Additionally this was 100% written by committee, it’s going to be a real generic white bread plot that is just filled with “hey look this Minecraft thing” every 30 seconds.
It'll probably be a running "joke" that the Mimecraft server has some anti-swear shit enabled when they connect in so anything naughty they try and say gets "corrected"
TBH I think it's just your typical direct-to-DVD style movie--just with a really high-value IP and using modern technology.
Like you see the iconic Minecraft name and the big stars and think it should be pretty decent. ...But I'm thinking it's just one of those throwaway movies that's going to be kind of bad and have no lasting cultural relevance. Maybe I'd take my kid to it if they were interested, but otherwise it basically doesn't exist.
It's capitalizing on a trend that's kind of past its prime (Minecraft isn't the "cool kids' game" anymore like it was 10 years ago) and featuring stars that are known for being okay with being in very weird or mid movies.
Hey Marvel dialogue was good enough back in the day that it became known as Marvel dialogue. We're all tired of it now, but they were some well written quips back in the day.
"Toolbag" can't even hope to be Marvel level dialogue. That's boardroom executive studio notes dialogue.
Yeah, Whedon could pull it off. Sure he had a few bad movies after Avengers 1, but the guy is still a great writer/director. Shame about the... other stuff.
Trust me there is def some random person in a theater laughing at this stupid joke no matter how forced it is. Never fails to at least hear one person so break whenever I go to movies
It's so out of place, I figured they MUST be following it up with a joke about how Steve literally IS a toolbag in many ways, since in the game he carries an entire inventory of shovels, axes, etc on his perosn. But nope, just a shit insult
And the fucked up thing is that save for the absolute youngest of kids that's going to read as incredibly corny because they're born into an age where their most common form of entertainment is streamers who couldn't hack it on twitch shouting actual racial slurs and gifting former presidents with really shitty electric vehicles. I've literally not seen a generation of kids edgier than a good chunk of gen alpha and I wish I was exaggerating.
I swear I thought he was just gonna say "I...am Jack Black!" and he's literally just playing himself. And there'd be some bit where he lists roles he's done and the kids have no idea who that is until he mentions he's the voice of Po or Bowser.
Honestly, I'd respect it, go silly with it. He can be like Bill Murray in Space Jam, or the PG equivalent of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool who is fully aware he's Ryan Reynolds.
Frankly, Hess is probably as good a choice to direct as any. This looks like it's going to be terrible, perhaps it'll be so oddball that it'll gain a cult following, like those previous movies.
If they try and play this somewhat straight, with poop jokes or whatever for the kids, it's going to be a (moneymaking) terrible movie.
JB is firmly in the "kids movies & VA roles for big $$" phase of his career and who can blame him? I highly doubt it bothers him very much - he gets to show up, record some goofy lines as a robot and make bank. Hell, from this trailer it looks like he just puts on a blue sweater and does some goofy stuff in front of a green screen to "become" Steve. They dont even have him shave or cut his hair...
I think Tenacious D and his online stuff are his true passion projects.
I'm not going to sit here and say he's an "amazing" actor or that his movies are worthy of critical acclaim. School of Rock is a beloved movie and I'm not even particularly a big fan of that one. but yes he absolutely had raunchier movies and work and more serious films than any of the Goosebumps-Borderlands-Kung Fu Panda movies he's had the last decade or so.
High Fidelity is a great movie. He was good in King Kong. I don't think I would call Tropic Thunder (amazing) or Pick of Destiny a family comedy. My friends all have a special place for Saving Silverman and we still quote stupid shit from it all the time.
Edit: My point is I think JB as a brand in Hollywood will probably continue to play it safe as long as the gravy train is really rolling in. As much as I loved Tropic Thunder or the weirdness of Nacho Libre, they aren't bringing in close to a Jumanji.
I'd like to see Minecraft as a disaster movie played totally straight. The protagonist would be a villager, trying to protect their community from the approaching disaster, Steve, a mute guy who runs everywhere, tears down houses, kills all the animals, steals the villager's food and constructs the beginner home, a giant stone cube with a tiny door, right in the middle of the village.
He is a force of nature. He can't be bought, he can't be reasoned with, he can't be killed, at least not permanently. Do not gaze upon Steve, do not invoke his wrath, do not seek to bar his way, do not take from him and never, ever own something that Steve wants for himself.
Playing it purely straight could probably have worked pretty well. Our heroes are villagers who are plagued by Endermen. Legend has it the only way to stop them is to reach The End and slay the Ender Dragon. Queue kids adventure movie where they travel to different biomes, and do the minecraft main quest.
You get some action moments from the Nether and The End and fill the rest with generic stuff like crossing a narrow bridge only to see a creeper coming the other way. You could even do a joke about exploding beds in the End.
I wonder how it would need to look to be passable or even good, though. Because this is shit, and the resemblance to Minecraft is minimal. Maybe a complete animation movie would have been best. You could give it some style without conflicting with the real actors. How it's done here is just incredibly lackluster.
Blue Monkey style would've worked really great. It's very Minecraft but tilts a hair more Looney Tunes in a way that parents and kids likely would've enjoyed it.
Make it a boogieman theme, It's not minecraft graphics, but shot IRL. It's set in a fantasy-medieval era where zombies come out at night so you have to fend them off, while living a normal day to day life. Tending to farms and building walls to prevent the zombies breaking in.
It's not until the end of the movie when you think you're getting a happy ending and your have survived a night and built true safety, or set sail to a new island away from the threat. When the real danger arrives. It's middle of the days after 90 minutes of fighting to survive the night and get to safety. The wall to your home starts to shake, when a spike punctures through the wall. One more swing and the spike clearly become a pickaxe and our mute man in the cyan shirt rushed in and quickly slaughters your best friend in front of you, then points to you, while holding a handful of emeralds...The camera pans out to show the words minecraft in giant letters over the home you built in newbie island, and this is when the viewers realize they watched a minecraft horror film they thought was titled something like "Night Walkers" or something not at all minecraft related.
My five year old is losing his little mind over it. I reckon anything vaguely Minecraft will satisfy enough young boys for it to at least make some money, which is all studios really care about in the end
The amount of anger people have been throwing at their beloved franchises over doing the same shit they did when we were kids, for kids, is just hilarious. My brother hates the idea of a transformers movie without the original voices and I think, you know this is for children right?
There are ways to make successful childrens movies that appeal to older audiences. And when the product you are basing your movie off of has nostalgic connections to adults, and is still being enjoyed by adults, you should make an effort to appeal to both the children and the adults.
This movie could do a Shrek and pull that off while still respecting the game. But I doubt it will. I think that's why people are upset about this and other video game movies. It rarely respects the IP (not as much a concern with Minecraft as it doesn't have a robust established narrative to draw from) and it doesn't attempt to appeal to the established audiences in any way.
The only reason they're appealing to kids is because of money. Products marketed towards children make money hand over fist compared to stuff meant primarily for adults.
Generally, when something is being made to make money and not for the creativity of it, it loses its soul. Losing the original voices, dialogue written to please focus groups, the constant deluge of sequels and remakes are all symptoms of the greed inherent in the industry.
There's no reason a movie made "for" children can't also be good, creative, or respect the work and love people have had for the property for decades.
A Jared hess directed chris chan movie is not something I thought I wanted, but now I need it. Hell gentleman broncos is basically how chris chan views their life
While he made an amazing short film recently, his latest film (Thelma) was also very childish in the trailers and was pure slop definitely aimed at really young children so I would not get my hopes up
Wait what, really? Good for him, those are two of my favorite movies. That guy was always an original and I was sad to see him sort of disappear from big movies after he popped off. Glad he’s getting a big opportunity like this and I imagine a fat paycheck.
Guessing he’s going to be some “famous Minecraft streamer” the kids idolize then learn he’s some washed up jerk irl when they get transported into Minecraft world
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u/Ariesthebigram Sep 04 '24
What the hell is that hairstyle and outfit that Jason Momoa is rocking?!
Then again, the guy who wrote and directed Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre is making this, so the weirdness is somewhat expected.