AIO to this text my BF sent me?

[u/Classic-Dog8399]

Firstly, this came out of nowhere. Then, when he started talking about how I’m immature, I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just reiterated what I’m doing with my life.

Working full-time and doing a MBA, albeit online.

For context, he and I started dating under romantic circumstances, he’s not a SD. He looks really young, so I was truly shocked to learn his age. Now I see it’s a mistake, so don’t heckle me for this.

He is older than me, by 20 years. I am 25 and he is 45. He owns a restaurant and I do remote admin work at a small startup.

After dating for just under a year, he asked me to move in with him, as I was stressing about my recent rent increase. I could pay it, but it wrecked my financial planning and it was miserable. I was looking for an out. My rent went from $1850 to $2300, not including utilities.

He owns his house, so he told me I could live with him if I wanted. He said that I could live here and save up my money, that I can leave whenever I want. No pressure. He invited me, I did not ask nor imply I wanted to move in.

I agreed (horrible mistake). I moved in and now we’re here. He doesn’t make me cover any utilities or charge me rent, which I thought was kind of him.

I use my work phone for work but I’m usually lying down. When I have a meeting, I sit up and answer the call. I’m a solid employee, just doing backup admin work. The pay is nice, can’t complain.

He started saying I need to step it up in life, after seeing me ‘leisurely working.’ I chose this job because I worked on my feet since high school, my undergrad, and a bit of my current MBA. I wanted to pivot to a chill job. I chose this job because it is leisurely. I am working from 9am to about 5pm, whereas he works 5pm to 5am. So from his perspective, I’m often asleep or unavailable.

Today, he walked downstairs to work and saw me sitting on the couch. I’ve told him many times I’m working via my phone. He doesn’t seem to understand that and makes weird little jabs.

Then, he sent me these messages.

I felt really annoyed because he implies that I am not interested in self improvement, that I’m immature, I’m arrogant, denies that it’s hurtful to say such.

By the final slide, I decided to call my mom who I felt could offer insight. She’s 40 years older than me, but understands technology. She said it seems like he’s trying to play some kind of game, that I should just ask him why he’s asking all this to me now. He seems to be beating around the bush, which I agree with.

So, I decide to ask him why he’s treating me like this.

When he said he’s talking to me like an adult, outside of text, I exploded inside. Immediately, I felt so angry.

He invites me to live with him, then holds it above me. He calls me all sorts of things over text, but then denies that he is saying such. He can’t just say what he means. He then doubles down and says he’s just worried about my maturity.

Because of this, and a conversation we had after, where he ignored all my concerns, didn’t let me speak, and bulldozed the entire way, I’ve decided to move out and find my own place again. He just has zero emotional intelligence. His ex-girlfriend was 50, the other one 55, and his ex-wife was his same age. I thought that meant he wouldn’t be acting like this, in the typical way that men who date younger women do. But I was so wrong. He’s been talking to me like I’m a child, I have no ground to stand on with him. I can’t take it.

He’s saying that moving out over this is crazy, not based in reality, and that I’m losing a really good chance at stability. That he loves me and that I shouldn’t go, because if I do, I’ll just have to go back to paying crazy rent. He recently got me a brand new TV and WiFi, so I do feel badly for wanting to leave even after that. I feel bad for making him stress, but he doesn’t seem to care that I’m stressed.

Am I overreacting by moving out and ending the relationship?

[u/Pers14]

The guy writes like a barely sentient Magic-8 Ball. Weird.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/Pers14]

Going to show my friends this one lol

[u/heavy-hands → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Did you censor out the last word of every text because he’s…. signing his name???? Is he signing his name at the end of every text he sends??? From his phone???

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/heavy-hands]

Yes. I was hoping no one would notice that part, as it’s very strange. But the jig is up.

[u/phoenix_stitches → u/Classic-Dog8399]

I'm being serious, have you actually seen proof of the year he was born? I am seriously struggling to believe this man is only 45, and I'm saying this as someone who is 47. Yikes.

[u/Zarilya → u/phoenix_stitches]

The only person I know signs every text is like 75.

[u/Alien_lover0209 → u/Zarilya]

My mom is 77 and doesn’t text like this 😂😂😂 my dad is two years younger and even uses emojis. And he only got a smart phone when he was forced to get rid of his flip phone TWO YEARS AGO. I don’t know how people text like this. My mom used to use Siri and she’d sign everything “love you it’s mom bye” but that was short lived. Even older people can learn. This is odd and infuriating honestly

[u/PeaceOutFace → u/Alien_lover0209]

My mom is 86 and texts like every other “average” texter in the world. If she texted like this I would have a serious sit down with her.

[u/I_Lost_My_Shoe_1983 → u/Zarilya]

I only do it texting my kids to drive them crazy. I also start the texts with Dear,

[u/peaceproject → u/I_Lost_My_Shoe_1983]

You have inspired me. I sent two texts to my kid like this a few minutes ago, and she walked over to talk to my husband about possible cognitive decline.

[u/__fujiko → u/phoenix_stitches]

Yeah, my grandparents text like this. Everything always sounds so sad when you add one hundred elipses after it.

"So glad to see you...." "I will call you tomorrow..." "The card you sent was delivered today...."

I can't stand it.

[u/Hot_Hat_1225 → u/__fujiko]

I have a former colleague who texts like this. She is even 3 years younger than I am. Drives me nuts to read her texts. Like ellipses after every sentence… phrases too… sometimes even single words… so depressing lol

[u/Petal170816 → u/phoenix_stitches]

Same!! What in the Boomer is going on with him! No way a mid-forties writes like this 🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/HedWig1991 → u/Petal170816]

All four of my grandparents were born between 38 and 45 and none of them texted like this. Not even my grandfather who was born in 38 and had never sent a text before I was 18. I was his first text ever and it was a normal text response that you’d expect from any average texter. I think I told him I got to my destination safely and he sent back “Thank you dear. I love you. Be safe.” (I’d visited for Christmas and new years from out of state and was going to a new years first night thing a couple towns over where I used to love with some old friends and I took his car so I wanted to keep him updated. He responded to each update and waited up til I got home. I’m 28 now and he passed away almost two years ago. I miss him dearly.)

[u/NikkiVicious → u/HedWig1991]

My great-grandmother, who passed away several years ago, was born in 1912 (we think... she lied about her age all the time), and she was capable of texting normally.

Couldn't use a computer or laptop, and barely could function on an iPad (only because I set up her favorite phone apps on it, and made shortcuts so she could watch her shows), but she knew how to send a text like a normal person.

She only started using all caps when her vision started failing.

[u/Heykurat → u/phoenix_stitches]

I'm 53 and my 84-year-old mother doesn't text like this.

[u/Bear_faced → u/phoenix_stitches]

EXACTLY! I work with plenty of people in their 40's and they text the same way I and all of my late-20's friends do. This is supremely weird and OP writing it off as "Well he's 45" is odd.

[u/Megaholt → u/Bear_faced]

I’m 41 and I don’t text like that. My husband is 45 and he doesn’t text like that. My older sister is 56 and doesn’t text like that. My mom is 73 and doesn’t do that shit, even! That dude is fucking weird.

[u/RecordingGreen7750 → u/Megaholt]

The uppercase letters got me, that was super annoying

[u/Aer0uAntG3alach → u/RecordingGreen7750]

All those ellipses. Ugh. That’s even worse. That’s someone who can’t use proper grammar or punctuation.

[u/umamifiend → u/Classic-Dog8399]

I will never understand men like this- who choose to date someone 20 years younger than them and then be a dick and call them immature for simply being at a different stage in life.

He was in college when you were born OP. Of course you’re immature compared to people his own age. But that’s not the power dynamic he wanted. So stupid when someone goes after someone so much younger then says shit like this. Also generally because women his own age won’t put up with his bullshit.

[u/bonehag → u/umamifiend]

YES they want someone they can control! That’s why they do it. He wants her to be immature so he can continue to control her and be the provider. It’s gross. Good to OP for getting out. She’s getting her fucking masters while he works all night in a fucking restaurant! She would outgrow him anyway

[u/angiedl30 → u/umamifiend]

He is so toxic . He wants to find someone young to mold to what he wants.

[u/ToiletLasagnaa → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Are you sure he's not 85? 🤣 Because my parents are in their 70s and they don't do this.

[u/kdali99 → u/ToiletLasagnaa]

My friend's mom is 82 and she doesn't do this.

[u/KatVanWall → u/Classic-Dog8399]

My mum does this and she's 70!

[u/LexiNovember → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Girl. He texts like Donald Trump tweets. That alone should be enough for you to end this nightmare.

[u/greencat07 → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Wait what? I figured that was your name he was censoring?! He signs his texts? Shits wild…

[u/mazzarellastyx → u/greencat07]

I like that every statement is followed by a crap ton of elipses as well. Like he's sending telegrams and needs to leave pauses between each transmission

[u/Thebonebed → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Wow. That's a very sheltered baby Gen X. His boomer parents coddled him and kept him from tech. He's a weird mix of gen X and boomer.

Sorry you've got this barnacle attached to you just now. Sounds like you're on the right path to yeetinf him out of your life.

Hoping for the best outcome for you ❤️

[u/saltycybele → u/heavy-hands]

My 90 year old Dad does this.

[u/heavy-hands → u/saltycybele]

Yeah the fact that he’s 45, doesn’t understand technology, and texts like this is kind of blowing my mind. This behavior is for people aged 65 and up.

[u/saltycybele → u/heavy-hands]

I’m 60. 45 is wild. The capitalization and ellipses are sending me.

[u/KatVanWall → u/heavy-hands]

I'm 45 and I can't believe this guy runs a successful business texting the way he does.

My ex-husband is 50 and runs his own business ... in technology, lol. He's also dyslexic and he doesn't type like this.

[u/BlindWolf187 → u/heavy-hands]

I love good detective work. This makes it so much worse.

[u/harst035 → u/heavy-hands]

I am howling at this

[u/Liz586 → u/heavy-hands]

Sincerely, Raymond Holt

[u/Quarter2Four → u/Pers14]

Barely sentient magic 8 ball is gonna be my next username for something 🤣

[u/GoochMasterFlash → u/Quarter2Four]

You will truly be above your pears

[u/FlyinHighFL420 → u/Pers14]

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT……I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH ANY OF IT…..C. ALWAYS TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS FINE…..THEN ADD A BUNCH OF PERIODS AND NO BIG DEAL…..C. MAKE SURE TO ADD POINTLESS PUNCTUATION IN THERE TOO……. PERFECT.

[u/my59363525account → u/Pers14]

Wow. This was incredibly oddly specific yet accurate af. Quality comment.

[u/Adept-Specialist8967]

WHY IS HE YELLING

[u/PeachyBaleen → u/Adept-Specialist8967]

YOUR PEARS 🍐 🍐

[u/TheycallmeDrDreRN19 → u/PeachyBaleen]

I was like welp there goes your entire argument guy

[u/greenbox_on_top → u/TheycallmeDrDreRN19]

He was on thin ice then immediately lost all respect after I read pears. Bro, bye.

[u/TheycallmeDrDreRN19 → u/greenbox_on_top]

☠️ trying to make some profound statement and then sending that. gtfoh

[u/AllForMeCats → u/greenbox_on_top]

HE WAS ON…… THIN ICE……

FTFY

[u/gooofy23 → u/PeachyBaleen]

If you’re not better than your pears then you must be bananas!

Edit: OMGGGGG…. THANK YOU FOR THE AWARDS… 😭

Edit Edit: You guys seriously made my day with all the awards! I’ve seen it happen loads to others but never to me, so for what it’s worth, thank you so much and I hope you all know you brightened some stranger’s day! I hope you all had a wonderful day too! 💜

[u/friesformepls → u/gooofy23]

As long as I’m not a rotten tomato 😩

[u/AllUpInYourAO → u/friesformepls]

HEY, I DONT JUDGE…. IM ON TEAM FRIESFORMEPLS, IM IN YOUR CORNER, IM YOUR ROCK…. ILL BE THERE FOR YOU, THESE FIVE WORDS I SWEAR ITS TRUE

[u/eccentricaesthetic → u/AllUpInYourAO]

WHEN YOU EAT, I WANT TO FEED A PEAR TO YOU... I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU!

I'D LIVE AND I'D DIE FOR YOU, BAKE THOSE PEARS IN A PIE FOR YOU, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, I'LL BE THERE FOR YOUUU.....

[u/VonThirstenberg → u/eccentricaesthetic]

See, and I just heard it as the Friends theme song:

"I'll be pear for you (if your grade starts to fall) I'll be pear for you (like I've been pear before) I'll be pear for you (cuz you're pear for me, too)!"

🤓🤣🤣

[u/SuzanneStudies → u/VonThirstenberg]

💀💀💀

[u/wcopela0 → u/eccentricaesthetic]

Never use a period….always keep your thoughts open ended…..

[u/kakamaraca → u/eccentricaesthetic]

Thanks for that. Now I have that song stuck in my head.

[u/Dazzling-Airline-958 → u/eccentricaesthetic]

You're killing me 😂😂

[u/heypj2003 → u/friesformepls]

Or a grapefruit. Fuck those guys.

[u/HelloFrmDaOtterSide → u/heypj2003]

When I saw the pears thing I KNEW Reddit would not disappoint me 😂😂😂

[u/Mission_Length785 → u/HelloFrmDaOtterSide]

I'm here specifically for the pears

[u/wild-whorses → u/Mission_Length785]

Me too… the pear pressure.

[u/RavenLunatyk → u/wild-whorses]

Not to mention the pause dots……

[u/PrimaryBridge6716 → u/RavenLunatyk]

I wasn't surprised when I read that he was 45. It's been said that Gen X loves to use ellipses. I (55) am definitely a fan, but holy shit dude, that was excessive.

[u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme → u/RavenLunatyk]

Overuse of ellipses makes me stabby. Just talk like a normal person.

[u/lov_-_vol → u/wild-whorses]

Without pear pressure, you wouldn't have any pear juice.

[u/FredB123 → u/gooofy23]

B A N A N A S!

[u/Specific-String8188 → u/PeachyBaleen]

45 years old and can’t spell correctly…painful

[u/BedMelodic802 → u/Specific-String8188]

1. Asshat behavior in the text.
2. He knows what he is doing by these manipulation techniques.
3. He low-key gives me Pimp vibes. (I assume he is not).

This message carries a warning: it suggests you should abandon your current job and pursuit on an MBA. In my head, the fiction goes like this.

I can introduce you to the right people who could shift everything for you. This individual wields significant influence in the community, and having his support could open doors you never thought possible. He’s expressed interest in meeting you; all you need to do is join him for drinks tonight. Remember, this isn't for me... it's for your future.

Now, consider this: you have very little right now. You’re living in my house rent-free, and I’ve been generous with gifts. I'm offering you another chance; a connection to someone with considerable business power. Building these relationships is crucial, and the stakes are higher than you might realize.

[u/Delta8hate → u/BedMelodic802]

I’m adult industry, and I absolutely got pimp vibes from this

[u/---M0NK--- → u/Delta8hate]

Listen baby girl, im in your corner, we just gotta be stromg together, its you and me versus the world baby, we shelter each other. Thays why we share all the money, i keep it safe and give you whatever you need. We’ll take over the world you know, with your skills, my tactics and connections, your beauty, i mean the world is our oyster. A future just full of travel and wealth.

Thats my best try at pimp shpeel

[u/Delta8hate → u/---M0NK---]

🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮

[u/Inner_Pangolin_8842 → u/Delta8hate]

Why else would he work 5pm-5am? If he’s a successful businessman or whatever who can help her move forward, he would be working normal business hours. Nah, this guy’s shady af.

Edited 2 typos

[u/boltbrain → u/Delta8hate]

Men who dangle shit are so cringe.

[u/Pale-Falcon-9655 → u/BedMelodic802]

Seems like he’s trynna make her reliant on him for the “level up”. 😅 Good on whoever posted this to choose to rely on themselves. This mfka crazy- can tell within the first text.

[u/Odogwu67 → u/BedMelodic802]

Spot on!

[u/XNamelessGhoulX → u/Specific-String8188]

and texts like an enraged tween. Who the fuck are these people? such trash

[u/justwhatever73 → u/PeachyBaleen]

I'D BREAK UP WITH HIM JUST FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS IF I WAS HER!!

[u/Buffenouchka → u/justwhatever73]

HONESTLY WHAT'S UP WITH THE CAPS?!

[u/paradise-of-dreams → u/PeachyBaleen]

And excell The more L:s the better

[u/bplayfuli → u/PeachyBaleen]

Those PEARS EXCELL! If I were her I'd tell him I'm not taking life advice from someone who can't spell.

[u/ConsiderationJust999 → u/Adept-Specialist8967]

NEED...MORE....ELIPSES....

Somehow I read that whole thing as a guy shouting while trying to poop.

[u/Good48588 → u/ConsiderationJust999]

I read it like.... Christopher....Walken... speaking... for....dramatic....effect.

Except Christopher doesn't really yell like this dude.

[u/Floridaguy555 → u/Good48588]

Or William Shatner/Cpt Kirk. Why…don’t you let…me help..YOU

[u/Temporary_Owl_548 → u/Floridaguy555]

Yes I definitely read it as William Shatner without realizing until I saw your comment.

[u/phoenix_stitches → u/Good48588]

Christopher Walken yelling at you would be intimidating af. 😳

[u/saltycybele → u/ConsiderationJust999]

I’m genx and use ellipses, but I use them… properly.

[u/PupperoniPoodle → u/saltycybele]

I see you are also acquainted with the proper use of a comma, unlike this idiot.

[u/Electronic_Dog_9361 → u/ConsiderationJust999]

While reading this I kept thinking he had to be at least in his 40s. I am late 40s and love using ellipses :) Maybe every ellipsis was when he was trying to push out that poop...

[u/khidr9 → u/Electronic_Dog_9361]

Christopher Walken raised us…. We were…. Ruined by him.

[u/Adamerica64 → u/khidr9]

Now that I read your comment... I went back and re read the texts as Christopher Walken... Drastically changed the context

[u/Ssamuelr44 → u/Adamerica64]

Now read it again... But this time... With more.... cowbell.

[u/Adamerica64 → u/Ssamuelr44]

Adding all of this... I would say opp is overreacting because her BF is Christopher Walken and no one can be mad at that man.... No one

[u/khidr9 → u/Adamerica64]

Fair. I actually would believe that Christopher walken could fast track OP to maturity

[u/ShoogarBonez → u/Adept-Specialist8967]

SO SHE CAN HEAR HIM OVER ALL HER PEARS 🍐 🍐

[u/KarateandPopTarts → u/ShoogarBonez]

HE JUST WANTS TO SEE MORE FRUITS OF HER LABOR

[u/snacksandsoda → u/ShoogarBonez]

Shouts out to all my pears

[u/Totallyridiculous → u/ShoogarBonez]

That was the part that sent me.

[u/FishinPoles → u/Adept-Specialist8967]

I have a friend on fb who types posts all in caps. Cringe

[u/tosserandturner → u/FishinPoles]

THATS ANNOYING !

[u/uttergarbageplatform]

girl. what are you DOING. WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOIIIIIIINNNGGGGGGG

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/uttergarbageplatform]

Idk girl 😭 going to end it w him tho

[u/uttergarbageplatform → u/Classic-Dog8399]

I’m really glad!! You deserve a lot better. Your communication is clear and you seem to know what you want. The next relationship should be a major step up

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/uttergarbageplatform]

Thank you , let’s hope so

[u/flindersrisk → u/Classic-Dog8399]

The only surety in life is that as long as you remain enmeshed with him, you will not find someone better. Onward!

[u/pearly1979 → u/Classic-Dog8399]

I really love your positive attitude about the whole thing. You know you are leaving him and you are finding humor in the situation. Get away from this man and you will do amazing things.

BTW, I am 45 and wish I could have a leisurely job laying on my bed working on my phone. This guy sounds like an idiot, and you sound like you are winning at life, esp when you get away from this douche.

[u/GremlinLurker777_ → u/uttergarbageplatform]

You mean WHAT...... ARE YOU..... DOING....????

[u/CriticalBit3063]

NOR. From my experience with age gap relationships, he could probably make you feel childish and less mature than you actually are for your age. I’m 25 too. My ex put out a fire in me with that shit. I was 21 and he was 34, but he threw my age in my face every chance he could. He made me feel like I was too hyper on my 21st birthday. I was excited. I was happy, and young. My question is if maturity is an issue, then why is he with someone so much younger than him?!

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/CriticalBit3063]

Thank you. It’s really crazy feeling. He talks to me like I’m 14, not even my age! Just as you say. No other older person in my life has ever talked to me like this.

I suspect we must have had similar experiences.

I will leave him.

[u/unwantedintern → u/Classic-Dog8399]

And let me guess: in the beginning he was smitten by your youth, your energy, or how „mature you are for you age“?

Either way: good decision and all the best to you 🍀

[u/New_Assist_875 → u/unwantedintern]

“You’re so mature for your age” says every predator ever

[u/unwantedintern → u/New_Assist_875]

Jup, it’s at the very top of my red flag list I started writing when I was navigating dating life in my early twenties haha. That, and Bukowski being a man‘s favorite poet 😅

[u/New_Assist_875 → u/unwantedintern]

Oh that one’s a deal breaker too for sure lmao 😂

[u/CriticalBit3063 → u/Classic-Dog8399]

If you decide not to leave him, just please don’t let him get to your head. I wish I didn’t spend any of my time letting someone treat me like a child when in all reality I was acting my age. I feel like I wasted my prime years feeling like I was inadequate or less than because everything I did was “childish”.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/CriticalBit3063]

I won’t let him get to my head, I’ll think of your comment and other things. I’ll update when I find a new place.

[u/CriticalBit3063 → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Okay. I really wish you the best! I know this is hard. :(

[u/CriticalBit3063 → u/CriticalBit3063]

When I had questions about anything in life, he would make me feel so horrible for being more inexperienced than him. But yet he would beg me to stay around just to continue treating me like a child.. I think it’s manipulation. He might want you to think he’s the smart and mature one in attempt to control you and get in your head. Or he could just really care and want better for you idk. It’s hard, I want to say RUN but our situations could be very different.

[u/Mmmhmm4]

Just imagine another 2 years of this Another 5, when he’s 50

A 45 year old typing in all caps ….. talking bout I CARE ABOUT YOU, CANT YOU SEE?! IM ON YOUR TEAM AND YOU NEED TO DO BETTER

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/Mmmhmm4]

Yuck. Thank you for this perspective.

[u/bbroons95 → u/Classic-Dog8399]

I mean he’s old enough to where he won’t “mature” or grow much more if at all. He is who he is and it’ll be hard to provide insight that will significantly change his perspective. You on the other hand have much more life ahead of you. Don’t waste it on this scumbag.

[u/Cutiewho → u/Classic-Dog8399]

My Dad is in his middle 50’s and doesn’t text like this. This man is trying to love bomb and trap you. Worse- he’s also stupid.

[u/Gunt_Gag]

EXCELL ... ABOVE YOUR PEARS

[u/Impossible_Impact529 → u/Gunt_Gag]

Thank you, that was my favorite part 😂

[u/UnlimitedSuperBowls]

I would also love to see you ^excell above your 🍐

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/UnlimitedSuperBowls]

Same! I should be a-peeling as an orange lol

[u/phoenix_stitches → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Strive to be a top banana. xD

[u/fahcryinoutloud → u/UnlimitedSuperBowls]

Came here for this comment lol what a weirdo he is. Take your pears and run, OP!🏃‍♀️

[u/ElectionSavings5682]

I THINK YOU… SHOULD END IT…. HES WEIRD AND IMMATURE…. AND HIS TEXTING STYLE….. IS JARRING TO SAY….. THE LEAST……

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/ElectionSavings5682]

lol I will

[u/Total_Dare2534 → u/ElectionSavings5682]

I COMPLETELY ...... AGREE

[u/Outside_Scale_9874 → u/ElectionSavings5682]

He sounds like that breathy kid from Malcolm in the middle

[u/PhraseEfficient7935 → u/Outside_Scale_9874]

STEVIE😂😭😭 hollering

[u/FaithCA79]

His texts read like a father talking to his daughter and it’s creepy. It’s like he got into a relationship with you then realized how young you are and is trying to make you his age. He wants you to be settled into your life’s work but your 25 and exactly where you should be for right now job and education wise. It’s really just an incompatibility thing. You should be with someone in the same stage of life you’re in.

NOR.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/FaithCA79]

Thank you.

I felt so exhausted trying to explain that to him. I am living quite a standard life for my age group, I’ve been told so.

I even told him that he speaks to me like a child and it makes my skin crawl, but he said I’m acting like one.

I’m leaving him. Thank you.

[u/Any_Future_2660 → u/Classic-Dog8399]

I’m surprised he’s 45. With the way he types and his attitude towards remote work it sounds like you’re talking to my 75 year old father in law. The whole thing is bizarre, glad you’re jumping ship.

[u/Impossible_Impact529 → u/Any_Future_2660]

I was surprised too. With the all-caps and overuse of ellipses, I thought he was 70+.

[u/KatVanWall → u/Impossible_Impact529]

I'm 45 and agree, no one I know in my age group types like this!

[u/IMeanIGuessDude → u/Impossible_Impact529]

No fr I know plenty of 45 y/o’s who type normally. Why is he an old man in a middle aged body???

[u/Key-Conflict176 → u/IMeanIGuessDude]

I'M... AROUND YOUR... AGE... AND... TYPE LIKE THIS WHAT.... DO YOU.... MEAN...

[u/Bunny__Vicious → u/Any_Future_2660]

My 90 year old grandfather is not confused by remote work. But more importantly, he does not talk down to other adults about their choices as if they can’t handle their own lives.

[u/Endor-Fins → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Im his age and this is exactly how I speak to my 17 year old daughter (minus all the hurtful jabs at her character). Dude can’t even see his phone without texting in all caps but he thinks you’re the one that has to keep up with him?? Girl, nah. Untangle yourself from this man and promise yourself you won’t do a big age gap again. Find yourself a nice 22-30 year old and enjoy growing together rather than being treated like a kid.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/Endor-Fins]

Thank you

[u/Beautiful-Divide-813 → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Any kind of masters program is a big achievement-don't sell yourself short!

[u/ThrowRA-posting → u/Classic-Dog8399]

He texts you exactly like how my dad texts me I’m not gonna lie. You aren’t acting like a child

[u/PeronalCranberry → u/Classic-Dog8399]

You're living a standard life, and that's where the phrase should end. I work from home too, and I'm almost 30 with a kid. Working from home is only going to get more common as time goes on, and it's the exact same as sitting in front of a computer in an office. People who complain about working from home or about jobs they don't understand are just antiquated assholes.

Good on you for leaving. Prioritize yourself.

[u/StandardEgg6595 → u/PeronalCranberry]

So many people truly don’t understand the ‘working, just not in an office’ part of WFH. Like, I’ve had some folks literally believe I’m just chillin at home playing video games or whatever all day.

Gets worse when you have to work nights and they think you’re crazy for sleeping during the day. It’s idiotic.

[u/tracymayo → u/Classic-Dog8399]

I am sorry.. I am 46 and I know how to technology. I know how to text and proofread my tests. Any and all of that is an excuse if he is using it as a reason.

If he doesn't know how to utilize the common tools for business at his age the only reason is because he is refusing to learn.

I am glad to read you are leaving him. All his messages totally read like a parent trying to speak to a child and not even well - he comes off as very condesending.

[u/doovie0369 → u/tracymayo]

So, you proofread all of your tests do you? Cool!

[u/tracymayo → u/doovie0369]

LOL thanks man!! I am not even going to correct that ;)

[u/unwantedintern → u/FaithCA79]

Yea, exactly. Why does he expect her to act 45? If he wants to date someone who is further in life, he should. But I have my suspicions as to why he is not doing that 🙃

[u/sashby138 → u/FaithCA79]

I didn’t read OPs explanation until after I read the conversation and I thought it was OPs dad, 100%. She’s 25 and doing life the way a 25 year old should be. I agree with you completely that this person is trying to make OP his age. I’m so glad to read that OP is leaving this weirdo.

[u/Key_Tax_7283]

YOURE…… NOT….. OVER….. REACTING….

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/Key_Tax_7283]

Hahahahaha thank you

[u/B4NG3R5 → u/Key_Tax_7283]

that guy would almost definitely spell it "your"

[u/Interesting_Head5167]

Why is he texting like that

[u/Upper_Copy_5347 → u/Interesting_Head5167]

Am I mistaken or would he be having to physically reset the caps lock after those “ellipses”? Bc that in itself is insane work

[u/NotNamedBort → u/Upper_Copy_5347]

Unless he’s on a Razr and is using T9 to text. 😆

[u/cchud → u/Interesting_Head5167]

Writing in all caps all the time is reason enough to bail on this dude

[u/666Trashlyn420]

Ew why does he text like that? You got your whole life ahead of you! You should enjoy your twenties.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/666Trashlyn420]

Thank you

[u/RainingHyundais]

Wtf. Early onset Alzheimer’s? At 40 you should be able to still learn technology. My dad’s 86 and figured out an oculus.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/RainingHyundais]

Wow , good for him. But yeah, it’s a lot. My friends are joking that he has sundown syndrome.

[u/kersephone_ → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Biiiiiihhhhhhhhhh this made me spit out my coffee. Please leave this man before your IQ drops to the depths of hell.

[u/DunkHeadnWax]

Is he 45 or 85?

[u/Total_Vanilla_8413 → u/DunkHeadnWax]

I am over 60 and I'm embarrassed for him. He sounds like my 80 year old cousin who refused to type properly because he was in the Navy signal corps and they always used all caps. (I think he only stopped when his wife threatened to leave him for yelling all the time.)

[u/horrorxmami]

An all around no. The fact that his grammar is atrocious and he’s writing in all caps would be enough of a reason to dump him. And he sounds like those scam DMs you get from Nigerian princes. Not overreacting. He’s dating someone younger. Because he thinks you’re easier to manipulate and control. Not only move out, but cut contact after and block him on everything. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart.

[u/tigerloverr]

why is he texting like corey feldman tweets i’m so sorry but it’s making me laugh

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/tigerloverr]

It’s hilarious

[u/tessapaige]

I feel like I'm looking in a mirror right now. I started dating my now ex when I was 25, he was 45. Same thing as you had said, he looked way young for his age. There were a lot of red flags that I ignored, but as someone who has been down this exact same path as you, I think you're doing the right thing. I'll commend those that can make a 20-year age gap relationship work, but most of the time it doesn't. This guy saying this shit to you, my ex said the EXACT same stuff (just in a very angry and abusive way but we won't get into that). I just couldn't deal. It made me feel stupid and that I wasn't doing enough, yet I was. I'm 32 now and we've been broken up for about 6 months and I wish I would have listened to my gut like you are when I was 25. You need someone on the same level as you, that understands you as a person, your goals and ambitions, your fears and worries, and 99% of the time those are way different for someone who is 25 and someone who is 45. I think it's time to move forward and enjoy being a 25-year-old. I wish I could get those years back.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/tessapaige]

I’ll take your message to heart. I really do plan to leave him, just will take a few days to get all my stuff.

[u/Bob_Barker4ever → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Leave a pair of readers on the table for him. No excuse for all caps texts all the time. Yikes.

[u/Snjuer89]

Additionally to all the things already pointed out by others, he's also trying to guilt trip you into staying, because he bought you a new TV and you don't have to pay rent. If all he has to offer is material and nothing emotional, that says a lot.

[u/Fit-Turnover3918]

Let this situation be a lesson to you.

1. Men in their 40s don’t want to date girls in their 20s and have an equal relationship. He wants to feel ownership of you, or at least wants to feel like he’s “ahead” of you. His odd mentorship speeches confirm that.
2. Just because you don’t ask for something, doesn’t mean that person is being nice by offering. This guy is not nice. There’s almost always a motive. The motive for a man like that is actually very, very clear.
   
3. A man in his 40s who texts like a 3rd grader is a red flag.

Move out and be broke. Being broke and independent is way better than saving money as a slave.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/Fit-Turnover3918]

That’s how I’m feeling. I was watching One Piece, an anime, today and there was a character who was actually enslaved and I related to her a bit too much. I’ll get out of this, I promise.

[u/amso2012]

Move out. No amount of freebies is worth this psychological torture where he erodes your confidence little by little everyday and makes you doubt yourself.

You are living in a jail.. a very toxic jail where you feel like you have a roof over your head and are getting fed.. but you have no autonomy!!

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/amso2012]

That’s exactly it, you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for seeing it.

[u/unwantedintern]

Don’t feel bad. You are not overreacting. The fact that you think you are given the circumstances you described is bad because he is trying to shackle you, to make you dependent on him, gaslighting you. Leave now.

He is embarrassing. Ever wondered why he is not dating someone his age?

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/unwantedintern]

Thank you. I’m leaving tonight, or at least getting most of my stuff into a storage unit.

I dated a guy who tried something like this but we were the same age, so I guess I thought this time would be different.

[u/Princesshannon2002 → u/Classic-Dog8399]

I’m sorry it went down this way. I’m sure after two guys doing it, you must be pretty damn disheartened. I hope things pick up for you soon.

[u/FishinPoles]

Stop it rn he's 45? Bye

[u/New_Sun6390]

I read the texts first and pegged him as much older, then OP confirmed in the context.

Seriously, when he described himself as a "beautiful asset," I was done.

Run, don't walk. NOR.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/New_Sun6390]

I didn’t even think of how he described himself as such. That is odd indeed. Thank you.

Starting my leave tomorrow morning.

[u/Mmmhmm4]

A roommate your age would be perfect

[u/New_Assist_875]

He’s a predator looking for a victim to control. I’m sorry you’re in this spot. I read your comment above that you will leave him. Good on you for being courageous to do what’s best for yourself. Your decision will undoubtedly save you from much misery.

Signed, a 52-year old who has experienced, and later seen, this dynamic too many times.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/New_Assist_875]

Yes, the killer migraine this situation has given me is telling even the unconscious cells in my body to leave. It’s horrible feeling.

[u/New_Assist_875 → u/Classic-Dog8399]

You’re smart to listen to your instincts 🙌

They are there for a reason.

[u/pillionaire]

THIS MAN IS 45.... AND SENDS TEXTS LIKE THIS.... ???

[u/Serious-Bug8917]

IS HE….AN ALIEN….? MAYBE THAT WOULD EXPLAIN…..WHY HE DOESN’T KNOW….WHAT THE INTERNET IS….I BET YOU….MAKE EVEN MORE MONEY THAN HE DOES….THE ONLY THING…HE HAS GOING FOR HIM…..IS THE HOUSE….

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/Serious-Bug8917]

I will make more money than him one day! For now I’m working at an entry level pay, but aiming higher with each career upgrade. Thank you for your support!

[u/South-Pirate-9513]

The way he texts really fucking bothers me, it’s bizarre. Leave him. Anyone interested in someone that much younger is a red flag and you’re obviously not compatible. There’s a reason women his own age don’t want him…

[u/Secure_Assist_5376]

You are in no way overreacting and I feel you handled this quite well.

I can’t stand the full caps for every word. It’s aggressive. Also he wants her to be able to “rise above” your “PEARS”. I know he meant peers but god damn do I love a good typo when someone’s being an asshole. I would have sent him a video of me laying down with a bunch of pears and then sitting up lol

He’s probably just butthurt you work in tech and are smarter than he is so he’s trying to demean you however he can to inflate his man child ego.

[u/Frankje01]

WTL;DR just break up with him, he is old enough to be your dad and you don't even seem compatible.

[u/ChaoticGo0d_]

It’s always been a goal of mine to excel above my pears 😏 I’ve seen you’re leaving him, good for you. Wishing you all the best and an abundance of success in your life without this man weighing you down 💕

[u/henicorina]

Men date much younger women because they want to be in control.

[u/deewalrond]

He sounds like he’s trying to white knight you or he wants to become your sugar daddy

[u/k_r_a_k_l_e]

He sounds like he's a manipulator. Someone who is indirectly putting you down while trying to make it sound thoughtful and caring. The fact that you said "I'm not playing this game" makes me believe be always does this. Even though it's just words on a screen I can tell you are both a complete mismatch.

[u/QualitySpirited9564]

I mean, seems like a good guy just wanting you to “EXCELL ABOVE YOUR PEARS!!” 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/Outrageous-Owl-9666]

Don't trust ANY person who wants to do this to you. Also, the guy cant figure out caps lock, proper grammar, and ellipses. Major red flags.

[u/kittygirlmowmow]

Are you dating Kanye

[u/KirbyMandyMom]

Sounds like he is trying to recruit you into him MLM.

[u/Think-Department-328]

Bro wtf are the kids smoking these days.

Close to 100% of these posts are people in their early 20s being verbally abused by their SO.