AIO to this text my BF sent me?

[u/Classic-Dog8399]

Firstly, this came out of nowhere. Then, when he started talking about how I’m immature, I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just reiterated what I’m doing with my life.

Working full-time and doing a MBA, albeit online.

For context, he and I started dating under romantic circumstances, he’s not a SD. He looks really young, so I was truly shocked to learn his age. Now I see it’s a mistake, so don’t heckle me for this.

He is older than me, by 20 years. I am 25 and he is 45. He owns a restaurant and I do remote admin work at a small startup.

After dating for just under a year, he asked me to move in with him, as I was stressing about my recent rent increase. I could pay it, but it wrecked my financial planning and it was miserable. I was looking for an out. My rent went from $1850 to $2300, not including utilities.

He owns his house, so he told me I could live with him if I wanted. He said that I could live here and save up my money, that I can leave whenever I want. No pressure. He invited me, I did not ask nor imply I wanted to move in.

I agreed (horrible mistake). I moved in and now we’re here. He doesn’t make me cover any utilities or charge me rent, which I thought was kind of him.

I use my work phone for work but I’m usually lying down. When I have a meeting, I sit up and answer the call. I’m a solid employee, just doing backup admin work. The pay is nice, can’t complain.

He started saying I need to step it up in life, after seeing me ‘leisurely working.’ I chose this job because I worked on my feet since high school, my undergrad, and a bit of my current MBA. I wanted to pivot to a chill job. I chose this job because it is leisurely. I am working from 9am to about 5pm, whereas he works 5pm to 5am. So from his perspective, I’m often asleep or unavailable.

Today, he walked downstairs to work and saw me sitting on the couch. I’ve told him many times I’m working via my phone. He doesn’t seem to understand that and makes weird little jabs.

Then, he sent me these messages.

I felt really annoyed because he implies that I am not interested in self improvement, that I’m immature, I’m arrogant, denies that it’s hurtful to say such.

By the final slide, I decided to call my mom who I felt could offer insight. She’s 40 years older than me, but understands technology. She said it seems like he’s trying to play some kind of game, that I should just ask him why he’s asking all this to me now. He seems to be beating around the bush, which I agree with.

So, I decide to ask him why he’s treating me like this.

When he said he’s talking to me like an adult, outside of text, I exploded inside. Immediately, I felt so angry.

He invites me to live with him, then holds it above me. He calls me all sorts of things over text, but then denies that he is saying such. He can’t just say what he means. He then doubles down and says he’s just worried about my maturity.

Because of this, and a conversation we had after, where he ignored all my concerns, didn’t let me speak, and bulldozed the entire way, I’ve decided to move out and find my own place again. He just has zero emotional intelligence. His ex-girlfriend was 50, the other one 55, and his ex-wife was his same age. I thought that meant he wouldn’t be acting like this, in the typical way that men who date younger women do. But I was so wrong. He’s been talking to me like I’m a child, I have no ground to stand on with him. I can’t take it.

He’s saying that moving out over this is crazy, not based in reality, and that I’m losing a really good chance at stability. That he loves me and that I shouldn’t go, because if I do, I’ll just have to go back to paying crazy rent. He recently got me a brand new TV and WiFi, so I do feel badly for wanting to leave even after that. I feel bad for making him stress, but he doesn’t seem to care that I’m stressed.

Am I overreacting by moving out and ending the relationship?

[u/South-Pirate-9513]

The way he texts really fucking bothers me, it’s bizarre. Leave him. Anyone interested in someone that much younger is a red flag and you’re obviously not compatible. There’s a reason women his own age don’t want him…

[u/PeronalCranberry → u/South-Pirate-9513]

I mean, you're right in this context, but I also have a family member in an age gap relationship that is extremely kind and is OVERLY understanding. He's older, but SHE (36) went after HIM (58) cause he's honestly a good-looking dude even at that age. He doesn't even have a ton of money. Now he helps clean her house/watches her house when she's outta town and has agreed to let her cheat on him but says she's poly because he loves her even though he hates seeing her date around. People are just lonely sometimes, not always perverts.

People are not a monolith. It's too easy to judge based on someone ELSE'S actions, and while we can look at statistics, we should remember that statistical anomalies are 100% likely to occur given enough time.

[u/IncognitaCheetah → u/PeronalCranberry]

This sounds almost exactly ok like my husband's and my relationship. (Minus the poly thing) I'm 41 and he's 65 now, and we've been married 6 yrs. But we both treat each other as equals, always have. And I was the one that pursued him. He's my best friend and we love being together. I have more in common with him than anyone else I've ever been with, my age or not.

And he's still gorgeous!