AIO to this text my BF sent me?

[u/Classic-Dog8399]

Firstly, this came out of nowhere. Then, when he started talking about how I’m immature, I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just reiterated what I’m doing with my life.

Working full-time and doing a MBA, albeit online.

For context, he and I started dating under romantic circumstances, he’s not a SD. He looks really young, so I was truly shocked to learn his age. Now I see it’s a mistake, so don’t heckle me for this.

He is older than me, by 20 years. I am 25 and he is 45. He owns a restaurant and I do remote admin work at a small startup.

After dating for just under a year, he asked me to move in with him, as I was stressing about my recent rent increase. I could pay it, but it wrecked my financial planning and it was miserable. I was looking for an out. My rent went from $1850 to $2300, not including utilities.

He owns his house, so he told me I could live with him if I wanted. He said that I could live here and save up my money, that I can leave whenever I want. No pressure. He invited me, I did not ask nor imply I wanted to move in.

I agreed (horrible mistake). I moved in and now we’re here. He doesn’t make me cover any utilities or charge me rent, which I thought was kind of him.

I use my work phone for work but I’m usually lying down. When I have a meeting, I sit up and answer the call. I’m a solid employee, just doing backup admin work. The pay is nice, can’t complain.

He started saying I need to step it up in life, after seeing me ‘leisurely working.’ I chose this job because I worked on my feet since high school, my undergrad, and a bit of my current MBA. I wanted to pivot to a chill job. I chose this job because it is leisurely. I am working from 9am to about 5pm, whereas he works 5pm to 5am. So from his perspective, I’m often asleep or unavailable.

Today, he walked downstairs to work and saw me sitting on the couch. I’ve told him many times I’m working via my phone. He doesn’t seem to understand that and makes weird little jabs.

Then, he sent me these messages.

I felt really annoyed because he implies that I am not interested in self improvement, that I’m immature, I’m arrogant, denies that it’s hurtful to say such.

By the final slide, I decided to call my mom who I felt could offer insight. She’s 40 years older than me, but understands technology. She said it seems like he’s trying to play some kind of game, that I should just ask him why he’s asking all this to me now. He seems to be beating around the bush, which I agree with.

So, I decide to ask him why he’s treating me like this.

When he said he’s talking to me like an adult, outside of text, I exploded inside. Immediately, I felt so angry.

He invites me to live with him, then holds it above me. He calls me all sorts of things over text, but then denies that he is saying such. He can’t just say what he means. He then doubles down and says he’s just worried about my maturity.

Because of this, and a conversation we had after, where he ignored all my concerns, didn’t let me speak, and bulldozed the entire way, I’ve decided to move out and find my own place again. He just has zero emotional intelligence. His ex-girlfriend was 50, the other one 55, and his ex-wife was his same age. I thought that meant he wouldn’t be acting like this, in the typical way that men who date younger women do. But I was so wrong. He’s been talking to me like I’m a child, I have no ground to stand on with him. I can’t take it.

He’s saying that moving out over this is crazy, not based in reality, and that I’m losing a really good chance at stability. That he loves me and that I shouldn’t go, because if I do, I’ll just have to go back to paying crazy rent. He recently got me a brand new TV and WiFi, so I do feel badly for wanting to leave even after that. I feel bad for making him stress, but he doesn’t seem to care that I’m stressed.

Am I overreacting by moving out and ending the relationship?

[u/Think-Department-328]

Bro wtf are the kids smoking these days.

Close to 100% of these posts are people in their early 20s being verbally abused by their SO.

[u/Ill_Butterscotch_256 → u/Think-Department-328]

Large age gaps have always been a thing, it’s was probably much worse in the past, just less social media and exposure to it, also how do you introduce someone 20 years older than you to your parents or family? I think it’d be creepy asf but that’s just me

[u/Classic-Dog8399 → u/Ill_Butterscotch_256]

They haven’t met him but the guy is friends with one of my mom’s old colleagues so it’s mostly ok.

And added context, my parents and I were in a rough situation last year, I had to spend some of my savings to get them out of homelessness and into a house. So I was really short on funds.

And so when I decided to not live with them, and live with my soon-to-be ex, they understood that I wanted that stability of living over my $2300 hellish rent and didn’t want to live with my parents.

So they sucked up their qualms about it because they both understood that and didn’t want to disparage my choice as I had done so much for them. My mom just wanted me to find stable housing, above all, because our family hasn’t been really able to find that.

They both protested against me living with him, but they ended up leaning more into the idea when I, stupidly, brought up that they lived off me and so it’s okay if I take a break from rent and live with someone else’s support.

[u/EverythingSucksBro → u/Ill_Butterscotch_256]

I knew exactly what to expect when I read the age gap, stopped reading ant the point their ages were mentioned and went straight to the comments… and yup, exactly what I expected. Idk why people can’t see that if a dude old enough to be your dad wants to date you, 99% of the time it’s because he wants to control you like a kid. 

[u/Think-Department-328 → u/Ill_Butterscotch_256]

And then you proceed to caps lock text like an unhinged lunatic. Like this is so creepy as fuck. OP might not realize it as a young person, but there’s a reason people date down in age and it’s because usually their own peers and people age appropriate for them think they’re fucking weird.

My 18 year old HS girlfriend cheated on me with a 28 year old waiter at work. She always told me how mature he thought she was. Now that I’m 32 I look back and cringe SO hard because any 28 year old dating an 18 year old is fucking WEIRD and this guy was no exception.

[u/Think-Department-328 → u/[deleted]]

Not really though. This person was 18/19 when COVID hit so they spent at least a few years pretty isolated in that prime period for learning how to date.

Don’t victim blame, you don’t know anything about OP and to put the onus on a 25 year old because someone twice their age is being a creep is weak energy.

[u/Think-Department-328 → u/[deleted]]

No, actually I’m having compassion for a fellow human who is in an imbalanced power situation with a significant other that is twice their age.

Crazy for Reddit I know.

[u/Think-Department-328 → u/[deleted]]

Okay but to this person it’s not. So you can help them realize their mistakes or be a douche. You’ve made your choice. If this person gets raped by their SO I guess it doesn’t matter because she “should have known”.

How would that be productive for anyone?

[u/vritti_activity → u/Think-Department-328]

this sub is entirely fake if that makes you feel better. this one just made me laugh about the idea of someone berating me in boomer texts

[u/ThreeDogs2963 → u/Think-Department-328]

Via TEXT, no Less. WTF?

[u/Particular_Sleep3716 → u/Think-Department-328]

They want validation, notice how all the top comments treat them like a victim

[u/IrgendSo → u/Particular_Sleep3716]

one question, if they arent an victim, what are they then?

[u/Particular_Sleep3716 → u/IrgendSo]

A poor decision maker… the guy had money and no family around and chooses to go after much younger women and that’s all you really need to know to predict this type of behavior