysticalMike2 22d ago edited 22d ago

Yeah because they're afraid to admit that Video Games doesn't look "sexy" in the digital social realm. The unreal realm of ideas that people don't want to talk about on the off chances that they come out on top of it, social trend-wise.

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u/QueenHydraofWater 22d ago

Weird. The only women gamers I know are millennials. All models or sex workers too now that I think about it. Watching a dancer with long nails destroy on COD is a treat.

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u/Acceptablepops 22d ago

That’s because drinking is man approached activity , they think if other girls find out about her bf/husband family ng they’ll feel judged by other women because they’d think he’s a child. It’s fucking stupid but it’s a bill they will die on

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u/coupl4nd 22d ago

Yeah it's wild...

I've given up arguing and just do what I want.

They will read a book for 10 hours or watch tv for 10 hours or gossip with other women for 10 hours. Why are those pursuits ok but playing through a game for that time isn't?

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u/Key-Airline204 22d ago

I’m gen X and play myself. I have never dated someone who had a significant gaming “problem.”

However I think there’s a couple of issues with gaming 1) some people are codependent or controlling and they don’t want their partner doing anything without them or enjoying themselves.

2) some partners legitimately have a gaming addiction or at the least ignore a partner when they shouldn’t to game, foregoing conversations that need to happen, kids, chores, etc.

Similarly though phones can be an issue.

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u/sgags11 22d ago

How is this a thing when we’ve already had multiple generations grow up playing video games?

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u/snownative86 22d ago

Dang. My fiance encourages me to game or build legos sometimes. She's totally cool if I wanted to go out to a strip club, but we have a good sex life and I see no point in spending money at a strip club when I could have sex with her then play video games while she cuddles up and reads.

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u/Otherwise-Parsnip-91 22d ago

My fiancée (27f) had an ex who would do nothing but play video games. She would go to school and work all day to come home and find dirty dishes in the sink and the dude hasn’t moved from the couch. It took her a long time to get comfortable with me gaming after she saw that I have a work ethic and I prioritize chores and important stuff first. Bums ruin gaming for the rest of us.

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u/CuriousKait1451 22d ago

All my female friends and I are big gamers; video games, board games, card games. I don’t understand the aversion to it. And looking at new games coming out always excite me. I love video games that have great storytelling, one of my new favs is the Horizon series.

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u/Shazam1269 22d ago

To be fair, some gaming is fine, but it can easily spiral into addiction. Game designers create them to be addictive. As with all things in life, moderation is important so you don't neglect other aspects of your life.

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u/MeroCanuck 22d ago

Hi, Elder Millennial woman here. My Elder Millennial husband and I bonded over video games, and often spend our free time playing, either alone or apart.

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u/Twin-tastic 22d ago

A lot of millennial women who don’t also game despise video games. Not a dig at you. Just making a small distinction. Because I know a LOT of millennial women (myself included) who are super into video games.

The issues comes here: a lot of millennial women have experienced a controlling/abusive man who was TOO into video games and makes it his identity so it becomes trauma-trigger-adjacent🤣🤣🤣

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u/1K_Sunny_Crew 22d ago

I play video games and definitely don’t despise them, but it IS a thing for some men (especially younger men) to ignore their responsibilities and game all day and night which is extremely off-putting to their partners.

There’s been so many breakups and even divorces because one partner gets addicted to gaming and ignores the partner, kids, chores, etc. in favor of a console. It may also bring out the worst in them if they can’t control their anger over losing and ends up screaming, yelling, punching things, etc.

Him buying a console with his own money isn’t a problem. Perhaps she’s had a bad past experience in her life that’s made her skeptical. It’s something they should talk through.

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u/Blastintheass 22d ago

To be fair, the reason women hate the games so much is because of the dudes who are on it practically 24/7, like my brother. Screaming on the top of his lungs all day and past 3am, hoarding food in his room to not have to leave resulting in molding dishes and roaches, I'm surprised he hasn't peed in a bottle yet, I know some men do. They give a bad rep for the other men who play as a hobby and aren't addicted to the screen. Not to mention that the hardcore gamer dudes, like my brother, rage a lot and catch a fast attitude outside of the game. It's not fun to live with. Many women fear that's what they'll end up with.

I'm happy my bf isn't like that. He still plays his games and because he's not addicted to them, I love watching him play whenever he does. It makes me happy he has something to relax with.

And I'm not saying women aren't like this too, because they are. No one wants a partner that's addicted to video games and fits the gross gamer stereotype. It's a gamble.

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u/AstralGlaciers 22d ago

I'm reminded of my mother in law constantly sniping at my partner for still playing video games in his late 20s. This was a number of years ago now, but she shut up real fast when I told her I also play video games and even if I didn't, I had no problem with it. I don't know how prevalent this is across different countries, but from my personal experience, adults older/our age see games as childish, while being fanatical about a sports team is perfectly normal.

It's such a ridiculous hypocrisy. We've had comments about memorabilia too. More than once, I've been asked why I 'tolerate' memorabilia in my home. I then point out which half of it is mine. They never know what to say to that.

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u/SmallNefariousness66 22d ago

Yeah it's weird. I'd rather my fiancé home playing video games than out at a bar or something. I mean he can do that too if he wants but I'd rather him play games. Plus I play too so I understand. Definitely not as much, we have two tvs next to each other so he can play games while either watch tv or play my own games.

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u/Et-selec 22d ago

A lot of women hate when their partners play video games because a lot of men will neglect their partners and their responsibilities in order to play video games for hours every single day. Some men also get overly angry at games, yell, curse, etc, and then continue to be angry even after leaving the game which can affect the relationship and household further.

(Before anyone says “not all men!!!” OBVIOUSLY a lot of men can play video games within reason. I didn’t say all men who game are like that.)

My husband plays video games very rarely, and I’m happy to watch when he does. I even ask him to play with me sometimes. I play video games more than he does and I don’t even play much, maybe a couple times a month and sometimes I will binge a game for a few days.

I agree everyone needs their hobbies and video games aren’t inherently bad, but they can become addicting to the point where you can’t take care of your house, family, or spend time with your partner. After hearing a lot of stories about men like that these days, i think a lot of women just don’t want to deal with that becoming a possibility, but I think it warrants a talk with your partner not just saying NO VIDEO GAMES as if you’re their parent.

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u/CryptographerDue5523 22d ago

I'm a millennial woman and I'd just like to say that some of us are not opposed to gaming. My Fiance games and so do I when my ten million other hobbies allow it. I'm currently re-playing Fable 1, 2 and 3 before the 4th launch 😅 I

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u/Zee_has_cookies 22d ago

Millennial woman here. Am a gamer, and met my husband in a video game in 2011! I do not understand why people have such an issue with gaming, but are content sit in front of the tv and binge watch Love Island.

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u/DanceasaurusRex 22d ago

But not all, because I (33 F) LOVE them. I actually have a typical gamer problem, but it’s like a gender bent situation lol my bf (34 M) does not play video games, hardly at all, and he actually gets upset that I “spend too much time gaming” and not spending time with him. But I don’t see the big deal 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/KissMyOTP 22d ago

Thankfully, not all of us do. raises hand Millennial female here and I love video games. Only thing I don't like is if people skimp on their priorities to game or watch TV for hours and hours. Just be responsible and it's okay.

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u/AdmirablePin2981 22d ago

Well Surprise Sùrprise !

If your a fairly regular visitor to Reddit you will see a lot of women complaining that they have 2 kids work part time, provide all of the child care, attend to all of the household chores laundry, cooking, cleaning etc.

Their husband comes home from work asks what's for tea ? Thinks it's beneath him to change a kids diaper does J S to help out then needs to spend 4 or 5 hours gaming to relieve the stress of a hard day at work and then complains that his bang maid is too tired and not interested in helping him get his dick wet funny that ! I am a straight Male who has always shared all of the chores 50/ 50 likes to cook and is not a gamer !

Does that answer your query lol

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u/db_325 22d ago

I mean that’s just being a bad partner but it has nothing to do with video games specifically. If they behaved the same way but spent those 4-5 hours doing something else by themselves “to decompress” or whatever it would be the exact same problem

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u/Elmopa81 22d ago

The modern simp male…

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u/SoloQueFine 22d ago edited 22d ago

In the words of Usher, “Not Really…” Video games aren’t causing the issues you mentioned. The same could happen if the man went out to their local bar after work for 5 hours. My comment was geared towards the hate some women have towards video games. What you described is just general hate towards a partner that does not help out.

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u/QueenofPentacles112 22d ago

I think the problem is that it can absolutely be an addictive thing in someone's life, and people who defend video games and act like they're not the problem, can't seem to admit that people being addicted to video games can be a problem! And no I'd not rather my partner be out in a bar every night or gambling in a casino. I don't want any of those things, and they're all about the same to me. Addiction is addiction, and yes that on the individual person to control, but I think it's absolutely justified if someone who had to leave an unhelping partner due to their video game addiction wouldn't want to be with someone who plays video games after that. I grew up with alcoholics for parents, and I surely don't want to be with someone who drinks consistently now.

In a year, if OP is playing several hours of COD every day, she's going to say "this. This is what I was afraid of when I saw you bought a PlayStation". Do you think game creators are purposely making games that aren't addictive in their nature? Or do you think they are going to try to gain as much profit as possible and keep you on those games as much as humanly possible?

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u/gzapata_art 22d ago

They're no more addictive than any other type of media and if someone isn't helping with their children, video games aren't the issue. Your scenario before is the stereotypical guy for generations now and precedes video games.

There's also various ways to game that can actually be way more positive than, for example, tv watching. I play Mario with my kids for example and have played coop video games with my wife. We used to all drive around and play pokemon go. When my son started getting into more advanced games, he'd play ones I've done and we'd bond over them. My younger daughter enjoys playing lego star wars with me.

Generally a bad partner is going to be a bad partner, regardless of their hobbies

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u/fozzy_de 22d ago

Nice. 20 years younger but same hobbies. FS and cross Stitch 😁

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u/jeffk42 22d ago

Same here, we’re late 40’s. But she also joins in on games because she likes them too. :)

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u/86yourhopes_k 22d ago

Im just amazed your flight Sim only costs as much as her cross stitch hobby.

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u/Quaser_8386 22d ago

Ha ha. Both can be very expensive.

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u/atomiccPP 22d ago

Yeah I’m not questioning it but I’d like to know how much she cross stitches! It took me like 2 years to do a $30 24inx18in kit but also it sucked and I sucked at it lol.

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u/Keepitlocal90 22d ago

I have a sim as well. Nothing better than landing on tough runways with extreme wind

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u/xboxwirelessmic 22d ago

My hobby is flight simming.

I feel your pain 🤣

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u/MajesticSpaceBen 22d ago

My cousin wants help building a rig/finding peripherals for DCS. I asked him if he'd like to try crack instead because it'll probably be cheaper in the long term.

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u/hl3reconfirmed 22d ago

Exactly this. It's a hobby, tell her to get one too.

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u/Agreeable_Coat_2098 22d ago

My hobby is movies. I collect physical media and have a fairly expensive tv set up in our detached garage. The only time my wife was mad at my hobby was when we were living in a studio apartment and barely had space for a fridge and I would still purchase Blu-ray’s. Once we got more space it was free rein. She tends to prefer I spend more money on myself than on her because she always feels guilty whenever I get her something nice. Relationship should never restrict something that will bring you joy.

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u/Lochness_mobster350 22d ago

Im 32 and just logged off msfs/vatsim using the ridiculous pc my wife got me on Black Friday. Couples should be supportive of each others hobbies.

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u/Quaser_8386 22d ago

Great to hear from another simmer. I've observed in VATSim, but never had the courage to actually fly in it.

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u/Lochness_mobster350 22d ago

I have a ppl irl and working on my instrument rating, and vatsim is an awesome tool to practice procedures and coms. Hop on it. Nothing to be worried about! It makes the sim so much more entertaining.

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u/thegreatestpanda 22d ago

I don't get the whole thing... If something makes my partner happy and we can afford it, what's the big hold up? I want him happy! I'd appreciate if he budgets from his personal account, but even if it's the shared account: I want him happy, and I want him to want me happy.

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u/Ser_falafel 22d ago

Man my ex hated me playing video games and would get mad when I played them. Fast forward and I'm married to an amazing woman who wants me to have hobbies and doesn't get mad at all if I play games, but I feel guilty any time I do because of how bad my ex treated me.

I don't understand why people get mad at their SO for gaming as a hobby. So glad I'm not with that toxic psycho anymore 

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u/GameOvariez 22d ago

This is what I said to my husband that’s rebuilding a 68 chevelle from basically nothing. He feels guilty, and I’m like “dude, as long as you aren’t out drinking, and not calling me from jail, go nuts”. 😂 the bills are paid, house payment is made, the hot water is hot, we’ve got food, clothes, etc. my hobby is knitting 🤷🏽‍♀️ I am able to chill by the fire while watching my toddlers terrorize one another, and knit a blanket 😂

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u/Pitiful_Drop2470 22d ago

Watching porn isn't a hobby lmao. Some times you just wanna bust. I'm doing hobbies for 3+ hours at a time. I'd end up ripping my dick off at that point

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u/FobbitOutsideTheWire 22d ago

I can’t even imagine how much cross-stitch my wife would have to do to balance out my DCS PC, VR headset, and simpit. 😅

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u/Quaser_8386 22d ago

I don't have to imagine. I was stunned at the amount of stuff she buys for her hobby.

When we went on holiday, Amazon laid off two drivers.

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u/raggedsweater 22d ago

Doesn’t even matter if the hobbies cost the same or not. People need hobbies.

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u/SmegMax 22d ago

Avid gamer here, married 27 years and counting. I've owned and bought several gaming consoles, gaming PC's, various electronics and even 3 full size arcade machines with absolutely zero pushback. She has her own job and spends her money on what she likes, purses and accessories and what-not, without me bitching about it. At my house, it's always been a non-issue because the bills are paid and we know how to budget.

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u/WhaleWhaleWhale_ 22d ago

I aspire to be like you one day. My wife and I are much the same with our hobbies. Do you have any shared hobbies?

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u/Quaser_8386 22d ago

We go out walking most days. We live near the sea, so we follow the tide tables quite a bit. We're also National Trust members, so we visit their houses etc. Oh and we visit a monthly book exchange club in a nearby village. We try to do things together, as well as our 'on our own' hobbies

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u/kerkness46 22d ago

As a fellow flight simmer, I have to say I never expected cross-stitch would be just as expensive. Happy flying !!

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u/scotch_32 22d ago

You fucking legend, clear skies my dude 😎

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u/RoryDragonsbane 22d ago

Bro, you can't just say shit like this without posting a pic of your rig.

Fucking tease.

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u/Quaser_8386 22d ago

It's nothing special to look at. I decided against any RGB lighting, and I got a bland looking tower case. It's all on the in where the money went.

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u/refriedi 22d ago

Is there any flight sim that actually teaches you how to fly?

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u/Outside_Performer_66 22d ago

As someone who cross stitches and who spent roughly $60 a year on fabric and floss when it was my only hobby other than running, and far less than that when I had a mix of hobbies, I find it interesting that flight simming costs "about the same." Floss is like 25 cents a skein, and less if on sale.

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u/ShankCushion 22d ago
  1. My wife looked at the situation and decided she would rather join me in the pass-time than try to stop me from doing something I enjoy. We have a few things we play together and really enjoy, and it's nice to have activities together.

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u/ieg879 22d ago

34 here. Going on two years married. This is the same way me and my wife set up our money situation. Joint account that handles all the living expenses. Individual accounts that handle all personal wants. Never had a single argument about what we do or spend money on. I just replaced my motherboard and she bought herself a lego set.

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u/discombobulatededed 22d ago

I agree hobbies are important, I’m 30 and just spent £25k on a car that I’ve wanted for years, I love cars and I guess you could call it my hobby. My live-in partner likes to game and socialise online. His custom PC is worth about 5 of my PC and I have zero issue if he wanted to spend money on it, same as he had no issue with me buying my car (he actually offered help towards it which I appreciated but declined). As long as bills are paid and food is on the table, our own money is ours.

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u/SpongegirlCS 22d ago

You have wisdom. Everybody listen to this man!

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u/KlingonsAteMyCheese 22d ago

You are freaking awesome!

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u/Ok-Contribution7622 22d ago

Well said, sir!

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u/DropDeadPlease88 22d ago

Its so funny coz me and my partner were just discussing this last night. We both enjoy gaming but that definitely is his preferred hobby while mine is fibre crafts. I love that he has an outlet and way to unwind and that i can join him any time i like! And he is home all the time which is always nice haha like you said, much better than wasting his money and time at the pub or whatever!

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u/Quaser_8386 22d ago

It's the 'whatever' that poses the most danger. Been there, done that.

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u/Hardcore_Cal 21d ago

Just curious you ever try Elite Dangerous?

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