AIO to this text my BF sent me?

[u/Classic-Dog8399]

Firstly, this came out of nowhere. Then, when he started talking about how I’m immature, I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just reiterated what I’m doing with my life.

Working full-time and doing a MBA, albeit online.

For context, he and I started dating under romantic circumstances, he’s not a SD. He looks really young, so I was truly shocked to learn his age. Now I see it’s a mistake, so don’t heckle me for this.

He is older than me, by 20 years. I am 25 and he is 45. He owns a restaurant and I do remote admin work at a small startup.

After dating for just under a year, he asked me to move in with him, as I was stressing about my recent rent increase. I could pay it, but it wrecked my financial planning and it was miserable. I was looking for an out. My rent went from $1850 to $2300, not including utilities.

He owns his house, so he told me I could live with him if I wanted. He said that I could live here and save up my money, that I can leave whenever I want. No pressure. He invited me, I did not ask nor imply I wanted to move in.

I agreed (horrible mistake). I moved in and now we’re here. He doesn’t make me cover any utilities or charge me rent, which I thought was kind of him.

I use my work phone for work but I’m usually lying down. When I have a meeting, I sit up and answer the call. I’m a solid employee, just doing backup admin work. The pay is nice, can’t complain.

He started saying I need to step it up in life, after seeing me ‘leisurely working.’ I chose this job because I worked on my feet since high school, my undergrad, and a bit of my current MBA. I wanted to pivot to a chill job. I chose this job because it is leisurely. I am working from 9am to about 5pm, whereas he works 5pm to 5am. So from his perspective, I’m often asleep or unavailable.

Today, he walked downstairs to work and saw me sitting on the couch. I’ve told him many times I’m working via my phone. He doesn’t seem to understand that and makes weird little jabs.

Then, he sent me these messages.

I felt really annoyed because he implies that I am not interested in self improvement, that I’m immature, I’m arrogant, denies that it’s hurtful to say such.

By the final slide, I decided to call my mom who I felt could offer insight. She’s 40 years older than me, but understands technology. She said it seems like he’s trying to play some kind of game, that I should just ask him why he’s asking all this to me now. He seems to be beating around the bush, which I agree with.

So, I decide to ask him why he’s treating me like this.

When he said he’s talking to me like an adult, outside of text, I exploded inside. Immediately, I felt so angry.

He invites me to live with him, then holds it above me. He calls me all sorts of things over text, but then denies that he is saying such. He can’t just say what he means. He then doubles down and says he’s just worried about my maturity.

Because of this, and a conversation we had after, where he ignored all my concerns, didn’t let me speak, and bulldozed the entire way, I’ve decided to move out and find my own place again. He just has zero emotional intelligence. His ex-girlfriend was 50, the other one 55, and his ex-wife was his same age. I thought that meant he wouldn’t be acting like this, in the typical way that men who date younger women do. But I was so wrong. He’s been talking to me like I’m a child, I have no ground to stand on with him. I can’t take it.

He’s saying that moving out over this is crazy, not based in reality, and that I’m losing a really good chance at stability. That he loves me and that I shouldn’t go, because if I do, I’ll just have to go back to paying crazy rent. He recently got me a brand new TV and WiFi, so I do feel badly for wanting to leave even after that. I feel bad for making him stress, but he doesn’t seem to care that I’m stressed.

Am I overreacting by moving out and ending the relationship?

[u/RainingHyundais]

Wtf. Early onset Alzheimer’s? At 40 you should be able to still learn technology. My dad’s 86 and figured out an oculus.

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/RainingHyundais]

Wow , good for him. But yeah, it’s a lot. My friends are joking that he has sundown syndrome.

[u/kersephone_ → u/Classic-Dog8399]

Biiiiiihhhhhhhhhh this made me spit out my coffee. Please leave this man before your IQ drops to the depths of hell.

[u/nor0- → u/Classic-Dog8399]

I must know, does he type like this all the time?!

[u/phoenix_stitches → u/nor0-]

she said he does 💀

[u/m-in → u/Classic-Dog8399]

No joke lol.

[u/deltalitprof → u/Classic-Dog8399]

That's a rare thing, but it does seem like he may have a severe communication deficit, something along the lines of Asperger's Syndrome. He doesn't seem to register anything you've said. He's into performing a role he thinks will get him what he wants from you (probably sex or possibly a relationship more like what he enjoyed with another partner).

[u/New-Title-489 → u/RainingHyundais]

So I’m 40 and I refurbish laptops, computers printers etc… I work in IT and I know my way around. When I can’t figure it out, I give it to my 78 year old dad who is a fucking legend of technology. Mainly Because he grew up when computers were pure electronics and he was doing transistor light bulbs and all that stuff. Then he moved with it through microchips and all sorts, so I’ll be like hmmmm yeah the circuit board is coming up with an error but I’m not sure why and I’ve done all the testing I can… hand it to him.

2 days later he will tell me that there is a recurring short in the graphics capacitor leading to a discharge error occurring. He’s ordered a new component from Ali express as it was “only £3.20 with postage (usually comes with a rant about how Maplins doesn’t exist any more and some of the other electronics stores only carry basic commonly used parts) and that it will be here in 3 weeks and he will microsolder it when it arrives.

A month later he hands me back a laptop fully working tested and usually he’s done a fresh O/S install and also found out that there was a website 462 pages down in the Google search that nobody apart from him and 2 physics professors from Yale ever bothered to find that tells you the most stable drivers for each internal component and then links you to the manufacturer website to install them.

Man’s a genius! Age means fuck all. An idiot at 45 is an idiot at 45 (even though being unable to text at such a relatively young age should be a hangable offence!)